The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations

by Mary Schaller

  All our prayers reach God; each one is treasured by him. Each one of my prayers and yours is held before God’s throne in a gold bowl. He does not ignore them, forget them, or misplace them. They are precious and constantly before him. He hears you intercede for your friend, brother, coworker, and roommate.

  Focusing on the four spheres of influence and interceding for the people in my life has helped me pray regularly for God’s power of transformation and blessing on the lives of friends, colleagues, relatives, and neighbors. It is empowering to know that prayer has gone before any encounter I have with a friend or any conversation I have with a neighbor. Wheaton College professor Rick Richardson, author of Evangelism Outside the Box, states the principle quite simply: “Before we can talk to people about God, we need to talk to God about people.”[22]

  Most of us think introducing people to Jesus is primarily about our talking—verbally sharing our story or God’s story. We have friends or neighbors who are disinterested in God, skeptical of Christianity, or apathetic toward spiritual things, and we want to tell them about God and his impact in our lives. But what if that is not where it starts? What if God has already initiated pursuit of your friends and simply invites you to join him? Richardson notes,

  Collaborating with God and what He is doing in another life is the evangelism strategy. Because He is the witness. He is the one bringing people forward. He is the one interacting with people’s pain. So asking God good questions about people is, I think, the first task in evangelism.[23]

  To understand what God is doing in others’ lives and what our role might be, we can ask him. Here are three key questions we can start with:

  God, where are you already at work?

  God, what does this person need right now?

  God, how can I invite this person to experience Jesus in a fresh way?

  Ask God, “Where?”

  The adventure of God’s Kingdom is discovering where God is at work and joining him on his mission to reconcile people to himself. Since he is already at work all around us, we can ask him to show us where he wants us to participate in his activity of love and grace. Praying behind people’s backs (i.e., secret prayer, mentioned in chapter 3) can be the first step of engagement in what God is up to so that you can recognize where God is at work and join him. In his book Experiencing God, Henry Blackaby explains,

  When Jesus passed through a crowd, he always looked for where the Father was at work. . . . [God’s] desire is to get us from where we are to where he is working. When God reveals to you where he is working, that becomes his invitation to join him in his activity. When God reveals his work to you, that is the time to respond to him.[24]

  The secret-prayer approach provides an opportunity for all Christians—whether talkative or quiet, outgoing or shy, silly or serious—to experience God more and to participate in his work.

  God may already be moving in the people around you, even if they don’t realize it. And even if you don’t see the evidence of his activity, he may already be using their pain, joy, fear, or confusion to woo them to himself. When you’re praying and watching for where God is working, you will be more ready to recognize it and join in.

  Picture the early church, constantly in prayer for people to know Jesus—their friends, neighbors, coworkers, and even their persecutors. The book of Acts says, “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. . . . And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:42, 47; emphasis added). God heard their prayers and moved, transforming lives every day! In Acts 4:31, we see that after the believers prayed, the Holy Spirit demonstrated his saving power and galvanized this new community to share the Good News: “After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly.”

  I can imagine the early church praying for Saul, their most zealous persecutor, to find Jesus. Think how crazy this is! It’s the equivalent of today’s persecuted Christians in the Middle East praying for the leaders of ISIS to come to know Jesus or of believers in Nigeria praying for the leaders of Boko Haram. From a human perspective, it is ludicrous. But then in Acts 9, we witness God taking action in Saul’s life. Around that time, I imagine Ananias praying that God would show him where God was at work and where Ananias could join him. Next thing you know, God tapped Ananias on the shoulder and gave him the startling instruction to go and meet Saul! Ananias did not know how God had been at work in Saul’s life, but he trusted God’s prompting. As a result, Ananias had the opportunity to participate in the healing and transformation of the one whom God would use to offer salvation to the Gentiles, and to welcome him into the new community! What could we miss if we don’t ask God, “Where?” What could we miss if we don’t obey when he prompts us?

  Throughout Scripture, God involves people in his activity. Blackaby reminds us that Jesus always looked to God to see what he was up to.

  The first thing Jesus recognized is that his Father was always at his work. God did not create the world and then just leave it to run all by itself. He is not just sitting in some heavenly place passively observing all the activity on earth. God is orchestrating history. He is present in the middle of all history. God is the One who is at work redeeming a lost world. His desire is to involve his people and his servants. . . . Because of his love he wants us to have the privilege of working with him as his ambassadors.[25]

  As we follow Jesus’ example and the example of the early church, we can watch for God’s invitation to join him in the spiritual drama unfolding in the lives of others, to collaborate with him in bringing people to himself. When we ask him where he is already working, we get to reach out to others with God, not just for God.

  Ask God, “What?”

