Astray

by J F Rogers

  I’d had this dream before. Was this woman my mother? For the first time, I didn’t want to go near her.

  The woman slowly faced me.

  Darkness rolled in.

  “She’s here.” A deep, masculine voice called from my right.

  I jerked my head in its direction. A circle of swirling light pierced the darkness. I moved toward it.

  “I can sense her presence. It’s almost like…almost like…”

  Was the voice coming from the light?

  Shadows emerged on the surface of the whirlpool of light. I didn’t want to chance getting sucked in, so I craned my neck to peer into it without stepping any closer. A woman with thick, black hair dwarfing her small face narrowed her eyes. Her lips moved, though I couldn’t discern a sound.

  “Yes. She’s here. I’m sure of it,” the man’s voice came again, a mixture of excitement and malice, laced with a tinge of fear. “Like with Cataleen…”

  The woman’s eyes bulged. Her face grew larger as she drew closer to the light. She held up her finger. Just as it seemed she’d push through, the swirling light shrunk until it was the size of a pea hovering in the air, then disappeared with a pop. I dared move closer to touch the air where the light had been. Nothing.

  I turned back toward the woman by the water. As in my previous dreams, neither of us moved, yet the woman was closer. Her hair transformed from blonde to black. She had become me. Yet again, the doppelganger’s eerie face tilted sideways.

  Its mouth widened, revealing the sharp, menacing fangs I’d come to expect. I held my arms up to protect my face just before it lunged at me.

  I screamed. Mirna was on the bed cradling me in her arms. Never, since the dreams began, had anyone risen from bed to check on me. How I had longed for someone to treat me with such tenderness. Tears sprang to my eyes. She hugged me close, smoothed my hair, and hummed the tune I’d soothed myself with nights before.

  I bolted upright and spun to her. “I know that song!”

  “You do? Cataleen must have sung it to you. It is a traditional Ariboslian hymn.”

  So I did remember something about my mother. I lay back down against my grandmother.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. “The nightmare?”

  “I’ve had it for as long as I remember. It starts beautiful with the sun shining. There’s a woman in the distance. I try to get to her and—” my voice broke. “I can’t do this. I’m not the hero you all expect me to be.” Admitting my failings was the nail that cracked the wall around my heart, and it tumbled down. Exposed, I began to sob. My whole body trembled.

  My grandmother continued to hold me, rocking, humming the familiar tune.

  When my sobs subsided, I worked on breathing. I waited until I could talk without crying again. “What happens if I can’t do it?”

  “We will love you anyway.” Tears flowed once more at the conviction in her voice. How could she love me, a mere stranger, even if I failed them?

  ****

  Seeming to understand I needed solitude, my grandmother let me lounge about inside for the day. The dream haunted me. Why had it been so different, as if I had more control over it? I’d never been so aware that I was in the dream, that I’d seen it before and knew what to expect. But most baffling was the swirling light. It was new. What was it?

  A frown of worry masked Mirna’s face when I refused breakfast and lunch, claiming I wasn’t hungry. By dinner, she insisted I eat.

  At dinner, Mirna sat me down next to her again. I searched for Declan, but failed to find him. When I finished eating, I waited for Mirna so we could leave. She seemed chattier tonight, perhaps stalling to keep me out longer. As I pecked at the food still on my plate, waiting for her conversation to end, Declan walked over carrying an infant.

  “Here.” He handed it to me before I could protest. “This is Bedelia. I thought she might help you.”

  I’d never held a child before, and feared I might drop it. I gazed at the strange, plump little being. Her curious, purple eyes studied me. I returned the stare.

  She squinted and pointed a chubby finger at my face. She babbled, stern, as though lecturing me.

  I couldn’t help but chuckle.

  My laughter interrupted her babbling. She scrutinized me further.

  I grew serious too. Was she thinking wise thoughts? When she reached to grab my nose, I laughed again. Nope. Just a baby studying my face. I gave her fist a raspberry. She squealed, beginning a game whereby she dared place her fist close to my face and attempted to pull it away before I could get it. Her full-body giggles were contagious.

