In My Heart (Sweetbriar Hearts Book 1)

by Nora Everly

  He was right next to me, so close—too close. Every time he fed her a bite his shoulder brushed against me. I could smell him, the clean, familiar scent of soap and Luke. Weird how certain smells could transport you, attract you, drive you insane. I exhaled sharply and sipped my coffee, trying to get a whiff of something else, freaking anything else.

  “Ba. Da. Ma,” Calla babbled. She pounded her tiny fists on the tray of her chair before reaching her arms up to Luke.

  “Can I?” He grinned at me.

  “Sure.” I scooped her out of her seat and Luke took her.

  “Ga. Da. Ba.” She smiled at him and smacked his face with her tiny hands before grabbing two handfuls of his beard and pulling.

  “Be soft,” I whispered and loosened her grip. “Soft hands, Calla.” She patted his cheeks again, then cuddled her face into the side of his neck, giving him a baby hug.

  He rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. The soft expression on his face, the care he was taking with her shook me. I didn’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this. I didn’t expect my heart to fly out of my chest then crash back inside with a thunderous boom. I inhaled a huge breath and tried to steel myself.

  “She’s such a little angel. Aren’t you? Sweet little Calla …” he murmured to her before lifting his eyes to mine. I could tell he’d lost his heart to her just as my heart was losing the battle to keep him out of it. “She’s precious, Lily.”

  “Thank you.” My whispered voice barely made a sound as the words left my lips. The desire to take Calla and run battled with the opposing desire to throw myself into his arms along with her. Instead, I grabbed a scone and took a bite. I was thankful that my days were spent surrounded by delicious little stress relievers. But feared that soon, it wouldn’t be enough.

  His sweet eyes caressed my face. “You’re welcome, Lily. Thank you for letting me hold her.” He laughed as she leaned back and gave him a drooly baby kiss on the nose.

  “You’re in for it now,” I teased. “Calla kisses come with a little something extra.”

  “Yeah, spit,” Dylan said as he ran up and jumped on my lap.

  “I don’t mind.” He ruffled Dylan’s hair.

  “Ready to go, Luke?” Liam called from the door.

  Luke handed Calla over and stood up. “I’ll call you tonight, Dylan. Lily, until tonight.” His eyes burned into mine before he turned to head to the door.

  “You answer that phone tonight, Lily.” I jumped as my mother leaned over my shoulder to boss me around.

  “I always answer it, Grandma. Don’t worry.” Dylan held his hand out for a high-five. My mother smacked it with a grin.

  Why did it feel like everyone was conspiring against me?

  7

  Lily

  It was nine thirty in the morning a week after our breakfast and I hadn’t seen Luke at all. If he had been drinking coffee, it wasn’t from Violet’s. He had called every night to say good night and chat with Dylan, and I had been talking and texting with him every day as well. But I missed seeing him. I had the feeling he was giving me space. I had told him I wanted to go slow, but it still bothered me. As the hours passed by with no Luke for yet another day, the looks Violet gave me while we worked grew more and more filled with concern.

  “It’s going to be fine, Lily,” Violet finally said when there was a break between customers. “He’s probably just busy at work.”

  “What’s going on?” Rose asked, popping her head out of the kitchen.

  “Nothing.” I banged the portafilter against the counter to clean it out.

  “Lily don’t break it. Be gentle!” Violet cried as she rushed over and stroked the side of her espresso maker. “Men let you down, but coffee is always there,” she said sagely as she took a sip of her third? I’d lost count of how many coffees she’d had today. Violet ran on caffeine, and today cranky cynicism, apparently.

  Rose finished up in the kitchen and joined us behind the counter. The morning rush was over. We had successfully caffeinated most of the town and could now have a small break. Finn and Nick were already relaxing at the tables outside.

  Violet turned to me. “I want you back with Luke. But I like what you said before about being independent. I don’t think you should let a small thing like him not showing up this week shake you. Make him fit into your life, don’t make him your entire life like before. No man is perfect, not even Luke. They all fuck up sometimes.” She finished and stomped into the kitchen.

  Rose and I exchanged a look. Was that little speech even about me?

