by Cee, DW
“Ben will always love Melody. She will never be replaced in his heart.”
“Let’s table Ben for a bit. What’s happening with Noah? He left very unhappy. Should we be concerned?”
“No. You don’t need to worry about Ali being loved.” As Alice’s grandparents, she was their main, and possibly only concern. “Noah and his parents adore Ali and accept her as family already.”
“What got him so upset before he left?”
I sighed and tried to figure out our problem. “While we fussed over Ali, Noah felt like he didn’t have a place in this situation. That’s what he didn’t like. It’s not that he doesn’t like Ali. He just doesn’t want to feel left out; he wants to be a part of all of our lives. I need to do a better job creating an all-encompassing nuclear family for Ali’s sake.”
I sensed disapproval in Benjamin and Shea. “Do you maybe want to postpone the wedding for a few months until you can resolve this big issue with Noah? I don’t know how healthy it would be to start your forever with such a huge hurdle. Ali’s not going anywhere and neither are the rest of us.”
I understood their concern. I’d talk to Noah once Ali was down for the night.
For now, I needed to get away from any more probing questions.
“Ali is falling asleep. I’m going to get going. Please tell Ben we left?” It was a curt ending to a difficult night.
Chapter 5 - Ben
Could You Be The One For Me ~Stereophonics
“Ben Howard, you are a genius!”
“You like the song, Melody?”
“How could I not like the song? Everyone loves it. I can’t believe you can write such beautiful words. Where does that all come from?”
“It seems as though I’ve found my muse.”
“What do you mean, muse? Who’s your muse?”
“Would it be wrong if I said you were my muse?”
“Me?”
“You, Melody Montgomery. You inspired me to write music that’s filled with love and hope and gorgeous dreams. Your beauty, inside and out, inspires me.”
“I don’t know what to say, Ben.”
“You’ve been there for me since Marni broke up with me and you’ve helped me through some of my toughest days. Somewhere in the course of these months, I’ve fallen in love with you. You only need to listen to the words of my song, Sweet Melody, to know it’s all about you.”
“Oh Ben. I don’t know what to say. I’ve been in love with you since I was a little girl and hoped one day you’d see me instead of my sister. I love you too, Ben Howard, and I will help you become the best musician you can be.”
“Ali and I are taking a nice warm bath. Could you put all her sleep items outside my bathroom for me? We might be in there for a while; this girl stinks.”
“She looks like she needed to sleep.”
“The bath will be good for her. I’ll bring her out when she starts nodding off.”
“All right.”
I did as was asked and prepped the changing area in Mar’s room with Ali’s pajamas and favorite bedtime story. Both girls lounged in the bath and I was left to twiddle my thumbs. I walked into Ali’s room and sorted through her clothes. Taking out the small ones, I placed them in one pile and soon I had a large mound headed to Goodwill.
I thought sorting clothes had taken a ton of time off the clock, but upon knocking on the bathroom door, I was told to go away for a little longer. There was giggling and singing and an all-around good time happening in the bathtub. More than anything, I wished I could join them.
With too much time on my hands, I went into my home-studio and fiddled around with some notes to the score I was writing for the next movie. I hadn’t gotten very far when I heard Mar’s call for help.
“Can I come in?” I asked while knocking on the door.
Mar, already dressed in a bathrobe, opened the door. Here, I found a happy but sleepy child.
“Will you take her for a little bit while I get dressed? She’s back to our giggly Ali,” Mar reassured.
“Sure.” I reached for my daughter and pulled her away. “Am I back in your good graces, Pretty Girl?”
“Mama?” The pout formed immediately.
“I’m right here, Baby. Let me grab my clothes, and then we’ll go to your room. Let me change in the bathroom while your dada keeps you happy.”
“Dada.” My little girl was back. She called me her “Dada” while slapping my cheeks with her hands.
“I love you Precious Girl. What will I do when you grow up and get married? Will you live in this same house with me? I can’t go a day without you.”
“You better get a life, Ben, because your daughter will find a life of her own whether you approve or not.”
“I can’t hear you, Grinch-who’s-trying-to-steal-my-happiness. Stay in the bathroom all night if you’re going to be a naysayer.”
“Seriously?” Mar popped out dressed in her pajamas with her riotous hair going in every direction. “Don’t be a loser, Ben. I told you this isn’t healthy for when you get married and have more kids. Ali will either feel like she’s losing her father’s attention or your other children will be envious of their older sister.”
“What the hell are you going on about? I’m not getting married and I sure as hell am not having any more kids. My Ali is it.”
“You’re thirty-two. You’re going to live the life of a monk for the next fifty, sixty years?” Mar questioned.
“I don’t know, but what I do know is that I won’t marry the first woman to come along, and in record time to boot.”
By the stunned expression, I’d say my comment didn’t go over well. My initial thought wasn’t to criticize Marni, but somehow, it happened. My statement was not much different than a slap in the face.
Marni chose to ignore me—at least she tried to ignore me—until the tears dropped. She wiped her face almost as much as she wiped all the moisture off Ali’s body.
