Look Twice

by M. Garzon

  I grinned as he processed the news. Of course, I’d been thrilled to hear that Jaden’s beautiful, blond, wealthy ex-girlfriend had a new beau, but Mateo had sworn me to secrecy. David Davenport, the older gentleman he’d pointed out, was a polo patron and his boss.

  “Keeping secrets from me already, are we?” Jaden purred. He traced his thumb along the edge of my jaw.

  “Just the one.” I gave him an impish smile before growing serious. “Doesn’t it make you feel a bit better about the whole thing?”

  He frowned. “How so?”

  “Well, Summer didn’t cheat on you casually... she and Mateo are still together.” I thought it would make a difference to me, personally.

  “A betrayal is still a betrayal, Téa,” he said, his face hard. But his expression soon cleared and he pulled me back onto the dance floor. A slow song was playing and I rested my head against him as we swayed.

  “Aren’t you going to miss all this when you’re a lawyer?”

  Jaden chuckled. “What, parties?”

  “No, I mean being a celebrity of sorts.”

  “I’m hardly a celebrity,” he scoffed.

  I pulled back and looked at him. “Everyone in this room knows your name, Jaden, and they respect you for your skill and ability.” It was something that I aspired to with all my being, and I couldn’t imagine giving it up easily.

  “Yes,” he said quietly. “A part of me will miss it — the vain part that enjoys all the attention. But it’s time for me to grow up. I want to settle down, not live in three countries a year. And maybe one day I’ll be respected for making the world a better place.”

  I smiled at him. “You already do that just by existing.”

  I tore myself away from him for a few minutes to visit the ladies’ room, and on my way back I recognized Mateo’s groom, Sharleen, standing with a woman I didn’t know. Sharleen’s curvaceous figure was poured into a tight black dress that showcased her ample cleavage. Her golden hair spilled down her back. I was about to say hi when I realized they were watching Jaden talk to David Davenport, Summer’s father. My eyes narrowed.

  Sharleen fanned herself. “I swear, every time that boy opens his mouth I swoon.”

  “He’s a dime, all right, but I hear he’s got a wild side.” Her friend had a twangy accent.

  “Even better,” Sharleen said suggestively. “He can be as wild as he wants with me, so long as he doesn’t stop talking.”

  I stalked past them to Jaden; David was gone.

  “Kiss me,” I ordered.

  He didn’t hesitate. “Yes, ma’am,” he murmured as he bent his head. I had to admit he made it convincing; one arm pulled me tightly against him while the other went to the back of my head, twining into my hair. When he finally stopped I opened my eyes slowly. Sharleen was nowhere to be seen.

  When the clock struck midnight we shared one of those romantic kisses that I used to believe existed only in the movies, and I thought dreamily that I’d be happy if I could only spend the rest of my life doing that. If only.

  * * *

  Two days later, it was time for me to go home since Dec had been adamant that I not miss any school. I said goodbye to Michele gratefully, surprised at how quickly we’d become friends.

  “You’re welcome back here anytime,” she said, hugging me. “Don’t feel you need to bring that guy with you.” She winked at Jaden.

  Jaden drove me to the airport. I kept my face near the window, wanting to fill up on bright warm sunshine before being submerged back into the iciness of winter. And, most likely, the iciness of Dec’s reception. I knew that he had felt manipulated into letting me go to Florida, and it didn’t pay to back Dec into a corner.

  “Is everything ok?” Jaden asked once I’d checked in at the airport.

  I turned to face him. I didn’t want him to worry about Dec’s retaliation, so I shared another concern instead.

  “Yes. It’s just that I’ve never been on a plane before.” I felt a bit embarrassed to be admitting it to Jaden, the world traveler.

  “Really?” he asked, surprised.

  My embarrassment must have shown because he quickly wrapped an arm around me. He dropped his head close to mine.

  “Do you want me to go with you?” he murmured near my ear.

  That made me laugh. “You’d fly all the way home and all the way back here just because I’m a little nervous?”

  “Yes.”

  I hugged him. “I’ll be fine,” I declared.