  “She must be fighting with Tom again. They haven’t been spending a lot of time together. It’s almost like they’re separated,” Rose whispered.

  “Well, he wasn’t at dinner on Sunday. I wondered why.” I’d never really warmed up to Violet’s husband. Tom was kind of standoffish. I had hoped it was just with me because I didn’t live near them and only saw him on holidays.

  “He’s a dickhead. I can’t stand to be around him anymore.” She checked the kitchen door, presumably to make sure Violet couldn’t hear us.

  I leaned a hip against the counter with a grin. I was ready to sink into this gossip session and forget about my troubles.

  Rose continued, “Holly hates him too, and Jude. Levi wants to punch him, but Cade talked him out of it. Ash said we should mind our own business.” She glanced at the door again. “I think he’s having a midlife crisis. He bought a Porsche and hired a young blond secretary.”

  Living out of town, I’d missed the gossip that spread amongst my siblings. Wow, I guessed I was in for it now. I wondered what they’d said about me. Probably not much, I was pretty boring.

  She suddenly grabbed my arm. “Look out the front windows. Look,” she hissed.

  “What? What am I looking for?” I hissed back as I looked around frantically.

  “It’s Jake,” she said reverently.

  “Jake? Oh, Jake.” Jake was Tom’s best friend from college, but Rose and I were sure he only stayed friends with Tom to be close to Violet. She was blind to it though.

  “He is so hot. He reminds me of Alcide from True Blood. Don’t you miss that show?” she rambled as the door bing-bonged Jake’s presence in the store.

  He smiled when he saw us. “Lily, darlin’, I heard you were back in town. Hey, Rose. Is Violet around?” he asked. I sighed and blushed as I smiled at him like a simpleton. Rose and I had been drooling over Jake since we were tweens.

  “Hey, Jake, she’s in the kitchen. You can go on back,” she answered sweetly. Rose was hardly ever sweet; it made me laugh. After he was out of earshot, she smacked my arm. “He saw you first. You got the ‘darlin’,’ you bitch.” Jake had been our ideal man for a long time. And it seemed as if he was still it for Rose. Being around Rose made me feel like a teenager sometimes.

  She grabbed my arm again. “Look across the parking lot. It’s Luke.” He was headed into his office, cell phone glued to his ear. “You should go over there and say hi.”

  “No, I don’t think so. I don’t want to bother him.”

  Her lip curled up, and she rolled her eyes at me. “Don’t be a wimp. You know you want to go over there. The kids are with Mom. If you go over there now, you can be alone with him.” She waggled her eyebrows at me.

  “I don’t want to be alone with him. It’s hard enough not to swoon like a fool when there are people around.” I poured myself a cup of Violet’s mediocre decaf. It was the best decaf coffee I had ever tasted, but it still sucked. I added a liberal amount of Violet’s vanilla bean syrup and some cream and iced it. Yum-ish. I wanted a real coffee. I pouted at Rose, and she laughed at me.

  “So, swoon, then. Faint and fall over. Luke will catch you. Have you talked everything out yet?” Rose grabbed a sponge and the purple bottle of spray cleaner and started wiping down the counters. I should probably help, but I didn’t want to.

  I shook my head and sipped my drink. “No, we haven’t really talked. He said he wants me back. I didn’t want to ma
ke him talk about painful things and upset him.”

  “You mean you didn’t want him to upset you.” She scoffed. “You sure do like to bury your head in the sand. If you knew how hard it was for him to stay away from you and why he did it, you’d take him back in a hot second.”

  “He hurt me too, Rose.” I had to try to defend myself, even though I knew I was being a coward.

  “I know he did. He knows he did. Let him explain. Even if you don’t want him back, you should at least talk to him, for Dylan’s sake.”

  I took the sponge and spray bottle from her and moved out from behind the counter to help. “I will, eventually.”

  “You’ll never get over it if you don’t hear him out. You only have one life, and you’re putting it in park.”

  I looked out the window at Luke’s office building. I just couldn’t bring myself to go over there. Maybe tomorrow.

  I ended up not seeing Luke all day—again. Now it was early evening and I was getting ready to leave for Violet’s book club.

