Stay Beautiful

by Perry Matlin

  Leaving my bed behind, I slowly move around the room to gather all the fallen laundry, and soda bottles. I finish cleaning my room in about twenty minutes, which is totally not long enough. Turning to face my unnaturally clean room, I head out into the kitchen. I'm really glad that I won't have to cook anymore because I'm not particularly great at it. I pull a chair out, and plop down at the table. Lisa went and got some donuts, before leaving for the airport, so I open the box and pull a chocolate donut out. I take a single bite, before tossing it in the trash, and heading for the door. I walk outside and look around aimlessly. The rain is lightly falling all around, but I ignore it, as I cross the yard, and head down the sidewalk. I didn't even bring a hoodie, so I'm getting soaked as I walk down the street. I get to the bus stop at the end of our street and sit down.

  There's no covering, so I just sit there as the rain drenches me to the bone. I look out at the glowing street. The rain has put some kind of glow on the pavement. I pass the time, not even noticing the soaked clothes I'm sitting in, as I stare at all the different reflections. A thought crosses my mind, so I jump to my feet, and walk down the next street. I eagerly turn down the corner, and find myself face to face with the bay, so I finish the brief walk down to the water's edge. Turning to my left, I see the place where Michael and I spent so much time, and where we grew into what we will never be again. I shakily walk over to the hidden cave, and duck into the entrance. The water continues to pound on the roof of the hiding place, but it never reaches me, so I finally notice how wet I am. I look around, just trying to get some of that happiness back, but it doesn't work.

  The only thing I feel, as I look around at the blanket where we made love, or the drawing he did on the side of the posts is emptiness. I sigh sadly, as I cross over to the blanket. I grab my hoodie and pull it over my head. Looking down at the blanket, I see the scene like I'm reliving it. The way he hovered over me, the way he looked into my eyes so softly, as he made every move. I turn away, brushing the tears away in frustration. I have to get out of here. I turn to leave, but a new drawing catches my eye. There on the post right by the entrance of the cave is a big heart, drawn with red chalk. Written in messy handwriting within the heart is a small message. My heart skips a beat, as I read his words. The words he left for me. He will always love me? I smile, as the tears fall down my face. I speed out of the sanctuary of our place, the place that feels so empty without him. I never look back as I move away from it.

  I finally make it back home, and rush inside to get out of the wet clothes. I'm shivering by the time I make it to the bedroom. Removing my sopping clothes, I throw them into the basket in the corner, before turning to my closet.

  At that moment, I hear a car door. I rush to my clothes, and throw some shorts, and a shirt on. I look around, and grab the basket from the floor, and head into the hall to the washer. I shove the clothes hurriedly into the open hatch, and turn the water on, before anyone can find my soaked clothes. I close the lid, just as the door opens. My mom comes through the door, and she smiles brightly at the sight of me. I cross the hall to wrap my arms around her. She hugs me back, before pulling away. She looks around and seems to approve of the cleanliness of it all because she doesn't make a comment. I take her in, for a moment. She looks so much better than last I saw her. Her hair is done nicely. Her thick black curls falling all around her. Her eyes are the same old blue, but they're not surrounded by dark circles, not does she have sadness in her eyes.

  I turn to my sisters, just as my older one files past me wordlessly. I hear the lock click, as she retreats into her bedroom. I look at my little sister, as she gives me a smile. I force a smile onto my face, so I avoid the questions. Alyssa walks right past me too, and heads to her room. My mom heads into the living room and sits down on the couch. I follow suit and sit beside her. She leans back and puts her hands over her eyes. I know she must be tired. I look at her with a smile.

  "Where's Lisa?" I ask her, and she looks at me briefly, before turning away to look at a magazine.

  "She went to go get Antonio, so he can come see us for a minute" she says, and I gape at her. Has she completely lost every ounce of her intelligence?

  "Why is he coming over?" I demand, and she just shrugs her shoulders, like it's not that big of a deal. I jump to my feet, and she sits up to face me. She knows how I feel. She’s ready for my argument.