“Mar.” I spoke in apology. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’ve been so ornery with you these days.”
Rather than talking, she pulled Ali back into her arms, dressed her for the night, and sat on the rocking chair. The tattered book she starting reading was in vain. My little girl was done for the night. Mar refused to recognize this and held her niece close to her body.
When the wracking sobs started, I knew it was time for us to be honest with one another.
“Let me place Ali in her bed. We are long overdue for this talk.” She didn’t deny my request. “My balcony?” I asked once we were out of Ali’s room. Mar walked toward my room like a prisoner to her beheading.
I assumed she’d find her way to the balcony while I went to pick up a couple of beers for us. It wouldn’t hurt to be a little more relaxed before starting this painful conversation. I knew what I needed to say to my once-girlfriend. It was anyone’s guess how she would respond to my confession.
“Here.” My sister-in-law accepted the beer and took a swig. “You want to ream me first or shall I apologize first? Your choice.”
Mar sat quiet. Rather than pester her, I sat with her and we listened to the crashing waves.
“I’ve always loved listening to the ocean. It had such a calming effect whenever life got difficult for me.”
“I know. Since you couldn’t see the beach from your room, I knew you left your window open most nights because that sound gave you peace. I should switch rooms with you so you can have this every night, but I guess the thought is too late.”
“Why, Ben?”
“Uh, because you’re getting married in a week? Were you planning on living here after you married? If so, we can swap bedrooms tonight.”
“You know what I’m asking.”
I did. I wanted to pretend I didn’t.
“What happened to you after our talk in New Orleans?”
“I don’t know how to answer that question.”
“Yeah you do. Back in New Orleans, you told me you didn’t know when and if you ever stopp
ed loving me. How did you go from those sentiments to agreeing to marry Noah?”
Marni had no words. She sighed and finished her beer. “Can I have another one?” I obliged. She stayed silent even longer.
Just like before, we sat and listened to the waves. Between the two of us, there had always been this comfortable silence. This was where Marni and Melody differed. My late wife was a chatterbug. She talked, giggled, read-aloud—always needed some type of noise in the house. Her older sister was like the Rodin statue. She could be termed as the “Thinking Woman,” with the way she brooded at times. Because there was always so much noise in my head—lyrics, music, thoughts and ideas—I preferred the quiet.
“You want to finish this tomorrow?” I gave her an out.
“No,” she sighed. “Let’s talk. I think you and I need a fresh start maybe even more so than Noah and I need a fresh start. Is that all you want to know? What happened after New Orleans?”
I answered sincerely, “I want to know what happened to the girl who once loved me.”
“The girl who loved you hid her feelings away in a tiny compartment in her heart, and threw away the key once you married her sister.”
“So those feelings are still there if we go looking for them?”
“Anything is possible, Ben, but no one has caught sight of them for a very long time.”
“You too? You haven’t seen them? Felt them? Wanted to free them?”
“Why do you need to know, Ben? How will anything change between us if you found the key to unlock my heart? Would you go searching for the feelings just so you can throw them away? Would you nurture and cherish the feelings you find? Or would you show your own feelings and reciprocate? In the end, though, what good will any of this do?”
Mar was throwing down a challenge. I decided tonight was going to be a night where we laid everything on the table. Only complete honesty between us would give me a peace of mind and heart. Maybe, possibly, a wedding might not happen this weekend. Only the truth would tell.
Chapter 5 - Noah
Could You Be The One For Me ~Stereophonics
“How’s married life, Son?”
“Dad! It’s good to see you. What brings you aboard our tiny ship?”
“I came to make sure my son wasn’t embarrassing the Bergstrom name.”
“There’s no chance of that, Admiral. We peons wouldn’t dare upset Admiral Bergstrom.”
“How’s Siena?”
“She’s well. She’s visiting her mom in Italy. The di Rossis are vacationing in Greece as soon as her father gets home.”
“Does she have any plans to do something with her degree?”
“She says she’s young. She wants to live life, enjoy all that her father’s money has to offer, and then she’ll get serious.”
“Will she ever have kids? Your mother and I’d like grandchildren.”
“I hope so, Dad. For now, she says she doesn’t want any. They would crimp her lifestyle.”
“Hopefully she’ll grow up soon. Living with a Navy man isn’t an easy life. She’ll come around to the realities.”
“We’ll be all right, Dad. It’s not as bad as I’m portraying it to be. Siena’s a good wife and I’m enjoying married life.”
“Good to hear, Son. Once this is done, we’ll all catch up in New York. I’d like to see my daughter-in-law.”
“I’ll let her know. Good seeing you, Dad.”
“What do you think, Dad? How bad was my mistake?”
“Noah.” The way he said my name answered the question. I had screwed up royally.
After dropping off Jackie, I went home and called my father. The night started in frustration and anger, but now I was afraid. If Marni wanted to call off the wedding, I wouldn’t have much to say in my defense. I was back to square one—back to those days when I ran into Marni after Siena and I divorced.
