In My Heart (Sweetbriar Hearts Book 1)

by Nora Everly

  “You’ve never been patient.” I laughed softly at that.

  “For you, I will be anything. I will do whatever it takes. I have been missing you for years, and you haven’t been mine to miss. Memories of you were torture because I couldn’t have you. I only saw you in my dreams. But now my eyes are open, and you’re right here in front of me, more beautiful than ever. I want to make you mine again.” There it was. I kind of knew he felt that way, based on how my family had talked about him. Like us getting back together was a foregone conclusion.

  “I have feelings and memories too, but I won’t let myself get lost in them. This is too much right now,” I told him, because he had to know the truth.

  “Don’t get lost. I’m not asking for that. I just want to be with you. It’s simple, really,” he insisted.

  “You don’t want much, do you?” I teased with a laugh. Trying to steer this conversation back into the realm of casual.

  “Just you,” he replied, grabbing the proverbial wheel and steering us back into Intenseville.

  “Well, we’re not starting with my heart on a platter, Luke.”

  “We can go slow. We can just talk, get to know each other again. When you’re ready, I will explain everything. I’ve learned a lot, Lily. I’ve changed a little bit too. We can go at your pace,” he offered.

  “My pace is going to be slow. Possibly nonexistent. Think snails and old ladies with walkers. I don’t want to lead you on. I’m telling you up-front. Get rid of all your expectations. I don’t have much left in me.” I warned.

  “You have everything I want. I can still see it in your eyes. When I can get you to look at me, that is,” he teased.

  Oh, my heart couldn’t take this. “You can’t say things like that. That is not going at my pace,” I accused.

  “I’ll be honest about how I feel. Going at your pace means I can wait until you can be honest about how you feel.” That half-grin was back. I could never resist it. Especially all those times he would kiss me after doing it. And why did he think he knew how I felt? I didn’t even know how I felt.

  I spent the rest of our—thankfully short—time together this morning trying to avoid his eyes as well as the ever-present memories. I had to stop myself from rushing to the window to watch him walk back to his office. Instead, I watched him walk away from what I thought was a surreptitious position at my table. Violet’s reaction when I turned around to go back to work told me I had been completely obvious instead.

  “Whatever, Vi.” I huffed as I made my way behind the counter.

  “I saw you watching that booty walk away. You’ll be back together before you know it,” she teased.

  I laughed, but sensing my heart wasn’t in it, Violet’s expression shifted, and she hugged me. “You’ll be okay, Lily. Don’t you worry.” She didn’t tease me again for the rest of my shift.

  Upon returning home I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to share my life with Luke again. But I managed to shove those thoughts aside so the kids and I could spend a quiet evening together. I thought I would be okay until Luke’s bedtime call to Dylan added another crack to the wall in my heart and shook the foundation.

  I stared at the ceiling in my room for hours until finally falling into a fitful sleep. Dreams of Luke filled my head as I tossed and turned then was finally roused by Calla for a midnight feeding.

  I stared out the window as I rocked her. How would I make it through tomorrow, let alone live in a town where Luke wasn’t mine? And how could I ever trust him enough to take him back?

  6

  Lily

  It was still dark when I pulled into Violet’s employee parking lot. Four thirty in the morning was a terrible hour to start the day, especially if you had a baby who woke up so many times overnight that you lost count. Violet opened at six, but I was here to help her get the baking done. I entered the back door, and the smell that wafted over me was heavenly. I was going to eat one of everything today because there was no way to choose just one of the delicious treats.

  “Lily, remember Piper?” I waved at Piper. She ran a food truck called Pixie Cakes. She made the best cupcakes in the entire world, and her family owned the bakery about a mile up the road. She was Violet’s occasional helper on big baking days. She was also my hero, I spent a lot of time at her cupcake cart.

  “Lily, go out front and check the door for me. I heard a knock right before you walked in,” Violet ordered. “We have it under control back here. Get a cup of coffee. Have breakfast.” She handed me two blueberry muffins from her tray. “Go on. Shoo.” I shooed. Whoever it was had knocked on the door again.

