Astray

by J F Rogers

  “Why doesn’t he send an army?”

  Declan laughed a deep, throaty laugh. It took the edge off my fears and filled me with warmth. “You heard Sully. Aodan knows the prophecy. He knows you’ll come to him. Why expend the resources? Nay. He’ll do as Sully said he’ll do, station fasgadair along the way between here and Bandia, waiting for your capture. He’ll be too curious about you to kill you right away, from what I hear about him.”

  I shuddered. “I can’t talk about this anymore.”

  “Shhh!” Declan grasped my shoulder and pulled me to crouch beside him behind some bushes. He peered out over the branches. I followed his gaze and found nothing.

  “What are—?”

  Declan held a finger to his lips, and then pointed in the direction he’d been watching. “Don’t spook them,” he whispered.

  I checked again and still didn’t see anything. Then something pointy moved past some trees. A horse emerged. No, a unicorn.

  “Unicorns are real?” I asked a bit too loudly.

  Declan’s eyes widened as he brought his finger to his lips again, trying not to smile.

  I faced the unicorn. It was beautiful, though it struck me as nothing more than a white horse with a perfectly cylindrical, pointy stick protruding from its forehead. It snuffled, swung its brilliant white mane, lowered its head, and shook again. It edged forward and chewed at something on the ground. Its baby followed.

  “Oh!” I spun to Declan to be sure he saw. A wide grin stretched across his face, and I watched the baby, a perfect miniature of its parent with a stubby, little horn. So cute! My heart melted. Where was a camera when I needed one?

  A sound like a twig snapping rang out from our right, and mama and baby shot off in the opposite direction.

  “Awww.” I straightened and smoothed my dress. “That stinks. What scared them?”

  Declan wrinkled his nose. “I don’t smell anything. Hmph. Anyway, unicorns spook easily. I’m surprised we got to see them so close up. Especially with a baby.”

  “So is it like the legends say? Are they magical?”

  “Magical?” Declan’s left eyebrow lifted. “What do you mean magical? I’ve never met an animal that could cast spells, recite incantations, read runes, or mix potions.”

  “I don’t mean like that. Oh, I don’t know how…just magical.”

  “They’re just another of God’s creation. I assume you don’t have unicorns in your realm?”

  “Well, we have stories. I never knew unicorns were actually real.”

  “Of course they are. No human could think up such a being.”

  I stifled the temptation to point out that it’s a horse with a horn sticking out of its head. It didn’t exactly require creative genius to come up with. Probably best not to get into a senseless discussion.

  Declan asked me more questions about home. Talking about it made it seem closer—like I could hike over the hill and find my dilapidated old farmhouse.

  “Stacy sounds like a good friend.” Declan wiped perspiration from his brow. “I’d like to meet her someday.”

  A thrill swept through me. “I would love for you two to meet.” My breath came heavy as we crested the hill. The trees parted to reveal the valley and the mountains beyond. “This is beautiful!”

  “Aye.’Tis. So, I know you live with your gran, but you never talk about her. Why?” He uncorked his canteen and brought it to his lips. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he drank.

  I groaned. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  He laughed and wiped his lips.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You. You go from happy to angry,” he snapped his fingers, “in an instant. I’ve never seen someone change moods so quickly. And you wear your feelings like a cloak.”

  I did not! Did I?

  “See? Now your face is all red. I embarrassed you. My apologies.” He offered me the canteen. “So tell me about your gran.”

  I grabbed the leather pouch. “Um. I just met her. She lives in another world with a bunch of people who can change into animal form—”

  Declan chuckled and shoved my shoulder. “Not Mirna. The one you grew up with.”

  I found a large rock, plopped onto its mossy surface, and drank. Somehow, the water was still cool. “There’s nothing to tell.”

  Declan sat next to me and placed his arms on his knees. He leaned forward and turned toward me. “What is she like?”

  “She’s mean. She hates me. End of story.” I handed him the canteen.

