Any World That I'm Welcome To

by Tymber Dalton

Once Dex was safely back in bed, Neil opened the door and summoned the nurse. She put a new set of monitor leads on him, flushed and reconnected his IV, and brought him his scheduled dose of pain meds.

  June returned just after Dex had fallen asleep, and Neil suspected he’d be out for most of the night, between his exhaustion and the meds.

  “Hey, you got him shaved,” she whispered.

  “Bathed.” Neil didn’t bother rolling his sleeves back down. “How’s Tam?”

  She smiled, but it looked sad. “No change. But no bad change, either, so…”

  He finally nodded. “Yeah.” The yawn escaped him before he could stop it.

  “You go home,” she said. “Doyle and Mevi will be here soon for the early night shift.”

  “Mevi’s coming?”

  “Yeah. And a special guest, for a little bit.”

  “Who?”

  “Laurel. They got her into Sorrellson last year. Tamsin is one of her teachers.”

  Neil credited exhaustion for forgetting that. “Oh, yeah.”

  “She asked me if she could play a couple of songs for Tam and I said yeah. Leo will bring her by. I hope that was okay. I guess the kids and parents are devastated. Everyone loves her there. Some of them have come by to see her this week already, after school.”

  Neil had known that, had been told that, but hadn’t really processed it through the avalanche of information he’d been trying to deal with. Tamsin’s ICU cubicle had overflowed with cards and get well gifts from her students, so much so that they’d been moving the overflow up to Dex’s room.

  “That’s fine. Maybe it’ll help.”

  She hugged him. “You going to go home?”

  He nodded, reaching for his blazer, which he draped over his arm. “After I go see her.”

  Actually, Mevi and Doyle were already there. He found Doyle and a couple of nurses standing outside Tam’s cubicle, staring through the door. The blinds had been opened, but the door only stood open a few inches so as not to disturb the other patients.

  Inside, Mevi sat on the stool next to her bed, his eyes closed as he softly strummed a three-quarter acoustic guitar, instead of the full-sized one Neil was used to seeing him play. He sang a slow ballad Neil knew was one of Tam’s favorite songs.

  Neil leaned against Doyle, comforted by the feel of him draping an arm around him.

  “Thanks for letting him do this. This really hit him hard. He was out of town last weekend with concerts and couldn’t fly back to be here for you guys.”

  “June said Laurel’s coming?”

  “Yeah. Leo said Laurel’s been practicing all week for this.”

  One of the nurses turned to Neil. “You know Mevi Maynard?”

  At least one small spot of humor in all this. “Yeah. He’s part of our extended family of friends.”

  The other nurse standing there, an older woman, slowly shook her head. “I don’t know who you people are, but I recognize some of you. Every time something happens, y’all are like an army of love. How does one go getting adopted into your group, anyway?”

  He could see Doyle was trying really hard not to laugh as he met Neil’s gaze. Fortunately for Neil, Doyle answered her. “We’re just really good friends.”

  That’s when Leo and Laurel showed up, which both spared them any more questions, as well as explained why Mevi had brought the smaller guitar.

  “Thank you for letting me play for her,” Laurel whispered to Neil after hugging him. “We all miss Miss Tam.”

  “Thanks for coming, sweetheart.”

  Once Mevi finished the song, Laurel walked in and he switched places with her, handing her the guitar and adjusting the shoulder strap for her.

  Leo stepped in and flanked Neil. “How you holding up?”

  “I’m…numb.”

  Laurel put a capo on the neck and started expertly strumming. While it was in a different key than he was used to hearing, Neil recognized a favorite of Tam’s, one of Mevi’s songs. Having a rock star for a friend came in handy when Tamsin would occasionally bring him in unannounced as a special guest to class, so her students could hear first-hand from a professional why music theory was important.

  Laurel’s voice sounded clear and sweet, bringing a totally different, more melancholy component to the ballad than Neil had ever thought about before. He didn’t even realize he was crying until one of the nurses reached over with a handful of tissues for him.

