Astray

by J F Rogers

  I spotted Ryann first and jogged toward her, eager to share the news. Ryann brought her hands to her mouth to amplify her voice, turned, and hollered, “She’s over here!” She ran to hug me. “Where did you go? We searched everywhere for you.”

  Declan caught up. “Wow! What happened? You look radiant.”

  “Did you get the jewel?” Pepin asked.

  “Yes.” I smiled. “And you’ll never believe Who I met.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  ◊◊◊

  I SPENT SO MUCH time in Saltinat, we had little time to rest. We ate and slept under a canopy of trees. Blanketed in cool, ocean air, the surf lulled me to sleep.

  After what seemed only minutes, Cahal nudged my arm with his foot. “Time to move out.”

  I groaned. My body wanted more rest, but I followed, away from the coast. The land turned wet, and fog thickened the air. The trees, sparser in this part of the forest, grew wider and taller. Their branches fanned far above our heads.

  Shoes in one hand, the length of my selkie dress gathered in the other, I trudged through muck. My feet disappeared, then reappeared, covered in grime that refused to let go. Then down, back into the mire, slime oozed between my toes, making me shudder.

  “What is this place?” I asked.

  “The Bog of Mulad. On the positive side, we will not be attacked here. All living things avoid this place.” Ryann’s body pitched forward. Her words came in spurts as she fought the mud.

  “Gee. I wonder why.”

  “Except the Bogle,” Declan said, apparently choosing to ignore my remark. “Oh, forget that. You said ‘living’.”

  I looked back in time to catch his teasing smile. My breathing faltered. Would he talk to me again? “You said the Bogle isn’t real.”

  “Not that I’m aware of.” He shrugged, faltering when the ground tried keeping hold of his left foot. “But I’ve never looked for him either.”

  “Oh, stop.” Ryann sounded exasperated, but snickered. “The Bogle isn’t real. Don’t listen to him.”

  I believed her, but couldn’t help trembling as I surveyed my surroundings. Shapeless mounds of earth protruded from the ground with spindly stick arms and seemed to have eyes. God, help me stop imagining things. Keep us safe.

  My mind returned to the daunting task, getting out of this place without falling into the mire.

  The bog seemed endless. Wolf and Cahal took the lead. Ryann and I followed. Declan trudged along behind us with Pepin bringing up the rear, far behind.

  Though Wolf was splattered with mud, his belly fur spiky with it, he had no trouble negotiating the terrain. He hopped back and forth from slimy felled trees to the sludge, skimming over its surface. He stopped every so often, turned our way, and waited for us to catch up. This time, he ran past us to Pepin and leaned forward, offering a ride.

  Pepin, barefoot with his pant legs rolled above his knees, heaved a heavy sigh. “Thank you, friend.”

  The moment he straddled Wolf, they sank. Wolf’s legs plunged into the muck past his hocks. He grunted and snorted as his head moved back and forth, tail flailing in the opposite direction. Pepin dismounted, but Wolf continued to struggle.

  We all trudged back to help. Cahal stood in front of Wolf, Declan at his hindquarters. They reached into the squishy earth, grasped Wolf’s middle, and tugged. Wolf came free with a wet sucking sound, like someone slurping saucy spaghetti.

  Shoulders slumped, Pepin moved on. The rest of us slowed our pace.

  Despite the slow going, my empathy for Pepin, and our depressing surroundings, I felt good—as though I’d shed a few hundred pounds. With the ever-tightening noose of anger and self-pity cast off, I looked forward more than ever to reconnecting with my mother, grateful for the opportunity to get to know her.

  My childhood memories evoked sadness, but blaming everyone else was useless. My self-centeredness had poured out of my mouth, clouding my thoughts and vision. It must be shed for me to move on—to grow.

  My biggest concern now was not Pepin, the mud, or the Bogle, but Declan. The way I had behaved with him was shameful. Part of me finally understood his desire to obey the ways of his clan over his own will. Another part of me still wanted him for myself. But after my experience in Saltinat, I had to live for something greater than myself as Declan attempted to do. I couldn’t stand in his way.

