What Happens When

by Samantha Boyette

“Hey, ready to rock?” Zia looks up from wiping the counter, half-smile firmly in place.

  “Yeah.” I smile back. This was the right decision. When she waves me around the counter, I have to fight the urge to run to her. Being invited behind the counter by her is like being invited into some secret that is hers alone. I thank God it’s her training me.

  “Just you, me, and Annie this afternoon,” Zia says as she leads me into the back. I wave at the other waitress. I’ve seen her before. She’s in her thirties with short, natural hair in a dark halo around her head. “I’ll give you the tour.”

  By eight when my training is done and Zia’s shift is over, I feel like I’ve got a handle on the whole thing. I waited on a few tables during dinner and am leaving with twenty bucks in my pocket. All in all, I feel good about the job. I feel even better about Zia.

  “Want to grab something to eat?” Zia asks as she slips on her light jacket.

  “Sure.” I agree before I even consider Mom or the homework that’s sitting unfinished in my backpack. All that matters is that Zia just asked me to hang out with her. Then I have a moment of fear that she’s just being nice and she didn’t expect me to say yes.

  “Cool, Chinese?” She smiles and I relax.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  There’s only one Chinese restaurant in town, and at this time of night it isn’t busy. We get our table and Zia immediately goes to the bathroom. I pull out my phone and text Luke.

  Me: Having dinner with a girl from work. Tell Mom?

  Luke: Sure. You missed meatloaf. Want me to save you a brick? =)

  Me: No, yuck.

  Luke: Mom says call for a ride.

  Luke: Got a new friend, or a new friend? ;)

  Me: Stop using smiley faces, it makes you look gay.

  Luke: You would know.

  I slip my phone away and pick up the menu, smiling and nervous. I can’t even explain to Luke how much I want Zia to be more than a friend. All evening she’s been attentive, offering help when I needed it and quick to rest a hand on my shoulder or arm. The sane part of me is saying that’s just how she is: helpful and touchy. The hormonally insane part is wondering if she’s flirting.

  “So what are you getting?” Zia asks as she sits.

  “Szechuan beef.” I put the menu down.

  Zia arches an eyebrow at me. “Brave girl. I can’t do spicy.” She picks up the menu. “I usually get the sweet and sour chicken. My boyfriend likes to go out for sushi and slathers the wasabi on it.”

  Just like that, my heart crashes through my body and falls to the floor where Zia’s words stomp all over it. I swear I can feel “my boyfriend” jumping up and down on my heart. I sit up straighter, trying to pull it together. Okay, so the sane part of me was right, she’s just friendly.

  “Are you okay?” Zia puts a hand on mine. “You just got a weird look.”

  “I’m good.” I smile and squeeze her hand before pulling my hand away. My heart hammers. Why did I just squeeze her hand? Is she going to be freaked out?

  “Good, because we’re going to need you tomorrow night. So you can’t get sick on me.” She tucks her hair behind one ear as she studies her menu. A blond strand slips free again almost at once.

  I take a moment to stare at her while she’s distracted by the menu. With her hair down, her face looks softer, with rounded cheeks and full lips. The T-shirt she wore at work is gone, replaced by a low-cut tank top that shows just a hint of the breasts beneath. I find myself wishing I could see more and immediately feel pervy.

  We order and settle into quiet waiting, both of us sipping from our drinks. The lights are dim, and faintly Asian music flitters through the background. Just when I’m beginning to feel like it’s getting awkward, Zia begins to speak.

  “So you’re a senior, huh?”

  “Yep.” I hesitate, then ask the question that’s been on my mind since I met her. “How old are you?”

  “Almost twenty. I graduated last year.”

  “But you’ve only been here a few months?”

  “Yeah.” She gives me a questioning look.

  “Lucy told me,” I say quickly.

  “Oh, yeah. I bummed around at home for the year, worked a couple crap jobs, did a lot of stupid things.” Darkness flickers through her eyes, but she doesn’t elaborate. “When Uncle Tim said he needed help, I jumped at the chance to get away.”

  “Do you live with him?”