  Mevi stood there with her, singing soft harmony to Laurel’s lead, not overshadowing her.

  It broke Neil’s heart. This was exactly the kind of thing that would have had Tam crying the good kind of tears, watching a student excel, loving music, putting her heart and soul into her song, especially a student so young.

  It was one of the things Neil desperately loved about Tam, even though when she’d first moved in, he hadn’t known anything about music other than singing along with his favorite songs.

  Music was her passion, next to her relationships with Dex and him.

  When they finished that song, Laurel said something to Mevi, but her voice was so low they couldn’t hear her. By now, there were several more nurses, CNAs, a couple of residents, and even some patients’ family members gathered in the hallway around the door and watching. One of the nurses nudged the door open a little wider so people could hear better.

  If Neil hadn’t felt so emotionally raw, he knew he would have been wearing a similarly gobsmacked expression as the rest of the spectators when Laurel started fingerpicking Blackbird, singing while Mevi once again picked up the harmony.

  And it spoke volumes to Mevi’s character that he was happy to back-up a little girl and let her have the spotlight, such as it was.

  When they finished that one, she looked to Leo. “Can I sing one more, Daddy?”

  He first glanced to Neil, who nodded. “Sure, sweetheart.”

  She adjusted the capo and took a test strum before she started playing Jimmy Buffett’s “Changes in Latitude, Changes in Attitude”, making everyone smile as they recognized the song.

  Another of Tam’s favorites, one she’d played plenty of times at the family-friendly Suncoast Society backyard cookouts. Laurel would always sing along with her, too.

  Leo leaned in. “I gave her permission to swear for this. Saying ‘son of a witches’ just sounds weird.”

  Neil managed an amused, albeit tearful snort.

  He also had the feeling that, when Laurel finished, everyone watching wouldn’t mind her playing a few more songs, but Leo motioned her out with a crooked finger. Mevi took the guitar from her, and then Laurel rose up on her toes to kiss her hand and touch it to Tam’s cheek.

  She emerged from the cubicle and threw her arms around Neil in a hug. “Thank you.” She sniffled, and as Leo scooped her into his arms, Neil realized she was now crying.

  More tissues were handed out, and Leo touched her nose. “The bag.”

  “Oh. Thank you, Daddy.” She slipped it off Leo’s arm and handed it to Neil. “These are from us at school.”

  The cloth grocery bag was filled with dozens of handmade cards.

  “Thank you, sweetheart. We might have to take it to Dex’s room for safekeeping though.”

  She nodded. “It’s small in there. I remember Daddy’s accident. He had to be here, too. Not here-here, here like here. An ICU.”

  Once they’d left, Neil walked in to kiss Tamsin’s forehead, but he knew he needed to go home. He felt close to physical, as well as mental and emotional collapse.

  He turned to where Mevi still held his guitar. “Thank you both for this. It means a lot to me.”

  “Is it okay if we hang out for a while?” Mevi asked.

  “Absolutely. I…I need to go home and collapse.”

  “I’ll walk you out,” Doyle said.

  Neil nodded and they headed out of the unit. Behind them, he heard Mevi strum the guitar.

  Doyle waited until they were at Neil’s car to say it. “It’s okay to break down. No one expects
you to be a rock. That’s why we’re here.”

  “I need to be strong for Dex right now.”

  “You need to be you.” Doyle sighed. “I think Tilly’s about ready to divorce Landry for not giving her hourly updates. She’s stuck overseas for a couple of months yet. She said to give you her love and hugs, though.” He opened his arms to Neil.

  He gladly went to him, finally breaking down. “I don’t know what I’m going to do if she doesn’t wake up. She’s my baby brat, my best friend.”

  “Don’t lose hope yet. It’s still early. She’s strong, and she’s stubborn. Look how hard her body’s been fighting so far. Let’s take it one day at a time, but you have to lean on us. You don’t have to pretend to be strong for any of us, not even for Dex.”

