Sarah looked at her mom, “What’s so funny mom?”
“Nothing baby, just thinking.”
Sarah, her sweet baby girl. She was a beauty as a baby, with her heart shaped lips and button nose, and she was a beauty at eight. Emma could not imagine her life without her dad, and her baby girl had gone her whole life without hers. Sarah would never know what it was like to be “daddy’s girl” and it hurt Emma’s heart. She tried to not think on all that was lost because of what Ryan forced them to go through. If she did, she would not be able to move. The bitterness would consume her.
“Let’s go to the pizza parlor downtown. Come on, Stephen! Let’s go!” she yelled up the stairs at him. With the thunder of size ten feet, he ran down the stairs and out the door. He was already taller than her and she hated it.
Everyone climbed into the red SUV and they made their way into town. From the back, she could hear music blaring out of Aaron’s headphones. She had Sarah tap him on the shoulder to get him to turn it off and join the family for a while. With a heavy sigh, he did as he was told. Wow! Wonders never cease! He did as he was told. Thank you God!
“Hey Mom, you aren’t going to cry or anything while you drag us down ‘memory lane’ are you? If so, turn around and leave me home.” There is the Aaron I know and love.
“I promise to try not to, Bud” she replied. She mentally scolded herself for letting the children see how emotional she felt. Keep yourself together Emma. They need you to be strong.
***
Stephen knew his mom tried to hide her tears from him and his brother and sister. He didn’t know if the other two had caught it as well, but he could tell his mom was about to crack.
He heard her cry from his room while she was getting a shower this morning. He didn’t understand why and it made him sad that his mom seemed unhappy.
Maybe moving here wasn’t a good idea after all.
Chapter 4
As they parked the vehicle and climbed out, Emma paused at the curb. She was frozen in time just by the sight of the old pizzeria. She could not believe how much it had not changed. Same red, green and white colors. Same wood sign with beautiful scroll work that stated this was “Tony’s Pizzeria”. From what she could see, it even had the same vinyl booth covers inside. It was like time stopped in there and she hoped she could keep her promise to the kids on the way here.
Tony’s was the gathering place of all teenagers in this town back when she and Ryan were in high school. There were many dates here between the two of them. She had not had an emotional response when she thought about her days with Ryan in a long time, but she could feel her throat tighten up, her nose stuff up, and water begin to pool in the inner corners of her eyes. This was not going to be as easy as she thought. God! I need you to help me through this. I am not sure I can right now.
As they walked in the door, they were greeted by a young girl, maybe seventeen, who with a false smile, offered to seat them.
“Table or booth?”
“Booth, please.”
The restaurant was busy and she recognized a few faces. An old friend, the one who pulled her out of her misery all those years ago, Ann, came over to her and gave her a hug that was so tight yet so warm that it felt like a blanket of comfort wrapped around her shoulders. They stood there in an embrace for several moments.
“I didn’t know you were in town. I have missed you,” Ann told her.
“Yeah, we just moved back.”
“You’re not here to visit? You’re here to stay?” she said with almost a shout.
“Yup! I am the new history teacher at the high school. Signed on the Peterson place last week and dad and Dan moved the boxes in today.”
“Why didn’t you call me and tell me? I would have had a meal ready and waiting or at least come to greet you.”
“We wanted it to be a surprise to everyone but mom and dad and Dan.” She gave a sheepish grin, “Sorry. We are home now and you and I have some catching up to do.”
“Yes we do! Your cell number still the same?”
“Sure is, call me tomorrow and we will work it out.”
“Ma’am, your table is right this way,” interrupted the waitress.
“Sorry. See you later Ann,” she said as she followed the young lady to their table.
On the way to the table, she noticed that her beloved pastor and friend was there as well and he seemed to be visiting with a man who clearly did not want to be noticed and was very uncomfortable in such a bustling, public place. He sat slouched over the checkered tablecloth with the hood of his shirt over his head. She barely caught a glimpse of his face, but what she did see caused her to pause. Massive scars on his face that traveled down his neck and disappeared into his shirt collar. She could only guess that they didn’t stop at his neck. Something about him did seem familiar to her though. I wonder...no that’s not possible.
***
He didn’t want to be here. Pastor Cross had thought it would be a good idea to celebrate his year of sobriety and the anniversary of his return to town after years of running. Running from her and from God.
This meeting was supposed to be a relaxing night. A guy’s night out. When he saw the people he had been running from for the last eight years walk in, he wanted to bolt for the back door.
“What is she doing here?” he whispered with angst as he watched his past walk in the door. A past that he hated himself for, he knew he was a fool for doing it. He was not prepared for this. He was not ready to see her again. If he was honest with himself, he was not ready for her to see him. “Pastor, I can’t stay. Thanks for dinner, but I can’t,” he told the man across the table from him.
“Why not, David? What’s wrong? Do you feel alright? You just turned three shades of white.” David was the name he had given people.