“What do I do, Dad?”
“The girl I saw in New York last weekend wasn’t one who doubted her feelings for you. She was confident in the fact that she wanted to be a part of you and our family. That little baby is her responsibility right now. No matter how much you fight it, she’s taken on that burden. There’s no point in feeling insecure about your place in her life. It is you who is marrying Marni. Baby Alice is only here until a better situation comes along. She won’t be a part of your life forever.”
“Damn. When will I grow up?”
“When I was your age, if I was even half as mature as you are now, Carson Hanover wouldn’t be warming your mother’s bed.”
“Losing Mom will always be your worst move, huh Admiral?”
“I’ve told you in the past. It’s hell when you’re not with the woman you love. And it’s even worse to watch her with some other man.” Dad sighed. “Go. Talk to your fiancée and make sure she’ll be at the altar this weekend.”
“Yes, Sir.”
Talking to my parents always did wonders for my self-esteem. I now felt confident that I could get Marni on the plane with me in a few days. But first, a phone call and a lot of groveling needed to happen.
“Marni.” I wasn’t sure whether I should make a statement or ask a question with her name.
“Noah.” She repeated my intonation, just a little stiffer.
“Can you talk?” There was silence for a few seconds.
I heard her ask, “Give me a few minutes?” and I heard him answer, “Sure.” Instantly, I was angry again.
“OK. I’m in my room.”
“You weren’t, earlier?”
The sigh was loud and unmistakable. “I was on Ben’s balcony, listening to the waves, about to drink my third bottle of beer. Is this why you called? You feel the need to censure me again?”
“Sorry.” I apologized immediately before she became angrier with me. “I want to say I’m sorry about my behavior earlier today. It was inexcusable and pretty lame to be jealous of a one-year-old. I promise it won’t happen again. And if for some reason it does happen again, I’ll keep my opinions to myself.”
“Why would you feel insecure, Noah? How can we promise to trust one another the rest of our lives when you can’t trust me with Ali and Ben? They’re family. I’m helping family. If your family needed my help, I’d be there for them too.”
“Have I told you what an idiot I am? Even with my ring on your finger, I can’t wipe away thoughts of you and Ben.”
“You and Ben are both exhausting people.” I wasn’t quite sure what she meant by that. I assumed she’d tell me. “Remember my late sister, Melody? Ben’s wife of ten years? Ali’s mother? When you think of Ben and me, try and remember that he’s had a wife for the past decade. Had it not been for Melody’s passing, they’d still be married today.” Marni spoke in an admonishing, but resigned, voice. She understood that I was penitent. She just wanted to get in a few more jabs before the bell ended our final round.
“Every word you say is right. Every word I’ve said thus far was not only wrong, but also completely uncalled for. Do you forgive me? Will you still marry me?” The lightness in my tone conveyed the lightness in my heart. I knew we would be man and wife soon.
“I do and I do. Now, I need to get off the phone. Ben and I were in the middle of resolving our issues. We’ll talk again tomorrow?”
Why the hell would she have issues with her brother-in-law? Rather than question and get scolded, I changed topics to happier ones. “The real estate agent called. We got the house if you still want it.”
“Seriously? That quickly? What happened to mulling over major decisions?”
“They’ve already thought things through on their part. It’s us who need to think through whether we want to settle there.”
“I really liked the place but I worry over the payments. I don’t want to be in over our heads.”
“Shall I spoil you with the good news first or possibly sadden you with the bad news?”
“Good news. I need some right now.”
Huh? Once again, I didn’t ask. Marni was in one of th
ose moods. “The good news is, this home in San Diego already has a buyer.”
“What? When and how did that happen?”
“OK. Sit down. This is kind of complicated, but I think your mom and my parents worked this out for us. Let me see if I can explain it to you correctly.”
“Go ahead.”
“Apparently, Jackie, Carson, Mom, and Dad have been in deep discussion over the wedding and our housing situation the past few days. All four of them want to give us the world and they’ve come up with a way to do just that.”
“Explain.”
“Your mom will move into this condo and sell her house, which is fully paid off.”
“OK…”
“With the sale of the house, she’d like to give you the money to purchase the beach house.”
“What?” Before Marni objected too heavily, I needed her to understand the full story.
“There’s more.” That quieted my feisty woman. “Your mom will stay in the condo, but we will continue to pay it off. So, in essence, nothing changes for her, except the home.”
“Mom has been wanting to downsize. But, the sale of her house is money she could use the rest of her life.”
“I agree. We will come up with a monthly sum to deposit into her account once we move into the house.”
“All right. So, if we’re not selling the condo and Mom’s house isn’t sold just yet, where are we getting the money to buy our new home?” This woman was always a smart one.
“In the meanwhile, Mom, Carson and Dad will be purchasing the house for us in full. We’ll pay them back when everything is settled.”
“Geez, it truly takes a village to marry us off, huh?”
“We have the best parents is what I think.”
“We sure do, Noah. I can’t thank them enough for helping us out from the start.”