  “Sort of. He has a little one-bedroom apartment above the garage that he rents to me.” She leans back in her chair, looking at me under a lock of hair that falls over her eye. “So what about you? What is Molly’s life like? Got a boyfriend?”

  “No.” I mumble the word, hoping I’m not blushing.

  “What about these mean girls who are keeping you off cross-country?” I look up in surprise and she smirks. “The Lucy grapevine works both ways. What’s going on with that?”

  “Not much. They decided they don’t like me, so they’re making school pretty shitty.”

  Our food arrives and I’m happy for the distraction. Zia doesn’t seem to feel the same way.

  “I hate girls like that.” She picks through her food. “It’s like, why do you have to be so mean? High school is a major suck fest all around, and being mean just makes it worse.”

  “It was fine up until this year.” I want to kick myself as soon as the words are out. Zia asks the obvious question.

  “What’s different this year that put you on their bad side?”

  “I’d rather not talk about it.” I shove a huge forkful of food into my mouth, making it impossible to talk. Zia nods, accepting my answer.

  It’s cooled down considerably by the time we leave the restaurant, and I wish I’d brought a hoodie to wear over my T-shirt. I almost jump when Zia slips an arm through mine, pulling me close. I wonder what someone from school would say if they saw us now? Would they think she was my girlfriend? My face warms from the idea and I’m honestly not sure if it’s embarrassment or pride.

  “I’m glad you decided to work with us. It’s nice to have someone else around who is close to my age. There were some girls this summer, but they are all away at college now. I don’t have many friends here.”

  “But you have a boyfriend?” The word tastes bad in my mouth and I hope I haven’t spit it out too obviously. Zia is warm against me, and feeling her so close is making me light-headed, otherwise I never would have brought up the boyfriend.

  “Yeah.” She shrugs. “Tyler. He works over at Walmart.” I snort, I can’t help it. “Shut up.” She bumps her hip against mine, making us both swing sideways on the sidewalk and I laugh.

  “Sorry, it’s just you don’t seem like the kind of girl who dates Tyler who works at Walmart.”

  “What sort of girl do I seem like?” Her voice is a little lower when she asks, a little teasing.

  I swallow hard, not sure how to answer. We walk in silence a moment, alone on the street. Music thrums from a bar we pass, but there are only a dozen or so people inside.

  “So?” she asks.

  “I don’t know. You seem like you would date a rock star, or be a rock star yourself.”

  “Are you serious?” She laughs.

  “Come on,” I say. “With a name like Zia? That screams rock star.”

  “Maybe, but I’m far from a rock star. I’m much more librarian, so I hope you like librarians.”

  I love them, is what I want to scream. “I can handle that,” is what I say instead, my voice falling softly.

  “And you? Are you more crazy rock star or mild-mannered librarian?” Again, that teasing tone fills her voice and I want to scream from the pleasure of being with her.

  “I don’t know anymore.”

  “A little mystery, huh? I like that in a girl.” It’s maybe the most flirtatious thing she’s said all night and it’s followed by her pulling away, unclasping her arm from mine. I miss the contact. Before I can think to say anything else, we’re at the diner and she’s offering me
a ride, and the night is done.

  Chapter Seven

  Life falls into a pattern. Go to school, endure Carmen growing bitchier by the day, watch girls scramble to cover themselves when I enter the changing room before gym. Count the minutes until I will be at work with Zia again. I don’t know if she pulled some strings with her uncle, but we almost always work together.

  A couple weeks pass and work is going great. School even seems a little less awful. I should have known something was bound to go wrong.

  It’s Friday, and if I was still normal, last year’s Molly, I’d be going to the football game like everyone else. Instead, I’m staring at the clock, counting down the minutes until I get to work. Or more honestly, counting down the minutes until I see Zia. She’s what I’m thinking about as I dig in my locker, oblivious to what’s around me until Carmen is there beside me.

  “So your little girlfriend is starting a club, huh?” Carmen asks.

  “She’s not my girlfriend.” I’ve barely thought about Lily with my mind so on Zia. I keep pulling my books from my locker while looking sideways at the flyer Carmen is holding. It says in big block rainbow letters “Queer Alliance.” I want to cringe.

