Saving Della-Ray

by Le Carre, Georgia

  I looked at the wheelchair with disgust.

  Yuri straightened from his job of assembling the darn thing. “Do you need help getting on?”

  I turned my face away. “Just leave it there, thanks.”

  “Alright then,” he said, his gaze going to the half-eaten meal by my table. “They’re aware now, aren’t they? That you own this place.”

  “No doubt,” I sighed. “It’s probably under surveillance. You were careful on your way in, I trust.”

  “Of course. I had my glasses on and was careful with my angles. Even if they get a picture they have nothing clear enough to search with.”

  “Well, don’t come by anymore.”

  “I won’t,” he responded but then his eyes went once again to the food on the table.

  “What?” I asked.

  “The girl, she’s—” he began.

  I immediately shut it down. “I’ll get rid of her.”

  “Don’t,” he said immediately.

  A cold claw tightened around my stomach. “What?”

  “She’s good collateral for you. They still suspect you, but with her around, they’ll figure anything that you do out of the ordinary will be because of her. Perhaps they’ll think you’re in love with her and so will want to protect her.”

  I stared at him like he was out of his mind. “You do know what that will mean for her, right? She will no longer be safe.”

  “Look who’s talking about safe. You told her your fucking name, for crying out loud.”

  I dropped my head. I shouldn’t have done that. I was half-dead and I just wanted her to know in case I died.

  “She’s already attached to you,” he continued. “So you might as well just ride it out. If we plan it well, your death at the end can release her of any relation to you. They will never come after her and she’ll be free then to live her life as she sees fit.”

  Anger at his words nearly blinded me. “I don’t want her involved.” I growled.

  “Don’t be stupid, Gage.”

  I smacked the lamp by my side. It flew across the room and crashed into the wall.

  He lowered his voice, but still went on, “Get as mad as you want, but you shouldn’t have gotten with her in the first place. I've seen how she is with you that first night we came. Her attachment to you is not … ordinary. I don’t think she’ll walk away from you even if you told her to go.”

  “She’s not going to be a part of this,” I repeated, and my word was final.

  He just shrugged. “Up to you man. If you want to get your man, I suggest you start thinking with your head and not your dick.”

  “Get the fuck out!” I shouted.

  “Call me if you need me,” he said as he walked away.

  I lay back on the pillows and cursed out loud. I looked at the clock. It was five. She would be finished with her shift at the diner now. I thought of her. How she made her ugly uniform look like it was something right off the catwalk. And even in my broken state, my cock stirred. Yuri was right about one thing. I was a fool who’d been thinking with my dick. And I had to stop doing that. I had to find a way to protect her.

  Twenty minutes passed with me staring at the minute hand of the clock slowly ticking my life away. Eventually, I rolled over to the kitchen. I needed food to get my strength back. I was no good to anyone like this. I was reaching up for a pan when I heard the sound of the key in the door.

  In spite of everything I had said to myself, I felt my heart leap with joy.

  With the help of the counter’s edge, I leaned up a bit from the chair to reach for the handle of the saucepan on the top shelf, but it toppled over and the entire set of metal pans came crashing down upon me.

  I collapsed back into the chair just as she came into view. “Bone!” Della cried and hurried over. “You’re in a wheelchair?”

  “Yeah.” I picked up the pan I needed from the floor and slammed it on top of the stove.

  She stopped just before she reached me. She could see that I was in a bad mood and she didn’t know how to proceed.

  I let her know. “I told you not to come back.” I dumped the contents of a can of soup into the pan.

  “There’s no need to eat that,” she said to me. “I got you better food. Steak and fries.”

  I wanted so much for her to stay that I became angry with myself. To hide my face, I bent and began to pick up the pots and pan within my reach on the ground, but she instantly came over to help me.

  My hand reflexively shot out not to shove her away, but to stop her from coming any closer to me, but to my horror, the force of my hand caused her to fly backwards and almost slam into the wall. I stared at her sprawled on the floor. My hand trembled as it instinctively reached for her.

  She got to her feet, slowly and quietly.

  I couldn’t speak. I was afraid. I kept pretending to myself that I wanted her to walk away, but the idea of losing her permanently terrified me.

  She didn’t meet my eyes as she walked away.

  I knew this was my best chance of letting her go. If she walked away now, she would never come back, but suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I pushed my chair forward, grabbed her waist and pulled her to me. Turning her around, I leaned forward, buried my face in her stomach, and refused to let her go. I was filled with remorse.

  She remained still, then she spoke very quietly, “Apologize.”

  “I’m sorry …” my voice shook. “I am so, so sorry. I would never, ever hurt you. It was an accident. A pure accident.”

  She loosened my grip from around her then and began to pick up the fallen utensils.

  I stayed still and didn’t dare meet her gaze.

  She placed them on the counter, turned off the gas, and then returned to the meal that she had been unpacking.

  I turned the chair around to face her. “I don’t want you to be in danger Della-Ray,” I pleaded with her. “Please listen to me.”

