Astray

by J F Rogers

  Ryann ended our debate. “Until God shows us it is time to stop following, we must continue.”

  ****

  We found a deep cavern to sleep in for the day. I tossed and turned as my mind raced. As much as I needed sleep, what if I dreamt? I didn’t want to chance meeting Aodan. Not wanting to disturb my friends, I rose and sat close to the mouth of the cave.

  I peered into the blue sky, wanting to escape into it and wondering what the coming days would bring, when shuffling feet startled me. I jerked toward it.

  Declan sat beside me.

  “Oh, it’s you.” I placed a hand over my chest. “You scared me.” Breathing a sigh of relief, I laughed at myself for being so jumpy.

  “Are you all right?”

  “I don’t know.” On one hand, I was scared out of my mind. On the other, I was at peace. It didn’t make sense. Part of me wanted to return to the safe, predictable life in my grandmother’s house, despite my unhappiness there. Another part was thankful for the love I’d so longed for. The rest of me, the largest part, wanted to give back to God, to accomplish His purpose for me.

  “We are close, Fallon. ’Tis natural to be afraid. But we need not be.”

  “I know, but it’s not easy. I’m trying.” I looked into his emerald eyes. What dwelled there now evoked comfort and fear—concern and something else.

  “Fallon, I know I shouldn’t…”

  Uh oh. That didn’t sound promising. With bated breath I contained myself, barely tolerating his lengthy pause.

  “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

  My heart exploded in different directions. The goodness within me wanted to throttle the selfish side that danced joyfully. My gaze glued to his. I dredged every ounce of willpower to speak. “Declan—”

  “I know, I know.” He shook his head and stood. “Should I lie about my feelings for you? I want to be with you. I don’t want to marry Maili.”

  “What about the clans? What about the promise your parents made?”

  “What of it? It wasn’t my decision. No one consulted me. Why should I suffer for it?” His voice grew louder.

  I glanced in our sleeping friends’ direction, afraid we might wake them.

  Declan followed my gaze and dropped his voice. “What should I do, Fallon?” The pain in his eyes was as plain as the moon in the sky.

  No. No. No. Not now. Not when I was finally ready to attempt to follow God’s plan and be friends. What had I done? This wasn’t Declan. It was me—the old me. I had poisoned him. My angry words spewed from his mouth. I didn’t know how to fix the situation. I prayed silently before responding.

  Though my heart broke to utter the words, though a part of me desperately wanted to grab his hand and run away with him, I said what I must. “You should do what God wants of you. Honor your parents.” And then I spoke the final words not only to Declan, but also to God. “Please forgive me.”

  ****

  I managed to avoid sleeping well enough to dream. We all headed out to complete our chores and eat before moving out. Declan was already gone. Somehow, he’d managed to sneak off without my notice.

  As I gathered kindling for the fire, Ryann approached. “Are you well?”

  Such an odd question. “I’m not sick, if that’s what you mean.”

  “Nay.” She smiled, her eyes full of concern. “You seem off. Declan is already gone, and you haven’t asked about him.”

  “Oh that.” I tried to wave it off, but my hands were full of twigs. I dropped a few in the process. I bent to pick them up. Then I stood and faced her. “Can I be honest with you?”

  “Of course.”

  I walked to the fire pit we’d built, dropped the twigs inside, and sat. Ryann sat next to me and placed her larger sticks beside her.

  “Declan wants to be with me.”

  “Oh.” Ryann straightened. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

  “I did, but…Things changed when I went to Saltinat. I understand why Declan wanted to obey his parents over his own desires. But I’ve made him abandon that. I made him like me…like I was.”

  “You no longer wish to be with him?”

  “I do, but not like this. Not if it’s not God’s plan for us. I want him to be the person he was. Good.”

  “None of us are good, Fallon. Declan’s heart is to do God’s will. He’s a bit sidetracked. It happens. But he’ll return to it.”

  “You think so?”

  “Aye.” She smiled widely, put an arm around my shoulder, and squeezed. “I’m so proud of you, Fallon. You’ve come so far. God will bless it.”

  “So why is it so difficult?”

  “Because life is difficult. But the closer you grow to God the easier it will be to deal with.”