  I turned on the lights in the front of the shop and saw Luke’s tall silhouette through the glass panels of the front door. I quickly ran over to let him in. “Hi, what are you doing here so early?” I asked.

  “I saw you drive by, so I came over to tell you good morning. Did the zombies quiet down for you last night?” He grinned down at me.

  “I barely got any sleep. I think Calla is going through a growth spurt. She wanted to eat all night. She was a little fussy and a lot hungry. But when my mother showed up and took her, she went right to sleep against her chest, the little booger.” I smiled up at him. My first instinct was to be happy he was here. Should that tell me something about my feelings? I took a step back to let him inside and tried to also take a step back in my mind. The more I was around him, the more I wanted him. And the more I wanted him, the more I wanted to stomp to my house and hide under the bed.

  “She’s beautiful, Lily. Just like her mama.” The intense on-a-mission look was back on his face. I could feel the blush coming on, and it embarrassed me, which only made me blush even more. My blush made his smile turn into that half-grin, the one that always made me want to climb him like a tree.

  “Thank you. I kind of love her a little bit,” I joked to cover my blushing response. “Do you want to have coffee with me?” What am I doing?

  “I would love to. How is Dylan?” He followed me to the counter.

  “He was asleep when I left, but my mother will bring him and Calla over here for breakfast after they wake up. It is Calla’s half birthday. She’s going to have her first bite of solid food. If you want, I can text you, and you can join us,” I offered without stopping to worry about it first. The smile that lit his face made me smile in return.

  “I would love that. Dylan said something to me when you were at my house, and I wanted to talk to you about it. He asked if I could get to know Calla too—I want to. I’m not making a secret of where I want us to end up. I want you back, Lily, and that means that I want all of you, including Calla. I promise I will never treat her any differently than how I treat Dylan.”

  My jaw dropped, and I quickly turned to pour our coffee. “Luke, you are moving too fast,” I said. “I can’t think about this yet. I, um … yes, you can get to know Calla. Dylan would love that, and so would I,” I managed to choke out through my shock. I couldn’t see past today. Thinking of the future was too scary. It had only been three days, for goodness’ sake.

  My phone pinged with an incoming text message. It was from Trevor.

  Trevor: Is everything okay I’m coming down soon to check on you.

  Lily: What are you talking about???

  Trevor: We’ll talk when I see you. Just promise to keep your eyes open.

  Freaking out, I made a mental list of the weirdness that had occurred since I had been here. The hang-up call, the flashlight in the yard. That didn’t add up to anything dangerous. Did it? Random weirdos did crap like that all the time, right?

  “Everything okay, Lily?” Luke asked, concern in his eyes.

  “Uh, I’m not sure. I think so. Trevor, Will’s partner, just texted and asked me if anything weird has happened and told me to keep my eyes open. He’s coming down to check on me. I had a hang-up call and thought I saw a flashlight in the yard. Dad checked it out and didn’t find anyone out there. That’s it. It’s probably nothing, right?” I said and gu
lped my coffee.

  “I don’t know. I could stop by and check on you tonight,” he offered.

  “Thanks, but my dad has it covered. I’ll tell him about Trevor’s texts later.”

  “Good idea. Tell your dad. It’s better to be safe. But let me know if you change your mind. I’d be happy to stop by tonight,” he said again.

  He threw out his empty coffee cup, then turned to look at me, like up-and-down-checking-me-out looking at me. I swear I almost physically felt his eyes on me. “Baby, I have to get to work. Text me when Dahlia gets here with the kids, and I’ll head over.”

  Baby. My heart melted. He was getting to me. I couldn’t control it. If my heart was melty now, my brain was sure to follow.

  “Okay, Luke. Have a good morning. I’ll text,” I murmured.

  He grinned and headed out the door.

  Violet and Piper were messy bakers. There was flour everywhere. I was busy in the kitchen sweeping and tidying up and getting lost in my brain. It was late morning. After the initial crazy coffee rush of the opening hours had died down, business slowed, and I could finally take a moment for myself. I couldn’t stop obsessing over Luke and Dylan, and Luke and me, and now Luke and Calla. There was so much to worry about. If we got back together, it wouldn’t only be me who would get hurt if he left again. I had to protect my kids. But keeping Dylan away from Luke would not be protecting him and keeping Luke away from Calla would be pointless because it would upset Dylan. And staying away from him myself would most likely break my heart all over again. I was already in deep, so, so deep. How had this happened so fast? I couldn’t get a handle on it.