  A second question you can ask God as you seek to pray for others is, What does this person need right now? Not only does God know exactly what he’s up to in each person, he knows each person’s heart and exactly what he or she needs at this very moment. Psalm 139 communicates this truth:

  You have searched me, LORD,

  and you know me.

  You know when I sit and when I rise;

  you perceive my thoughts from afar.

  You discern my going out and my lying down;

  you are familiar with all my ways.

  Before a word is on my tongue

  you, LORD, know it completely.

  You hem me in behind and before,

  and you lay your hand upon me.

  PSALM 139:1-5

  Sometimes we think that having a significant spiritual discussion with someone who doesn’t know God requires a well-rehearsed script or canned delivery. However, chances are that our practiced reasoning or argument is more likely to stunt a conversation rather than lead to a compelling discussion. In particular, a person who is grieving the recent loss of a relationship, loved one, or job isn’t going to respond well to a script or any approach that doesn’t meet them where they are. The right words at the wrong time are still the wrong words.

  Many years ago I (Mary) knew a wonderful Christian couple with three daughters. After years of waiting, they finally got the son that they had so wanted to complete their family. Caleb was an adorable baby boy who was loved by his mom, dad, and big sisters, all of whom doted on him constantly. But when Caleb was about nine months old, he suddenly died in his crib during a routine nap. It was later determined that an unusual virus had caused his heart to stop beating suddenly. As you can imagine, his family and the entire community were devastated by this horrible news.

  At the memorial-service reception, which was held in this family’s backyard, I ran into a mutual friend, Diane, who had been a teacher of one of the daughters. I knew she had different beliefs about God than I did because we had discussed faith matters periodically in the past, but we had not kept up our relationship in recent years. I could tell that Diane was struggling to understand how God would allow s
uch a terrible thing to happen to this couple who had regularly professed faith in Jesus and were active in caring for their community.

  In retrospect, I might have had an opportunity to set up a time to meet and discuss some of her thoughts about God in the upcoming weeks when our emotions were not so raw. But instead, galloping straight ahead like a racehorse out of the starting gate, and without inviting God to guide the process, I asked an inappropriate question right there at the reception: Where did she stand with God at the moment? It was totally insensitive! Her response was essentially, “None of your business!” which I wholeheartedly deserved. I had failed miserably to ask God where he was working and what Diane needed before opening my mouth to have a spiritual conversation.

  The good news is that while God certainly uses our words, he is not limited to them. He knows exactly what each person needs and also uses our service, prayers, kindness, generosity, and blessings to meet those needs in a way that will open the pathway to that person’s heart. Rick Richardson experienced this change in perspective at a secular arts festival some years ago. He explains:

  I’ve long said that Christians are a very rationally dependent culture, and we think that our words are what gets the thing done. I did the same thing at that festival, praying, “God, give me the killer argument to get through to these experientially oriented, self-at-the-center people.” And I felt like God said to me, “Why don’t you just let me show up? It is not words, it is my power that moves people.”[26]

  When Rick began praying for the people in attendance, he saw a fresh openness toward God that his preplanned words never would have accomplished. We have experienced this same response. With loving engagement preceded by prayer, we have witnessed hard hearts softened and opportunities opened.

  Ask God, “How?”

  We tend to invite people to experience God in ways that can feel clichéd. We invite them to a church service. We tell them he can meet all their needs. We say God is always with us and gives us joy, and ask whether they want that too. But it’s too easy for people to dismiss our attempts as uninspired and not universal: “That’s nice for you,” they might say. For people who haven’t grown up in the church and haven’t experienced the truth—and even for those who have—it can all sound kind of phony or trite.

  Let’s be honest: Many people’s stereotypes about Christians, church, and God aren’t very positive. Many have been burned by the church. Many have been hurt by Christians. Many have based their understanding of God on his most extreme bullhorns: people who yell about his judgment on the evening news, street corner, or college campus.

  So when we use stale approaches, terms, and concepts to introduce a person to Christ, they bring to mind these unfortunate examples. For people with a negative religious background or none at all, we need to get creative to communicate the real, wondrously life-changing truths about Jesus. Many of these people are skeptical about our words and need to experience God’s love and grace in action.

  In addition, we’re all wired by God differently, and therefore we will experience and respond to him in a variety of ways. Our Creator, who knows each person’s baggage and wiring, can show us how to introduce his Son to those who need to meet him. This is the God who used a burning bush and a talking donkey to get people’s attention. He knows how to win people’s hearts. Doesn’t it make sense to ask God, How can I invite this person to experience Jesus in a fresh way? For example, what are their hobbies and interests? How can you connect with them around their areas of passion? Will art, music, or poetry open them to God’s creativity and beauty? Can a service project reveal God’s love in action? If you open up about your struggles and talk honestly about God’s help in your life, will they get a glimpse of God in a new way? If you serve them, will they experience Christ’s self-sacrificial love personally and uniquely? How can you help them discover God’s activity and Jesus’ presence in their lives today?