  Relief swept over me. It felt so good to get this out, to talk to someone about it. “There’s one more thing.”

  “What is it?”

  I took a deep breath. “Aodan. I made a huge mistake. I tried finding out his plans and now I can’t sleep. He knows about the link.”

  “Has he taken over your mind whilst you’re awake, as Sully warned?” Ryann’s voice sounded strained, like she was trying not to freak out.

  “No. It’s just in my dreams still.”

  She let out a heavy breath. “Good. If you see him again, run.”

  “It might be too late.” I picked up a stick and drew in the dirt.

  “It’s never too late to turn things around. Just do your best. I’ll pray for you. Just do one thing for me, will you?”

  “What’s that?”

  “If you notice him take over your mind during the day, or if there are any gaps in your memory, will you please tell someone? We need to know if he’s able to find out where we are, to be safe.”

  I nodded. “I will.”

  “Where’s the fire?” Cahal tromped behind us with breakfast.

  “Oh. Sorry.” I looked at the kindling in the pit, and it ignited.

  Ryann threw her larger sticks on top. Pepin emerged with a pile of sticks that concealed his face, blocking his vision. He dropped them next to the fire and brushed his hands.

  Declan didn’t return until the food was cooked. He grabbed a small piece and disappeared again. Pepin watched him as he went, and then eyed me for answers. I shrugged and turned to Ryann. She closed her eyes and nodded, silently letting me know it was okay.

  God, thank you for her.

  ****

  We hiked through a valley to the City of Nica. Declan avoided me for the thirteen thousandth time. Though he was supposed to flank me, he trailed behind. Far behind. I threw a quick glance at him. He faced the ground, scowling.

  We kept to the woods, in sight of the river but avoiding the road. The fasgadair could be anywhere, not necessarily looking for us but happy for an unexpected treat nonetheless.

  Wolf maneuvered through the thick branches with little difficulty since he no longer carried Pepin.

  My night vision had improved, but some smaller limbs were tough to see. After being scratched on the cheek and poked in the eye, I kept my hands in front of my face to protect it.

  Stopped in his tracks, Wolf raised his hackles, and lowered his head. A low growl radiated from his body.

  I held my breath, listening. Not again.

  Wolf took a few steps forward then looked at me as if warning me to stay back.

  “Stop,” I called out in a hushed voice.

  Still facing me, Wolf nodded, and then dashed into the woods.

  “Where is he going?” Ryann asked.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. But he wants us to stay here.”

  “Is the arrow still pointing this way?” Cahal spoke over my shoulder.

  I glanced at Drochaid. “Yes.”

  “We move on.” Cahal walked ahead. “I will lead. Declan, follow behind.”

  Ryann, Declan, and Pepin resumed walking. I didn’t.

  Ryann placed a hand on my back, nud
ging me onward. “Wolf will catch up.”

  “No. We need to—”

  Cahal growled, “Walk or I will carry you.”

  I followed.

  True to Ryann’s word, about an hour later, Wolf caught up. Someone with a pasty complexion that shone in the moonlight traveled behind him—a fasgadair.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  ◊◊◊

  “AAAAAAAARG!” CAHAL SNATCHED THE battle-axe off his back and lunged at the bloodsucker. Wolf jumped between them, snarling. Cahal flung him aside.

  “Stop!” I ran to place myself between the stranger and Cahal.

  Cahal’s chest heaved. His bulging eyes moved from me to the fasgadair before throwing Wolf a murderous look. “Traitor, I should have known better than to trust you.” He returned his icy gaze to me. “Step aside or I will move you.”

  “Don’t you dare touch him,” I warned through clenched teeth.

  “I mean it, Fallon.”

  “So do I. I told you. I trust Wolf. Besides, we might as well find out why the bloodsucker’s here before we kill him.” I softened my tone. “He hasn’t made a move to kill us.”

  “If you stop Cahal, I’ll do it for him.” Declan raised a stake at the creature. “He’s a demon, a monster. You don’t reason with such beings. You rid the world of them.” Never had I seen Declan’s face so murderous. Was this always within him? Had I been the one to make this part of him surface?