  “That can’t be true.” He recorked the canteen and draped it over his shoulder. “You thought I hated you too, remember?” He threw me a sideways smile and elbowed me.

  I smiled back and sighed internally. His smile could melt the barrier around my heart like nothing else. “No. It’s true. She does.” I picked up a stick and pushed at the dirt and leaves. “She blames me for my grandfather’s death.”

  “Well,” his green eyes twinkled, “did you kill him?”

  “No. I didn’t kill him.” I laughed and pushed his shoulder with mine, nearly losing my balance. “He had a heart attack. High cholesterol.”

  His face grew serious again. “What does that mean?”

  “Let’s just say it wasn’t me.”

  “Then why does your gran blame you?” He leaned closer. So intent. People didn’t listen like Declan. He genuinely seemed to want to know.

  “She resents being stuck with me. My father and Bumpah were the only family she had. She never got over Bumpah’s death either. When he was young, he was in the Army. He sent her a postcard every day he was stationed overseas.”

  “A postcard?”

  “It’s like a letter, only shorter. He kept sending them, even after he returned home, right up until the day he died. She sends them to herself now and pretends they’re from him. It’s sad. I guess it’s her way of keeping him around.”

  “Aye. That is sad.”

  “Yup. I guess she never got over the denial part of the grieving process.”

  Declan looked at me as if I were an alien again. I was growing accustomed to it. Apparently, he was getting used to not understanding me. He didn’t bother seeking clarification. Instead, he asked, “Does this make you pity her?”

  “I suppose so.” I shrugged. “I guess I’m usually too mad. I just wish she’d realize I lost them too. But she has no one left.”

  “She has you.”

  “She doesn’t see it that way.” If only she did. A carriage passed on the road a few miles from the village. “What was that?”

  “Looks like a transport from Gnuatthara.”

  “Does that mean—Are Treasach babies in the carriage?”

  “’Tis possible.”

  “Let’s go back. I want to see them.”

  We ran most of the way. I followed Declan down a shortcut to the village. By the time we arrived, I was huffing and puffing. Clearly I needed more running practice.

  A couple of men helped a large woman out of the carriage.

  “It looks like a couple of elderly women and three babies this time.” Declan shook his head and clicked his tongue. “The number seems to be increasing.”

  “Can we go see?” I asked.

  “If you like.”

  I followed him toward the driver. “Achaius!” Declan called.

  The stocky man with unkempt hair turned toward us. A smile spread across his face, revealing yellowed teeth through his black goatee. “Ah, Declan. How are you, mate?” Achaius walked toward us, extending his right arm.

  They wrapped their right arms around each other, gave a couple of quick pats on the back, and parted.

  “I’m well, thank you. And you?”

  “Ah, God is with us so I’m well also.” Achaius smiled at me. “And who is this?”

  “This is Fallon. Fallon, this is Achaius.”

  Achaius opened both arms. I hesitated, and then moved in for an obligatory hug.
He wrapped me in a tight squeeze before grasping my upper arms to face me. Looking me in the eyes, he said, “It warms my heart to have you with us.”

  Heat rose to my face. I smiled awkwardly at the much-too-old-for-me, handsome man. His rugged features looked like they belonged on the cover of a romance novel, except the stained teeth. His eyes sparkled with genuine friendliness. Unsure how to respond to such a welcome, I said, “Thank you. It’s nice to meet you too.”

  Releasing his hold, Achaius returned his attention to Declan. His smile faded. “Things are getting tougher. The Treasach have reason to believe their village will be attacked soon. They’re scheduling more executions than ever. And they’re tightening security, which makes it more difficult to assist.”

  “’Tis a good thing you’re doing, brother. God will help. How many did you bring this trip?”