  “I don’t want you to be alone. Not at this time. And I’ve told you, it’s not for you. It’s for my own peace of mind.”

  “Why does it bother you so much if I’m hurt or not?”

  “How the hell would I know?” she yelled, finally turning to me. The sudden outburst surprised even her. Della turned around and leaned against the counter to catch her breath. “I’ll be out of here when you can stand on your own.”

  Gage

  She didn’t know it, but I understood exactly what she was talking about. My safety rattled her peace of mind just as hers did mine. But neither of us wanted to acknowledge it because that would solidify the dilemma in a way that couldn’t be resolved without a painful ending.

  “I'm in a position right now where all I can tell you about myself, is that I care about you. Is it enough?” I asked

  She halted. “Enough for what?”

  “Enough for you to put your life on the line to be with me. Because if it is not enough, then you better leave right now.”

  She stilled once again, then left the counter to retrieve a plate from the cupboard. Her answer when it came was strained and filled with desperate hope, “Are you saying that you want to be with me?”

  “I want to try, I’m not sure I’m capable of being the man you need.”

  “What does that even mean?”

  “That it’s the wrong time … for the both of us. I’m still filled with wounds that haven’t healed. I don’t want to make you become another. And I can’t walk away yet. I’ve got something I have to do. So please trust me, and give me time. If I … if it’s meant to be, I’ll come back to you.”

  She dropped her gaze and clasped her hands tightly. “I’m not asking for—a future with you. All I know is you’re terribly injured right now and I’m not going to leave you to handle it all on your own. I owe that much to you.”

  “Okay,” I said softly. “That’s a good starting place.”

  She still couldn’t look me in the eyes. “I only stopped by to bring you food. Why don’t you go sit on the bed and I’ll bring it to
you?”

  “Okay …” I rolled the chair towards the bedroom.

  Della

  I was longing for a future with him. It was my dream, the thing I prayed for, but I was too afraid to believe that it could even be possible. A haze of doubts and fears regarding his safety, mine and Jess’s made any thoughts of a life with him seem like a fantasy. And I never was one to believe in fantasies. I knew there was no Santa Clause before any of the other kids at school.

  I didn’t want to be late for my shift at the bar so I quickly popped his still warm food on the plate and seconds later, I was walking towards his bedroom carrying a tray of food and drink.

  He was sitting by the window. It looked out to an empty field. There was absolutely nothing to see, but he was admiring the scenery.

  I knew somehow that he was no longer in the room, but in some private hell of his. “Why don’t you eat it while the food is hot,” I said placing the meal on the nightstand.

  He turned and looked at me. Something in his expression made my heart bleed. I wanted to go to him, but I was afraid he would reject me. My greatest concern was that he would confront me and ask for the new key to his door that his friends had allowed me to hold onto.

  He said nothing, just stared at me.

  I stood there awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other. It seemed impossible to think that we were lovers. To think how wild we became when our skin touched. I hugged myself. “I should go. I don’t want to be late again. I’ll be back tomorrow with more food.”

  “Goodnight, Della,” he said softly.

  “Goodnight to you too,” I said, backing out of the room.

  Della Ray

  For the rest of the night, not a single real smile could I rustle up. I handled my usual duties, but for the first time, I felt truly dissatisfied. I had never really thought of anything beyond my current engagements, my constant and immediate need to get through the work I needed to do to ensure my paycheck at the end of each week.

  That paycheck would go towards what Jess and I would need, her medical bills and our living expenses. We were always in debt … we were always lacking, but I had truly never felt dissatisfied until today. I felt tired and used up. When was the wanting going to stop?

  When I got a moment’s break from serving, I tossed my tray to a nearby table, then sat down and glanced around the room I had spent most of my nights in over the last three years. I was wasting my life, but there was nothing I could do about it really. And soon I would have the worry of Denise trying to put Jess in an orphanage. I sighed with despair.

  Henry was passing by at that moment and I guess he noted the darkness on my face. He pulled out the chair in front of me and sat. “Hey, hey, what’s going on?” he asked.

  I didn’t even want to speak. I just slightly stretched my lips into a passable smile.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  Where to start telling him about the mess of my life. “What’s right?”

  He sucked in air through his teeth. “Is it serious?”

  I was never one to complain. It solved nothing. I straightened my spine. “Don’t mind me. I’m just sulking. It’s just today. I’ll be as right as rain tomorrow.”

  “One of those days then, huh?” He smiled.

  I nodded.

  “You know what I told you about not pulling your weight around here?”

  “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Hang on. Hang on. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said that. You are one of the best workers we have here. When you’re slacking off is the only time when one of us can rival you.”

  Suddenly, I felt all emotional. At least someone appreciated me.

  He knew I was fighting back the tears so he turned away to gaze at the fairly busy bar, his hands linked together behind his shaved head.

  Time to change the subject or I would start balling my eyes out. “Do you have any plans?” I asked. I’d never given his life outside the bar any thought. “Beyond this bar? You’ve been working here even longer than I have.”

