by Chrissy J
“Jordan Sean Woods,” I said feeling a lump form in my throat. I named him the name Kevin and I picked out. He had both our middle names; I wished I could give him Kevin’s last name but I wasn’t trying to go that route and have to answer more questions that I wasn’t ready for. My family buried Jordan the day before I woke up. My Granny said she didn’t want him sitting in the funeral home longer then he was supposed to be there, and they didn’t know when I was going to wake up. I understood where she was coming from. I didn’t want my son laying in a funeral in a freezer waiting for me to wake up. My daddy warned me to stop worrying myself but that was a difficult task to do. He told me try to get some rest after my visitors left while walking out of the room. Eddie walked in my room with my favorite peach roses; “Hey goddess, how you feeling Ma?” he asked putting the roses down and hugging me. I held on to him tightly, I needed to be held and he was the one I wanted to hold me.
“I’m doing ok, thanks for coming to see me,” I said smelling his Sean John cologne. “You know I had to come check on my goddess and make sure you were good. Yo, your uncle got all of Harlem on lock down until they find out who was behind the shooting. Oh yeah, your boy outside,” he said sitting on the bed with me. I smiled for the first time since I’d been in the hospital, punching him in the arm. It was no secret that he disliked Kevin and Kevin disliked him. Eddie didn’t know the degree of my relationship with Kevin; he just knew Kevin was my uncle’s right hand man and that he was assigned to drive me around. Kevin knew I spoke to Eddie almost every day and he was my friend that was it. I kept the two men in my life separated. “You know that damn goddess name is so whack right?” I joked. Eddie knew I liked the way he said it and every time he called me it. He said I always turned beet red whenever he said the name. “You got jokes Ma? But on the real, I’m sorry for your loss,” he said, rubbing the side of my face looking into my blue eyes as I looked into his green ones. I always got lost looking into Eddie’s eyes. It seemed like he had some kind of spell over me and his eyes always put me in a trance. Kevin walked in the room just when I was about to say something. Eddie stood up looking Kevin over. I can’t front, both of them were dripping with sexiness. Kevin had on a black Polo wife beater with red, blue, and black plaid shorts and some fresh white uptowns on his feet. Eddie had on a True Religion white T-shirt with blue True Shorts and some blue Chuck Taylor Converse on his feet. Sitting on the bed looking at both of them had my mind going crazy. Kevin was pissed; his vein on the side of his neck was popping out. Eddie told me he was going to go let Asia know I had a visitor. He asked me if I needed anything from outside while he was going out. I just shook my head no still not taking my eyes off of Kevin. Eddie walked out of the room and Kevin just stood there looking at me.
“Come over here babe,” I said patting the bed. Kevin walked over to the bed and sat down. He looked in my eyes and I saw the pain in his eyes. He took my hand and kissed it. I saw his eyes get watery. I knew Kevin wasn’t going to cry; he would hold in the tears and cry when he was alone. He kept apologizing repeatedly. Kevin hugged me and I hugged him for dear life laying my head on his shoulder.
“I should’ve drove to Hershey’s house when you told me you were over there. I should’ve protected you and our son,” Kevin said wiping the tears from my eyes. Hurting was an understatement as to what I was feeling at that moment. My first-born was gone and there was no bringing him back.
Chapter 9
The hospital discharged me after three weeks being in that bitch. I was happy to be going home. I had to deal with the cops questioning me about the shooting. They knew who my father and uncle was, even my Papa, so they were going hard thinking it had something to do with them. My father had gone down to the school, and they had sent a teacher to the hospital every day while I was there so I wouldn’t get behind on the work I was missing in school. Hershey stayed every night with me and would go to school from the hospital. That’s what real friends do. Hershey told me that Kevin had been at the hospital since getting the phone call from her the night I got shot. He also was able to get inside the NICU to see baby Jordan while he was alive and hooked up to the machines.