  “Please. He’s outnumbered. Leave your weapons ready if you must, but I have to know what he has to say for himself. If you feel you must kill him after he’s spoken, I won’t stop you.”

  Declan, his face still hideously disfigured with rage, lowered the stake to his side.

  Cahal’s face, devoid of emotion, left it impossible to ascertain his thoughts. He lowered his axe partway. “Tell us who you are and what you want before you die.”

  “I am what you say.” The stranger spoke painfully slow, overemphasizing every syllable. “A fasgadair. But pleassss, understand. I am most ashamed. I thought it would save my family.” He shook his head. “It does not matter what I thought. I am damned. I sold my soul to the Dark One. Unlessss…”

  We all spoke at once, impatient. “Unless what?”

  “About a fortnight ago, an angel spoke to me. He told me I would find a wolf in thesss woods tonight. I wasss to follow it, which I have done. He also said I would meet you.”

  Enlarged pupils surrounded by dull green with no whites stared at me, making me cold. I wrapped my arms around myself. When he tilted his head just right, catching the moon, they seemed to glow—yellow—like at the megalith. I gulped. “What do you want with me?”

  “I am to tell you what I know about the celebration near Diabalta.”

  Our questions reverberated through the glen:

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Why would an angel visit you?”

  “How do we know this isn’t a trap?”

  Cahal skewered Wolf with a stern stare. “Why would Wolf lead you to us?”

  Only Pepin remained silent.

  Our simultaneous questions seemed to baffle the fasgadair. His gaze shifted between us. “I only heard the angel’s voisss. It will not appear to a creature such as I have become. Still, he came in response to my criesss to the One True God. I have denied my hunger and long for reconciliation with Him. If I do thisss, He will give me what I seek. I will not suffer for eternity in the underworld. That is His promisss.”

  The monster’s serpentine hiss had the same effect on me as someone rubbing Styrofoam. But despite the fact that he made me want to vomit and had skimmed over Cahal’s question, something inside told me he spoke truth. “I believe him.”

  Cahal growled. “Creatures such as this speak only lies! Give me one good reason why I should not strike him down.”

  “Something is telling me to listen to him, Cahal. We must listen,” I pleaded. “He could be speaking the truth. Isn’t everything possible with God? Might He use even a creature such as this for good?”

  Cahal hesitated. His muscles twitched. Keeping a stern eye on the creeper, he lowered his arm. The weapon’s massive head rested on the ground. Still, he did not return it to its sheath.

  Declan muttered something under his breath. His knuckles around the stake went white.

  I stepped closer to the vampire. “What is your name?”

  “Le’Corenci.”

  Though the creature made me desire a scalding hot shower, I attempted to communicate with it. “What are you supposed to tell me?”

  “In three daysss time, the fasgadair will hold a Gealach Lionadh to celebrate the new moon. It will be held in Ceasss Croi, a day’sss walk north of Diabalta.”

  “Lies!” Cahal’s voice thundered. “I have never heard of this Ceas Croi.”

  “Not many know of it. Do not use the main entransss. There isss a secret entransss. But I cannot tell you where it isss. I do not know.”

  “But what of my mother?” I pressed. “Isn’t she in Diabalta? My primary goal is to save her life.”

  “If you want to save her life, eliminate the fasgadair. At least kill Aodan. No one isss safe asss long asss the fasgadair continue to strengthen asss they have.”

  Something about conversing with this creature sucked the life out of me. Everything in my being screamed that such an ungodly being should not exist. It was an abomination.

  I had difficulty digesting his message. I wanted to save my mother before venturing after my uncle. I hoped her presence would renew my strength. Now what? It seemed this entire journey consisted of nothing more than a maze with endless twists and turns. Just when I felt I began to make headway, I reached another dead end. I felt myself shutting down.

  Le’Corenci must have sensed my withdrawal. He grew desperate, gazed deep into my eyes, and spoke more rapidly. “You must hear thisss! The angel said you are not to go to the City of Nica or Diabalta but straight to Ceasss Croi in your animal forms. If you continue northwest, you will have the cover of woodsss and will make it in time for the Gealach Lionadh. It is imperative you do exactly asss the angel instructed. Do you understand? Go no further toward Nica.”

