The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations

by Mary Schaller

  When serving together—whether ministering to one another or those outside their community—[people] are forced to sacrifice, be inconvenienced, and demolish walls. They get to know one another in ways they wouldn’t have to if they just sat around in a friendly circle talking. It is in the doing that they come alive, their gifts are exposed, and their hearts are opened to one another. Serving others together is the key ingredient in creating community.[79]

  Once we become convinced that the rewards are worth the risks, we will make the effort to join with others, give more freely, and joyfully sacrifice whatever it takes so that serving with others is a regular part of our lifestyle as followers of Christ. In humble dependence on God, we will find that we start to “believe differently”; our me, mine, more mind-set will dissolve, and our hearts will come into alignment with God’s design for us. Our own discipleship, becoming more like Jesus, happens in the doing.

  Making It Meaningful

  Jesus made it crystal clear to his disciples that they would be powerless to produce good results unless they were constantly relying on him, just as a branch must be connected to the vine to get its nourishment and power (John 15:4-5). If you want people to see Jesus in your life, you need to continually rely on God. As you serve with them, they will then experience the fruit of his Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—coming through you. That fruit brings real blessing and makes people curious about its source. But only by being in communion with Jesus will you have that ability to pique others’ curiosity. A boring, lifeless, critical, or stress-filled Christian is hardly going to make an outsider thirsty for that kind of life!

  When we’re dependent on Christ, relying on him to help us be salt and light, we can begin to look for opportunities to serve together with others. Serving together is a powerful way to engage with different people, forging strong relationships over a common cause. Taking many different forms, this Art involves welcoming people to join us in purposeful, beneficial activities. Meaningful conversation flows more naturally as the task at hand is in the spotlight—not our differences. Winsome interactions about God can be a very natural part of the shared experience. In the process, Jesus is on display. As we serve together with people who believe differently, we can maximize the impact both on those being served and on those who are serving.

  Practically speaking, effective service begins with a useful plan, including elements such as choosing the right opportunity, making a meaningful invitation to your nonbelieving friend, casting a compelling vision for your serving, organizing the logistics, and bathing the time in plenty of advance prayer.

  Choosing the right opportunity. One of the ways you can deepen relationships among people around you and find common serving areas is to discover what they are passionate about. You may be able to identify a mutual interest. As you consider an option to suggest serving together, be willing to put others’ interests and desires above your own. Here are a few questions that could open a conversation about serving together:

  If your employer offered you an opportunity to take eighty hours of work time to do paid community service, serving anywhere in the world, what would you do? Why would that be your choice?

  What causes have you donated money or given time to (e.g., modern-day slavery, racial discrimination, sex trafficking, homelessness, illiteracy)? What makes you so passionate about that particular issue?

  During your childhood, what experience did you have in serving someone that meant a lot to you? What made it meaningful?

  As you read through these questions, I suspect that you thought about your own responses. In light of that, who is someone you know who is far from God and may have preferences or passions similar to yours?

  Making an invitation. Here are some tips to think through as you prepare to make meaningful invitations to your serving opportunity:

  Build a bridge. Invitations are more readily accepted when people know and trust you. Practicing The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations as a natural part of your life will open up opportunities to invite.

  Pray first. Pray for each person you plan to invite. Follow God’s leading as he prompts you to invite others that you may have not planned to ask.

  Make it fun. When you make your invitation, show your enthusiasm to serve and your interest in doing it with them. There is power in being chosen. You are handpicking others to serve with you! Let them know that you thought about them when you considered this opportunity.

  Make it solid. In a winsome way, communicate clearly what you are inviting them to, providing the details (who, what, where, when, how) and including well-defined time parameters. Don’t leave it open-ended, but make your invitation specific. Don’t say, “Do you want to pack food for starving kids with me sometime?” Instead, give them the details: “Next Saturday I am planning to go and pack food for starving kids in Haiti. It’ll be about two hours, from 9 to 11 a.m. The organization is called Feed My Starving Children. It’s simple and fun, and I always leave feeling like I made a difference in the lives of children. I know you have a heart for this, and I think you would love it. I’ll leave at 8:30 a.m. Will you join me?”

  Make it face-to-face. It is preferable to extend the actual invitation in person, as it may be your best option for a positive response. E-mail, texting, and social media are all less personal ways to make this invitation.

  Don’t say “no” for them! By not inviting them, you’re saying “no” for them. By inviting them with an uninspired, negative invitation, you are expecting a “no.” So ask with a positive expectation that they will come. Don’t answer for them.