“You comfortable Princess?” my father asked once I was in the guest room. I couldn’t walk up to my old room so he fixed the guest room up. It was as big as an apartment. He put a king size platform bed in there and a sectional leather blue sofa. I had my own bathroom inside my room and a 62’ inch flat screen TV on the wall; I was cool. “Yes Daddy, I’m good. Look at all these pillows,” I laughed sitting against the pillows on the bed and flicking through the cable channels. Eddie called me to tell me he was stopping by the house to spend some time with me. I looked at the time on the cable box counting the minutes until he came. He had something to handle with his mother before he broke out and came to Harlem. “Daddy do you think I can see the pictures?” I asked. It had been a whole month since everything went down and without me even seeing how my baby looked. Even Kevin was acting funny. He wasn’t answering his phone and if he did, it was like he was rushing me off the phone. I knew he was hustling and was out there on his grind, but I had just gone through something no sixteen year old should go through.
“Yeah Princess, I’ll send them with Eddie. That’s probably him knocking on the door, you think you can handle seeing the pictures?” he asked. I nodded my head yes.
“Daddy can you please open that door before he breaks it down,” I joked. “That nigga would be buying me another door if he breaks my shit,” my father said. We both laughed as he walked out of the room and to the front door. Eddie was crazy but he was there with me helping me cope with the loss of my son. He came to the hospital every day while I was in there. Sometimes he would bring Asia and they would sit in there with Hershey until visiting hours were over. My father opened the door and Eddie and my uncle walked in and sat down in the living room talking. I knew my father had put Eddie on. He had him running the stash spot making sure the drugs and the money were straight so my father didn’t have to worry about it. My father told me Eddie reminded him of himself when he was younger. Kevin didn’t like it; he didn’t like the fact that Eddie and I were cool and close or Eddie working among the crew and him being under my father. Mark tried telling him he needed to calm his anger down; Kevin wasn’t trying to hear it. He didn’t want Eddie nowhere near me. I laid in the bed thinking about my relationship with Kevin and all the shit that we went through in the first year we’d been to together. I questioned myself as to if I wanted to still be with him knowing he was forbidden fruit.
“Look at you, I see they finally got tired of your spoiled behind,” my uncle said walking in my room. Turning my head to look at my uncle I smiled real big. My uncle Mike was my everything; making him the third man, I loved in the world. My first loves being my father, my Grandfather, and then my uncle. I knew those three men would literally die for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s crazy how my father and uncle found out they were brothers. My Papa hid Granny and my father in Harlem away from the other Mob families. As long as the families couldn't see either one of them, they could live. They wouldn’t speak my father or my Granny’s name. Papa was, and still is, married to Uncle Mike’s mother. My father was 14 when he found out he had a little brother from my Papa. Uncle Mike was three months younger than my father was. Daddy and Uncle Mike were in the same high school and they were cool with each other. Mike was the black boy in a white boy’s body. If you didn’t know him, you would’ve thought he was a nigga. My Uncle Mike was a sexy white boy, with his baby face and deep dimples. He looked like the actor Paul Walker from “The Fast and the Furious” but in a thugged out way. Mike brought Daddy to his house and my grandfather almost had a heart attack when he saw him. My grandfather explained everything to my father about the threat on his and Granny’s life, and why Mike and his wife never knew he had an older son. Daddy wasn’t mad or hurt behind it; he knew all about the Mob families wanting Papa t
o make him and Granny disappear. He understood Papa was only protecting them and my daddy had never wanted for anything. My grandfather had made sure of that. Papa’s wife didn’t know he had an older son by a black woman; she thought Uncle Mike was his first and only son. My father was happy that he had a little brother; white boy Mike had the same blood as my father running through his veins. A few months passed and Uncle Mike’s mother took a liking to my father. She called him her black son. However, when Papa told her he was really her stepson she hit the roof. She hated my Papa for having a black child as his first son. A moolie. She wanted to kill Granny but my Papa nipped that in the bud. He told her if she ever thought about getting any of the Mob families to hurt Granny or my father he was going to kill her himself. She wasn’t aware that the other families knew about Daddy. She calmed down after that and didn’t have any choice but to respect my father because he was the oldest.
“Hi Uncle Mike, I see you a comedian now.” I laughed standing up from the bed hugging him, he hugged me, and I sat back on the bed looking up at him. He stood 6’1”.