  "Luke, you need to stop. He's not coming back I promise, but he wants to give me an explanation, which I happen to think I deserve don't you?" she demands, and I look at her sadly. I nod my agreement after a minute. I get up to leave the room. I'm just heading into my room, when I hear the door open. His annoying voice fills the room, as I seal myself away. I cross the room and drop onto my bed dejectedly. How could she let him come in our home? How could she let him come here, after everything he did? How can she even stand to see his stupid face, after everything he did, after the pain he caused?

  I grab my phone off the night stand, and immediately dial Coral’s number. I roll my eyes, as the phone rings. She answers, and I sit up to get comfortable.

  "Hey, what's wrong?" she asks, as soon as I tell her hello, and she hears the tone of my voice. I pause briefly, gnashing my teeth together angrily. I finally answer her, hating every word that leaves my lips.

  "She let him come over, literally five minutes after she got home. I just can't stand her sometimes" I tell her. I hear Coral gasp in shock at my words. She's just as appalled as me. Just as confused as to why my mom would be so dumb.

  "Are you serious? Is she stupid?" she demands, and I nod my head in utter agreement. I'm actually starting to believe that she's super dumb. It just irks me how she can just let him keep coming back, when he treats her so badly.

  "What did he say?" she asks me, after a minute of silence. I heatedly, turn to look out my window. It's dark out now. I turn away from the roof that I know is his house and reenter the conversation.

  "I don't know, I locked myself in the room, just as he was getting here. I'm just so upset that she would put us through this again. I hate her" I say again, and Coral stops me. Her words true, but hard to hear.

  "You don't hate her, she just made you mad. She's blinded by some stupid feeling of devotion, or something" she explains, but I can't even think about her feelings right now. She knows what he's capable of, she knows that he has, and will keep being abusive in every aspect.

  "I guess you're right, but I do hate him, and I hope he dies or something" I tell her, and she laughs into the phone. I smile at the sound, before laying back on my pillows. She thinks I’m kidding.

  We talk for another few minutes, until she has to hang up to go out to dinner with her family. I'm left to sit alone in my room, listening to his annoying voice through the door. After about the hundredth cough, I pick up my phone again, and scroll down to his number. I hover over Michael's name. I pause, before I press the button. Do I really want to call him? I decide against it, before seeing my last text to Josh. I hit his name, and the phone begins to ring. I smile, when his voice comes over the speaker.

  "Aye?" he answers his phone, the sound of music in the background. I almost hang up but decide to just finish the call. Just before I answer him, he speaks again.

  "Luke?" he asks, and I smile at the sound of his voice saying my name. I finally speak into the phone, my stomach doing a flip.

  "Hey, what are you up to tonight?" I ask him, and he laughs for a second, before speaking into the phone. His voice sounds a bit off, but that might just be the music. I try not to think too deeply into it.

  "Nothing, just at a party, you wanna come?" he asks me, and I think about it. I usually say no right off the bat, but in this case, I find myself more willing than usual. I look around, before answering.

  "Sure, where at?" I ask, and he seems to not hear me at first, so I wait for him to answer me. I smile, as I hear him say something about me coming over.

  "Luke? I'm next door to my house, you'll see all the cars. Just come in the front doo
r, okay?" he asks, and I pause. He doesn't wait for an answer, instead he hangs up the phone. I smile breathlessly, before jumping to my feet. I’m getting out of here.

  I open my window and look around for a minute. I cross the room, and lock the door, before turning to my stereo, and turning it all the way up. I cross back to my window, before hoisting one leg over. I climb out of my window, and dash across the yard, and right over to the privacy fence. I climb up the fence, and almost fall over the side. I manage to catch myself and drop over more gracefully. I find myself in Josh's back yard, so I cross over to the gate, and let myself out. I look around, as I find myself on the street. It doesn't take me long to locate the house having the party. I immediately walk up the driveway. This is so weird. I walk right up to the door and stop. He told me to come in, right? Just as I'm about to knock, the door opens, and Josh is right there. He pulls me into a kiss, before pulling me into the house by the hand. A smile erupts onto my face, as he holds my hand in front of all these people.