  Casting vision. In Luke 9, Jesus casts a clear vision for his disciples as he sends them out: “When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal the sick” (Luke 9:1-2). To focus everyone’s energy in the right direction, make sure you’re all in agreement about what you’re trying to accomplish. If necessary, include clearly identified roles and responsibilities. The details will not be a distraction when everyone knows who is doing what for how long.

  Praying before you begin. Use discernment and sensitivity about praying with people you have invited who believe differently. Some may be comfortable joining you in prayer, others may not. Let your relationship guide your judgment. Whether you decide to pray beforehand with the Christians involved or during the experience with everyone, ask God to multiply your efforts so that your actions will introduce people to our God of love and will open a way for the Good News to be known.

  Organizing the logistics. Some key logistical elements may include the following:

  Asking permission of the people you are going to serve. Be respectful in your service of others. What we think needs to be fixed or cleaned up might not be all right with someone else. Make sure to talk with the people you are planning to serve, and tune in to their vision so that what you do really benefits them.

  Plan for safety. Sometimes in our excitement to serve, we put ourselves in dangerous situations or take unnecessary risks. Make sure to think through what it looks like to keep everyone safe while you do the work.

  Have the right supplies ready. It is frustrating to have a crew of passionate workers waiting for someone to come back from the hardware store. Make sure to acquire all of the equipment you need in advance so that momentum stays strong as you serve.

  Don’t allow your planning to paralyze you. Sometimes we get so hung up on the planning that we never serve. As Jesus sent his disciples out, he told them to take nothing with them—no staff, no bread, no money, and no extra shirt. He wanted them to get going and to trust God for what they needed. As we serve in areas that do require preparation, we still need to depend on God and not get bogged down in the planning process. When you begin serving with another person, you’ll learn a lot about each other. Those you’re serving with will be watching you, both in
how you plan and how you carry out plans. How you serve sends a message of credibility—or lack of it—especially for the people you work alongside.

  What’s Going On Here?

  The people of ancient Israel would set up stones in places where they had encountered God in meaningful ways. When someone came upon the site later, the standing stones would then prompt the question, “What happened here?” If a person wasn’t present to explain what had occurred, the stones served only as a silent marker to the event.

  Scripture describes followers of Jesus as “living stones” (1 Peter 2:5). We serve the same purpose as the standing stones of biblical times. But unlike those stones, we can give witness to what Jesus has done in our lives. We are literally “living” markers of God’s work in the world.[80]

  Going out to serve among and with the people of our communities gives us a great opportunity to be living stones. Our actions can cause people to ask, “What’s going on here?” And then when we communicate God’s personal love and care for people, our message resonates with authenticity.

  Service in the name of Jesus is set apart from service provided for social welfare or personal altruism. We are identified by how we love. Service motivated by intentional love is what differentiates us. When our service is rooted in love, it is rooted in Jesus. Christ-centered service has the potential to transform both those serving and those being served. Jesus calls this transformation fruit. Kingdom fruit includes changing lives, breaking down spiritual barriers, and discrediting the enemy’s lies. All this can happen when we pay attention to some simple principles while we are serving:

  1. MEANINGFUL INVOLVEMENT

  We want everyone to feel that they have contributed to the work in a meaningful way. This means paying attention to gifts, abilities, and skills. (Don’t hand a chain saw to a person who has never used one and doesn’t have the strength to operate it.)

  2. CONTINUOUS PRAYER

  Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 to “pray continually.” Encourage each of the Christians to keep praying while they are working—for safety, team unity, strong relationships, opportunities for spiritual conversations, and protection from the enemy. Notice how God answers prayers, and as appropriate, share personally with group members as you see him at work.

  3. SPIRITUAL AWARENESS

  When we are serving, we need to stay aware of what is going on in the spiritual realm. Evidence of God’s activity can open up significant conversations, while conflict could arise from the enemy. As we seek God in each situation, he gives us power to break down spiritual barriers erected by the enemy and to enter into life-changing interactions led by his Spirit. For example, one autumn, a buddy of mine (Crilly) pulled together a group to serve in his community. As they raked leaves in an elderly woman’s front yard, the owner of the adjacent house came out and angrily rebuked the crew for blowing leaves into his yard. Instead of engaging in a dispute, they simply apologized. After the man went inside, the team recognized the enemy’s desire to destroy God’s work and decided to rake this man’s yard as well, pack his leaves, and pay to have them removed. When he came out again, the only words he could utter were “Thank you.”