Looking at him you could see traces of my father and my Papa. “I had to put a smile on my princess’s face. How you feeling?” he asked sitting on the bed next to me. My uncle looked at me smiling. I knew he was happy that I was alive and well and I was happy that he woke up out of his weeklong coma after getting shot the night of the party. I don’t know if my father would’ve been able to make it without his brother; he’d already lost my Uncle Rock and his best friend Miles. I thanked my uncle for paying for the headstone for Jordan. “You’re my niece, I’ll do anything for you, and when I find out who shot you and that faggot ass nigga that raped you; I’m going to bury them,” he said wiping my face.
“I know Uncle Mike. How’s Aunt Tina and lil Mike?” I asked getting off the bed. Christina AKA Tina is my Uncle Mike’s wife. They’ve been married for eight years. Aunt Tina is Black and Chinese. She had long jet-black hair, slanted gray eyes, and a banging black girl body that niggas drooled over. She had just had their first child; he told me they were both doing fine. My aunt wanted to come to the house but she didn’t want to bring lil Mike with her because she didn’t know if I could handle being around a baby so soon. “No it’s fine, Uncle Mike. I have to get past this. It’s a part of life. Tell her to bring him, I can’t wait to see him,” I said walking around the room.
“Ok will do,” he said standing up and walking to the door. I had to ask him about Kevin and if the baby Gina had, was indeed his baby. My uncle confirmed it. He said that Gina’s daughter was Kevin’s baby and Kevin was taking care of home. “Yea she his, she look just like that nigga. Same nose and everything. The DNA test proved it. Anyway get some rest I’ll tell him to come over here and check on you tomorrow,” he said walking out of the room. I walked to the dresser and grabbed my phone. I was ready to call Kevin and confront his grimy ass but was stopped when I heard the voice I’d been waiting all day to hear.
“Are you supposed to be out of the bed?” I turned to Eddie’s voice and a smile came on my face. He had a Burger King bag in his hand. I let him know the doctors said it was okay for me to walk around. I walked to him, threw my arms around his neck, and he picked me up as I wrapped my legs around his waist. “Be careful,” he said turning around to lock the door. “I’m always careful when it comes to you, now give me a kiss,” I said pulling his ear gently with my teeth. He laughed, walked to the bed, put the bag down, and laid me down on the bed. He leaned to me kissing my lips as I gave him some tongue action. I wanted to make love to him but I had a little more healing to do and I had to close one door before I opened another. I needed to see where Kevin’s head was at before I moved on with Eddie.
“You better slow down, you’re not ready for this,” Eddie said teasing me, kissing my nose. “You got it twisted playboy, if you get a taste of this you’ll be hooked. Did my father leave?” I asked sitting up on the bed and grabbing the Burger King bag. Eddie told me my father left to Atlanta and would be back in two days; going into his back pocket, he pulled out five pictures.
I asked him why he didn’t go with them. With him being under my father and learning everything, he could from him it left me wondering why he didn’t go with them. I sat there eating some fries, chuckling light he said somebody needed to stay up top and watch me. Wasn’t my mother supposed to come up to Harlem to change my bandage? “I don’t need her to change it, the nurse showed me how. Take your damn sneakers off, and give me the pictures,” I told him. He took his sneakers off and got on the bed with me wrapping his arms around me. Being with Eddie was different than being with Kevin. When Eddie held me it just felt so right, but with Kevin, I had to worry about getting caught by someone from my father and uncle’s camp. We always had to sneak around in order for us to be with each other. At times, it got tiring but the love I had for Kevin always made me stay and stick it out. “Your father said to make sure you were good before I showed you these pictures, you good?” he asked. I shook my head yes taking the pictures from his hand. I sat there staring at the pictures. Looking at my handsome son brought tears to my eyes, he looked just like me with Kevin mixed in. He had a headful of reddish hair with my complexion. “He would’ve been a heart breaker. Boy, you would’ve had problems with him and the ladies. You alright Ma?” he asked pulling to him. I wiped my eyes that were filled with tears. I told him I wished I could’ve met him, held him, and seen his smile or anything else a mother could do with their child. “You did meet him Ma, you carried him for five months, you felt him kick and move inside you. Give me the pics,” he said taking the pictures out of my hand. My mother had dressed him a baby Gucci outfit with the matching shoes. He was so handsome and my son will always live within me. Eddie and I fell asleep wrapped in each other arms. My mother never made to Harlem.