  I wanted to say something, to apologize, but I wasn’t sure how. Despite his brief moment of speaking, he seemed impossible to approach. But I also didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. Perhaps these were excuses, justifications to prevent further embarrassment. For now, it was better to say nothing.

  He had joked with me. That was a good sign, and I didn’t want to push it. Every once in a while he would turn our way, probably to check our progress. The first time he did, I smiled at him. His eyebrows pinched together, and he threw me a half-smile before turning to face forward.

  Hours later, the trees grew closer together. The ground rose steeply and became more solid. Thank you, God! It felt strange, yet wonderful to walk freely, and I reveled in it. With my feet so mud-caked, I couldn’t put my shoes back on, but I didn’t care. The hard coating added a layer of protection from roots and pebbles.

  Around midnight, under the glow of the waning crescent moon, we happened upon a hot spring. Though he grumbled, Cahal consented to us taking turns bathing. When my turn came, I sat at the edge and scrubbed my feet. Then I slipped from my clothes, lowered into the spring and sighed, content. The steam, barely visible, swirled and dissipated like little ghost tendrils. As warm water rolled around me, soothing my aching muscles, an impulsive hum of the Ariboslian hymn rose from my throat. I closed my eyes.

  “Look what I found.”

  The unfamiliar voice yanked me from my momentary bliss. My eyes jerked open and turned in the voice’s direction where a man stood. His menacing eyes fixed upon me. I wrapped my arms about myself.

  His pale face illuminated in the moonlight as only a fasgadair’s would. No matter what he was, his devilish smile as he admired me made me feel as if I bathed in a pool of snakes.

  “What is that about your neck?”

  I looked down. Without my high neckline to conceal it, Drochaid was partially in view. My stomach sank as he licked his protruding fangs.

  “My, my. How pleased my master will be when I bring you to him.”

  I froze. My weapons were in the clearing with my friends. My clothes lay on the grassy bank beside the enemy. I couldn’t fathom the humiliation of exposing my bare flesh to this smirking creature. Trapped like a bat in a sunlit room, knowing he could overtake me no matter which direction I ran, I studied him. Attempting to predict his intentions and next move. Would he walk into the water after me?

  The familiar, sinking feeling began to sweep over me again. Now I recognized it. I was falling under the vampire’s spell. My heart cried out. God, help me!

  The answer didn’t come from me, but it welled up within me. Run!

  I jumped up and out of the water in a flash, which must’ve confused the vampire. I managed to run a few feet before its icy fingers snatched my neck. My feet lost contact with the ground. Wolf’s growl and gnashing teeth came from behind. The hand constricting my throat slipped. I stumbled back to the dirt. When I regained my footing, I ran without glancing back.

  “She wears Drochaid.”

  I didn’t chance a look back. I sensed more and bolted through the dense trees. I ran so fast I failed to notice the horizon.

  I sailed straight off a cliff.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  ◊◊◊

  FOR A BRIEF MOMENT I felt as if I hung, suspended in midair. Then I fell. My stomach lurched, caught in my throat, and my body plummeted. The ground rushed toward me. I prayed, desperate, as I flailed my arms.

  I sucked in my breath and held it. The advancing rocks stopped a few inches from my face, and then backed away in step with the beat of my arms flapping
in the air. I exhaled with a whoosh. That was close. I’d almost become one with the jagged turf.

  A gust of wind pushed me toward the chasm’s opposite wall. I shifted my body to avoid another collision. My heart raced. What was going on?

  I glanced about. My slender, lily-white arms were gone. Wide wings covered with dark spotted feathers replaced them. My chest tightened. I inhaled sharply through holes in my beak—beak? I turned into a bird?

  So I was gachen enough to change into an animal after all. What kind of bird was I? I dipped my head to inspect my feet, catching a glimpse of yellow talons with sharp black nails and speckled underbelly before my body followed my gaze downward. I froze for a moment, unsure how to correct the unintentional dive. I righted my body and spread my wings, catching air like a parachute. So I was a bird of prey. I would have to let the others tell me which kind.

  My friends…They could be in trouble. I needed to get back to them, but flying in the direction of my choosing proved difficult. The slightest change in the position of my tail feathers altered my direction and height. The breeze flung me about. It took maneuvering, but I understood how a baby bird learned by falling from the nest. Much of it came naturally, simply by wanting to stay afloat.

