Redlight

by Winter Travers

  His hand left my back, and I stood. My stomach rolled and sweat beaded on my upper lip. I shuffled to the bathroom, praying I would make it there before my stomach completely revolted.

  I flipped the light on in the bathroom and caught a glimpse of my pale and clammy skin before I kneeled in front of the toilet and whipped the seat back.

  All the delicious food I had eaten that day came roaring back up.

  I heard the door open between gasping for air and felt Jay kneel beside me. “Shh, Del. You’re okay.”

  Another wave of nausea hit me, and I wretched again. I dry heaved until everything was out of my stomach and I was fully hugging the toilet while Jay held my hair back. I panted heavily and closed my eyes.

  “All done?” he whispered.

  “I think so,” I croaked.

  Jay gathered me in his arms, turned me from the toilet, and flushed. “Can you stand?” he asked softly.

  My legs were weak and felt like Jell-O. “I don’t think so.”

  Jay lifted me in his arms, and I felt a sharp cramp in my stomach.

  I moaned and clutched my stomach. “Jay,” I gasped.

  “Shh, Del. I got you.”

  Another sharp pain came, and this time, I felt it all the way to my back. “No, Jay.” He stopped moving, and I looked up into his eyes. “Something's not right.”

  *

  Chapter Twenty

  Jay

  “If she wakes up and needs anything, just press the button.” The nurse slipped out of the room, and I sat back in my chair.

  Delaney was asleep in the hospital bed, and I was wide awake watching her.

  The baby was gone.

  The doctor who had first admitted us confirmed the fear we both had as we drove silently to the hospital at one o’clock in the morning.

  Delaney had miscarried.

  They had done something called a D&C to get everything out of her so she wouldn’t get an infection, and now, she was doped up on some good drugs and sleeping.

  I had held her hand the whole time. Promising her everything was going to be fine. That we would get through whatever was happening.

  We had made it through, but right now, I had no idea how we were going to be fine.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I numbly pulled it out to see Leelee calling me. A glance at the clock showed it was half past two. “Hello?” I said hoarsely.

  “Jaaaaay,” she shouted.

  I held the phone from my ear and winced. Leelee was wasted. “I can’t talk, Leelee. Are you okay?”

  “I’m drunk, and why can’t you talk? Did I interrupt you and Delaney getting it on?”

  I closed my eyes and tried not to get pissed off at Leelee. She had no idea what was going on. “Delaney is sleeping, Leelee.” My voice cracked, and I felt the tears coming. “Can you just call me in the morning?”

  “Jay?” Leelee’s tone changed, and she didn’t sound like the same woman who had just said she was drunk.

  “Yeah, Lee.”

  “Where are you?”

  I opened my eyes and looked around the darkened room. “Room twelve nineteen in the Southside State Hospital. Delaney lost the baby.”

  My world fully dropped out from under me, and I couldn’t hear a word Leelee said because I was crying too hard to breath, let alone hear.

  *

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Delaney

  “Delaney.”

  It looked nice outside. The sun was shining and the clouds were fluffy and white.

  “Delaney.”

  Perfect weather to get a tan while sitting outside reading a book.

  “Delaney, look at me.”

  I slowly turned my head and looked at Mave.

  “They’re releasing you. You’re stable, and there isn’t anything more they can do for you.”

  I blinked and turned back to look out the window.

  “Honey, you gotta talk. Tell me what’s going on in your head. Jay said you haven’t spoken a word since you woke up.” Mave sounded concerned. She had slipped out of her practiced doctor voice, and I had never heard that happen when she was talking to a patient.

  “I lost my baby, Mave. I just want to go home.” My words were dead. Just like my baby I thought I was going to love for the rest of my life.

  “You’re gonna be okay, Delaney. It’s gonna take a little bit, but I promise you, once you get some more rest, you’ll start feeling better.”

  A sick smile spread across my lips. “I’ll start feeling better that my baby is dead?”

  “No, Delaney. You know that’s not what I meant.”

  I knew she didn’t, but right now, I just wanted to be a miserable bitch. I was miserable on the inside so I might as well make everyone around me miserable.

  “Jay is going to take you home. Just let him take care of you, honey. You need that right now.”

  I shook my head. “Jay doesn’t want me anymore.”

  “Delaney, you know that’s not true.”

  But wasn’t it true? Wasn’t the baby the whole reason Jay had been with me in the first place. Would he have really given me a second chance to be with him if I had just shown up at the party telling him I wanted a second shot with him?

  He would have laughed at me and headed off to bed with some other chick.

  I wasn’t special anymore. I didn’t have something he wanted that no one else had.

  I was back to being a babe just like all of the other women who had been in his bed.

  “You gotta talk, Delaney. You can’t keep this all inside.” God, Mave was such a good person, and here I was just being a bitch. I couldn’t help it, though. I couldn’t find the right words to speak right now. I just said what I felt.

  “Can I please go home now?” That was all I wanted.

  I just wanted to go home, sleep, and pretend my life wasn’t shattered into a million pieces..