Chapter 10
Eddie woke me up around eleven, whispering in my ear to get my phone. Turning my head to the clock then reaching over on the nightstand, I grabbed my phone and saw Kevin’s name flashing on the screen. I picked up on the third ring. Eddie got up off the bed, checked his phone, and then walked into the bathroom. Kevin asked how I was feeling. “Now this nigga can call me,” I thought to myself sitting up in the bed. My stomach started hurting. I grabbed my pain meds off the nightstand so I could take them while I listened to Kevin tell me how he bumped into Hershey and she had told him I was discharged from the hospital and how my uncle Mike told him the same thing. The thing that pissed me off with Kevin was the fact that my best friend and uncle had to tell my so-called man that I was discharged. He should’ve been the first person besides my father to know that information. Eddie walked out the bathroom then walked out my room to go into the kitchen. He seen the medicine bottle in my hands and, he knew the times when I had to take my pills. The information that my uncle had given me concerning Kevin and that sick twisted bitch Gina was eating away at my brain and I had to know if anything my uncle told me was the truth. Even though I knew in my heart that my uncle was telling the truth, I still wanted to hear it from the horse’s mouth. I told him, “Uncle Mike told me you were taking care of your family, so I see the DNA test confirmed you and that sick bitch have a baby.” I was getting upset. I loved Kevin with everything in me and it was breaking my heart to know I had just lost our son and he had a daughter. There was silence on the phone; the only thing that could be heard was both of us breathing. Kevin didn’t deny the truth. He basically told me the DNA test came back positive, she was his daughter; that Gina knew he was not leaving me, that I was wifey, and she’d have to deal with that. “Are y’all together?” I asked trying to read through his bullshit. I knew Kevin better then he knew himself and I could always tell when he was lying and trying to run game on a bitch. “Why you asked me that? I just told you I’m not with her. You’re asking me questions to see if I stepped out on you cause you “buddy buddy” with that nigga Eddie,” he yelled in the phone. I could tell he was getting pissed off. I looked at the phone in disgust all the w
hile shaking my head. I raised my voice when I responded. “Nigga I asked you because ever since our son died you’ve been throwing me shade like you don’t want to be with me. Eddie don’t have shit to do with this, shit he’s been there for me more then you have,” I yelled back into the phone. Eddie walked back in the room with a bottle of water shaking his head. He sat down next to me handing me the water and pulling out a back wood to roll up a blunt. I was beyond pissed off with Kevin, I knew he wasn’t feeling the fact that Eddie and me were getting close. Too close for his comfort, if you asked me, but that wasn’t something I was worried about. “Diva that’s how you feel? I’m taking care of my business. I’m looking for those niggas that shot you. Don’t you think I got a lot of shit on my mind? I lost my son to,” he said. I heard the pain in his voice. Wiping the tear that was about to roll down my cheek I shook my head and closed my eyes. I was torn between the two guys. On one hand, I was feeling Eddie and everything he did to nurse me back to health, and on the other hand, I was head over heels in love with Kevin. “I love you baby and don’t you ever forget that,” he said, pleading with me to understand the pain he was going through. “Mm…hmm. I’ll see you later,” I said being smart and trying to hang up the phone. Kevin yelled my name so loudly I thought that nigga busted my damn eardrum. I pulled the phone from my ear and looked at it. Kevin never even as much as raised his voice at me so I was kind of shocked. I was seeing a side of Kevin that I didn’t like. I knew Kevin loved me and he tried very hard to show me, but both Kevin and I knew what we had wouldn’t last long. He kept saying I was number one in his life but I knew that was a lie. Every father puts his child first, no matter how much he loves his chick. His baby girl would always be his number one. I asked Kevin what was wrong with him trying to hold my laugh in. I knew he was pissed off because I was blowing him off and he couldn’t really do anything about it. “You don’t love me?” he asked. “Why you say that?” I asked trying to hang up. Eddie was getting pissed, I saw his jaw flex and the vein on his forehead was popping out. “So say you love me.”