  I nodded.

  “One more thing. Escape through the secret passagesss. Trust those who will show you.”

  I nodded again, though his words barely penetrated the haze surrounding me. I needed sleep. I didn’t listen to the rest of the conversation, barely registering when Le’Corenci returned to wherever he’d come from. I lost myself in my own mind—a jumbled web of confusion.

  “Fallon.” Cahal’s sharp voice jolted me. “We must discuss this before moving on.”

  Declan got in my face. “Are we to follow Drochaid or that…that thing?”

  I glanced at each of my friends in turn. All eyes were on me. Was this my decision? I groaned. “We go to Ceas Croi.” The words escaped as if of their own accord, but it was right. I felt sure of it.

  All but Wolf and I began talking at once.

  Ryann shook her head and approached me. “Where does Drochaid point now?”

  In my haze, I studied Drochaid. Dark. Nothing glowed. “It shows nothing.”

  “Does that mean we’re to stay here?” Ryann asked.

  My mind cleared slightly. “It means Drochaid isn’t going to give us a specific answer. I’m going to Ceas Croi. Please don’t make me try to find it without you,” I said, more certain each time I stated that we must go.

  “Le’Corenci lies. ’Tis a trap,” Cahal said.

  “A trap?” I asked. “Why would he bother? If Aodan’s behind it, he knows where we are. Wouldn’t it have been easier for him to send an army of fasgadair to attack us?”

  Cahal shook his head. Feet spread, arms folded, he looked as immobile as a tree. “He might be leading us into an ambush.”

  “Cahal is right. We cannot trust Le’Corenci.” Declan’s eyes wouldn’t meet mine. “Drochaid has not led us astray. If it’s
not showing us what to do, we must wait.”

  “No,” I stated firmly. “When I was in Saltinat, He told me not to put faith in Drochaid but in here.” I placed my hand on my heart.

  “We are not to put our faith in ourselves!” Cahal erupted.

  “No, not ourselves.” God, help me say this in a way that makes sense. “We’re to have faith in God and the wisdom He places within us, His believers. It does not come from us, but Him.”

  I didn’t know how or why something as evil as Le’Corenci came under the reign of the God I’d come to know and love. It was further beyond my ability to fathom why He would choose to use such a creature. Then again, why did He choose me? However unlikely, I knew God used Le’Corenci as part of His plan. “I truly believe—no, I know Le’Corenci spoke the truth. We must go northwest, as the angel advised him. And we should go in our totem forms. Wolf can carry Pepin, and Cahal can carry Declan.” I turned to Cahal. “I assume as a polar bear you could run with Declan on your back.”

  “We are weaker in our totem forms. And he will slow me down.”

  “But we will be faster, and I can alert you to danger on the ground. Even a polar bear with a man on his back is faster than a man, right?”

  He nodded.

  “Then it’s settled.”

  “Nay, it’s not.” Ryann stepped forward. “What about getting into Ceas Croi? That thing said he didn’t know the location of the secret entrance.”

  “I do.” Pepin stepped forward. “Ceas Croi belonged to the pech. We abandoned it long ago.” His stout shoulders shrugged. “Its identity was compromised. As you saw with the Tower of Galore, since the gachen arrived here, we’ve attempted to live in secret.”

  Cahal smacked Pepin on the back, knocking him forward. “I knew you would come in handy, little one!”

  From the sideways glance Pepin threw Cahal, he clearly didn’t appreciate the nickname. Still, he smiled.

  We journeyed on until daybreak. Cahal found an area for us to sleep, concealed by shrubs with a ceiling of leafy tree branches. I moved in a daze as Cahal grumbled about being ripe for an attack, letting a fasgadair go, walking into a trap, and other complaints I couldn’t quite make out. Never had I heard him speak so much, to himself or anyone else. No one attempted to calm him. I lay down, confident we’d made the right decision, but praying for God to strengthen and unite us, afraid to sleep. I didn’t want to face Aodan, but I’d already given him a foothold. He would be there if I dreamed. I fought to keep my eyes open as I peered through the leaves to the moon.