Shelter from the Storm

by Patricia Davids

  He saw the nurse who had been with Gemma motion to him and he hurried to her side. “How is she?”

  “I haven’t heard a report on her X-ray yet. She’s on her way back. You can wait in her room if you’d like.”

  “Danki, thank you,” he said, forgetting for a moment that she wouldn’t understand his Pennsylvania Deitsh language. The room was still empty when he stepped inside. He took a seat in one of the chairs pushed back against the wall.

  The doctor came in and held open the door for the people moving Gemma. The doctor caught sight of him. “Mr. Lapp, you will be happy to know that your wife and baby are both doing fine. Her ankle is sprained but there are no broken bones.”

  “Bobbli?” Stunned, Jesse looked from the doctor to Gemma for an explanation. He spoke to her in Pennsylvania Deitsh, so the man wouldn’t understand what they were saying. “Gemma, what is he talking about?”

  She covered her face with her hands. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t tell you. I am so ashamed,” she replied in the same language.

  “Then this is true. You’re with child? You were baptized. You made a vow before the church and before God.”

  The doctor looked puzzled and concerned. “I don’t understand what you are saying. The baby is fine now. As I told your wife, the condition she has will require a cesarean section, but with good prenatal care, both she and the child should come through with flying colors.” He laid a hand on Gemma’s shoulder. “Don’t cry. You are worrying your husband.”

  Gemma turned her face to the wall.

  Jesse found his voice. “I’m not her husband.” He got up and walked out of the room.

  In the hall, he stopped as a nurse pushed an elderly woman past him in a wheelchair. He raked a hand through his hair.

  Gemma was pregnant. Who was the father?

  Had she gotten married in Florida and left her husband? Or had she broken her vows to the church? Sadly, the latter was the most likely explanation. She wouldn’t have needed to keep it a secret otherwise.

  A cold sensation settled in the pit of his stomach. If that were the case, he knew exactly what lay in store for her and her baby. He was the child of an unwed mother.

  * * *

  Gemma kept her face averted through the first hour of the ride home. Jesse sat silently beside her. Dale had been released too. He sat up front with the driver, a woman the bishop had sent to pick them up. They would be home in another few hours.

  “What are your plans?” Jesse asked quietly in Deitsh in case they should be overheard.

  She glanced at him, but he was still staring out the window at the snow-covered landscape. At least he was speaking to her. Shame almost kept her silent, but she clutched at the olive branch he offered.

  “I don’t know,” she replied quietly in their Amish language.

  He turned to stare at her. “You must have some idea.”

  She kept her voice low, although she didn’t think Dale or the driver understood what was being said. “Before the accident, I thought I could put the baby up for adoption. I have family in Pennsylvania that I could stay with. I’m sure there must be an Amish couple who would love to adopt a child in the area.”

  “And after the accident?”

  She gripped her fingers tightly together. “I was worried that something might happen to him or her. For the first time, I started thinking that my mistake was actually my baby.”

  “The child is not to blame.”

  She cupped her hands over her abdomen. “I know that.”

  “Have you told the father?”

  “I did.”

  “Did he offer to marry you?”

  “Nee. His name was Robert Fisher. He left town the next day without telling me where he was going. I waited months for him to return. He never did. I have no idea how to contact him. I finally decided to come home.”

  “I would judge him to be a coward, but it is wrong to judge any man. Only God can know what is in the heart of the person.”

  There was nothing she could say about Robert that wouldn’t make her sound bitter. Jesse looked out the window again. “Do you love him?”

  She swallowed hard. “I thought so. He said he loved me. I believed him. I was very naive.”

  “Life gives the test first and then the lesson is learned.”

  She had failed the test miserably and couldn’t offer anything in her own defense. She had wanted to be loved, but she had been tricked into believing Robert’s love was real.

  “When this becomes known in the community, you will be shunned unless you make a public confession to the church.”

  “I know.” She dreaded telling her parents more than she dreaded telling everyone else.

  “What did the doctor mean when he said you had a complication that would require a cesarean section?”

  “He called it a placenta previa. It means the blood supply for the baby will tear open when labor starts.” Please, Lord, protect this child. I didn’t want to be pregnant, but I would never wish harm to befall a baby. My baby. Have mercy, I beg You.

  “That is dangerous for the child and for you?”

  She found it hard to speak past the lump in her throat. “He said it was. The nurse gave me a pamphlet to read about it.”

  “May I see it?”

  Gemma frowned. Why would he want to read such a thing? She withdrew it from her pocket and laid it on the seat between them rather than handing it to him. A baptized member of the faith was forbidden to accept anything from the hand of a shunned person, to eat at the same table or to do business with them. Jesse knew that.

  He picked it up. “You aren’t shunned yet, Gemma Lapp. That is for the church to decide.”

  He remained quiet for the next few minutes and then handed it back to her. “Danki. Will you be able to face the entire congregation and admit your mistakes?”

  “I will have to, won’t I? If I wish to remain in New Covenant as a member of the Amish faith.”

  “You could accept the shunning and live apart from the community or become English.”