  Free of the fissure, I soared above the tree line. Wind blasted past my feather-covered ear holes. The ground raced by. Everything beneath me shrunk as I glided out of reach of the tribulations below. Peace filled me.

  My enhanced eyesight picked up the smallest detail from afar. Despite the speed of the ground rushing by, the trees blocking my view, and nothing but moonlight, I had no trouble spotting my companions. They stood over five headless bodies. I circled back, tucked my wings into a dive, and then released. What I wouldn’t give to remain in this blissful state for eternity. But I had responsibilities, and my ever-increasing sense of duty wouldn’t allow me to depart from them, so I dove.

  I tried to land on Declan’s shoulder, but misjudged my speed and the force necessary to slow my body. Instead, my flailing wing hit the back of his head and sent me spinning to the ground, hard. I ruffled the dust off my feathers.

  Declan spoke to Wolf, but I didn’t understand a word. Man! Drochaid must’ve fallen into the ravine when I transformed.

  I attempted to talk, but my words came out a harsh “kak, kak, kak”.

  Ryann and Declan spoke to one another, throwing sideways glances in my direction. The inability to communicate infuriated me, as did trying to walk without sticking my claws in the ground. Frustration welled up and let loose with an ear piercing “kak!”

  I had no choice but to return to the ravine for Drochaid. My audible complaints continued with an endless stream of “kak, kak, kak”. I took a few leaps, flapped my wings, jumped, and fell to the ground in a heap. I gave it a couple more unsuccessful attempts before Cahal picked me up, folded my talons against my body, and heaved me into the air. Once released from his grip, I flapped like mad as I returned to the earth. Before crashing, I caught an air current and took off.

  In the sky, calm swept over me again. I imagined it to be like an out-of-body experience, as if my spirit had shed its burden of flesh.

  Fortunately, my bird-self had a keener sense of direction than my human side. I located the ravine with ease. Making out the amulet in the rubble proved simpler than expected. The jewel in the center glittered in the moonlight. I descended and settled on a boulder.

  Drochaid was wedged between a few rocks. I pulled it free with my hooked beak, then clutched it in one foot, and hopped along gravel on the other. I failed to lift off. I hadn’t dared swoop down and grab Drochaid in my talons without landing. What if I hurt myself on the rocks? No one was around to help.

  I grasped the cord close to Drochaid, careful not to cut it with my tomial tooth. The stone dangled from one side, the cord on the other. Hoping it wouldn’t trip me, I ran. An air current swept through, and I seized it, taking to the sky. The amulet in my mouth made me waver, so I let it go, swooped upon it as it fell, and grasped it in my talons.

  Triumphant from my aerobatics, I returned to my friends. After dropping Drochaid on the ground, I landed and hopped to it. I flipped the amulet over my head with my neb and dragged it along behind me to my dress. Everyone stared as I shook my little bird head, bouncing from one foot to the next yelling, “kak, kak, kak!”

  Ryann understood. She picked up my dress, motioned for me to follow, dropped it in a secluded area, and walked away.

  How I changed back to human form, I haven’t a clue. It seems I willed it so. When I emerged, everyone cheered.

  “I guess you’re enough gachen after all.” Declan’s lopsided grin and my euphoria sent my stomach into flips.

  “A falcon.” Cahal’s face distorted into something resembling a smile, and he smacked me smartly on the back. “A good totem.”

  “It would be nice to be able to fly.” Declan grinned.

  A pang of guilt hit me. He longed for this to happen to him, fearing it never would, while I, someone who never expected to transform, surpassed him. How must that make him feel? “We’re the same age. If it happened for me—”

  Declan raised his eyebrows and looked into my eyes. “Fallon, I am happy for you.”

  I beamed, euphoric. “You should see everything from up there. It’s amaz—” Shame settled upon me. I didn’t know their totems. The pech didn’t have a totem, and Declan hadn’t found his yet. But I had no idea about Ryann and Cahal. Had I been so self-centered I never bothered learning about either of them?

  I eyed Cahal and Ryann. “I don’t know what your totems are. Why don’t you ever change into them?”

  “We are nothing as useful as a falcon.” Ryann packed her satchel. “My totem is a puma.”