  “See? I told you. She has that effect on everyone.” Sitting next to us, Declan put his face close to hers. “No one can resist you, can they?” He planted a kiss on her cheek. My heart swelled that such an attractive, tough-looking guy would be so sweet to a baby.

  “Who does she belong to?” I asked.

  “She’s an orphan.”

  “Oh.” I understood that. “What happened to her parents?”

  Declan’s eyes flashed, widening for a brief second with increased intensity. “Gnuatthara, a town a few days’ journey from here by horse, belongs to the Treasach clan. They wish to create a perfect race of warriors. Any baby born who fails to meet their criteria for the strength to become a fierce warrior or a strong mum is exiled, abandoned.”

  “That’s awful!” I clutched Bedelia closer.

  “Aye. We have a small camp near there. They keep an eye on the mountainside where those scheduled for exile are left. We bring them here or to nearby clans willing to take them. Some clans prefer to take the elderly or disabled, so many of the babies remain here.”

  “They kill the elderly and disabled too?”

  “Aye, if the Treasach feel they have outlived their usefulness.” His eyes flashed again.

  “Ugh! Sick.” As a whole, I didn’t like people. Yet I could never consider doing something so terrible. “That is despicable! I hate them!”

  “’Tis wrong to hate. God created the Treasach and loves them as much as He loves us. Some of them have the goodness of God within them. How else would we rescue so many? Those who disagree with their practices help us.”

  “Wow. Some of them realize it’s wrong?”

  Declan scrunched his confused face again.

  Was sarcasm completely lost on these people? “If they know it’s so wrong, why don’t they do something about it? Why don’t they leave?”

  “What good would running away do? All those we help would die.”

  “I don’t know.” I glanced around. Most people had finished eating. Kids ran, chasing each other. No wonder there were so many.

  “You must understand,” Declan added. “They’re afraid. They fear the fasgadair. Faith in God is no longer prevalent there. Without Him, they have no reason not to fear. But now, because we have a common enemy, we have a peace between our clans we have not experienced in centuries. Such peace might allow us to make a positive impression on them. Because of this, some are returning to God. We must pray and love them. Perhaps they will recognize their misdeeds.”

  “I don’t get it. How can you love anyone who leaves a child—this child,” I turned Bedelia toward him for emphasis, “to die.” I whispered “die” in the event Bedelia could understand. “How could such a person be worthy of love?”

  Declan shrugged. “None of us are worthy. Besides, loving is not something that can be done without help from above. Those of us who depend on His strength are given what we need to do His work. And this is His work, His desire…that we take care of orphans.”

  Something changed, as if a dormant switch within me suddenly flipped on. All that had transpired, all that I learned, pressed upon me. This time it didn’t crush me. It propelled me forward.

  I had to try fulfilling my destiny, or whatever it was. These people, who opened their homes and hearts to me and countless other orphans, must be helped. And the potential re
ward of finding my mother was far greater than anything I risked.

  Declan tilted his head as he seemed to when he was confused. But he didn’t scrunch his brows together. His eyes widened. “What are you thinking?” he asked, his voice a higher pitch.

  “I can’t sit by and do nothing. I have to help. Somehow…”

  His intense green eyes fixed on me, twinkling. “You will.”

  A ripple of warmth coursed through my body. Did the inevitable journey or his gaze cause it? The prophecy of my destiny still scared me, but now I had something more—resolve. There is power in a decision made.

  Chapter Twelve

  ◊◊◊

  I DECIDED TO BE sociable and joined Declan and his friends at the fire after dinner. Warm summer air, calming flames, joyous laughter, dancing, haunting tribal music…I drank it all in to the full. I couldn’t get enough. I felt stronger, more content than I’d ever felt in my life.

  Nothing had changed externally. I was still a foreigner trapped in a strange land. A dangerous mission lay ahead of me. There was no reason to be calm or content and yet, I felt completely at ease. I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

  But one thing kept bugging me, invading my peace. The swirling light in my dream.

  “So what do you think?” I asked Declan after I’d explained it to him.