  It took Neil a few minutes to pull himself together. Once he did, he finally got in the car to head home. That was a special kind of torture, though, because…

  Everywhere. Tam—and even Dex—were everywhere he looked in the house. Dex’s dirty laundry in her bathroom hamper. His sneakers mixed into the pile of Neil’s shoes, and Tamsin’s, by the front door.

  His favorite beer in the fridge.

  That was beyond the growing pile of items in the spare bedroom. In light of the current circumstances, the management company had decided to let Dex out of his lease and return his deposit. They had two weeks to finish clearing out the apartment. Neil had left a large stack of moving boxes there.

  His plan was to go over early in the morning, pack until he ran out of boxes, and then go buy more boxes before heading to the hospital. He figured he should be able to finish packing by Sunday, then that would give him a week to line up a moving party.

  For tonight…he stood in front of the open fridge, staring, trying to figure out what he wanted to eat. He knew he needed to eat, but he wasn’t hungry.

  Normally, Tam or Dex cooked. They always had leftovers.

  Not now.

  He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d gone grocery shopping.

  Closing the fridge, he stood there with his head resting against the door, his hand on Tam’s day collar around his neck, and cried.

  Chapter Ten

  Fourteen days after he’d been wheeled into the ER, Dex was discharged from the hospital. Dex had called Neil at work late Friday afternoon to let him know, so Neil had gone straight there instead of stopping by home first.

  Dex had a wheelchair, a walker, and in a few weeks could start using crutches. For now, because of his healing internal injuries, they wanted him to take it easy and not risk hurting himself.

  First, Neil wheeled Dex downstairs to Tam’s bed in the ICU, where Leah was sitting with her. Dex had been able to visit Tam nearly every day this past week, as long as someone went with him and pushed his wheelchair.

  Now the schedule of friends coming to the hospital could be pared down, since only Tamsin was there.

  Several friends had offered to help Neil get Dex home, but both men had gently refused, preferring if someone had the free time that they take a turn sitting with Tamsin.

  Plus the two of them agreed they needed decompression time.

  Alone time.

  Neil had talked to Tilly several times, as her schedule allowed, crying on her virtual shoulder and seeking her advice.

  When he’d started ranting one time, while alone at home and on the phone with her, she’d let him scream and cry and sob until he’d eventually gotten it out of his system for a few minutes. When he’d finally calmed down, her gentle voice pierced through his brain.

  “Sweetie, sometimes really bad things happen to really good people. It sucks, and it’s horrible, and it’s not fair. But it happens, and the world turns, and we can only deal with what is, not what we wish was. I wish I could be there for you in person. But if you waste energy and time on the bargaining and anger stages of your grief over her, it takes away from energy you need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Be angry, but stay focused. They need you now. You can do this.”

  He didn’t feel like he could do it. “I want to turn in my adult card now, please.”

  She’d chuckled. “There have been plenty of times I’ve wanted to do that. Just keep leaning on everyone there. Don’t try to do this alone.”

  That past Wednesday afternoon, an army of friends had descended on Dex’s apartment with June and Loren leading the charge. Three hours later, the apartment was empty, clean, and the keys had been turned in to the office. The women had also helped get Dex’s room put together, the moving crew swapping his bedroom furniture out for the guest room furniture and arranging the rest in the garage so Neil could find anything Dex might need.

  One less worry off the two men’s plates.

  Tamsin’s condition was still listed as critical, but she was stable. The swelling in her brain had decreased and doctors were talking about doing the operation to replace the section of her skull next week.

  She was still in a medically induced coma, and would be for a while. They’d surgically installed a feeding tube in her abdomen, and she was being seen by physical therapists every day. Neil made sure anyone sitting with her knew how to do the exercises on her feet and hands, hoping they might be able to stave off any problems.

  Not willing to think about long-term, about months ahead, if her condition didn’t…change.

  Improve.

  At the house, Neil got Dex’s wheelchair out of the trunk and held it secure for him to make the transfer. Then he gently bumped him up onto the porch and over the front door sill.

  As he closed the door behind them, he heard a choked sob from Dex.