  “Mommy!” Dylan poked his head around the counter and waved to me. “We’re here! Come out! Eat breakfast! Hug me!”

  I opened my arms, and he ran and jumped up. I gave him a big squeeze and counted off ten kisses, making him giggle.

  “How’s my little bug? Having fun with Grandma?” I asked and set him back on his feet.

  “I love Grandma’s house. Levi and Jude are coming over later to play Xbox. But they don’t have Minecraft. Can you believe that? What a waste of an Xbox. Can I be a firefighter like they are? I want to drive around in a big firetruck, how cool would that be?

  He stopped talking for a second, so I quickly said, “Luke is going to come over and have breakfast with us. Is that okay?”

  “Yes! What a great day this is. Can I have a chocolate muffin?”

  “Sure thing. Let me text Luke. Let’s go sit down with Grandma.” I texted Luke, and Dylan ran out to find my mother.

  I spotted her at the big table in the corner. Calla was curled up against her chest, asleep. I think my baby liked my mother better than me. I could never get her to sleep like that. Dylan sat next to her. “Where are Mark and Mara?” I asked.

  “Asher had an early break today. He picked them up. Luke said he had somewhere to be and rescheduled their meeting for later.”

  I laughed. “Luke is joining us this morning. He didn’t say he had plans.”

  “Well, honey, you are his priority right now.” She smiled at Dylan. “You too, sweetheart. Luke wants you both to know what you mean to him.” She beamed back at me. “Lily, I am so happy about this. Trust it. Let it happen.”

  Was it that simple? This didn’t feel simple. It felt pretty freaking complicated to me.

  “I’m trying, Mom. One day at a time, right?”

  “Right, and if you need a nudge in the right direction, you talk to me.” She nodded, like that was it. “And here he is.” She practically squealed as Luke walked in, followed by Liam. “Over here, Luke, Liam.” They spotted us, and Dylan rushed over to high-five them.

  “Hey, Dylan, ready for breakfast?” Luke asked.

  “Yeah,” he answered, then looked up, way up, at Liam. “Are you eating with us, Liam? You should. We have enough chairs. Come on!”

  “I was just going to pick something up and take it back to the office, little dude,” Liam answered.

  Mom pointed to a chair. “Sit with us, Liam.” He sat. People tended to do whatever she said. I wish I had that power, especially whenever I tried to get Dylan to clean up his toys.

  “Where is Rocky? I miss him,” Dylan asked as Luke sat in the chair across from mine. Dylan sat between us.

  “Rocky goes to Jed’s ranch when I’m at work. And you are invited to visit him at my house whenever you want. My house is your house.” Jed trained service dogs at his ranch and from what I’d heard Luke’s dog had failed all the certification tests.

  Dylan grabbed Luke’s arm and turned it back and forth, examining his tattoos. “I like the forest on this arm better. Why do you have flowers on the other arm? Flowers are for girls.”

  “They remind me of a girl,” Luke answered Dylan while looking at me. “They are lily of the valley.” The tiny bell-shaped flowers twined around his entire arm—black ink with white highlights connected the riot of shaded stems. It seemed like Luke hadn’t let go of me like I thought he had.

  “Hey, that’s my mom’s name. Lily,” Dylan said, then his eyes got wide as he realized Luke was talking about me. “You missed my mom.” He turned to me. “He missed you.”

  “She was my best friend,” Luke said. “I never should have left.”

  I sucked in a huge breath as Luke’s eyes burned into mine. My hand started to reach for his, but I quickly pulled it back as my brain caught up to my body. I couldn’t keep reacting to him without thinking, it was foolish.

  “Is Liam your best friend too?” Dylan asked, breaking the moment. “Does he live at your huge house? Do you play Xbox together? Were you kids together too?”