He didn’t hear the pastor’s questions because he was too entranced by his thoughts of running again. When he did glance at her, she amazed him. She walked with confidence and strength. Everyone looked fairly happy. She looked happy. He knew she was capable of raising the kids without him and everyone seemed to be fine. The last thing he wanted though was for them to see him.
“Why didn’t you tell me they had moved back into town? I can’t see her or run into her or...man the kids are getting big.” His heart stopped at the thought of all he has missed out on. My daughter is so big. Where did the baby go? Has it really been that long?
“I would say that was a safe guess. Honestly, I didn’t realize she had moved back. I had not heard anything about it. She looks good, David. It looks like she has found a good life.” He turned to look at David and was met with the scariest glare he had ever had shot his way. “What?”
“She looks good! That’s all you can say? What kind of pastor are you? No words of wisdom to help me deal with this? Just a comment on how good she looks?” He could feel the panic in his chest. His heart was racing and it was getting hard to breathe.
“David, you know what you should do. You just chose not to do it. God has just thrown your family back in your lap, now what are you going to do?”
David didn’t respond, he just watched as his former family made their way in his direction. The movements played in his mind in slow motion. His palms began to sweat as she looked right at him. His stomach dropped to the floor. I make her sick. I can see it. Oh I’m not ready for this. Please don’t sit nearby! God, she is still so beautiful. He closed his eyes and bowed his head for a moment, like he was praying for his meal, and then he heard her.
“Pastor Cross! Oh my goodness, it is so good to see you.” She leaned down to hug the pastor who had been a friend to them, married them and did each of their children’s dedications. “Are you still pastor at Cornerstone? Please tell me you are, because I’m eager to hear your sermons again.”
“I sure am. They can’t get rid of me until the Father calls me Home. Are you home visiting?”
“No we are here to stay,” she answered.
“Are these your kids? Wow!
How they have grown. You don’t have kids anymore, you have young men and a beautiful young lady.”
“I sure do. No more babies Pastor, they have all grown up on me. Kids, say hi to Pastor Cross.”
The boys said hi, but David could feel a pair of eyes on him and it made his skin crawl. He glanced to his right out of the corner of his eye and saw his daughter staring at him, except he didn’t see fear in her sweet eyes, only compassion and confusion.
“Oh where are my manners? This is David. He is, um, somewhat new in the area.” Pastor looked at David. grinning like the cat that got the mouse.
“Hello” he said very sternly.
“Um, hi. Nice to meet you, David. How long have you been in the area?”
Do I have to do this? He chose not to respond.
“How long have you been gone now?” Pastor asked taking attention away from him.
“Well, last we lived here was about seven years ago. Remember? I left right after, well you know.” He could tell she didn’t want to talk about it.
He glanced at her left hand while they talked. He noticed that there was no ring on her left hand, not even a tan line. Guilt washed over him
“Well, um, I will leave you gentlemen to your meal. The kids are getting hungry. It was nice to meet you David. Pastor Cross, we will see you Sunday.”
“That will be wonderful. It is good to have you back in town” Pastor Cross replied. They moved to the booth behind David and sat down.
“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” the pastor asked him in a hushed tone and a sly grin on his face.
“I thought I was going to die. My nerves had me shaking so bad. Man! Don’t do that to me again.”
“Well David, she and the kids will be in church on Sunday, so be ready to see them again.”
“Maybe it is time to find a new church,” David said with a little snicker.
“Mommy, what do you think happened to that man?” he heard his little girl ask her mother. Her voice sounded so sweet and innocent. Now all he wanted to do was cry. He put his elbows on the table and put his head in his hands. He could feel the pressure of the tears forming on the back of his eyes. He could hear everything they said, and as much as he wanted to run, he wanted to be sitting right there with them, to be as near to them, to her, as he could. But he made his choice eight years ago and he saw no way of changing that.
“I am not sure honey, it looks like it was bad, whatever it was. Oh sweetie, don’t cry about it. Pray for him.”
He heard a small sniffle. “But Mom, to suffer that much...” She had such a tender heart.
He wanted to go but he could not pull away yet. He couldn’t leave his family yet.
It had been years since he was this close to his kids and he missed her so much. She had a gentle touch that warmed him every time. She had a way to make his blood boil when she looked at him. He knew how she felt about him with just a look. She was so precious to him. So why’d you do it you ding-dong? You know it wouldn’t have changed the way you felt about each other. He wasn’t willing to take that risk or to put the weight of his treatments and therapies on her. He hated himself for being so distracted by his thoughts that he couldn’t respond to the oncoming car like he should have. He also hated himself for letting such a gem go.
You’re a fool Daniels!
Pastor Cross sat and watched David as they listened to the conversations go on behind him. Some of it was funny. Aaron was a class clown but very arrogant. “Hope that doesn’t get him in too much trouble” he said to Pastor. Stephen didn’t seem to say much, just like himself - strong and silent.
