by Cee, DW
“Now, the best news of all—the house could be ours in ten days since we are paying with all cash. If we can get our inspections done, we can start moving, ASAP.”
“All I’ve heard so far is good news. What’s the bad news?”
“Bad news is, I need to be in San Diego for another two months. We will have to be weekend spouses for a little longer than I expected.”
“That’s no big deal. We’ll be spouses the rest of our lives. What’s two months?”
“I love the attitude Marni Bergstrom. Can you continue that when I tell you that our honeymoon has to be postponed until I’m done with my job in San Diego?”
The silence was there, but not for long. “That only means you’ll have to take me on a longer honeymoon to make up for the delay.” I loved my fiancée! “Noah, if you thought I’d throw a fit, like some people I know, over small setbacks, you don’t know me very well.”
“Ouch!” I pretended to be hurt. “I think it’s time to say goodnight before your spear digs any deeper.”
Marni chuckled. “Goodnight, Noah.”
“Goodnight and I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Chapter 5 - Marni
Could You Be The One For Me ~Stereophonics
“Marni! You came—and on time.”
“Did I have a choice? I don’t have time for dinner, but we can have a drink while you apologize.”
“Wow. When did you become so mean? Where’s the sweet Marni who used to share her gelato with me?”
“Noah. I don’t want to be hurt again. You did your damage. It may not have been a big deal to you, but it was to me. I’m still searching for the remaining pieces of my heart. Please don’t make this any worse than it has to be.”
“God, Marni. I’m sorry. If I could take back that semester, I would. You don’t know how much I want to erase everything that’s happened since you left.”
“That’s not the kindest thing to say to the woman you married. It doesn’t speak very highly of you to speak so poorly of your once-wife, once-love.”
“One day, I’ll tell you all that’s happened between me and my once-wife, once-love. You might actually feel a little more sympathy for me when you hear the complete saga.”
“OK, Noah. I don’t care to hear any sagas. I heard your ‘I’m sorry’ and I accept. There’s no need to ask for my forgiveness any longer. Let’s just go back to being strangers.”
“Marni. You promised me a drink. Sit. Relax. Tell me about work—something non-threatening for you and me.”
“Just one drink.”
“Sure. What would you like to drink?”
“Beer on tap, please.”
“For me, I’ll take that gallon of water sitting under the bar. That should take me until about closing time to finish it up.”
“That was a damn long conversation. You kept me waiting so long, I got hungry and had to heat up hot wings and bring up more beer.”
“I did tell you I’m getting married this weekend? I don’t need to be a puffy-looking bride.”
“A few wings won’t make a dent into your beauty. Join me.”
“Damn you, Ben Howard!” Resisting hot wings and beer was a feat for me. I sat and joined in the midnight snack. “Where were we?”
“What happened with your fiancé?”
“All is good. He apologized. The wedding is back on, not that it was ever off.”
“Do you argue often?”
“Never. It’s only since you’ve surfaced.” I laughed at an indignant Ben.
“I am not the cause of your arguments. How can that be?”
“The arguments started when my sister asked me to carry your baby. Then it happened again when you asked me to care for your child. And lastly, we can’t forget the child herself. She is the ultimate cause of our arguments.”
“Harsh, Mar. You make us all sound like miserable leeches in your life.”
“If the shoe fits…”
“Seriously? You consider us leeches?”
“Ali, no. You and my sister—you’re both selfish people. You’ve always been.”
“Damn. The truth comes out after three bottles of beer. Spill it, Marni. Tell me all that you’ve been harboring in your heart.”
He asked for it. “Melody’s always had a crush on you, even while you and I were dating. She’d flirt with you when she thought I wasn’t watching, and she’d place us all in situations where it was impossible to say no to her without looking like a bitch or an asshole.” Like a wide-eyed doe, Ben had no clue what I was talking about. “For instance, her prom. She asked you to her junior prom even though she had several boys ask her. You and I were dating and she asked you out. If that isn’t brazen and damn selfish, I don’t know what is.”
“Come on Mar, you’re being overly critical about Melody’s junior prom. I escorted her. We had a good time. That was it. We came home before the clock struck midnight.”
“I can’t win in this conversation, Ben. You loved her. You married her. Now she’s no longer with us. What else would I be but a jealous, callous bitch for speaking ill of the dead? I’ll let that go.” I was on my fourth beer thinking maybe it wasn’t smart to get buzzed while talking to Ben about such intimate issues. “What I will say—you probably should have looked into adopting before coming to me as a surrogate. I have no regrets about Alice, but I do regret all the heartache this surrogacy has caused in the past and might still cause in the future.”
“Explain yourself.”
“You have no idea how hard it was on Noah and me when you asked me to carry your baby. Would you have wanted Melody to carry a child for Noah and me? Think of my boyfriend who had to care for a woman who was carrying her ex-boyfriend’s baby. Would you have done that for Melody while you were dating? If you think hard and deep, you’ll know that you have no reason to dislike Noah. He’s been nothing but understanding of this entire, ridiculous situation.”
Ben was hurt by that last comment. This is the honesty he wanted. After tonight, I may never get the chance to do this again. I wasn’t holding back.