  “I don’t know.” He did that thing with his eyebrows when he was deep in thought. His eyes darkened. Adorable. “Have you told Mirna about it?”

  “Have you told Mirna about what?” Garvey asked, laughing and out of breath from dancing. He plopped down on the grass in front of us. Shonna and Ryann followed.

  “Oh nothing.” I pulled at the grass. “Just something I saw in a dream.”

  “Oooh. A dream?” Shonna leaned closer. Red waves fell from her shoulders toward her face. She tossed them back. “Pray tell.”

  I took a deep breath and repeated everything I’d just told Declan. “The whole thing is weird, mostly because the dream has always been the same. Always. But now…” I played with a clump of grass in my hand. “I’m completely confused by the swirling lights.”

  “Did you tell Mirna?” Ryann asked, concern sparking her green eyes.

  I shook my head.

  “What about Sully?” Garvey asked. “I bet he’d know.”

  “Maybe.” My feet had fallen asleep. With care, to avoid bumping them and sending pins and needles shooting up my leg, I pulled my legs out from underneath me. “Mirna knows about the dream, but I didn’t tell her about the light. No one else knows anything except you guys.”

  Ryann narrowed her eyes. Concerned about the dream? Or perhaps she didn’t appreciate being called a guy. “You need to tell someone. I doubt Sully is here, but I’ll check.” She stood and took off down the hill toward the dancers, disappearing around the fire into the shadows on the other side.

  “So you heard a man’s voice, but saw a woman’s face?” Garvey’s face scrunched.

  “Yeah. I saw the woman speak, but I couldn’t hear her words.”

  Something moved next to me. “What is that?” I pulled my legs closer. A squat, lizard-looking thing waddled along the ground.

  Shonna stood and reached for it. “Aw.” She cradled it and petted its back. “It’s a fur dragon. Don’t you have those in your realm?”

  “Uh. No.”

  “See?” She sat next to me and angled the reptilian thing closer.

  It was kind of cute, covered in brown fur rather than scales, but lizard-like angular legs jutted from its elongated body shape.

  “You can touch it.” Garvey moved closer and reached out to demonstrate by ruffling a slightly longer tuft of fur on the top of its head, like a circular mohawk.

  I gathered it was touchable by the fact that it was sitting in Shonna’s lap. The question was, did I want to touch it? It did seem docile. I moved a timid hand toward its head.

  The fur dragon’s eyes, surrounded by a wide band of black fur, like a panda, followed my hand as it neared. Then it quacked. I jerked my hand away before making contact.

  Declan, Shonna, and Garvey all burst out laughing.

  “It’s okay,” Declan said. “They can be vocal. He won’t hurt you.”

  I reached out once more to pet its back. So soft and smooth, like Stacy’s velvet throw blanket. The fur dragon closed his eyes. A deep, contented rumble emanated from him.

  “He purrs?” I laughed.

  “Aw, you found a fur dragon.” Ryann’s voice startled me. She made her way up the hill with Sully on her heels, walking as if he were a much younger man with perfect vision, but he was hunched as if carrying a great weight.

  I pulled away from the fur dragon. Garvey and Shonna scooted away from me to make room for him. The fur dragon’s eyes bulged at the disruption. Once Shonna was repositioned, the fur dragon rose. His eyes darted in every direction as if devising the best escape. He quacked, hopped off Shonna’s lap, and sauntered off.

  Sully smiled, but it wasn’t his typical warm smile. He appeared troubled. Extra lines crossed his forehead. His eyes narrowed, and a small groan escaped him. “So. You’ve experienced the mind-link.” He grunted as he lowered himself onto the grass and crossed his legs.

  “The what?”

  “Do you recall the mind-link I explained that your mum and Aodan shared? You experienced a small dose of it.”

  “You mean…”

  Sully nodded. “You saw through your uncle’s eyes. The voice you heard was his.”

  Shonna gasped.

  “Whoa.” Garvey’s eyes went buggy.