  And at that moment, the warm cocoon of his love felt as though it could protect me from anything.

  Five

  As it turned out, I enjoyed flying. Teri picked me up at the airport, and after helping me lug my bags to my room she went riding. I tossed the clothes from my suitcase into my laundry hamper, which was overflowing, and came downstairs to find Seth bounding in.

  “So?” he asked, throwing his arms wide.

  “I wish I could say you didn’t miss much, li’l bro.” I grinned at him. “But I can’t. It was freakin’ amazing.”

  Seth threw a cushion at me before coming over and grabbing me in a vice-like hug. Then he pushed me onto the couch.

  “Okay, let the torture begin. Tell me all about it.”

  I tried to describe it, but despite telling him about the colors, the different faces and vibes, and the exciting things I’d done, I couldn’t quite capture the passion that had been ignited in me. I’d been to one place that was very different from home, and now I wanted to see the rest of them.

  After talking so much I needed a drink. Seth trailed after me into the kitchen, but he very unusually opted to stay away from the fridge. Instead, he leaned against the counter and watched me chug chocolate milk.

  “I had an interesting meeting while you were gone,” Seth said, too casually. His tone made my head swivel around. “I ran into Jan.”

  My eyes went wide. “Really?”

  Jan had been a friend of my mom’s, but we hadn’t seen her in years, not since the funeral. She and my mom hadn’t spent much time together after we’d moved here because Jan and Dec didn’t get along. Jan thought Dec was too controlling — and you had to admit she had a point — but I couldn’t recall what Dec had against her. Still, it was enough to know he disapproved.

  “How is she?” I asked.

  “She’s great. Doesn’t look a day over sixty.”

  That startled a laugh out of me since Jan was probably about forty. “What did you guys talk about?”

  He hesitated. “We talked about... our father.”

  My arms fell to my sides; I barely managed to get the glass onto the counter without shattering it. I stared dumbly at Seth as he moved to stand before me, his arms half-extended as if to catch me.

  “Does she know who he is?” I whispered. My heart was thrumming like a hummingbird’s wings.

  Seth nodded slowly. “He was a young foreign guy who left the country after getting mom pregnant.” He was completely serious for once, his eyes somber blue pools.

  My knees felt like water. I slid to the floor, the furrows of the wooden cupboard hard against my back. I curled into a ball and shivered as Seth settled next to me. He didn’t have to say anything. We were feeling the same thing.

  I’d spent my whole life wondering about my father, dreaming about him, making up stories about him. When I was a kid I’d invented a million reasons why he couldn’t be with Seth and me. In one scenario he was a government operative and to acknowledge us would place us in grave danger, so — despite his great sadness — he sacrificed knowing us in order to keep us safe. In another, he was a prince being forced to marry someone else for political reasons, although he was madly in love with my mother. In all those scenes, though, our father desperately wished to be with us.

  As I got older the stories matured, too. He was a drug addict who thought we’d be better off without him. A married man who placed his other family first. An unstable artist committed exclusively to his work. In those later imaginings our fath
er didn’t care about us — after all, hadn’t he already proven that by his absence? And by extension, proven that he wasn’t a very good person.

  The shadow of my father’s absence fell over my entire childhood. When I discovered I was good at math, I wondered if he was too. When Seth and I fell in love with horses my mother shook her head and said she didn’t know where we got it; we’d glanced at each other and thought the same thing — it must have come from our father. And these days I still wondered. Was I a bad seed, like my father? Was that why I was impetuous and thoughtless? He’d obviously acted irresponsibly toward my mom so maybe it ran in the family. Examining Seth was no help since it was clear the only thing he’d borrowed from our father was a Y chromosome.

  Seth stirred first. “Can you call Horace’s lady?”

  “Why?”

  “She told me she was an immigration lawyer.”

  When I didn’t say anything he looked at me like I was really slow. “They can find stuff out about people in other countries.”

  I frowned. “Moo... I know we always wanted to know... but I’m not sure this is the best time to dredge this up.” I wanted the fuss over Jaden and me to clear somewhat before I created another one.