Then he heard one of the boys say, “Mom, think you will ever marry again?” David didn’t want to know her answer.
“I can’t do this Pastor. I’ll talk to you later.” He tossed some ones on the table for a tip and stormed for the door. What did you expect, for her to become a nun and the kids to stay little?
He hated how he let the accident kill his family.
***
Stephen watched the scarred man walk out of the pizzeria. He couldn’t help it. There was just something about him that made Stephen feel like he knew the man who was walking out the door with his carved, wooden cane. He could see all the scarring on the right side of his face, but when all he could see was the man’’s left side, he could have sworn it was his dad. He sat there as he watched the man leave, trying to remember what his dad looked like. He had a feeling his dad looked a lot like this man.
Chapter 5
“Stephen, let’s not talk about this here. You know I am not even willing to think about it. Not right now.” Emma was shocked that he would bring it up. She could feel her face turning red from embarrassment. This was too personal of a topic to discuss with her son.
Stephen, with his stinker smile stretched across his face proceeded to say, “Mom, what’s the big deal? Are you just nervous about getting back in the …”
“That is enough, Honey. We can talk about this later if you want to.” How he managed to go from brooding tween to a joker within minutes surprised her sometimes.
“Here’s your pizza!” exclaimed the young waitress. The girl had pink hair and various piercings. As she set the tray down, Emma noticed that Aaron was watching the girl with the silly school boy grin Ryan used to give her. Oh dear Lord, I am less ready for this than I am dating again!
On the trip home, Stephen asked, “Mom, can we really have that talk when we get home? I wasn’t trying to embarrass you. I guess it was a bad place to bring it up, but there was a reason.”
“Okay Bud, but let’s get stuff in the house first. Give me twenty minutes and meet me on the swing.”
“K”
When they arrived back home, everyone carried boxes to their rooms so that they could find their things the next day. Emma wanted her children to get back into a routine as fast as possible. Her dad and brother had brought furniture up to the rooms and put beds together and dressers in place. Emma was glad that all she really had to do was put sheets on the bed and climb in, but first, she had to find her comfy black yoga pants and her old band t-shirt, well, Ryan’’s t-shirt. It was faded and you really couldn’t see the letters very well, but the memory of that first date was forever in her heart.
He’d picked her up in his 79 Malibu. She couldn’t tell if it just had a loud muffler or a big engine. It wasn’t the prettiest shade of green either. In fact, it kind of made her think of something she saw when she changed baby diapers while babysitting. It really didn’t matter. He had finally asked her on a date and she was excited. They had been flirting and passing notes for two months and she was getting a little tired of the game. She knew in her heart he was the one for her. So what if they were only in high school. If you let God work things out, anything is possible.
He came to the door and instead of being met by her, he came face to face with her dad, Tom, “Big Tom” as some people in town called him. She was standing at the top of the stairs watching the face off and felt sorry for Ryan as he didn’t stand a chance against her dad. Dad was a retired Marine and did not mess around when it came to his baby girl.
“What do you want, boy?” she heard her dad say.
“Um, I am here to take your daughter to a concert, sir.”
“What kind of concert?” He gave the band name. “Well, who are they?”
“A Christian group, sir. Uh, DCTalk, sir.”
“Never heard of them. Who all is going? Emma can’t date yet.”
“The youth group I am part of, sir.”
“Tom, leave the poor boy alone! Emma! Your friend is here!” her mom yelled. Her voice held a hint of humor and compassion for Ryan. Emma figured it was time to come down anyway. Ryan had been tortured enough.
“Coming mama! Hi Ryan! Mom, Dad, this is Ryan.”
“Ryan, this is Tom and Evelyn Edwards.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Edwards to you, Ryan.” Her dad said his name like it was sour milk. Emma just kept her giggle to herself. Her dad and Ryan were ha
ndling this meeting superficially well.
“Dad, he is safe. Don’t worry. He is just a friend.” For now.
“Tom, ease up dear, you knew the day was coming that the boys would start knocking on our door. Come help me in the kitchen so these two can get going. Will you be home by 11? Emma?”
Emma looked at Ryan for the answer.
“Yeah”. There was a slight squeak of horror in his voice. “Yes, I should have her home by then. If it lasts any longer than 10:30, we will leave early,” Ryan told her parents.
“Alright, well you kids have a good time,” her mom said as she pushed them out the door.
“I thought your dad was going to hit me and throw me to the curb, literally throw me,” Ryan stated.
“Don’t let him worry you too much. He may act tough and mean, but really, he will give you the shirt off his back if you need it. You will see the more you get to know each other.” Emma gave him a reassuring smile and got in the car.
“MOM! WHERE’S MY MP3 PLAYER?” Aaron yelled from his room at the front of the house, waking her from her walk down memory lane. She put the shirt on and walked to his room.
“Did you bring it in from the truck?”
“Um, I don’t think so!”
“Well then, dear, go get it.” She patted him on the cheek and walked down to the kitchen to start unpacking boxes.
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