  I scanned my friends’ shocked faces, certain mine mirrored theirs. How could this be? The last thing I needed was a mental link to a powerful, demonic sociopath. No. It couldn’t be. “That was him speaking? Why couldn’t I hear the woman? Why was it shadowy…no color?”

  “’Tis the beginning. If you don’t learn to control it, you’ll experience the same thing every time you sleep. It will get stronger. You will hear what Aodan hears. You will see what he sees. The image will sharpen, and colors will emerge. You will even begin to feel what he feels. Then, if you’re not careful, it will happen whilst you’re awake.”

  With Sully’s back to the fire and little light on his face, his eyes appeared somewhat normal, but dark. “You must learn to control it. If not, Aodan will be able to open the link on his own. If he sensed your presence, he’s already working to gain control. He has much experience in this with Cataleen.”

  No kidding. He nearly drove her to kill herself. His own sister. What would he do to me? I clenched a clump of grass in my fist. “How do I do that…control it?”

  “To start, when you’re sleeping, if you see the light in your dream, run from it. Don’t let him sense your presence. Don’t give him a foothold.”

  “What happens if I’m awake?” My voice was close to becoming shrill. “Will I see the lights like I did in the dream?”

  “Nay. You were in your own mind…not reality. Whilst you’re awake, it will appear as a vision and take over the true landscape before you. You will see as if Aodan’s eyes are yours. His vision will take over.” He leaned closer. His gray eyes penetrated mine, and his voice lowered. “If it comes to that, you’re in a troublesome spot indeed. You will no longer have control. You won’t know where you are or what you’re doing. Aodan could walk you off a cliff.”

  I trembled. That couldn’t be possible. Someone else couldn’t just take over your body. What was this? Invasion of the Body Snatchers?

  “I warn you, Fallon. This is serious. This is the reason your mother fled this realm. You cannot let Aodan gain control of your body.” Sully’s voice had become a growl. I shrank back from his stern expression as if I’d done something wrong. “It can’t come to that.”

  He straightened and softened his tone. “If you sense Aodan’s presence in any way, before he gains full control, close your eyes, capture your thoughts. Think about things that bring you joy an
d peace. But I pray you will not allow it to get that far.”

  His warning and the dread in his voice left a hollow pit in my stomach. “Is there anything I can do? Can anyone help me?”

  Sully nodded, “Aye. God can help. If ye ask Him.”

  So it had come back to that again. Their God wouldn’t help someone like me. My mind wandered back to what had transpired in my dream. The voice. Aodan. He’d mentioned the link, “like with Cataleen,” he’d said. Then the woman, whoever she was. She understood. She placed a finger on her lips to make him silent.

  My dwindling contentment had reached the bottom. Dread replaced it. The dread of someone who’d been given a death sentence. “They know I’m here.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  ◊◊◊

  THE SWIRLING LIGHT APPEARED in my dream once again. This time, I fought the urge to peer into it and see through my evil uncle’s eyes. Sully’s warning fresh in my mind, I fled, toward the creepy woman on the shore. When I looked back, the light was gone.

  I woke feeling stronger. Perhaps I could do this. Perhaps I could keep Aodan at bay.

  At Sully’s suggestion, I prepared for the long journey ahead. I started by hiking. Declan joined me. He was good to have around. Otherwise, I’d probably run scared from every strange creature I encountered. I had no way of knowing what was dangerous.

  “’Tis good how you were able to walk away from it.” Declan leapt over a moss-covered felled tree across the path. “Maybe you already have control over it.”

  “Maybe.” I didn’t feel nearly as hopeful as he sounded. “I’m just glad he’s not coming after me. Well, not yet.”

  “Nay. That’s not Aodan’s style. For one, despite the demon blood surging throughout his body, he still won’t allow anyone to touch Notirr. ’Tis his home. A part of him still seems to be nostalgic, which is why we’ve been safe here.”

  “But wouldn’t he keep fasgadair just outside, waiting to attack the moment I leave?”

  “Aodan would expect us to be prepared for that. He knows we’d probably leave during the day when the fasgadair would be in animal form. They’re weakest then…easier to kill.”