  “A puma? How’s that not useful? They’re fast…and fierce.” I didn’t give Ryann a chance to respond before turning to Cahal. “What about you?”

  “Polar bear.” He sheathed his weapon.

  “There is no need to transfigure.” Ryann threw her bag over her head so it draped across her body. “We can run faster in our totem form, but what would we do with you, Declan, and Pepin? Wolf or I can carry Pepin, but Cahal cannot carry both you and Declan. Besides, we are better fighters in human form. We don’t spend enough time in our totem forms to become adequate fighters. Animals have instincts, but even they must practice their skills to improve them, as you have learned. But there is another problem you happened into.”

  I didn’t hesitate. “Clothes.”

  “Aye. Our clothes fall off. Or in Cahal’s case, rip.”

  “What if you packed the clothes and wore them on your back? Now that I can change into a falcon, Cahal would only need to carry Declan.” One glance at the tilt of Declan’s head and the position of his eyebrows told me my suggestion didn’t impress him.

  “We could.” Ryann sighed as if tiring of the conversation. “Or we could keep on as we have.”

  Cahal and Declan nodded in agreement.

  Why did they want to keep going as is? In the air, I had the ability to scan the ground, providing more advance warning than Wolf. I could put a dress and Drochaid in a bag and tie it to my foot.

  “Oh…and Fallon,” Declan said. “I would appreciate it if you would not try to land on my shoulder again. Or anyone else.”

  “Why?”

  “You do realize your talons are weapons, right?” He reached up to his shoulder. Dark, red stains spotted his tunic. He pulled his shirt neckline over his shoulder to show me the angry scratches and gaping hole my talons had left.

  My vision grew fuzzy. He rushed toward me as I fell.

  Chapter Thirty

  ◊◊◊

  I TRAVERSED THE ROUGH terrain, dodging rocks and roots, climbing ever upward. At least the trees were larger and more spread apart here. I rubbed the egg on the side of my head. If only there was aspirin.

  “How’s your head,” Declan asked.

  “I’ll be fine.” I dropped my hand
and attempted to ignore the pain.

  “Sorry. I tried to get to you before you passed out.”

  “I know, Dec. You’ve apologized a million times already. It wasn’t even your fault, unlike what I did to you.” I dared look at his stained shirt and winced. “How’s your shoulder.”

  “I’m well, Fal. Not to worry.”

  I caught his glance out of the corner of my eye and smiled. He called me Fal.

  Pepin readjusted himself on Wolf’s back and peered at the distant mountains. “Drochaid seems to be leading us to the City of Nica.”

  Cahal turned to us. “From here on, Wolf should lead. Ryann, Declan, stay on either side of Fallon. Pepin, pick a side, but stay close to her. I will follow. We must take care. Nica is an established fasgadair farm. We need to be cautious of anyone we meet, even gachen. Many are loyal to the fasgadair for their family’s sake. Being under constant threat renders them untrustworthy.”

  “Farm?” I gulped.

  “Remember what I told you?” Declan asked. “The fasgadair farm gachen for slave labor, blood, and more gachen.”

  Shivers coursed over me. “So what do we do?”

  Ryann answered, “We must go where Drochaid leads.”

  “We must pray.” Pepin swayed back and forth with Wolf’s steps, a fistful of fur in each hand.

  Declan glanced sideways at me. “Pepin is right. We must pray for safe passage and trust God. The amulet He provided has served us well. Though it goes against our judgment, we must continue.”

  “So we are walking straight into the lion’s den?” I asked.

  Cahal laughed. “Was that not the plan from the beginning?”

  “What if it’s time to let Drochaid go? Remember what I was told? I’m supposed to trust God, not the amulet.” Even as I spoke the words, uncertainty overwhelmed me. Did I bring it up because I feared walking into a fasgadair’s farm or because God was prompting me to stop following Drochaid? I wanted to trust God. I tried. I prayed for strength and faith. I waited to feel as though I had enough to carry me on. It hadn’t come yet. I kept taking one step after the next, trying not to overthink it. Still, an echo of the warning resonated within the confines of my mind, “Trust in God, not this. It is only a tool to be disposed of when you are ready.”