  “Five.” Achaius frowned. “Two elderly women will continue with me to Kylemore. The three babies will remain here.” He sighed. “It will take the women a while to adjust.” He nodded toward a haggard woman, probably a couple feet taller than me if she straightened, clutching the man helping her down from the carriage. “Keera is losing her sight.” He tipped his head at another giant woman holding an infant. She slumped against the carriage’s side, causing it to tilt. “Alayna lost her husband. Her children are grown, doing their part to aid the battle. With no one left to care for, she has lost her usefulness. Shame. The Treasach never before would have scheduled an execution for someone like her. They would have found something for her to do.”

  Declan clenched his jaw.

  “What about the babies?” I asked.

  “Small—as usual. Well, small to the Treasach, normal to us.”

  Helpless little babies—sentenced to die for not being supersized. It made me sick. I didn’t care about the old people. They were part of the problem. Hadn’t they allowed this to happen to others? They didn’t deserve help after what they’d done. They deserved to die.

  Chapter Fourteen

  ◊◊◊

  BEFORE DINNER, DECLAN AND I relaxed at our favorite spot on the pier. A flock of ducks bobbed on the waves. No. Not ducks. Their bodies didn’t appear to have feathers, but brown skin like a seal, smooth and shiny in the lowering sunlight. One by one they dove underwater. Seconds later they shot back up, then took off, swimming like dolphins, dipping under and over the waves out to deeper seas. In the distance, they looked like grease splattering from a pan in the same direction.

  So many crazy things around here. It was as if I’d crossed into a whole different dimension. Oh wait…I had.

  My mind returned to the carriage that arrived earlier and the Treasach. My stomach squeezed, wanting to empty its contents at the thought of such sick people, those poor orphans. “I can’t stop thinking about those Treasach women. Why should anyone help them? Did they even try to help any of those innocent babies?”

  “I understand how you feel, Fallon. But anger won’t solve the problem.”

  “So what will? How are any of you solving the problem? Aren’t you helping them?” I glared at him, chest heaving.

  “Fallon!” He straightened, met my eyes, brows furrowed. I couldn’t tell if I’d hurt or angered him. Probably a mixture of both.

  “I’m sorry, Dec.”

  “Dec?”

  “Yeah. Short for Declan. Like Stacey calls me Fal, and I call her Stace. You don’t shorten names in Ariboslia?”

  He shook his head, one eyebrow raised, his frown twitched as if fighting a smile, probably having difficulty keeping up with my mood swings.

  “Anyway, I shouldn’t have said that. You’re not the problem. I know you’re trying to help.” I gazed at the sea and kicked the water. “It just makes me so mad.”

  Declan looked at the water. “I am a Treasach.”

  “What?” He did not just say what I thought he said. He couldn’t have.

  “You heard me.” He threw me a quick glance out of the corner of his eye, and then returned his gaze to the water. His muscles tensed, and his knuckles whitened as he clenched the pier.

  I wanted to reach out to him. Put my arm around him. Something. “How can that be? Aren’t you Declan Broderick Cael IV? Next in line for the co-cheangail?” I asked softly.

  “Aye. I am.” He nodded. “Through adoption.” His shoulders hunched as though under a great weight.

  He looked normal, not enormous like the Treasach women, not even half as big. So he, probably a normal baby, was scheduled to die? How could he of all people not be as upset about it as I was? “It’s not your fault, you know. You’re not one of them.” I dared place a hand on his arm.

  He pulled away. “Remember I told you I have not yet reached my totem?”

  I placed my rejected hand on my lap. “Mmm hmm.”

  “Well, that’s my fear—that I’ll never reach my totem. My parents, my adoptive parents, insist I was scheduled to die because of my size alone. There must be more to it. Something they’re afraid to tell me. What if I fail them? What if their love for me has blinded them to the fact that I am not fit for the co-cheangail?”

  I took a deep breath. His confession blew me away. He seemed to have it all together. If someone like Declan felt that way, did everyone have some sort of fear or sense of inadequacy? I wanted to reach out to him, to soothe him, but I held back, unsure. “I’m sorry.” So lame, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

  “You’re sorry?” He looked at me, his face puckering. “This isn’t your fault.”