  4. COMPELLING QUALITY

  When a group serves someone but fails to do the job well, the experience leaves a negative impression and is a poor reflection of God’s excellent handiwork. When we delight in serving God himself, doing the best job possible, then both the people we serve with and those we serve may be compelled by our service—and by our God. Colossians 3:23-24 instructs us, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

  5. GENTLE ANSWER

  While you are serving with no strings attached, people may ask you why you are doing this. First Peter 3:15 tells us, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” Remember, you are a living stone. In advance, think through what your relationship with God means to you, how it affects what you do, and how you would communicate that to individuals serving with you. Thinking this through ahead of time will help you to handle questions when they come and to communicate how deeply God loves and cares for people.

  Debriefing the Experience

  In Luke 9:10, Jesus welcomes back his followers who have been driving out demons, healing the sick, and preaching the message of the Kingdom. When they return, the disciples report what they have done. Similarly, after you serve together with people of different beliefs, you have an opportunity to intentionally open up a dialogue about what you each learned and experienced.

  Debriefing can happen very naturally; for example, you could simply stop together for a meal or for coffee before heading home and throw out a good question such as the following:

  What part of the experience did you enjoy the most?

  Who is someone new that you met? What did you learn about him or her?

  What ideas do you have for serving more effectively the next time?

  Did you learn anything about yourself today?

  Did you learn anything about God today?

  Would you say that you were changed? If so, how?

  What do you think was most helpful or meaningful for the people we served?

  When you take time to reflect and discuss your experience, you can more clearly see what transforming work is being done (or not being done) in those around you. Discussing your experience together helps everyone to take notice of things that you learned and to grow—both individually and in your relationships with each other.

  Serving together with people who believe differently has the potential to raise curiosity about what makes a Christian’s life different. Serving together can be a great equalizer: Both those who serve and those being served are humbled by the presence of God through loving one another as Christ loves and serves us. As we serve alongside people who don’t yet know Jesus, they get to experience the difference that Jesus has made in our lives. By God’s grace, they will see his character shining through us. What an impact we could have if our salt made people thirsty and our light made people look. Let it be so.

  Discover

  How might the act of serving together have helped Jesus’ disciples come to the right conclusion about who he was?

  What’s the most fruitful act of service you have ever been a part of? What made it rewarding? What did it teach you about God?

  Practice

  In the next few weeks, identify a need in your own community, neighborhood, or workplace that people you know can meet. Pray for one or two Christians to join you, and pray for God to show you a few people who believe differently, who could help too.

  What impact did meeting the need have on those relationships? On your own faith?

  CHAPTER 11

  THE ART OF SHARING

  In your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.

  1 PETER 3:15

  If you really believe in the redeeming and transforming power of God’s presence in a person’s life, then the single greatest gift you can give someone is an explanation of how to be rightly connected to him.

  BILL HYBELS

  ONE OF THE MOST WIDELY ACCLAIMED movies of 2014 was Boyhood, which is about a young boy named Mason growing up in Texas in a broken home. By the time Mason is a teenager, his formerly deadbeat dad has turned in a positive direction and now has a new wife and baby. For Mason’s fifteenth birthday, his step-grandparents give him a Bible engraved with his name. He smiles politely and thanks them. In the next scene, you see Mason holding the Bible on his lap unopened as he and his older sister sit in a church—probably for the first time ever—along with the dad, stepmom, and step-grandparents.

  Later that day, when the conversa
tion turns to the upcoming baptism of his dad’s new baby, Mason asks whether Mason had been baptized when he was a baby. His dad laughs, saying he hadn’t given any thought at all to Mason’s soul back then. It’s obvious that Mason is slightly curious about spiritual things but that his dad is not prepared to have a conversation about God, even when the subject comes up naturally. Mason and his sister, Samantha, both wonder out loud if their dad is now one of those “God people.”

  As I (Mary) watched the movie, I found myself wanting to contribute some of the plotline. What I desperately wanted the dad to say was that he now was one of God’s people, and that Jesus had made a huge difference in his life. I wanted him to tell his story of redemption—how he used to be an absentee father and broken man but now was becoming the man God wanted him to be. These two adolescent kids saw a stability and joy in their father’s new life that begged for an explanation. Because they had seen so much of his poor parenting and brokenness, they might have been open to hearing about the faith component that had changed him. The love and acceptance they received from the step-grandparents and stepmother (who were obviously Christ followers) had to have made a strong impression on them too. Sadly, the dad let the moment pass. He missed an opportunity to share his faith story. How true is that of so many of us?

  Let’s face it—our culture is deteriorating. Broken families. Addictions. Abuse. Absent fathers. Struggling single parents. Failing schools. Violence in the home. Sexual promiscuity. Pornography. Hostile politics. People moving frequently and having no stable community of friends and family.