  He glanced back at me. “Of course. I’ve been saving for a bit to open a mechanic workshop. I spend my days fixing up cars, then hop over here for the night. You do the same don’t you, with the diner?”

  “Yeah,” I replied. “But I'm definitely not saving towards anything.”

  “Well, you can’t do that too easily.” His voice softened. “You have your niece to take care of. Her bills must be very expensive. Are you feeling burdened?”

  “Never!”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  “I don’t know,” I lied. “I used to always feel satisfied, but not so much now. Maybe it’s just tonight.”

  He peered into my eyes. “Did something new happen?”

  “Not really.”

  “Hmm ... that means that something did and whether good or bad it means that you need a change. Even if it’s of jobs and goals. Don’t ignore it.” With two taps on the table, he rose and went back to work.

  I did the same, with his words echoing in my head. There was nothing new about what he had said, but I could feel my resistance to keeping the past as it was ‒ beginning to melt. For the first time in a very long time ‒ I wanted more.

  Gage

  I was seated in front of the television, a soft plaid blanket that Della had brought, over my jeans when a strong knock sounded at the door.

  “Bone!”

  I’d been expecting trouble and in a way, it was good to finally meet it head on. I rolled the wheelchair over to the door, turned the lock, and pulled it open.

  Tyler, Rose, and Volt stood in the corridor.

  Their uninvited visit was a big deal, especially as they were not supposed to be aware of this apartment’s existence, but they were past pretending. We all knew that bridge had long been crossed.

  Without a word, I turned around and headed back to the place in the living room where I had been. I had a gun hidden on my lap and was grateful for the foresight to have kept it underneath the blanket as I’d settled in for the evening with the news on.

  They came in and the racket began.

  “You’re living large, Bone,” Rose bellowed, his eyes sparkling with excitement as they roamed around the apartment.

  The other two took their seats on the sofa.

  I turned towards them.

  “How you holding up?” Volt asked.

  I glared at them both.

  Tyler folded his hands across his chest and leaned back into the sofa. “We’re here for further investigation,” he said. “You’re not off the hook yet.”

  “Don’t take offense, Bone,” Rose said and came over to stand by my side. “You know how things are. Jump these last hoops and you’ll be in the clear soon enough.”

  “We need your fingerprints,” Tyler said.

  Volt immediately began to dig into his backpack for what I supposed was a kit.

  “What for?” I asked, my tone cold and unforgiving.

  “It’s an added measure,” he replied.

  I turned away from him. All these checks had been done before I was patched into the club two years earlier but now it was all being re-done to see if they had missed something. Thus far, they had re-obtained my social security number, all addresses, and needed background information in a bid to review if I was a rat.

  “You screwed up big time,” Rose said. “But if all goes well, especially with the drug deal in a few weeks then we’ll petition Snake and the rest of the club. You’ll be re-instated and all will be back to normal.”

  I didn’t bother informing him that a month from now, I intended to be dead. I didn’t need reinstating into their stupid fucking club.

  Suddenly, there was movement at the front door and we all looked up.

  “Expecting someone?” Tyler asked.

  I glanced towards the clock on the kitchen wall. It was only four o’clock so it shouldn’t be her, but I knew it was her. I felt chills go down my arms and the hair at the back of my head stood. My hands
nervously gripped the chair, but I stopped myself before I could overreact and put us both in deeper suspicion.

  She walked in and froze when she saw the full house.

  Suddenly, I heard the cock of a gun from behind me and saw fear flash in her eyes just as she let out a scream of terror. She shot down to the floor, her hands to her ears, the plastic bag she had brought falling to the ground.

  My gaze briefly noted the bell pepper that rolled out of the bag before I turned around to see that Volt was the one who had a gun pointed directly at her. “Put that damn thing away!” I growled. I hoped that for his sake, he didn’t think I was joking.

  He didn’t respond. Instead, he shared a look with Tyler, and began to move towards her.

  The blanket across my lap flew off and in a flash, he was staring down the barrel of my own gun.

  The entire room went very still.

  For what seemed like a lifetime, no one said anything.

  Then Tyler rose slowly. With his gaze on me, he went over to Volt who was also staring at me in surprise. With his hand on Volt’s hand, he lowered the gun.

  I refused to lower mine. “Go to the bedroom, Della,” I ordered.

  When she didn’t move, I turned to glance at her.

  She was trembling. Her lips parted to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out.

  “I’m fine,” I assured her. “Now go to the bedroom and close the door.”

  With a brave glare at the other men that quite surprised me, she picked herself up from the floor and left the room.

  I returned the safety to my gun, picked up the blanket from the floor, and spread it across my lap.

  “I wasn’t going to hurt her, Bone,” Volt said, his tone dipping with a hint of hurt at my reaction.

  “Well, I was going to hurt you,” I stated clearly. “If I had my full strength, you would be unconscious by now.”

  “Whoa, Bone,” Rose complained. “Take it easy man. You’re the one who messed up. Everyone does from time to time, and they pay for it. Why are you so sour about it?”

  “Get your fucking questions done and be on your way!”