  *

  Jay

  Mave had said she was talking, but she didn’t speak a word to me.

  By the time I was back in the room with her, she was fully dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed signing papers.

  Leelee and Kurt had stayed with me the whole time while Delaney slept. Once she had woken and we had gotten the go-ahead that she was good to leave, they went back to their hotel to get a few hours of sleep. Leelee had said they would be over after they checked out of their hotel, but I wasn’t sure that was going to be a good idea.

  Delaney had let me help her get in and out of the SUV, but once we had gotten into the house, she had climbed the stairs and shut the bedroom door behind her.

  The house was eerily silent, and I sat in the living room trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do.

  It had only been about two weeks since I found out about the baby, but it felt like my heart had been ripped out when the doctor told us it was gone.

  The sob Delaney had let out would forever haunt me. The miscarriage hadn’t been her fault. The doctor explained that sometimes these things just happened this way.

  That didn’t make things any easier.

  We both had wanted this baby and were planning to build our lives around it.

  Now, it was gone in an instant.

  A knock sounded on the door, but I didn’t get up.

  I didn’t want to talk to whoever was at the door. I didn’t want to explain what the doctor had said. I didn’t want to think about the fact that the little family I thought I had been building was down to just two.

  “Jay,” I heard shouted through the door.

  Leelee.

  I should have known even though I had told Leelee I would call her if I needed her, that she would come if she wanted.

  “Open the damn door,” she shouted.

  I numbly walked to the front door and pulled it open.

  Leelee and Kurt stood there with Remy, Harlyn, Frankie, and Brooks behind them.

  “I told you assholes to wait for me.” And Roc was walking up the sidewalk.

  Th
e whole gang was here, even my boss.

  Why?

  Leelee pushed past me and everyone followed her in.

  I noticed everyone was carrying plastic bags in the hands. “What is going on?” I asked.

  Roc was the last one in the door, and he was carrying a watermelon. “Leelee let us know what was going on, and we came to let you know we’re here for you.”

  My eyes dropped to the floor, and I nodded. “Thanks, Roc,” I choked out.

  “Anything for you. You know the crew is a family, Jay.” He followed everyone into the kitchen, and I closed the door.

  I looked up at the ceiling and shut my eyes.

  Life fucking sucked, but at least I had my friends and family to help pick up the pieces. I just wished Delaney would let me in.

  It was all going to take time.

  *

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Delaney

  “Mama?”

  “Delaney?”

  I squeezed my eyes shut and willed the tears to stop falling. “Mama, I need you.”

  *

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Jay

  In times of pain and sorrow, food was what was used for comfort.

  While everyone waited for Delaney to wake up, Leelee, Frankie, and Harlyn all gathered in the kitchen to make lunch, and then dinner.

  Around five, Meg, Lo, Cyn, and Rigid showed up. They had known what was going on but didn’t want to overwhelm Delaney or me. Meg had called around four asking Remy if he thought it was okay if they stopped by, and I told him it was fine.

  “Has she came down at all?” Lo asked.

  I was standing by the stairs and shook my head. “We got home, and she just went upstairs. Leelee took up some soup earlier but she had said she was still sleeping.”

  “You’ll be okay, kid. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you’re a strong kid.”

  I barely knew Lo except for a few short conversations we had when they had come to visit Remy. I knew he was a good guy from the way Remy talked about him, and his words actually gave me comfort. “Thanks, Lo.”

  Meg walked past us and stepped a foot on the stairs.

  “Babe, where the hell are you going?” Lo grabbed her hand and pulled her down.

  “I’m going up to talk to Delaney,” she said simply.

  “Babe, come on. This isn’t a time for one of your crazy stunts,” Lo said quietly.

  She rolled her eyes and shook off his hold. “I know, Lo. I’m not an idiot. I’m just gonna see if she needs anything.”

  “You good with that?” Lo asked me.

  I didn’t know what was good to do. I wanted to barge into her room and crawl into to bed with her, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to hurt her any more than she was. “Just let her sleep if she’s still out.”

  Meg reached up and patted my cheek. “Of course, doll.” She slowly marched up the steps, and she disappeared out of view as she moved to Delaney’s room.

  I didn’t know if letting Meg up there was the best idea, but right now, I had no idea what to do. Maybe Meg could work some of her crazy magic and help heal Delaney even just a little bit.

  *

  Delaney

  The door opened, and I was surprised to see Meg.

  “Hi, honey,” she whispered. She shut the door behind her and stood at the foot of the bed. “I hope it’s okay I came up.”

  I didn’t care what she did.

  “We’re all downstairs worried sick about you.”

  “I’m fine,” I croaked.

  She sat down on the bed and brushed my hair back from my face. “No, you’re not. But it’s okay that you’re not.”

  I closed my eyes and sighed. “I just hurt right now.”

  “You’re breaking my heart, honey. I know exactly what you’re feeling, and I know it’s not easy.”

  I opened my eyes and looked up at her. “You know how I feel?”

