by Cee, DW
“Well, you should have mentioned that from the start.” I huffed lightly.
Ben had driven over so we arrived in no time.
“Hello Marni!” An excited Shea greeted me with an over-the-top hug.
“Uh, hi.”
“Marni!” Benjamin showed me the same kind of enthusiasm. “OK, Kids. We’re off now.”
As we watched them bounce on air, I said, “What was that?”
“Who the hell knows!”
Ben led us upstairs—straight to Ali’s room. I understood his actions and his heart. He wanted to see his daughter one more time. His feelings were on-point with mine.
“She’s so adorable when she sleeps,” he whispered. “Her lips get even poutier and look at how her curly mop is all over the crib. What will happen to all that hair when she grows older?”
“Once it grows, it won’t be so curly. It’ll be long and wavy like mine.”
As soon as I made a mother-daughter comparison, Ben’s body locked. It wasn’t the usual frozen glacier attitude, but he also wasn’t anywhere near warm and fuzzy. Since I was making a claim, it was time to leave.
“Sweet dreams, Ali-Girl.” I whispered and patted a kiss on her cheek with my finger.
True to his words, there were hot chicken wings and cold beer sitting on his balcony. Shea and Benjamin must have put them there.
“I’m sorry about what I said earlier.” He confessed with sincerity. “If you’ll hear me out, let me explain what’s bothering me.”
“Go ahead.”
“I’ve gone over this in my head so many times, but I come up with not one single answer.”
“What are the questions?”
“The biggest stumper is who you are in my life. How do I explain to people that you’re my sister-in-law and the mother of my daughter? What do I tell them about Melody, your sister? These are people who don’t know that I’m a widower. They’ll see you, me, and a baby, and will automatically think we’re a family. It feels wrong to portray us as a family; I feel like I’m cheating on Melody.”
There was the crux of the problem. It would always be about his late wife. At this juncture, I had a choice to make. I could insist Ali is mine, and demand fair treatment as her mother. Or, I could back off and play the nanny in Ben’s presence, then be a devoted mother when Ali and I were on our own. It hurt to know Ben had no desire to acknowledge my role in Ali’s life. It also hurt to know that a woman who no longer lived this earth, still held the title of Ali’s mother in Ben’s heart.
Did I need this kind of emotional abuse? Was I placing this torture on myself? In the end I decided to play the role of peacemaker.
“Explain to your co-workers that you’re a widower and I’m Ali’s caretaker. It’s as simple as that, Ben. I don’t see why you need to explain your life story to anyone else. No need to complicate things any more than you want it muddied.”
“Yeah? You wouldn’t mind if I introduced you as Ali’s caretaker?” His obvious relief was yet another sucker punch to my heart.
“That’s what I am to you, aren’t I?”
“I guess…” My heart physically ached to hear him validate my place in his life.
“OK, then. All settled. I’m going home to pack.” I needed to get out of here. This was stupid. There was no reason for all this melodrama. The fact that he called me his daughter’s nanny shouldn’t offend me. To him, that’s what I was. That’s what I’d always be—nothing more, nothing less.
“Can you come over a little earlier to help me pack Ali’s belongings?” If Ben could callously shut me off, I’d do the same to him.
“Sure. What time do we leave?”
“Any time after breakfast?”
“All right. Goodnight.”
“Thanks, Mar. Goodnight.”
I left Ben’s house and took the very long way home. Why did it hurt so much when Ben always chose my sister over me?
Chapter 15 - Ben
Time To Change ~The Brady Bunch
“What shall we do with our princess today?”
“Melody, it’s scorching outside. If it’s hot here on the beach, could you imagine how hot it is everywhere else?”
“I thought we might visit the zoo.”
“No zoo. Let’s stay in our cool home with our little girl. How did the feeding go today, by the way?”
“Not great, but better. At least Ali’s allowing me to feed her.”
“One step at a time, Mel. She’ll get there soon. She might even love you as much as she already loves me.”
“Oh, I think I’ll soon take over the top spot.”
“I don’t think so, Sweet Melody. She’s my little girl and I’ll be her number one love for the rest of her life.”
“The rest of her life, huh? You ever consider that one day she’ll meet a man, fall in love, and have kids of her own?”
“Nope. She’ll always stay daddy’s little girl, no matter what.”
“You are in for such a rude awakening, Ben. Give me another week or two. I’ll erase her memory of you and Marni. I’ll be her greatest love.”
“You can always dream.”
“It’s gorgeous here, isn’t it?” The mountains, the lake, the golf course—this ranch and resort was stunning.
“Yeah. It’s nice.”
Something wasn’t right with Marni. Since she came over this morning, she said very little to me.
“Everything all right? Are you upset about something?”
“I’m fine,” she answered, but I saw sadness in her eyes.
I thought about leaving it alone, but decided we needed to be honest if we were to be together the next few days. “You’re not fine. Tell me what’s wrong, Mar.” I did my best not to accuse her of any wrongdoing.
She sighed and exclaimed, “There’s nothing wrong. Do you want to put away our belongings while I take Ali to pet the horses or should we reverse roles?”