“But you love Alice.” I didn’t know if he always brought everything back to his daughter as a defense mechanism, or because his life did truly revolve around this little girl. “You don’t have any bad feelings toward her, do you?”
“None at all, Ben. No matter what is said tonight, I want you to be clear on a few things. Though she’s my niece, I love her like a daughter. For nine months I loved her like my own. Never did I think she wasn’t a part of me. That’s why it was so hard when Jean and Melody asked me to leave. My heart was taken from me when I couldn’t see her or hold her again. I understood where your wife was coming from, but it hurt like hell to be cut off from Ali.”
“I wish you ladies would have clued me in on your turf war. I would have resolved this issue. What happened to you was wrong, Marni. You shouldn’t have been pushed out.”
“What would you have done? What could you have done?” I snorted. “Right or wrong, you would have sided with your wife. The tears, the drama, the subtle manipulation—my sister was a master in all three.”
“She was a bit dramatic at times, but I think you’re being unfair concerning the other two accusations.”
“Of course you do, and rightly so,” I snorted again. “How do you think she convinced me to carry your child?”
“Uh…I thought it was out of the kindness of your heart. Melody told me you came to the conclusion that you wanted to help us.”
“Yeah, only after she came to San Diego with her mother and kicked and screamed until she got her way.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Why the hell would I lie, Ben Howard? What possible reason would I have to lie to you about your deceased wife?” He didn’t have anything to say so I said the rest for him. “She and Jean came down one day and she cried and cried, explaining how tough her life was without a baby. She laid the guilt so thick, I didn’t know how I’d get it off my conscience if I didn’t follow h
er edict. When I wouldn’t cave, she kicked and screamed and told me that I was selfish. I always had everything first and she received the hand-me-downs, the leftovers—from clothes to our shared father to our shared boyfriend.” By the grim expression on my brother-in-law’s face, he was borderline angry. “When none of that worked, she told me maybe I was too old to have a baby. Perhaps she should ask someone younger. She said the main reason she asked me and not a younger, healthier woman was because we were similar in size and looks. Not that it made a difference, but she said she wanted a surrogate who matched her physically.”
Ben was quiet for a long while. “I’m sorry, Mar. I had no idea.”
“Contrary to how it sounds, I’m not trying to malign your late wife. I loved my sister, but she had her flaws, as we all do. I’m not even sure where Melody came into this conversation when we were talking about the three of us.”
I knew this would be a long night, but shit, I had no idea I’d be this chatty. We’d barely scratched the surface.
Chapter 6 - Ben
How Deep Is Your Love ~Bee Gees
“I love being married to you, Ben. I’m the luckiest girl alive!”
“I’m the luckiest man alive, my sweet Melody. Since you’ve entered my life, everything is going right. My music career is off the charts, my writing is on overdrive, and I haven’t been this happy in a very long time.”
“Are you glad you married me?”
“How can you ask that? What would possess you to ask such a question?”
“I just worry at times that you might regret choosing me over Marni. You’ve mentioned several times now that you miss her.”
“I do miss her. She was a great friend. Don’t you miss her? We haven’t seen her since our wedding.”
“Not really. It’s not hard to see that she’s jealous of what I have with you. I don’t want to be around her negativity.”
“I don’t think Mar is jealous. She’s just been busy with school and now with work. I’m supposed to be in New York soon for a music conference. I’ll have to get together with her and catch up on what’s been happening in her life.”
“But I can’t make it to that trip with you. I have to stay here and help Mom coordinate Grandma’s party. You can’t meet with Marni without me.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s your ex-girlfriend.”
“No. She’s your sister and my sister-in-law. I don’t think of her in any other way than family.”
“Ben, please promise me you’ll not meet with Marni without me. I don’t know how she really feels about you or what she thinks of me. It would freak me out if you socialized with her. Please promise!”
“Melody, you have nothing to worry about. I love you. Your sister loves you. Neither of us wants to see you upset.”
“If you don’t want me upset, then promise me, now.”
“All right, my sweet Melody. But, I want you to promise me that we’ll invite her over to our house when Mar comes home for the holidays.”
“Sure. I can do that for you if you’ll stay away from her in New York.”
“You can be an adorable brat, Melody Howard.”
“I know!”
The three of us. Which three was I to think of when asked this question? With Melody gone and with Marni about to get married, was there even a three of us? Most likely it would be just my baby and me the rest of my life. Once she grew up and married, it would end up being a solo me. What a depressing thought.
“Are you pissed I talked shit about your wife?”
“No. You’re right about everything. I didn’t think it affected anyone but me and her parents. To me, it wasn’t a big deal; many times I thought she was acting cute. She became more desperate for a child with each year of marriage. Maybe that’s what made her behave like a shrew when she went to visit you. All this time I thought my love for her was enough. I see now it wasn’t.”
“Don’t do that, Ben. There’s no use in pointing fingers, especially at ourselves. You were the best husband you could be, and she loved you. No one could have made her as happy as you did.”
“I wish Melody could be here with us to hash out all these misunderstandings, as well as to apologize. We did you a disservice, didn’t we?”