  She nodded. Her eyes were glassed over and she lightly sniffled. “Three years after I had Remy, I got pregnant.” She closed her eyes. “I lost it when I was nine weeks. I hadn’t even told Remy’s father we were going to have a baby.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “I didn’t tell you that to feel sorry for me. I told you that so you’d know eventually it gets better. You find another future that fits just as good as the one you were planning to build.”

  I didn’t have much of a future anymore. “I don’t want a different future.” I wanted the one I had dreamed about with Jay.

  “Sometimes, in life, we don’t have choices, honey. This is one of those times.” She sighed. “Take your time to grieve. You need that. But you also need to know things will get better. You’re in one of the darkest times of your life, Delaney. Don’t shut out the people who care about you.”

  “I called my mom,” I blurted out.

  A smile spread across Meg’s lips. “Good. Lean on whoever you want right now. That’s why you have family. They’re the ones who are there when you need them the most.” She leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Don’t push away the ones who love you. There are more of them than you think.”

  She slipped out of the room and kept the door open a crack.

  I could hear people talking downstairs, and I strained to hear Jay’s voice.

  Was he still here?

  Or had he already left me?

  *

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Jay

  “What in the blue devil?”

  My eyes snapped open, and I jackknifed up. “Who are you?”

  “Who am I?” a woman snapped. “I think I need to know who the hell you are?” She flipped on the light, and I saw a woman who looked similar to Delaney.

  Her mom was home.

  She looked around the living room, and her eyes landed on Harlyn and Remy sleeping in the recliner. “Why the heck is part of the Cummings Racing pit crew in my living room?” she demanded.

  “Susan?” Remy asked sleepily.

  Wait, Remy knew Delaney’s mom? How the hell did he know her and I didn’t? And how did Delaney’s mom know what the Cummings Racing pit crew was? Delaney knew absolutely nothing about racing so I figured her mother wouldn’t either.

  “Did I walk into the wrong house?” she looked around and shook her head. “Nope, that’s my crummy couch Jay is sleeping on. Where is Delaney?”

  Remy flipped down the footrest on the recliner and woke up Harlyn.

  “Someone talk to me,” Susan demanded. I think that was what Remy called her.

  “I’m with—” I started but was cut off by Delaney’s voice from the top of the stairs.

  “Mama, I’m upstairs.”

  Susan looked at the stairs and then back at us. “Well, it’s good to know I’m not in the wrong house, but that doesn’t explain why everyone else is here.”

  “Come up here, and I’ll explain everything,” Delaney called.

  Susan glanced at Remy and Harlyn once more, but her eyes landed on me and didn’t move. “I think I know why you’re here,” she whispered.

  She couldn’t possibly know about Delaney and me. Delaney had told me she planned on telling her mom about the baby when she got home from her work trip.

  Susan climbed the stairs slowly, leaving Remy, Harlyn, and me downstairs.

  “You don’t know who that is?” Remy asked softly.

  I shook my head. “I’ve got a pretty strong feeling it’s Delaney’s mom, but I don’t know how the hell you know who she is.”

  Remy shook his head and put his arm around Harlyn. “You really need to open your eyes and look at the people around you, Jay. That’s Christy’s home nurse. Brooks’ mom?”

  I looked at the stairs, and it all came together. “Small fucking world.”

  Remy nodded. “Sure the hell is. I didn’t know Delaney was her kid until she was standing here,” he chuckled.

  This was not the way I wanted to meet Delan
ey’s mom. Delaney had told me her mom wouldn’t be home until towards the middle of July, but something must have changed.

  Delaney must have called her.

  While I was downstairs willing to do anything she wanted or needed, Delaney had called her mom to be with her.

  I was here, and she didn’t want me.

  *

  Delaney

  Mom followed me into my bedroom and shut the door behind her. “You got a lot of explaining to do, girl, but I need to know if you’re all right.”

  I gingerly sat down on the bed and sighed. “Uh, I’m told I’ll be all right eventually.”

  “Delaney, tell me what the hell is going on.”

  “Sit down, Mama,” I said quietly.

  A feeling of dread settled over the room, and I could tell my mom felt it. She pulled out the chair under my desk and sat down. “What is going on, Delaney?”

  I closed my eyes and felt the tears coming already. I had managed to stop crying long enough to walk to the top of the stairs, but my sadness was still heavy and consuming.

  “I was in the hospital tonight. I miscarried around one o’clock and had a D&C done to help prevent infection.”

  “Delaney,” she whispered.

  I opened my eyes but couldn’t see my mama through the tears streaming down. “Jay and I were going to have a baby but something happened.”

  I heard her audibly sob, and then, I was gathered in her arms. “My sweet, sweet girl,” she whispered. “Shh,” she soothed me.

  Mama rocked me in her arms, and my tears kept falling. “I’m sorry, Mama,” I sobbed.

  “Don’t say that, honey. Don’t tell me you’re sorry. I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m so sorry, honey.” Her arms were tight around me, and I could tell she was trying to give me her strength.

  “I know I’m young, and Jay and I didn’t know each other for forever or were even married, but I really wanted the baby, Mama. I wanted the baby,” I sobbed.