“Why don’t I stay here? I have a meeting in ten minutes. Maybe we can go riding after that?”
“OK. I’m sure Ali would love that. Let’s go, Ali-Girl.” The two redheads held hands and walked toward the stable.
Marni gave me no clue what was wrong now. Where she was concerned, I couldn’t do anything correct. It was no use mulling over what I couldn’t understand. Eventually, she’d tell me what was bothering her.
I put Ali’s and my items away but didn’t feel right opening Marni’s suitcase. Here it was again, that awkward what do I do in this situation? moment. Lately, there’d been too many of those for my liking. The best decision was to leave her clothes alone. She probably wouldn’t want me rummaging through her underwear. I definitely wouldn’t want that.
“Knock. Knock.” I walked over to greet the caller.
“Hey, Todd. What’s up?”
“Meeting’s been pulled up. Bossman wants all of us in the conference room now.”
“All right. I’m ready.” My co-worker and I walked out together.
“How old is your little girl?”
“She’s almost seventeen months old. How old are your kids?”
“Brandon is five and Bella is seven going on seventeen. Girls, I tell ya…”
I laughed in empathy. “Are all girls so opinionated? Ali can only say a few words but those few plus hand gestures will tell me what she likes, what she doesn’t like, and what I’ve done wrong.”
Todd understood. “This is only the beginning. Not only are they opinionated, but they also get moody. Girls can be a pain in the ass.” That’s what he said, but his smile spoke of his adoration for his daughter. “They mellow out somewhat when they get a sibling. When you and Marni decide to have another one, Ali will understand that the world does not revolve around her.”
I was surprised he knew Marni. “When did you meet Marni?”
“At the stable. Bella took an instant liking to your Ali so I introduced myself to Marni. Your wife is stunning.”
Here it was—the AWKWARD moment I knew I’d face, but hoped to avoid.
“Mar isn’t my wife.”
“What? How can that be? She and Ali are identical. So Ali isn’t your daughter?”
“No, Ali’s my daughter.” On the inside, I was shaking my head. On the outside, I produced a tight smile. “It’s a bit complicated but let’s just say, Mar is Ali’s mother, I am Ali’s father, but Mar is not my wife.” There was no damn way I was going to explain the rest of this insane story.
“I get it.” He really didn’t, but I didn’t contradict him. “So you’re not with Marni? There’s no romantic relationship between you two? I assume she’s single?”
What? Where was Todd going with this information? “We are not together in the romantic sense, no. Marni takes care of Ali while I’m at work.”
“Do you live together?”
“No. Not anymore. Marni has a place not too far from mine.”
“All right. Good to know.”
I had no clue into Todd’s thought process. Truthfully, I didn’t want to know. “Let’s head into the meeting. I’d hate to be the last one there.”
“After you.”
“What did you do while daddy was in his longer-than-expected meeting, Ali?”
“Oss,” she repeated.
Marni explained, “Horse. She’s infatuated with all of them, especially the white horse that looks like one from a Disney movie.”
“Oss.” Ali called and pointed outside. “Oss.”
“Does that mean she wants to go back to the horses?”
“Probably, but it’s dinner time. I just washed her of all the horse stink.”
“Daddy will take you on a horsey ride after dinner, Ali. OK?”
“No!” she firmly told me. “Oss!”
Marni shrugged and shook her head. “She already had several rides.”
“What? You went on with her?”
“The first few times we went together. Then, she insisted I get off the horse and she ride alone. You might have a future equestrian star.”
“How can she ride alone? Is it safe?”
“She was perfectly fine. A staff member and I were on either side of her. She rode extremely well for a one-year-old, according to the trainer.”
“Shit. I better make more money if she’s going to want a horse one day.”
“Or, you can just say no.” Marni admonished. “She can’t get everything she wants.”
“Sure she can. She’s my only girl and she’s lost her mother. She can have whatever her heart desires.” As soon as those words popped out of my mouth, I realized my mistake. Marni looked as if I’d stabbed her in the heart. There was so much pain in her eyes; the hurt was as deep as when I’d lost my wife. What had I done?
“I’ll see you later,” she said with a strangled voice and left the room. Shit. My heart ached as badly as hers.
“Marni.” I called hoping she’d look at me. She refused to turn around no matter how many times I called her.
I could be such an idiot at times.
“Oss?” My daughter was now asking rather than demanding. She, too, understood something wasn’t right.
“Let’s have dinner, first, Ali. Then we’ll go see the horsey.”
The smart girl that she was, she didn’t argue with me.
Chapter 15 - Noah
Time To Change ~The Brady Bunch
“Marni. Can we talk?”
“Sure. What did you need?”
“Now that you’re home, I wondered if we might get back to us?”
“What do you mean?”
“Before Ali happened, I asked you to marry me. You never answered and yet you’re still here with me. I don’t know what to make of us.”
“I...I know I haven’t answered yet and I’m sorry. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I still don’t have an answer for you.”
“What does that mean? Do you or do you not want to marry me?”