Mar thought about that for a while. Her answer didn’t disappoint. “I’d go through ten years of morning sickness all over again just to have Alice in my life. There are no regrets for producing that little girl sleeping in the room between us. All the hassles in-between, I could have lived without.”
“All right. We’ve established that you love my baby girl and that my late wife was a bit difficult. Are we ever getting back to you and me?”
“What is it you want to know? I’ll answer all your questions under a few conditions.”
Finally! “Deal. What are your conditions?”
“This is the final conversation we are having about us. We will no longer be exes—just family.”
“Fair enough.”
“I want you to give Noah a break. He’s the outsider trying to fit into our family. We’re as dysfunctional as they come. Help him get settled.”
“I’m not sure I can help, but I won’t make the situation any worse.”
Mar wasn’t happy with my answer, but she let it go. “Lastly, I need you to be flexible with me. There will be some days where this adjustment won’t be pretty. I will do my best not to alter Ali’s schedule. But if I need help, I expect you to have a smile on your face when you’re forced to adjust your life to our new one. Do we have a deal?”
“Damn, Woman. You drive a hard bargain. Deal!” I would have struck just about any bargain to have Marni answer my questions.
“Shoot.”
“Do you still love me?”
With an aghast stare, Marni started off as a mute, and then she went into hysterics. Not hysterics in the upset kind, but hysterics in the fall-off-your-chair kind.
When she was able to finally calm herself, she asked for another beer and downed it in about three sips.
“You’ve always had balls, Ben Howard. You remember the time you asked me to have sex with you? No poetry, no songs, no words of love—it was, ‘Hey, Babe. You wanna have sex?’ At age thirty-something, you haven’t changed.”
“Is that your answer?”
“My answer…” she stalled. “The fact that I can’t give you an answer should say something.”
“Give me something, Mar. After tonight, all will be forgotten and we will be family only. This curiosity is killing me, especially since New Orleans. Do you still love me?”
“Here’s the truth. When I broke up with you, it was because I loved you. I loved you so much and yet I saw you falling in love with someone else. Rather than be selfish, I thought it was better to let you go. In some ways, I figured if our love was meant to be, you’d come back to me.”
“But you soon got together with Noah.”
“Not that soon. It took a while for me to fall in love with Noah.”
“So you fell in love with Noah and forgot about me?”
“Not ever, Ben.” Marni turned serious. “My love for you was far deeper than any high school boyfriend-girlfriend crush. It wasn’t built on lust. It wasn’t simple pitter-patter teenage emotions. We started as childhood friends and it eventually turned to complete love and trust, especially when my parents were divorcing. You were the rock to lean on when I was weary, the cave to take refuge in when life turned stormy, and my eternal sunshine when I couldn’t get away from the darkness between my parents. I relied on you for everything. Even at such a young age, I loved you and trusted you like a woman who’d been married for fifty years. That’s who you were to me.” Tears dropped faster than she could wipe them away. “When you love and rely upon someone so profoundly, and from such a young age, I don’t know if that love ever goes away. No matter time, marriage, or any outside forces, I think that kind of love just stays deep within, somewhere. Does that answer your question?”
Dam
n. And I went and ruined all that for her by dating and eventually marrying her sister. What an asshole I was. “I’m sorry I let you down, Mar.”
“You crushed one Montgomery girl’s dream, but you made another Montgomery girl’s dream come true. Sounds like a weird made-for-TV script.”
“Since you’ve so honestly answered my question, I want to bare a little of my heart to you, too. What the hell—after tonight, we’re never going to acknowledge our feelings again, right?”
“Right. Every bit of tonight will be locked away.”
“That one night after we all had dinner at the Italian place, where Ali dumped tomato sauce over her head. Do you remember that night?”
“Yes.”
“I came home and saw you in a bathrobe, rocking Ali, looking like a perfect Mary Cassat painting. That scene knocked the wind out of me. The love you and my daughter had for one another, the trust I saw in Ali’s eyes, that mother-and-child relationship forced me to acknowledge that I was developing feelings for you. I went out and had to run off my burning heart. The guilt I felt; I loathed myself for forgetting my late wife and for creating a picture of the three of us as a family. It was wrong and I forced myself to deny these feelings. Even after taking you to a movie premiere, meeting your friends, and learning that you missed me—I was a fool. I continued to tell myself that I was only grateful for your help. It was in New York, when Noah showed up and I realized I was losing you, that I opened my eyes to the truth. My heart and mind pretty much had us living our life as a family. That’s why I’ve been such an asshole about you marrying Noah. Maybe at some point, I might have had the nerve to ask you out again. Maybe we might have been a couple again.”
“Damn you, Ben.” Mar sighed. “Don’t tell me these things. Don’t light a spark of hope. I love Noah. I don’t want to shortchange him, but I also love Ali. If you had offered that to me, I would have said yes—anything for a chance to be Ali’s mother.”
“That does absolutely nothing for my confidence, Marni. You’re kicking a man who’s already down.” I was happy I could make her smile. “Where the hell do we go from here? I guess I was a nickel too short and a hundred-dollar bill too late.”