  Gemma was surprised by his comment. “To face the shame I have brought to my family won’t be easy for me or for them. I won’t give up my faith, but it might be better if I moved away.”

  “You should consider what is best for the child, not only for you and your family.”

  “I don’t know what’s best, but I think I want to keep my baby, even if I have to raise him or her by myself. I hope my parents will understand and allow us to stay with them.”

  He nodded, but his eyes held a faraway look. “A fatherless child faces many hardships, as does a mother without a husband.”

  There was something in his voice that made her look at him closely. It wasn’t a random comment, she was sure of it. “It sounds like you know someone in that position.”

  He fixed his gaze on her. “I do. My mother was never married.”

  Chapter Eight

  Jesse watched Gemma’s eyes widen with disbelief. “Your mother wasn’t married?”

  “I never knew my father. Not even his name. She never spoke of him.”

  “How awful. Why? I mean...if you don’t mind telling me about it.”

  He hadn’t told a single soul his story since coming to New Covenant, but he heard only sympathy in her voice. “I don’t usually talk about it.”

  A wry smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “I used to think you didn’t talk about much of anything. I was happy to discover I was wrong. If you don’t feel like sharing, that is okay with me. I won’t mention what you have told me to anyone. We are friends now and I value your friendship.”

  Gemma and her child were facing the same situation his mother had endured. He plucked at the dressing on his right hand, remembering some of the painful parts of his childhood. “My mother worked as a maid for an Englisch woman who lived near my grandf
ather’s farm. My grandfather died shortly after I was born. We had no other family. My mother made a public confession and was forgiven. She attended church services, but we never stayed to eat or visit with other members. She avoided people and made sure I did too.”

  He fell silent as he recalled the day he had asked her why he didn’t have a father like the other children. Her answer had frightened him.

  She grabbed him by the shoulders, shook him and told him never to ask about his father again. He never had.

  Gemma laid her hand on his arm. “That sounds like a lonely existence.”

  “It was.”

  “How sad for her and for you.”

  “It wasn’t much better when I started school. I was shy. I didn’t know how to act around others. I had trouble learning to read. I was bigger than the other kinder my age but not as smart. I tried to keep to myself, but I was teased a lot. They called me Jesse the Ox. The name stuck with me until I moved here.”

  “Children don’t realize how much words can hurt.” She looked down at her clasped hands. “I am guilty of using hurtful words.”

  “Something tells me you have seen the error of your ways,” he said softly.

  “I hope I have. I’m ashamed of the way I behaved toward you last year.”

  He shrugged. “I wasn’t always kind to you either.”

  “Thank you for confiding in me, Jesse.”

  “Your decision will have a long-lasting impact on your child. Make it carefully.” Because a child growing up without his or her father’s name could feel like an outcast even if he or she wasn’t.

  “How am I to know what’s best for this baby?”

  “I reckon you pray on it.”

  She turned to stare out the window, and they made the rest of the journey in silence.

  It was almost dark by the time they arrived at the bishop’s business. Jesse was surprised to see the large number of horses and buggies filling the parking lot.

  Dale turned around. “It looks like we have a welcoming committee. I guess everyone has heard about our adventure by now.”

  Their driver pulled the vehicle to a stop in the driveway. The bishop opened the front door, letting the cold evening air pour in. “Welcome back, Dale Kaufman. I’m right glad to have my best hauler returned. You’ll have your job waiting for you when you are able to start driving again.”

  While the bishop spoke with Dale, the door beside Jesse opened and his friend Michael Shetler reached in and grabbed Jesse’s uninjured hand. “It’s good to see you in one piece. You were found before we even knew you were lost, my friend. God moves in mysterious ways for sure. He spared us a lot of grief and worry.”

  Michael’s dog, Sadie, pressed in to nuzzle Jesse’s hand. A yellow Lab mix, she was Michael’s constant companion and helped to warn him of the PTSD flashbacks he sometimes had. Jesse patted her head. She was pushed aside by Jesse’s dog, Roscoe, a shaggy black-and-white mutt who had shown up at his door last spring. Jesse smiled as he took the dog’s head between his hands. “Hello, big fella. I missed you too. Who has been feeding you?”

  Michael grinned. “I have. He showed up looking hungry the first night you were gone. I took care of your stock too.”

  Michael leaned lower to look inside the car. “I’m mighty glad to see you too, Gemma. Bethany wanted to come but I told her she should wait in a warm house and hear all about it from you tomorrow.”

  “Danki, Michael. Tell her I will come by first thing tomorrow morning.”

  The door beside her opened. Her father stood waiting for her to get out with a big grin on his face. “Gott is good to me. He has brought my daughter home.”

  Gemma immediately burst into tears. She scrambled out of the car and into her father’s embrace. He patted her back awkwardly. “There, there. You are safe now. It’s all over. Come, I will get you home to your mother and the two of you can have a good cry together. She sent along your winter coat so you wouldn’t catch a chill.” He held it out to her.

  Gemma took it but kept it bundled in front of her rather than putting it on.