“If I had to answer now, I’d have to say no. It’s not that I don’t want to marry you, Noah. I just don’t want to marry right now, at all.”
“So you’re saying no?”
“I’m saying no for now. After all that’s happened with Ali, I can’t think of marriage.”
“I would think after all that’s happened with you and me because of Ali, marriage would be on the forefront of your mind.”
“Please, Noah. Don’t be angry.”
“How can I not be angry? I lived through nine months of you carrying another man’s baby. I thought when this nightmare was over, you’d want to settle down with me and have my baby.”
“Noah...”
“Maybe it’s time we rethink our relationship, Marni. Let’s talk again in a few days.”
“Hey, Marni. I’m meeting Dad in LA this weekend. Any chance you can join us for dinner?”
“Um...” Even through a phone call, I sensed the same hesitation.
“It’s just dinner. Dad figures he’s in LA on business and he’d like to see you. Don’t feel pressured. Think of it as having dinner with two old friends.”
“What time?”
“It doesn’t matter. You can decide. We can eat after you put Ali down for the night.”
“Sure, OK. I can join you.”
“Fantastic.” Now that my reason for calling was done, I hoped to engage her a little longer.
“What are you up to right now? Are you busy? Is Ali still up?”
“Ben has a work function so I’m babysitting Ali. We’re at a very nice dude ranch and Ali got her first taste of riding a horse.”
“Did she enjoy it or did it scare her?”
“She loved it.”
“Yeah? What about it did she like so much?”
“I’m not sure, but she had a smile on her face from the moment I introduced her to a horse.”
“Where is she now?”
“She’s with Ben. They’re probably having dinner.”
“Why aren’t you with them?” That’s when Marni stopped talking. Something was wrong but I didn’t know if I had the right to ask. I took my chance and pried my way back into her life. “Talk to me, Marni. What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing, Noah. I should get going. Ali’s going to be looking for me.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? Is it Ben? He’s giving you a hard time again?”
“No. It’s just me. I’m fine, Noah. Text me the time and location of dinner. I look forward to seeing you and the Admiral.”
“Marni.” I caught her just before he hung up.
“Yes?”
“Regardless of what’s happened, I’d like to stay your friend. Please call me if you ever need someone to talk to. I’ll always be here for you.”
“Thank you, Noah. Have a good night.”
That conversation didn’t go as well as I’d expected, but she was willing to meet us for dinner. That was a move in the right direction.
Where Marni was concerned, I was lost. I wanted her back in my life, but I didn’t know if I wanted all the people who came with her, namely Ben. After dinner with Dad, I’d make a final decision on whether I’d pursue Marni or move on. Thoughts of her weighed heavy on my mind.
Chapter 15 - Marni
Time To Change ~The Brady Bunch
“Noah?”
“Yeah, Marni?”
“I’m sorry about this mess. You’re right. I’ve been selfish, holding onto you when I should let you move on with life. As much as this hurts, I’ll move out.”
“What? What the hell, Marni?”
“Isn’t this where we were headed? Get married or separate?”
“No. I don’t want to separate. We’ll give it more time.”
“I don’t know that time will resolve our issues.”
“Marni. I want to marry you. The offer still stands. Take your time deciding. Until then, we’ll stay a couple. I love you and don’t want to lose you. Do you want out? Is that why you want to move out?”
“I don’t want to lose you either, but I don’t want to hold you back from living life. Let�
�s separate for a while. After a few weeks, if you still want us together, we’ll stay together. Otherwise, we’ll part on good terms.”
“No. I don’t want to separate. If you still want to be a part of this relationship, then stop with this nonsense.”
“Are you sure, Noah?”
“Positive.”
The conversation with Noah was an unexpected one. Dinner with him and his father wasn’t something I wanted to do, but I decided this might be the closure he needed. This weekend, I’d let Noah know for certain that he and I didn’t have a future together.
“Mama!” My daughter called and waddled over to me. “Oss?” she asked.
“Have you finished dinner?” I asked her. She shook her head no. “Then why don’t we finish dinner and I’ll take you to see the horsey one more time?” She nodded her head this time and plopped next to Ben. My daughter showed me her watermelon and then proceeded to take a gigantic bite.
“Why don’t you sit with us and eat, Mar?” There were too many eyes and ears in this dining area. Already, people wondered of our relationship; I didn’t want to give them any more reasons to stare at us.
“Did she eat well?” I asked while watching my daughter.
“She must have been starving. She ate enough for two adults.
“She’s been outdoors since we arrived. I don’t think she’s ever expended this much energy.”
“I’m glad she likes this place.”
I nodded in agreement. “Shall we go see the horsey one last time, Ali-Girl?” My daughter nodded her head in agreement as well.
I cleaned her up while Ben cleaned up their table and my daughter ran toward the stable. Her running speed equaled my walking speed. She looked adorable in her white dress and cowgirl boots.
“May I join you?” Ben walked in step with me.
“Dada, oss.” Ali pointed to the objects of her affection.
“Which one do you like, Sweetheart? Should we ride one last time? Can Daddy ride with you?”