  I carefully lowered Calla into her crib, then headed downstairs.

  Dylan was on the couch with my dad, eating popcorn and watching Finding Dory. “Are you sure you’ll be okay with them?” I asked him again.

  Dad sighed with annoyance. “Lily, I have eight kids. You’re all still alive, aren’t you? I think I can manage to take care of yours while you go to Violet’s.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. Give me a kiss goodbye, Dylan, I’ll see you later.” He stood up on the couch, and I hugged him and kissed his soft cheek. “I’ll be back when you’re asleep. Have sweet dreams.”

  “Bye, Mommy,” he said and sat back down and cuddled up to my dad.

  “Later, Dad.”

  I stepped onto the porch just as Cade pulled up in his old Ford Bronco. He beeped the horn, and I rushed to get in. “Jeez, you saw me on the porch. No need to honk at me, butthead.” Sometimes our kid-speak came out, it was unavoidable.

  “You were walking too slowly,” he shouted out his window. “Mom made her buffalo chicken dip, and I want to get some before Rose eats it all. And now you’re here, so I have to get to it before you do too.”

  My mouth started to water at the thought of the buffalo chicken dip. I hurriedly climbed inside and buckled up. “So, what’s the book?” I asked him. I wasn’t worried, I read everything; there was a reason I’d become a librarian. Cade and I geeked out over books all the time.

  “Storm of Swords. I can’t wait.” He turned down the street to Violet’s shop and pulled in.

  I got excited and smacked his arm. “That’s my favorite one of the series! Does Luke ever go to book club?” I was trying to be nonchalant. But I failed. I was totally chalant.

  Cade chuckled. “He came once. It was supposed to be Stephen King night. We were supposed to discuss It. Remember when we all read it together when we were kids? You slept on my bedroom floor for weeks. Then you got sick of sleeping on the floor and paid me five dollars a week to sleep on your floor.” He had stopped chuckling and was just outright laughing at me. “Anyway, they ended up talking about Outlander, which is a good fucking book. But all they were doing was drooling all over the actor that plays Jamie on the show. I don’t need to hear that shit. I don’t need to hear my mother and sisters talking about what’s under some guy’s kilt. Luke and I left. We went to Holloway’s and had a few beers. So, I guess he hasn’t really been to a book club.”

  My Auntie Delphine, Mom’s only sibling, owned Holloway’s, a pub up the street from Violet’s shop. My late Uncle Pat opened it years ago, keeping it up and running was a family affair. After Cade’s explanation, I had no idea whether to expect to see Luke. I was thinking not.

  “We’re here. Race you to the dip,” I hollered and hopped out before Cade shut the engine off. I sniffed and followed my nose to the coffee table. After taking a seat next to Rose on Violet’s purple sofa I dipped a tortilla chip into the dip.

  Rose nodded at me. Her mouth was too full to say hi. I nodded back.

  “Where’s Cade? Didn’t you come together?” Violet asked.

  I looked up. Wow, there were a lot of people here. I waved to the room. I felt a little embarrassed by my race to the dip but decided it was worth it and let it go. #YOLO

  “He’s parking the car.” I didn’t feel bad for ditching him. I’d been gone a long time. I had years of buffalo chicken dip to make up for.

  He stormed through the door and pointed at me. I waved, then stuffed some dip in my mouth. Worth it. He sat next to me and loaded up a chip.

  “Good, you’re here, Cade. Now we can start,” Violet stated. “We’re going to discuss Beautiful Bastard.”

  “You said Storm of Swords was this week,” Cade interjected, mouth full.

  Violet raised her eyebrows. Uh oh. “Pretty sure I didn’t, Cade. We’ve been reading Beautiful Bastard all week.”

  Cade stood up. “Nope. No way. I’ve been waiting to talk about Storm of Swords. I am not about to discuss the merits of hate-fucking one’s way to a successful relationship with my mother and my sisters. Hell no. Fuck this, I’m out of here.” He strode angrily to the door. “Lily, I’m heading to Holloway’s. Text me when you’re finished here, and I’ll pick you up.”

  I was not surprised that Cade had read Beautiful Bastard. He was not a sexist reader. He’d read anything, including romance novels. I nodded and waved goodbye. More dip for me.