  Chapter 14 Orientation

  I look around nervously, as I make my way across the yard. I see that nobody is around, so I sprint across the empty yard. Within seconds, my window is before me. I hurriedly climb through it and turn around to close it. I'm just lying down in my bed, when I hear the alarm go off, for my mom. I slept a little late, and it almost got me caught. I literally got back just in time. It's been two weeks since the first time I snuck out to be with Josh, and today was the first time, I almost got caught. I let my eyelids grow heavy, as the sound of my mom moving around keeps me awake. I smile, as I remember my night with Josh. He really is a great guy. For someone who was just a rebound from Michael, he is turning out to be a really big part of my life. I push his face from my mind, as I attempt to fall asleep.

  I'm just starting to fall asleep, when it starts. It's only been two weeks, but everything is right back to how it was. She promised me he wasn't back, but he never left. I throw a pillow of my head, as the screaming starts. Apparently, he misplaced his car keys, so he assumes that one of us stole them. Right on cue, I sit up before he begins pounding on the door.

  "Why is this door locked? He screams, as I sluggishly move to unlock it. I pull the door open, and he bellows in my face. "You take my damn keys?" I have to refrain from laughing in his face because he looks like an overgrown baby.

  "Why would I take your keys?" I ask him, my sarcasm breaking through. He glares at me, before his lips curl up, and yanks the door closed. I turn away from the door, before dropping onto my bed.

  This is ridiculous. He's already back to his old ways, and there's nothing that I can do about it. At least I have plans today, and he won't be able ruin them because I'll be with my dad.

  "Lucas, get your ass out here" he screams, and I sleepily jump to my feet. I walk down the hall and come upon the scene in the living room. My sisters are sitting on the sectional, and my mom is on the floor crying. Antonio is storming around the living room and cursing continually. I plop down on the couch and look at the time. It's six forty-five in the morning, and he's making everyone sit out here with him screaming because he doesn't have the intelligence to remember where he put his things. I lean back, and sigh irritated at his childishness. He seems to notice because he rounds on me angrily. I Look up as his face goes red.

  "You think you're funny? I'll break everything in your damn room" he screams, I look around and see that everyone is looking at me. I stand up, and he moves to block my path. I look at him. He pushes his chest out because apparently, he's dumber than I thought.

  "I have to go get dressed, for when my dad comes to pick me up, can you watch out?" I ask. He doesn't move. He stares at me, his chest still out as if that scares me.

  "You're not going anywhere until you give me my keys" he says, but this time I do laugh. Does he honestly think he can stop me from going with my dad?

  "I will be going with my dad, and you have no say in that, so please move" I ask again. That seems to push him over the edge.

  He shoves me back, and I topple over the arm of the couch. I land on my sister’s lap, and she tenses. I know she’s angry that Antonio just put his hands on me, but I'm pretty sure I’m angrier. I jump back to my feet and walk across the room. I pull the door open, but he follows me out the door.

  "Get the hell back in this house" he screams, and I smile, as I cross the driveway. I walk right over to his car and open the driver's door. He catches up with me, just as I pull his keys out of the ignition, where he always seems to leave them. He grabs me by the shirt at that time, but I whip around and toss the keys into his hand and yank myself away from him. I leave him there, standing in the driveway as I make my way inside. He doesn't scream after me, nor does he apologize.

  "I'm going back to bed now" I say simply, leaving them all in the living room. I'm just opening my door, when I hear the door open. I turn my radio on, and crank it up loud, before laying back down on my bed. I would've preferred to sleep in silence, but music is better than his voice. Anything is better than his voice. I lift a hand to rub the sore spot, where he pushed me. I hate him so much. I finally close my eyes and begin to drift off into a sleep. A sleep that takes me away from him, and from my weak mother who lets him do these things to her kids. Aren't kids supposed to be the most important thing about your life? Not to her evidently. I finally let myself fall completely asleep, and then everything is gone, and I am finally free for a while from his reign of terror. My body is finally free of the pain, and my head is free of the sound of him, and his voice.