  “You going to join her little gay pride parade?” Carmen raises a perfectly arched eyebrow.

  “No.” So many ways, no. I’ve been keeping my distance. I’m finishing school low-key gay. If everyone could accept that it would be great.

  “It’s sick, you know.” Carmen steps up even closer so she can hiss the words right in my ear. “You and her both. It’s perverted and you’re probably going right to hell.”

  I freeze at that. The words are said with such hate. I close my eyes, fighting back the tears that automatically spring to my eyes.

  “I bet you loved spending the night at my place, didn’t you? I can’t believe I shared a bed with you. Such a creeper move.”

  “Is that what this is about?” I turn to Carmen. It almost makes sense. She’s worried that I had secret lesbian feelings for her all along.

  “What?” She looks taken aback.

  “Do you think I had some secret crush on you when we were friends? Because I didn’t. You were a friend. It was never any more than that.” The hallway is almost empty now, everyone has gone to lunch. I wonder then where Carmen’s backup is. She reaches past me and slams my locker shut, barely missing my fingers.

  “I’d like to believe you, but obviously you lied to me for years, so how can I?” She gives me an unexpected push, hard enough to make me step backward. Again, I realize the hallway is empty aside from two guys way down at the other end of the hall who obviously aren’t going to step in.

  “Fine, whatever.” I turn to go. I expect her to follow, but she doesn’t.

  The door out of the hallway is propped open about six inches, but I don’t think about it as I slam through it. I realize too late that something is wrong. Cold liquid rains over me, soaking my hair and shirt and splashing down onto my jeans. It’s dark purple and the sickly sweet, familiar scent tells me it’s grape juice.

  As I stand, gaping in shock, Ashley and another girl are bent over double, laughing. I turn to see Carmen ten feet behind me. She’s smirking proudly. Looking down at myself again, I see my books and homework are soaked as well. I know it’s a fairly harmless, if mean thing to do, but it seems like too much. I bite my lip, trying to hold back tears.

  “Molly?” Lily’s voice is full of surprise and confusion. Apparently she didn’t expect to find me swimming in grape juice in the middle of the hall. She strides forward, oblivious as the purple juice splashes under her white canvas shoes. She takes my hand just as I begin to cry.

  “Aww, look, her dyke in shining armor is here,” Carmen says from behind me.

  “Fuck off, Carmen,” Lily says.

  I let Lily lead me away from the mess. I’m crying so hard I can barely see, but I keep quiet until we are in the locker room. There the tears become louder as all the little injustices Carmen has forced on me since school started all add up. Lily wraps her arms around me, hugging me as I cry, even though grape juice is soaking into her previously white T-shirt.

  “I’m going to go find some clothes,” she says when my tears slow to sniffles. “Stay here, okay?”

  “Okay.” I nod, wiping at my nose.

  When she leaves, I slip into the bathroom area, squeezing grape juice out of my shirt. What used to be a lightly patterned coral tank top is now dark purple and ruined. I tear up again at that.

  “Jesus!” I turn, surprised to hear Luke’s voice in the girls’ changing room. He’s standing there beside Lily looking completely out of place in his joggers and Deadpool T-shirt, staring at me wide-eyed. Surprise turns quickly to anger. All of a sudden my laid-back brother looks ready to kill someone. “Carmen did this?”

  “Yeah,” I say hoarsely.

  “I’m going to get the principal.” Luke turns to go.

  “Don’t,” I call after him. “That will just make it worse.”

  “Mol, if she’s willing to do this to you, who knows what she’ll do next?” Luke looks pained at the idea, and I want to hug him.

  “No one got hurt.” When I sniff, I realize that isn’t helping my argument but plow forward anyway. “Okay, maybe this shirt is headed for the dead pile, but I wasn’t hurt. If I get hurt, I’ll tell the principal. Otherwise, let’s just let it go, okay?” Luke looks set to argue, but I raise my eyebrows and he sighs.

  “Fine.”