  Jesse got out and was soon surrounded by the men of the community, who plied him with questions about the ordeal. He answered them as best he could while he made his way toward the Lapps’ buggy. He wanted to speak to Gemma before she left. She was already seated inside when he reached it. She managed to quell her sniffles long enough to extend her hand to him. “Thank you for everything.”

  He squeezed her hand in reply. “All I did was get us lost. If I can do anything for you, just ask.”

  She pulled her hand free and looked away. “That means a lot to me, Jesse, danki.”

  He shrugged. “You were a goot companion, except when you were scolding me.”

  “I should promise never to scold you again, but I fear I wouldn’t be able to keep it. Stay safe.”

  He gazed into her eyes, wishing they wouldn’t drift apart but he knew they would. She had her friends and her family. They would take care of her. His job was done.

  Gemma’s father wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “You have my gratitude and that of her mother for taking care of our Gemma. She was blessed to have you looking after her.” He shook Jesse’s hand, climbed into the buggy and drove away.

  Jesse watched it disappear down the road. He was going to miss Gemma. That they might never be alone again, might never enjoy the comfort of each other’s company again hit him hard. She had a rough journey ahead of her. He wouldn’t be able to protect her and her baby.

  Michael slapped Jesse on the shoulder. “The bishop has invited us inside for coffee. Come on. We all have questions for you.”

  Jesse followed Michael inside the front office of the business. Both dogs tried to follow them, but Jesse told Roscoe to stay and Michael said the same to Sadie. It was warmer inside the building. Men began removing their coats. A few chairs lined the plain gray walls. One had been saved for him. Samples of shed materials took up shelf space on one wall. The place smelled of sawdust and paint.

  “Why didn’t you stay in the truck? That’s what I would’ve done.” Ivan, Michael’s teenage brother-in-law, offered his opinion.

  “That was supposed to be the plan,” Dale said. “So why didn’t you stay there?”

  “The gas tank had a leak. We couldn’t run the heater for fear of starting a fire.” He explained the rest of their adventure, including his mistake of losing the trail.

  Michael punched Jesse’s shoulder. “It couldn’t have been easy being snowed in with Gemma Lapp.” Everyone but Jesse laughed.

  The bishop handed Jesse a cup of coffee. He wrapped his fingers around the warm thick white mug. “She was no trouble.”

  “You’re just being kind,” Michael said. “I know how much of a pest she was in the past.”

  Jesse stared at the dark coffee in his cup and thought about Gemma’s rose hip tea. He might even miss that. “She has changed.”

  There were more questions and suggestions for surviving a blizzard from some of the older men. Ivan asked Jesse to teach him how to make rabbit snares. Jesse looked around and realized how thankful he was to be surrounded by friends who appreciated him for his skills and didn’t poke fun at him because of his size, except in a friendly way.

  “Who bought that eighty acres at auction?” he asked when he had a chance.

  “Leroy Lapp did,” Michael said. “He got it for a steal.”

  Jesse managed a wry smile. “Because I wasn’t there to bid against him.” Gemma’s father was a good farmer. He would make the most of the property.

  Jesse’s plans to expand his farm would have to wait. It was a bitter disappointment, but he accepted it as God’s will. One by one, the crowd of men headed for home until only Jesse and the bishop were left in the small office. The bishop took Jesse’s empty mug from his hand. “You must be tired. Let me take you home.”


  Jesse shook his head. “It’s not far. I feel the need to walk.”

  The bishop was a keen man, sensitive to the needs of others. “Is there something on your mind? Is something troubling you?”

  Jesse shook his head. He would respect Gemma’s privacy and allow her to decide if and when she should confide in the bishop. “Nee, good night, Bishop Schultz. I will be in to work tomorrow morning.”

  “Goot. We have many orders to fill.”

  Jesse walked out of the building. Roscoe was waiting outside the door. He trotted ahead a short distance but came back and barked once. Jesse paused to pet him. Happy with the attention, Roscoe fell into step beside Jesse as they followed a gravel road leading south.

  The night was clear, and the stars were beginning to come out. New Covenant had received six inches of new snow, but they had been spared the brunt of the blizzard. The snow and gravel crunched beneath his boots as he walked along with his head down and his hands in his coat pockets. The doctor had warned him that his hand would ache as it was healing, and he was right. But it wasn’t his discomfort that occupied his mind.

  Gemma was in trouble. “It has nothing to do with me. I kept her safe when she needed me and now she is with her family.” Roscoe perked up his ears.

  Jesse glanced at his dog. “My responsibility has ended, right?”

  He wanted to believe it was true, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she still needed him. They had become close during their time together. He had seen a side of her he hadn’t known existed. She had endurance, a sense of humor, a level head. She was a quick thinker. If she hadn’t remembered the dead cedar tree, the search plane might’ve been too far away to see the signal fire by the time he thought of it. She had promised that she wouldn’t whine, and she hadn’t. She had endured pain and bone-chilling cold without a whimper.

  He stopped in the middle of the road. “Why am I listing her good qualities to myself?”