  I open my eyes and see by my alarm clock that it's nearly three o'clock. My dad will be here soon. I'm actually really excited to finally go to the high school. School starts in four days, and then I'll have an escape for those five days a week. He can't get to me when I'm with my friends. He can't ruin my day, when I'm gone for most of it. A smile crosses my face, as I begin to get dressed, and soon I'm humming along to the music. I never turned it down, when I woke up. I'm just finishing with my outfit, when there's a knock on my door. I cross the room and pull it open. My mom is standing in the hall, and she looks like she's been crying all day, but I don't even care right now.

  "Your dad is here to pick you up, but you better not tell him about this morning" she warns me. I roll my eyes, before grabbing my hoodie off the desk, and pushing past her.

  I make my way out of the house, and down the driveway to his truck. Cynthia is here too, so I get to go to orientation with two of my favorite people. I climb into the backseat, before my dad finally pulls out of the driveway. Cynthia reaches up and turns the radio down. Turning to me, she smiles quickly.

  "Your mom looks like she's been crying. Is everything okay?" she asks, and I frown. I don't have to tell them exactly what happened, but they don't have to be protected from the truth that my mom is a moron.

  "She's just dumb, don't worry about it" I say simply, but she doesn't seem like she's going to leave it at that. "She let Antonio come back, and he's dumb, but she's dumb. It's all pretty dumb" I say, and she finally realizes the situation at hand.

  We pull into the parking lot of the high school, and I look around, hoping to see someone I know. I see in the distance, a girl I rode a bus with back in sixth grade, but other than that; everyone is new. I smile slightly. It would've been nice to see some friends, but maybe with the problems I had last year, it'll be good to meet new people. We park and walk up to the building. I rush forward to open the door, and head inside. I look around at all the classrooms, and the lockers everywhere. This is so exciting. I look around, as we near a stand, where people are selling lockers. My dad stops at the table, and hands the woman twenty dollars, so I can keep the same locker all four years. We leave the table behind, and my dad looks at the map. He turns left, so I follow suit. We arrive at a small row of lockers, and he crosses the hall to unlock it for me. He opens it and shows me. I look down at the paper, as he turns back to me.

  I'm looking around, as we follow the hallway down. A sign says to get sched
ules in the cafeteria, which is apparently right down this hall. I follow my dad down a sloped hallway, and I find myself in front of the cafeteria. It looks smaller than my middle school cafeteria, but it's still pretty big. The main difference is the fact that there are three different lunch lines situated around the room. Another thing that catches my eye is that there are vending machines. That's definitely new. I laugh, as we make our way to the other side of the room and wait in line for my schedule. As soon as the person in front of me leaves, I move to the front of the table, almost bouncing with excitement. I signed up for some really cool classes this year. My dad asks the lady where the schedules are, and she goes through the files for my name. Within a minute, she produces the small slip of paper.

  1. Algebra I

  2. Geography Honors

  3. Drama I

  4. English I Honors

  5. Biology Honors

  6. Life Management Skills

  7. American Sign Language I

  I excitedly memorize my schedule, as we make our way across the cafeteria. My dad is saying something about the amazing features of my new lunch room. I barely notice his words, as we exit the room. I'm just going over and over my schedule. I've always been really into school, not like in a nerdy way. I usually don't do my homework, but I love it because it's an escape from him. We make our way down the hall, until my dad turns suddenly. I look up from my schedule and see that we're now in the entrance of the library. I'm suddenly filled with nostalgia. I love reading. We walk through the room, as my dad checks out the supplies. It's a lot bigger than my middle school library. After he gets his exploring done, we head back out into the hall, just as a voice comes through the intercoms. I look around, startled at the sudden presence, but everyone else seems normal.