  “Thank you.” I breathe out a sigh of relief. The last thing I want to do is include our sixty-five-year-old principal in this. I can just see the puzzled expression on his face when I explain they don’t like me anymore because I made out with a girl. “Did you find some clothes?” I ask Lily.

  Lily nods. “I only had one extra shirt in my car, but Luke gave me this.” She holds out a tight blue tank top with a beaded top, and a retro-looking Star Wars T-shirt that I know is Luke’s. I reach for the T-shirt.

  “Keep your shirt, I can wear this. Want to give us a little privacy, Luke?”

  “Oh, yeah, sorry.” He turns to Lily. “Thanks for getting me, and thanks for looking out for her.” He squeezes her shoulder and leaves the locker room.

  “You okay?” Lily asks, fiddling with the shirt in her hands.

  “Yeah. Thanks for having my back out there.” This feels unbelievably awkward. I pretty much made out with this girl and then told her to stay the hell away from me, and she still came to my rescue. I’m feeling like a grade-A asshole. “I’m sorry for being a jerk,” I blurt out before I can think it over. “I just—I didn’t know how to deal with you being here.”

  “It’s okay.” She smiles, and I know it really is okay. Miraculously, she isn’t pissed at me. “I mean, I did sort of spring it on you. If you’d transferred to my school I might have been freaked out too.”

  “Did you just come here for me?” It’s been on my mind.

  Lily bites her lip, considering her answer. “No, and a little yes.” She hurries to explain. “Things got bad at my school. This little trick,” she indicates my stained shirt, “this is nothing. Your brother’s right, it can get a lot worse. It started out with names, and then people were tripping me in the halls. After that, one girl would shove me into a locker anytime she saw me and yell at me to stop hitting on her.” Lily worries her lip again. It’s a wonder it isn’t all cut up. “Right at the end of the year a few guys cornered me in a back hallway saying they were going to teach me how to like men. They had me pressed up in a corner with a half dozen other students watching. One grabbed my breast, another put his hand between my legs.”

  “Oh, God.” I put my hand to my mouth imagining it. The locker room is silent as she waits a moment to let the image really sink in.

  “The gym teacher, Mrs. Fitz, showed up at the end, but there were so many kids around us she didn’t see anything. She believed me, though. She knew what those guys were like. The sick thing was the principal didn’t even want to punish the guys.
He said they were just boys being boys and that no teacher had actually seen anything.” Her words come out oozing with bitterness. “A couple girls who had been watching came forward to say what they saw. If they hadn’t, the guys probably wouldn’t have gotten in any trouble. The principal ended up giving them one day of in-school suspension. He said without a teacher witnessing it, he couldn’t do any more than that. It got worse after that. The guys started a rumor that me and Mrs. Fitz were sleeping together. So, yeah, I decided on this school because I met you, but I wasn’t going back there anyway.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I step forward. I want to hug her, but I’m not sure if I should. I open my arms and she stiffens for a moment. Then she steps into me and wraps her arms around my back. She hugs me tightly and I hug her back, taking comfort in the strength of her. She’s the one to pull away first.

  “Anyway. I like it here. I just walked in and let people know straight up that I’m a lesbian. I didn’t want it to come as a surprise to anyone. Now I have friends again and things are good.”

  “Lucky you.”

  “You could have friends too, if you didn’t stay so shut off.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Lily rolls her eyes. “Well, from what I can gather, you never talked to anyone who wasn’t in your little circle.” She leaned down and dug in her bag for one of the flyers Carmen had by my locker. “Come to a Queer Alliance meeting. You’ll figure out there are plenty of people here willing to be your friend if you let them.”

  “I’ll think about it.” I don’t take the flyer.

  “I’m here to be your friend whenever you want me. No pressure for anything more, okay?”

  “Thanks.” I smile, I can handle being her friend. I’m not so sure about the meeting.

  She pulls out her phone and checks the time. “Better get changed, lunch is almost over.”

  We stand there awkwardly a moment. Do I change in front of her? If I don’t want to, is that going to make her feel bad? I kind of want her to change in front of me. Does that make me as pervy as Carmen says I am?