  Seth’s hands clenched in his lap. “Haven’t we waited long enough? I want to know what he looks like. I want to know whether I’m gonna go bald, or if diabetes runs in the family.” His voice fell to a hoarse whisper. “And I want to know why he left mom.”

  “Why we weren’t worth sticking around for, you mean.” Because we hadn’t been, obviously.

  Just then Dec walked in. He gave us an odd look. “We have chairs, you know.”

  I nodded and got to my feet. I wasn’t over my shock enough to be able to muster a smile, so I just looked at him nervously. He came over and gave me a brief but firm hug. He smelled like peppermint.

  “It’s nice to have you back, kiddo. Did you have a good trip?”

  I’d spoken to Seth several times while I was gone, but hadn’t talked to Dec at all. I began telling him about Florida, cautiously at first but then with genuine enthusiasm as he smiled and asked questions. He must have decided it wasn’t worth staying angry with me. When I was done talking, Dec informed me that Tom Morin was on medication and living with a faraway sister, so I was safe.

  * * *

  The next day I agreed to give Seth Olivia’s number. I still had some misgivings, but I tried to put the whole thing out of my head. There were too many immediate demands to be met for me to devote energy to an eighteen-year-old mystery.

  January was cold, so riding was more of a chore than usual, but I had a lot of training time to make up. I hadn’t ridden at all in Florida, and it was the longest I’d gone without sitting on a horse since I was ten. I also had lessons to compensate for, so I spent much of my first week back shivering in the arena and wishing for hot chocolate.

  I had just followed my advanced students into the welcome warmth of the barn one day when Alan, our stable hand, came into the aisle at the other end. He was leading Seth’s horse Winter very slowly, his face pulled down in concern. I watched only long enough to see Winter take one careful, mincing step, his head bobbing down sharply, before running over and stopping them.

  “What happened?” I asked as I dropped into a crouch next to Winter’s foreleg. I ran my hands gently over his leg, starting above the knee and feeling my way down. The chestnut hairs were damp from the snow.

  “I don’t know. He was fine when I turned him out an hour ago, but when I went out just now he was waiting by the gate, holding his leg up.”

  Yikes. Not a good sign.

  I had just determined that Winter’s fetlock was warm and swollen when Teri appeared next to me.

  “Is he lame?” she asked, crouching next to me.

  “Yes.” I stood up and patted Winter’s shoulder.

  “I’ll get Seth,” she volunteered. She ran down the aisle.

  “I have to go bring in the rest of the horses,” Alan said apologetically. He ran a hand over his close-cropped sandy hair. Alan had been working at Shady Lane for well over a decade, and although he wasn’t a horseman when he started, he had learned a lot over the years and he cared deeply for his charges. His worry for Winter was clear.

  I nodded and took the lead rope from him. Winter immediately rested his face against me, and I was murmuring words of comfort into his soft ear when Seth dashed in, closely followed by Teri and Dec.

  Seth flung his arms around his horse’s neck. “Is it bad?” he asked me. His voice was strained. Seth’s emotional reaction brought a flicker of disappointment to Dec’s face.

  “It’s too soon to tell. He definitely hurt his fetlock, though.” I looked at Dec. “Should we call Gran?” Gran was an expert at diagnosing lameness, almost as good as the vet.

  “Let me take a look,” Dec said calmly. He ran his hands down both of Winter’s forelegs, as I had, checking for heat, tenderness, and differences. When he squeezed Winter’s fetlock — harder than I had — Winter jerked his leg away sharply.

  Seth patted him. “It’s okay, buddy.”

  Dec straightened up. “It’s hard to say what he did, but run the cold hose over it and then poultice it for the night. Give him some Bute for the pain, and if it’s not a lot better by tomorrow we’ll call the vet.” He squeezed Seth’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. He might have just banged it while he was outside.”

  Seth nodded, one arm still looped around Winter’s neck. Dec left, but Teri stayed and helped us to treat Winter. When we were done with his leg we put extra bedding in his stall to encourage him to lie down for the night.