  When you ask God these few simple questions about people—“Where?” “What?” and “How?”—you get to participate in his work as he draws them to himself. This type of intentional prayer for people who are exploring faith opens up the door for natural interactions that point to God.

  As you pray for people in the various spheres of your life, it may also help to keep three goals in view—to make your prayers (1) personal, (2) purposeful, and (3) a priority, inviting God to minister directly to others in a profound way.

  Making Prayer Personal

  Nineteenth-century evangelist George Müller was a godly man known for his tenacious practice of personal prayer. It was his belief that prayer could influence people toward true faith in Christ, and his life evidenced this conviction. He prayed faithfully, he prayed daily, and he prayed by name for people without Jesus.

  In the book George Müller: Man of Faith and Miracles, Basil Miller recounts George Müller’s experience of praying for five not-yet-Christians in his life:

  In November 1844, I began to pray for the conversion of five individuals. I prayed every day without a single intermission, whether sick or in health, on the land or on the sea, and whatever the pressure of my engagements might be. Eighteen months elapsed before the first of the five was converted. I thanked God and prayed on for the others. Five years elapsed, and then the second was converted. I thanked God for the second, and prayed on for the other three. Day by day I continued to pray for them, and six years passed before the third was converted. I thanked God for the three and went on praying for the other two.[27]

  In an interview near the end of his life, Müller was asked how much time he had spent in prayer for the last two unsaved people on his five-person list. He earnestly responded, “I have been praying every day for fifty-two years for two men, sons of a friend of my youth. They are not converted yet, but they will be! How can it be otherwise?” Shortly after Müller’s death in 1898, the two young men for whom he had prayed over half a century turned to God. It is hard to overemphasize the power of praying intentionally for specific individuals.

  In Luke 22:31-32, Jesus tells Simon Peter that he has prayed personally for him: “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” Think of how the words of this prayer must have brought comfort to Peter later on, pulling him up from his guilt in the aftermath of his betrayal of Christ: Jesus prayed that my faith would not fail. Imagine Peter, trusting in those words, choosing not to wallow in regret but to turn back to God. How meaningful, purposeful, and powerful that specific prayer must have been in Peter’s life!

  When we pray specifically and personally, our hearts are engaged in a way that doesn’t happen when we only pray generally for people separated from God. When we pray about the specific circumstances pertinent to the person we care about, we can see God’s work step by step. Individuals also begin to matter to us in a deeper way, and the details of their lives become more important. In praying for them by name, with concern for their unique circumstances, we go beyond generic prayers to genuine, compassionate, heartfelt intercession.

  Making Prayer Purposeful

  A Jewish legend tells about an eccentric prophet named Honi from the first century BC, at a time when Israel was experiencing a severe drought. Even though God had been silent for hundreds of years, Honi believed that God was still listening to the prayers of his people. So to demonstrate how serious he was about prayer, Honi stood outside of Jerusalem, took his staff, and drew a circle around himself in the dry ground. Then he dropped to his knees, praised God, and prayed from the deepest part of his soul, committing to remain in that circle until God showed Israel mercy and provided rain.

  Rain began to sprinkle, amazing the crowd of onlookers. But Honi was not satisfied with a drizzle. From inside the circle, Honi prayed again for rain to fill cisterns, pits, and caverns. Miraculously, the gentle drops turned into a torrential downpour, triggering flash flooding. Again, Honi interceded from his circle
with more specificity: “Not for such rain have I prayed, but for rain of your favor, blessing, and graciousness.” At once, a constant, peaceful rain began to fall, quenching the parched land and bringing joy to the people. The circle became a sacred symbol to the Jewish people, and the legend of Honi the circle maker testifies to the power of prayer.[28]

  Honi was clear about the purpose of his prayer. As an exercise in purposeful, personal prayer, take a few minutes to think about your relational spheres. Draw four circles, labeled with the four categories I mentioned at the beginning of this chapter: friends, family, work, and neighbors. In each circle, write down the names of specific people whom you know and love and who are likely not to have a relationship with Jesus. Can you pause right now to intercede for the people in your circles, asking God to draw them to himself?

  When we pray by name and with purpose for spiritually astray family members, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and classmates, our interactions with them become more deliberate and meaningful. We are more invested in their lives. We begin to wonder about their family and friends, their dreams and desires, and their movement toward or away from spiritual matters. Our specific focus before God opens us up to being more compassionate for the sake of Christ and these people. Our love for them grows.

  Praying is a secret act of love to others, as we intercede on their behalf and partner with God for their good. Evangelistic prayer warms our hearts to the subject of our prayer, while declaring that only God can change a human heart. French theologian John Calvin explained it well: