The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations

by Mary Schaller

  Problems are everywhere, but as followers of Jesus, we can offer hope. We need to share the stories of how God has worked in our lives. Getting a better understanding of the Art of Sharing in a post-Christian society is highly relevant as the final practice in The 9 Arts of Spiritual Conversations. If we have experienced the power of the gospel, the priceless value of our own relationship with God through Jesus, and genuine love for those we know, we will be compelled to share our faith with others. If we believe that Jesus can meet the deepest needs of people we know, isn’t it possible that our simple redemptive story and God’s story can intersect their story?

  International evangelist Luis Palau’s research shows that 75 percent of all those who come to Christ do so through a relationship with a Christian friend, relative, or coworker. The Institute of American Church Growth reports an even higher percentage, with almost 90 percent of the 14,000 Christians recently polled saying they came to Christ through “a friend or relative who invested in a relationship with them.”[81]

  Why share our faith? As you are in relationships or intentionally develop new ones with people who are different from you—people who may not yet know Christ—I’d encourage you to honestly ask yourself these questions: Do you want the best for them? Are you convinced that knowing Jesus will give them not just assurance for eternity but the most fulfilling life right here and now? Do you care deeply for them, and do you want to spend eternity with them? If the answer is yes, our response is clear. The question is, how can we share our faith effectively and for the right reasons? We must first look at our motives.

  Love Compels Us

  The first and most important reason to share your faith in Jesus should always be genuine love for the other person, not your own agenda or a sense of obligation. If we share our faith because we think we’re supposed to or because we think, perhaps subconsciously, that we’ll earn God’s favor or some sort of divine credit, we will alienate people when they detect our tainted motives. Sharing our faith is not like closing a sales deal. Out of love, we are sharing our experience and understanding of who Jesus is and how someone can relate to him. We are not “selling” Jesus.

  Let’s mine an illustration from another movie. In The Big Kahuna, Phil, a salesman, confronts his young, zealous Christian coworker, Bob, about his motives for heavy-handed proselytizing on the job:

  It doesn’t matter whether you’re selling Jesus or Buddha or civil rights or “How to Make Money in Real Estate with No Money Down.” That doesn’t make you a human being; it makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are—just to find out, for no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it’s not a conversation anymore; it’s a pitch. And you’re not a human being; you’re a marketing rep.[82]

  We as Christians need to treat others as humans, not as objects of a sales and marketing ploy. As we get to know people and genuinely care about them, we are able to help make the authentic connection between their humanity and the message of Jesus. The goal of what we share is not “Let’s get you to heaven!” The goal is “I would love for you to meet Jesus because he really loves you and so do I.” We are introducing people to him. He is real life, meaningful life, abundant life, hope-filled life. Jesus is not a way to heaven. He is the Way to God. We share Jesus because he is real life now and for eternity. As Colossians 3 teaches, “Your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory” (Colossians 3:3-4, NLT).

  Jesus Has Met Our Deepest Need

  The second reason to share our faith in Christ is that we sincerely believe the gospel has met our deepest need and will meet others’ deepest need. What makes us willing to take the risk of sharing our story and God’s story? Why face our fears and risk rejection or criticism? It’s simply that we’ve come to the conviction that the gospel is not just true for us but that it is “good news that will bring great joy to all people” (Luke 2:10, NLT).

  The gospel—that Jesus died for our sins, that Jesus rose from the dead, and that Jesus is Lord of all things—defines the Christian faith (see 1 Corinthians 15). Of course, the gospel isn’t just about knowing these things; it is about responding and accepting for ourselves what Christ has done. The gospel is the incredible message that God has provided us a way to be in relationship with him now and always through Jesus Christ, and that all things will be brought under the sovereign authority of our good God.

  An important part of sharing Jesus with people who believe differently is to be aware of how God might be at work in their current circumstances to bring them to himself. They may trust you enough to open up about a health issue, a problem at work, or a difficult relationship. And while you may have both a listening ear and wise counsel for those issues, you can also share, if the Spirit leads you, about how God has met a similar need in your life. Share simply, honestly, and transparently. Be attentive to Scripture that God may reveal to you for that specific situation, and prayerfully and sensitively share it with your friends.

  As you walk alongside your friends, God may show you specific ways in which he has prepared them for the message of the gospel. You may also begin to see evidence of emptiness in their lives—emptiness that they are not even likely to recognize. This was so obvious in the characters in Boyhood, who seemed “harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd” (Matthew 9:36). The fullness of your life in Jesus will increase your compassion for your friends and your desire for them to know Jesus as well, so that their own deepest need might be met—and that’s a great reason to share your faith!

  It’s Our Greatest Treasure

  The third reason to share your faith in Jesus is that you are convinced that God is worth knowing. Have you ever taken part in a “white elephant” gift exchange? The beautiful wrapping paper on each gift hides an object someone actually wants to get rid of. The intent is to re-gift a useless item you have previously received, and everyone at a party can have a good laugh at the ridiculous things they unwrap.

  Compare that kind of “sharing” to giving the gift of a personal relationship with God. Unlike the re-gifted hand-crocheted beer can hat, having God’s presence is something we cherish and want to give away. Of course, as we give that gift, we don’t lose it; our faith is actually strengthened and increased by sharing. It multiplies.

  Furthermore, we sincerely want the person to have this gift. We know the priceless value of forgiveness, of new life, of having God as a part of every moment. We have found “the pearl of great price”—that treasure that makes all others seem like worthless trinkets—and we’re glad to show its beauty and value to the world. This was true in my life. I (Mary) became a Christ follower at age sixteen at a weekend retreat led by a group of charismatic Catholics who were part of the Cursillo movement. Although I had gone through eleven years of Catholic schooling, somehow I had missed the central concept of believing and following Jesus. It all became clear to me in one weekend when I was a junior in high school. My mother was in the hospital with a nervous breakdown for an entire year, and our whole family was in crisis. I didn’t think I could make it through life on my own. On the first night, the speaker shared that God loved me and wanted a relationship with me.

  Admitting I was a sinner and needed a Savior seemed so obvious to me after years of unsuccessfully trying to keep all of God’s rules! I decided that if Jesus had paid the price for all I did wrong and was willing to forgive me if I believed and followed him, I couldn’t refuse such a good gift. I invited him into my life. I can’t imagine living each day without the love and forgiveness that I found in Christ. It gives my life meaning and purpose. I want others to have that peace, joy, and love that only God can give. It is my greatest treasure!

  The Value of Story

  From an early age, we all love stories. Ever-expanding numbers of children’s books reveal the hunger children have to
hear stories—but they’re not the only ones who crave a good tale. New books and movies are released each month to an expectant adult population of all ages, stages, backgrounds, and ethnic groups. I confess that I would rather hear a personal story than an educational principle or a doctrinal statement, and a fitting story helps me understand how doctrine applies in real life.

  Each of us has a compelling story worth sharing—the story of how God intersected our lives and offered us his free gift of salvation, transforming our lives here and now and for all eternity. As American literary scholar Jonathan Gottschall puts it, “We are creatures of story, and the process of changing one mind or the whole world must begin with ‘Once upon a time.’”[83]

  When you share your faith story, you connect with the listener’s story and with God’s story. Your faith journey is a real experience of the power of God—not an abstract idea—and it can generate questions, move others, and inspire action. Your story captures both the head and the heart of the listener and can move people to consider ideas they never have considered before.

  Jesus was well aware of the power of a good story. His parables of the Prodigal Son, the Good Samaritan, and the seeds planted in different types of soil all painted pictures in people’s minds and allowed truth to penetrate their hearts. Over time, as they thought through what they’d heard, they could discover more and more what the stories revealed about God and themselves.

  The parable of the two sons in Matthew 21:28-31 is short but profound: A father owns a vineyard and asks his sons to go out to work in it. The first son says he won’t, but later he changes his mind and goes. The second son says he will, but he doesn’t go to the vineyard.

  Jesus closed this short story with a question to the chief priests and elders who heard it: Which of the two sons did what the father wanted? They answered, of course, that it was the first son—the one who initially said he wouldn’t go but later changed his mind and obeyed. Jesus went on to tell his listeners that the scum of society (tax collectors and prostitutes), though they had said no to God, were now repenting, doing the Father’s will, and entering into his Kingdom. By contrast, the religious leaders had said yes to God but never obeyed his teaching, and therefore they were failing to enter his Kingdom. What a clear picture Jesus painted through this simple parable of how he wants us to respond to God’s message of repentance!

  In addition, every day Jesus created new stories as he interacted with people around him. Stories about blind and sick people being healed. Stories about thousands being fed with a few loaves of bread and fish. Stories of Jesus interacting with his followers, with religious leaders, and with “sinners.” The four Gospels are filled with real stories that help us know what Jesus is like.

  People who are just beginning to explore the life of Jesus may be willing to read a little of the Bible or hear a story or two about him. But the story of how Jesus has impacted your life makes a radical statement that he is living and active today—that he is a personal, integral part of your life now.

  Jesus says he came “that [his followers] may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). The apostle Paul reveals in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that as soon as we belong to Jesus, we become new people. We are not the same anymore; our old lives have gone and a new life has begun. Our personal faith stories key into this reality and answer this basic question: What difference has Jesus made in your life? In other words, what were you like before knowing Jesus, and what was your life like without him? How did you make your decision to follow Jesus? And finally, what are you like now, after you have had a relationship with Jesus for a while?

  Telling Your Story Well

  When you are at the point in a relationship of explaining God’s story, you already have done the hard work of building trust and have earned the right to explain the gospel message. This is a high-risk, high-trust interaction. Your relational investment in the person you are about to share with makes it much more likely that your story will be warmly received.

  We don’t get numerous opportunities to tell our faith stories to people God has placed in our lives. Consider it a great privilege when it happens. This is a chance to share something of tremendous value with someone else. It is a humble, genuine moment, not a time to “download” a memorized strategy on someone without discretion. If you are willing to share what God has done in your life, he will orchestrate a time and place for a conversation. Learn to listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to know when it’s appropriate to share your faith story.

  When that opportunity comes along, here are four simple guidelines to help you tell it well. They are adapted from Willow Creek Church pastor Bill Hybels’s sermons and his book Just Walk across the Room:

  1. Be brief. Tell the whole story in less than two to three minutes, or ideally in fewer than one hundred words. This may seem very short to you, but to your listeners it will seem like a long time. You are much better off leaving them wanting more rather than wishing you had never started talking. If they want to know more, they will ask follow-up questions. Keep the follow-up discussion more of a dialogue than a monologue. In this way your listener has more control in determining the length of the conversation.

  2. Be clear. Don’t tell weird or complicated storylines. People don’t usually have the tolerance or interest to make sense of things that might have great meaning to you but are hard to understand or can quickly categorize you as a “religious nut.”

  3. Use common language. Try to use ordinary language in your faith story. Compose your story in such a way that it can be understood both by Christians and by people who believe differently. Terms like “born again” and “accepting Jesus” are not phrases typically used outside of a church context. If you have to use words that you don’t think will resonate with your listener, then define them casually within the conversation. (For example: “Then I realized that my problem was sin—I did wrong and selfish things all the time in a way I couldn’t change on my own.”)

  4. Be humble. Often Christians come across as superior when they tell their stories. Avoid criticizing the church, organizations, or other people. It’s probably better not even to mention church denominations in your story. What’s important for us to understand is the main difference between people who have found a relationship with Jesus and those who haven’t. Christians know they are sinners in need of someone to save them, which means they recognize their continuous need for God. This understanding should produce a deep humility in us as we interact with everyone—Christians and non-Christians alike.[84]

  Simplifying Your Story

  A simple structure and a clear focus will enable you to share your story in a compelling way that will help people see the reality and power of Jesus in your life and can potentially lead them to desire a relationship with him. In telling your story, you are attempting to answer these three simple questions: (1) What were you like before knowing Jesus? (2) How did you end up placing your trust in Jesus? (3) What are you like now after becoming a follower of Christ?

  If you grew up in a Christian home with a very early belief in Jesus, the way you approach these questions may be a little different. You might not remember what you were like before you knew Jesus, but you can see how he has changed you over the years. You may not know what your life was like without him, but you can imagine what your life would be like now if you weren’t in a committed relationship with him.

  Jesus transforms each of us, but sometimes when we try to describe specifically what he has done, it takes thought to put the change into words. Be honest about your own process—don’t make up something that sounds more dramatic than it is. It’s also helpful to share the uncertainties and struggles that still remain. No Christian is perfect. But if you are a true follower of Christ, he has certainly made some difference in your life, and that is what you need to share.

  To understand the strength of this approach, consider how the weight-loss industry leverages the “before” and “after” portraits of people who joined the
ir programs. “Hi! I’m Sheila and I used to wear a size 18. Now after the best-ever diet, I wear a size 6.” The transformation that happens in us when we come to know Jesus is a much more profound gift than any weight-loss program can provide! The question here is, how can we communicate that life-changing story well to others?

  Try to find one word or phrase that easily identifies who you were before you met Jesus or fully trusted him, and another that describes who you are now that you have a relationship with him. We see several good examples in the Bible. One of the simplest faith stories is found in John 9:25, when the blind man has been healed by Jesus and is being questioned by the Pharisees. They grill him with questions: Was he born blind? Can he now see? How did this happen? With all eyes on him to answer, the former blind man says to them, “One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!” His transformation was clear—from blindness to sight. For you it might be a “before” life consumed with guilt and shame, changed to one that is filled with grace and freedom “after” you received the forgiveness and power of Jesus.

  When my friend Colin was asked what difference Jesus really made in his life, he was ready with his simple story:

  Throughout high school, I was proud—and to be honest, pretty selfish. I had grown up in a churchgoing family, and I knew about Jesus; but for me Jesus was a Sunday idea. My youth leader sat me down for nachos when I was a senior in high school and said, “When are you going to quit thinking about Jesus and start following him?” I hadn’t made him the leader of my life. Right there, I prayed to Jesus and accepted his gift of forgiveness and new life. There weren’t any fireworks, but I knew that my life would never be the same.