  “How is he?” Alan asked us on our way out.

  “We don’t know yet. Can you cut his grain by half tonight?” I asked. We didn’t know how long Winter would be off work but too much grain, while he was on stall rest, would pose a danger.

  “Thanks for helping, Ter,” Seth said as we emerged into the cold darkness of evening. When we got to her car he hugged her quickly.

  “Some horses will do anything for a little attention,” she joked.

  I stifled my grin at her conflicted expression, and Seth and I made our way to the house.

  “What a day,” Seth groaned as we took off our boots and heavy winter coats. “First the car, now Winter.”

  “Oh yeah, what did the garage say?” Our car had been making an abnormal noise for a while now.

  He grimaced. “There’s a hole where the muffler’s coming loose, but they said there’s no warranty — it could’ve happened when we hit something on the road.”

  “We don’t have the money to fix it again,” I said. We’d just gotten the muffler replaced the month before.

  We trudged into the kitchen. I didn’t smell anything cooking, which wasn’t a good sign. We’d stayed in the barn later than usual because of Winter. I started rooting through the fridge for leftovers; I really didn’t have the energy to start making dinner from scratch.

  “What happened with the car?” I heard Dec ask. I closed the fridge quickly and straightened up.

  Seth looked everywhere but at Dec while he spoke. “It’s like I thought, there’s a broken joint between the muffler and pipe.”

  I moved closer to Seth and gave him an encouraging nod when he caught my eye. We suspected Dec would be angry — he was always telling Seth to be more assertive and not let people push him around. Seth wasn’t the pushover Dec seemed to think he was, but he was a gentle soul and he didn’t like fighting with people if he could help it.

  Seth took a deep breath. “They told me it’s not covered by the warranty.”

  Dec looked at him closely. I was already opening my mouth to defend my brother when Dec spoke. “There’s no way they’re making you pay for that again. Get me the receipt and I’ll take care of it.”

  My mouth snapped shut.

  Seth looked up swiftly. “Really?” Neither of us had any doubts; if Dec said he’d take care of it, it was as good as done. The garage would probably even b
e apologizing to us.

  Dec smiled. “Sure. Now how about we order a pizza?”

  Seth got to the phone in one leap, apparently reinvigorated by the thought of pizza. We ate in front of the TV, then headed upstairs for what I hoped would be a brief session of homework. We didn’t have all the same classes, but on nights like this when we were pressed for time, we sometimes cheated and helped each other. Which, roughly translated, meant I let Seth copy my work. I plopped myself onto Seth’s bed and pulled out my binder, scattering papers.

  “What did you do to Dec while I was gone?” I asked.

  Seth grinned at me. “I upgraded his software to include empathy. What do you think of it?”

  I laughed and turned to my homework. “It’s freaking me out a bit, but I’m not going to complain.”

  * * *

  Driving to school was slow in winter, which meant long days for me as I caught up on riding. I wasn’t doing much with my horse Cal yet, but I rode Marty and Hades, clients’ horses, almost every day.

  Hades was a bright bay problem child with three flashy white stockings, one sock, and a wide stripe on his face. When he had arrived in the fall one of the first things I’d done, after conferring with Gran, was change his diet. He’d been getting way too much grain, which not only presented a health risk but also contributed to his ‘hot’, uncontrollable behavior. We compensated with lots of hay, which made his stall a pain to clean because he was one of those messy horses who churned together shavings, poop, and feed so that almost the entire stall had to be emptied every day. Combine that with his unruliness when being taken outside and he quickly became Alan’s least favorite horse. All this made Dec resent Hades more than ever because Alan was our only hired help and keeping him happy was important to the smooth functioning of the barn. So I was growing increasingly worried that I hadn’t been able to break Hades’ habit of violently jerking his head down — and taking me with him.

  One day I decided to try an elevator bit, which was meant to prevent a horse from leaning on the rider’s hands. I could see my breath when we walked into our unheated indoor arena, but a few boarders were also braving the cold. I used the mounting block in the corner since Hades was just over seventeen hands, which was big by any standard, and huge for me.