  “I know. It’s something we humans say, or…full-humans, I mean. When we feel bad for someone and don’t know what to say, we say sorry.”

  “Oh.” He gazed out at the sea. “Know what the Cael say?”

  “No. What?” My gaze followed his. The sparkling light dancing on the waves calmed my mind.

  “We say, ‘You are loved.’”

  “Oh.” I didn’t see that one coming.

  “Do you know why?” He clutched the edge of the pier and leaned forward, his triceps bulging.

  “I have no idea.”

  “No matter where you are, no matter what has happened, there is a greater purpose for everything.” His voice smoothed, sounding dreamy. “Through it all, you are loved by the One True God. He is always with us, guiding, shaping, loving us. This helps us get through trials.”

  What a strange thing to say. Yet…it made sense. More than saying sorry for something you had nothing to do with. Of course, I wasn’t a believer and couldn’t bring myself to use the expression. Instead, I blurted, “I cut myself.”

  His back turned toward me. I didn’t look to see his reaction, but focused on my feet splashing the water.

  “What?” His tone carried a mixture of confusion and concern.

  I took a deep breath. Never before had I brought it up of my own free will. Even Stacy had to pry it out of me. My heart raced, my cheeks warmed, and my voice quavered. “I cut myself.” I lifted my dress mid-thigh to reveal the scar nearest my right knee.

  “You did this on purpose?” His voice cracked.

  I dared peek at him. Tears welled in his eyes. He brought his hand to my leg. His fingers hovered over the scar, and I pushed my dress back into place, overwhelmed with shame.

  The seconds ticked by. I wanted to suck the words back in. But it was too late. They floated about in space, and now, in Declan’s head.

  “Why do you think you do that?”

  At the broken silence, I breathed a relieved sigh. Something in the way he asked compelled me to speak without my usual defenses. “I don’t know. I’m in so much pain—over everything—all the time, with no one to comfort me. I guess, if I’m going to be in pain, at least I want control over it.”

  To my amazement, Declan nodded. “I can understand. Do you still cut yourself?”

  “Not since I’ve been in Ariboslia.”

  “Good.” He narrowed his eyes at me and smiled. “You better not.”


  That was it. No psychotherapy. No lecture. And it appeared he still liked me. My tight muscles relaxed. I smiled back.

  Declan placed a hand on my shoulder and peered into my eyes. “You are loved.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  ◊◊◊

  WEEKS PASSED. WHEN THE swirling light appeared, I followed Sully’s advice and ran away. The last few nights it hadn’t appeared at all. And I stopped checking the amulet to determine if it was time to move on. I’d gotten comfortable and developed somewhat of a routine. What began as my daily walk in the cool morning along the ocean-side, became a run followed by a swim.

  Though the scent of the salty air never failed to bring Bumpah to mind, it no longer saddened me. I liked to swim past the breaking waves and float, imagining he was floating beside me like he used to do.

  This morning, soothed by his presence, I lay on my back as the sun warmed my face. Water covered my ears, amplifying my breathing in my head. My buoyant body rose and fell with each passing wave. In the vast ocean, I was a tiny being, tossed upon its enormity. The realization of how small I was minimized my problems.

  At last, hungry for breakfast, I flipped off my back and cut through the water toward shore. I picked up my towel and dried my hair.

  “Fallon!” Declan’s voice made me jump. “I knew I’d find you here.”

  “Whew, you scared me.” I jogged the water from my ears. “What’s up?”

  He no longer looked up when I greeted him this way—a greeting I couldn’t adequately explain. I tried, but hadn’t managed to stop using it. He just ignored it entirely.

  “Sully called a meeting of the elders.”

  “Does that mean I’ll be leaving soon?” My stomach quivered, as if still rolling on the waves. I gave the ends of my hair one last squeeze before gathering my things to head for the village.

  Declan shook his head. “I don’t know. My father was speaking with a couple of the elders this morning. They kept their voices low and closed the door when they saw me. It’s serious, whatever it is. But we still have to wait for Drochaid.”