  When he turned, he saw Dex staring into the living room.

  At Tamsin’s corner. Guitars, mandolin, banjo, violin, keyboard, ukulele—and more. That was where she sat and played when home.

  “I know,” Neil softly said, resting his hands on Dex’s shoulders.

  “It’s so much worse here.” His voice sounded thick, hoarse. “I can’t…pretend. I can’t think she’s okay, that she’ll be okay, when she’s not here.”

  “I know.”

  Dex reached up with his right hand and squeezed Neil’s. “Thank you.”

  “You’re family. Period. Part one is handled—getting you home. Part two is getting her home.”

  “Are we really going to be able to bring her home?”

  Neil struggled not to cry. “They said she’ll go to a rehab center once they do the next operation, she’s healed from that, and she’s stable. Once she can be weaned off the vent after her next surgery, then yes. You heard them, they can do home care. We’ll have nurses come take care of her, and we’ll know she’s getting the best care.”

  Between Tamsin’s insurance, the long-term disability insurance she’d carried thanks to Neil begging her to think about her future, and the other driver’s employer’s insurance—since he’d been on the clock when he’d hit them—there was money for it. Plus Neil, with Ed’s help, was going to file for Medicaid for her. Right now, she was completely disabled. That would hopefully fill in any gaps in coverage.

  And the lawsuit would help.

  “Home care will be cheaper for them, anyway,” Neil said. “They’ll want to pay for that versus a bed in an institution. Beancounters can track the money easier, too.”

  He’d already started pricing out lift vans, hospital beds.

  The bathroom renovation.

  He refused to think in terms of anything other than she would come home. Might be several months, but they’d make it happen.

  Somehow.

  Neil personally couldn’t stand the thought of Tamsin being warehoused in some nursing home, no matter how nice a facility it might be. He wanted people who cared about her to care for her.

  Ed had filed an emergency motion to give Neil full custody of Tamsin so Neil could access her bank accounts and handle other things beyond her health care issues. Since it was going before Judge Pat Donnelly, a deeply closeted member of the Suncoast Society, Ed had all but
guaranteed Neil it would happen.

  “Do you want to see your room?” Neil asked Dex.

  He nodded.

  Neil pushed him, relieved that while there was less than an inch to spare, the wheelchair did fit through the door.

  Dex looked around. “This is great, thank you. Where’s your furniture?”

  “Garage. If you want to redo your clothes in the drawers or closet, do not do it yourself. Get me, okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You can either use the pool bath for the toilet, or we can put your walker in the hall bath, but your wheelchair won’t fit through the door. I’m afraid of you hurting yourself. Or you can use my bathroom. We’ll have to bathe you there anyway. I already put the shower chair in there.”

  “Shower chair?”

  “I’ve been shopping.” He walked around Dex and sat on the end of his bed. “I know you’re an independent kind of guy. I get it. So am I. But let me help you. Don’t be a hero. Please frame everything in terms of we have to get you back to one hundred percent as soon as possible, which means taking it easy right now. June said starting tomorrow, she’ll have people able to come here during the day, if you want them to. Who can take you back and forth to the hospital during the week to visit Tam.”

  Dex looked down at his lap, where his hands lay. Neil spotted his tears as he silently nodded.

  “Can I get you anything?” Neil quietly asked.

  Dex shook his head.

  “Did you want to be alone for a little while?”

  Dex nodded.

  Neil pulled the door mostly closed behind him and headed to his own bedroom to change. For tonight, they wouldn’t go back to the hospital. Dex needed to settle in, absorb.

  Release the pent-up emotions he’d so tightly held on to the past couple of weeks.

  As Neil passed his bedroom door on his way to the kitchen, he heard Dex softly crying inside and hesitated, wondering if he should intrude.

  Finally, he kept walking. He’d get dinner started and check on him then.

  Except a few minutes later, Dex joined him in the kitchen, eyes red and puffy, but Neil didn’t mention that.

  Somehow, they’d make it through this. Together.