  Mom perked up at this. “Cade, if you’re going over there, then get behind the bar and help Oliver out, so you can send Delphine over here.”

  Oh, I hadn’t seen Auntie Delphine yet. Yay!

  Luke

  I was glad to see Cade behind the bar when I walked into Holloway’s. I’d had a terrible day. I was worried about Liam, and I hadn’t seen Lily in over a week. I had wanted to give her space, but not this much of it. “Hey, Cade.” I took a seat at the bar, and he slid me a beer. Holloway’s looked like an old Irish pub, small black-and-white tiles on the floor, and dark wood paneling lined the walls, along with framed family pictures and neon beer signs here and there. A long, shiny maple wood bar dominated the space, but there were several sets of tables and chairs and a few booths along the perimeter. They served great food, and I was about to partake.

  “How’s it going, Luke?”

  I took a huge swallow of beer and shook my head. “Shit day, man. Liam’s grandmother had a heart attack this morning. I went with him to the hospital. He was beside himself. She raised him since he was twelve. She’s all the family he has left. She’s supposed to be fine though. How is Lily? I didn’t get to see her today. I haven’t seen her all week. Work has been brutal.”

  “She’s at Violet’s. I got suckered into helping here, so Delphine could go to book club. I think they all planned it.”

  I chuckled. I’d spent about ten minutes at one of those things, and I would never do it again.

  “You eat yet? Oliver is in back making burgers. Want one?” Oliver was Lily’s cousin. He was our age and a good friend. I nodded. Hell yeah, I wanted one. That’s why I’d come here. “Savannah is headed over, so I can leave. You can join me.”

  I nodded. Savannah was another one of Lily’s cousins.

  Cade turned to the kitchen entrance behind him at the bar. “Yo, Oliver! Throw another burger on. Luke’s here,” he shouted as he popped the cap off a beer for another customer and handed it over.

  “Will do! Hey, Luke,” Oliver shouted back. Lily’s family was huge and close. I used to be close to all of them too. When I got back, they’d all welcomed me unreservedly. Each one of them had come to visit me when I was laid up at Jed’s. It meant a lot that they all forgave me. If I could get Lily to talk to me, hopefully, she would too. Savannah arrived with smiles for the both of us and took over behind the bar. Cade grabbed a beer for himself, then we headed for a booth in the back.

  “So, I’m pretty sure I already know the answer to this, but I’ll ask anyway. Has Lily heard you out yet? And what are you doing about it?” C
ade had always been like a brother to me, but whenever the subject of Lily came up, he stopped being my brother and was all about her. I respected that. I respected him immensely and valued his opinion.

  “I can barely get her to even look at me.”

  Cade laughed. “You know her, lost in her own world.” He stopped laughing. “You left that world. Got to find a way back in.”

  “How?” I asked.

  Cade thought for a minute. “I would never, ever give this kind of advice to anyone about any of my sisters.” His eyes bored into mine. “But you’re different. You two …” He sighed and took a sip of his beer. “If you don’t get back together, it’ll be a tragedy. I trust you. I get where you were coming from, and I’m going to help you.”

  “I’m all ears, Cade.”

  “You have to push her a little bit. Or, probably a lot. You need to be alone and talk it out. I’m supposed to pick her up tonight. I think you should pick her up instead. I’ll text Vi and tell her to give Lily the keys, so Lily can lock up. You two can stay in the shop and talk it out. She won’t be able to leave. Well, she can, but we both know she won’t because it will be dark outside.” I chuckled, Lily’s fear of the dark was cute. Her denials that she was afraid of the dark were even cuter.

  “Thanks, Cade. I won’t hurt her again. I didn’t mean to before—”

  “I know. We all get it. I might have done the same thing. I just wish you would have come to us, any of us. You’re family, Luke. You shouldn’t have been alone all that time. None of that shit again. Right?”

  “Right. Thanks for the advice.”

  “It’ll work. Plus, once she’s settled in here, comfortable and back in a routine, that will help too. She’s finding her footing, she’ll come around.”

  “She’s been through a lot,” I mused. “Should I back off?”