  “We were in the Army together. He was the squad leader, my sergeant,” Luke answered. “Now he’s just my friend and can’t order me around anymore.”

  Dylan looked at Liam with big eyes, impressed. “Are you sure you don’t have gigantism? How tall are you?” he asked.

  Liam laughed. “I’m six feet, six inches tall.”

  Dylan gave him a disappointed look. “You’re not a giant, then. You have to be seven feet tall to be a giant. Did you get hurt too? Is that why you aren’t in the Army anymore?”

  “Dylan, maybe they don’t want to talk about that right now,” Mom said softly.

  “It’s okay, Dahlia,” Luke said. “We both got hurt.” He exchanged a look with Liam.

  “A vehicle we were in drove over something that exploded, called an IED,” Liam told Dylan.

  Dylan’s eyes got even bigger in his face. I hoped this would not be too much for him to hear. But it was a reality of life, his father’s life, and I couldn’t protect him from everything.

  “Liam and I were lucky. Our other friends were not so lucky. We were the only ones who survived,” Luke said.

  Dylan got up and hugged each of them. “I’m glad you both are okay. I’m sorry about your friends. You must miss them a lot. I miss my best friend, Mikey, and he’s just in Tacoma with Uncle Trevor.” He thought for a minute. “You can’t see your friends anymore, but they still love you. Just like my dad Will still loves me from heaven.”

  Liam discretely scrubbed his hand under his eyes, then said, “I’m going to get a coffee. I’ll get yours too, Luke. Lily, Dahlia?” he asked.

  Mom gestured to her coffee on the table. “I have one already, darling.” She smiled softly at him.

  “I had my caffeine for the day, thanks, Liam,” I said.

  Mom sighed. “I love you boys. Bring him with you to my house for dinner on Sunday, Luke. And every other Sunday too,” she demanded. “Six o’clock, like usual.”

  “Dinner at your house is something I will never turn down. We’ll be there. Thank you, Dahlia,” Luke said.

  “Yay! Can we have hot dogs, Grandma? Oh, oh, oh, bring Rocky!” Dylan said.

  I laughed because my mother would never serve hot dogs to company. Us kids, yes. Company was for fancy food and her fancy dishes.

  My laugh must have alerted Calla to my presence because she chose this moment to wak
e up and fuss. Mom handed her over.

  “It’s time. Are you ready to eat some food?” I placed her into the little high chair and strapped her in. “Do you want to do the honors, big brother?” I asked Dylan.

  He smiled and took the spoon from my mother. “This food looks gross and mushy. What is it?” he asked as I fastened Calla’s bib around her neck.

  “Baby cereal. Put a little bit on the spoon and be gentle,” I instructed. “Wait for me to get my camera ready.”

  He scooped up a tiny bite and brought it to her lips. Calla stuck her tongue out, and it dripped onto her bib. We all laughed at the cute face she made. She seemed to like the taste because she licked her lips and smacked them.

  Dylan handed the spoon to Luke.

  “Can I try?” he asked me as he took the spoon. I nodded. He scooted into Dylan’s chair and I scooted my chair back as Luke dipped into the bowl and brought it to her lips. She opened and took the bite with a smack. She managed to swallow about half of it. The rest dribbled down her chin, where Luke scooped it back up with the spoon. He looked up at me with a huge smile. “She likes it,” he said as he dipped the spoon again to give her another bite.

  I nodded again because I couldn’t speak. I wanted to run to the counter like Liam had and avoid the emotion this moment flooded into me. Instead, I shoved it down and smiled at Luke. I looked up with a start when Nick stopped in front of me bearing a plate filled with tiny scones. “Uh, thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. These are chocolate.” He placed it in front of me with a sage nod. He exchanged a look with my mother before he walked off.

  “Come on, Dylan. Let’s go check out the pastry case. I want a muffin.” She took Dylan’s hand and led him to the counter.

  I picked up a scone and took a huge bite. Baked goods and chocolate did a lot to soothe the confused and heartsick beast that lived within me. I couldn’t help but laugh as Calla sputtered and giggled as she dribbled the cereal down her chin and onto her bib. Luke chuckled and wiped her face with a napkin.