Torn: A young adult paranormal romance (Breath of Fate Book 1)

by Angelina J. Steffort

  “Come on,” Jo pushed. “You hold hands all the time. You always find a way to touch, and … did he kiss you just then?”

  I couldn’t help but grin. What should I tell her? That Leon and I were just friends? It was as little the truth as it was to say we were a couple. We were somehow even more than that.

  “Lines have been blurry lately,” I said truthfully and hoped that when it was my turn to ask her what was going on, she would be honest with me.

  “More than blurry, I’d say.”

  We both laughed, and for a second there, I felt normal. Sharing a secret with a friend—a secret that didn’t involve death and afterlife and my role in it; but something so very human that it was sometimes difficult to consider it existed for me. Love.

  “I like him,” I told her, this time allowing myself a glance at the Lightbringer who had dedicated his life to protecting my soul. “More than that. But nothing has happened.”

  Jo tilted her head, resting her cheek in her palm. “You know most of the girls here would die to go out with him even once,” she informed me.

  “I know,” I sighed and studied her face as she glanced at Leon then at Cas.

  “Or him,” she added. “He seems to be an interesting character.”

  “You could say that,” I murmured to myself and tried to tune out Avery’s laugh that echoed through the room like a lovely bell.

  “Of course, Avery is already at work,” Jo noted and returned her attention to our table, picking up a slice of bread and dipping it into her soup.

  “Who knows?” I hoped I sounded disinterested. “Maybe he is boring.”

  Jo rolled her eyes—“Right”—and took a bite, looking every bit as tired as she had the past month.

  “How are you feeling today?” I changed the topic, hoping I would get an answer out of her before Leon returned.

  In response, Jo shrugged and took another bite. “I don’t sleep as well as I used to,” she admitted.

  I could empathize with that as could Leon with his constant guard-duty.

  “Anything that could help you? A book, music, white noise, I don’t know—” I searched for ideas.

  Jo chuckled. “I’ve tried all of that, actually. It’s not that I can’t relax … it’s…” Jo stopped mid-sentence, her face pensive. “I have no idea if I should be telling you this. It might not even be anything major but—”

  I hated when someone started like that. It meant that something was seriously wrong.

  “But—” I repeated with a cautious smile, hoping to get her to finish her thought.

  “The doctors say it’s just anemia and that with some supplements, I should be fine within a month or two.

  Okay, that wasn’t as bad as I had feared. “Did you get your meds?” I asked, hoping to learn about what her therapy was and how to help her. “Do you need to hold a special diet? Anything I can help with?”

  Jo blushed at the attention. “I got my iron pills, and I need to have a high vitamin C diet. That should be it. So if you see an orange on the buffet, grab it for me.” She laughed and waved at someone over my shoulder with a sheepish grin.

  “I hope you weren’t talking about me,” Leon said as he held out a can of soda to me and settled back on the bench beside me, placing his arm where it had been before he’d left, throwing me a wide grin.

  So I lifted my hand and laid it where it had been before, thrilling at the electric current running through my body as our skin made contact.

  “Thank you,” I murmured, momentarily unable to think.

  Leon winked at me while his free hand picked up his fork, and he started eating.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Jo’s words didn’t leave my mind for the next few days. Neither did my own; a constant swirl of implications rummaging through my body and soul.

  “You look horrible,” Jo pointed out as she pulled on my dress and grimaced.

  I glanced at the mirror, for once not in my own home but at Jo’s to get ready for Halloween. The holiday had crept up on us on silent feet, and when Leon had invited us to join him for a party, Mom had suggested I go. Yes, Mom. She was tired of having me curl up with a book every other night and falling asleep early the rest of the nights like a middle-aged woman. “Be a teenager,” she’d ordered. “Go, have fun. Celebrate with your friends. Dress up in silly costumes.”

  I wasn’t sure that was what teenagers did, for I didn’t need Halloween costumes to invite the eerie into my life. I had it first-hand from a Lightbringer and Shadowbringer … and of course, I was part of it somehow as well. Even if I didn’t yet count as a full Lightbringer with that first transport still missing.

  “That’s the whole point of it, right?” I asked Jo. “Looking horrible.”

  Jo giggled. “Not if Leon Milliari asks you out.”

  “He didn’t ask me out,” I insisted. “He invited both of us. As friends.”

  Jo rolled her eyes.

  “Where exactly is that party?” I asked.

  Jo picked up a bobby pin and attached my hair in a messy bun to the top of my head. “One of Avery’s minions’.”

  I coughed out the half-inhaled breath. “Why didn’t anyone tell me about it?”

  “That’s why,” she said as she gestured at me and the expression that matched my zombie costume. “Because you would have never agreed if you knew. And I so desperately want to go.”

  “Go without me,” I suggested. “You can have Leon.” Not that he was mine to offer. Not like that.

  Jo chuckled. “You don’t actually believe he would go with me if you flaked.”

  I knew she was right. I knew my mother was right. And Leon was right. But I honestly was ready to wash off the half-done makeup—the blacked stains under my eyes and the parts that looked like torn skin—and spend the rest of the night on the couch. My life was exciting enough as it was. I didn’t need to spend it anywhere near Avery other than the unavoidable time at school.

  Jo gave me an innocent look. “Come on. It will be fun.”

  There was authentic excitement in her eyes, her cheeks rosy, the tiredness that usually dulled her expression gone for the moment.

  I eyed her for a long moment, weighing my options. Leon had invited us, so I couldn’t use him as an excuse. Mom had encouraged me, so she, too, was out of the question. And Jo … with her childlike enthusiasm, it was hard saying no.

  “All right. Then let’s get started on your costume.”

  Jo squealed and pulled off her sweater and pants before she donned the same tight-fitting, rag-like dress that was supposed to be a zombie costume. She lifted her arms before her, imitating a zombie, and crossed the room to the door and back, laughter shaking her.

  “Leon will come pick us up in twenty minutes,” Jo giggled and settled down before the mirror where she had been painting my face.

  Of course, Leon wouldn’t be arriving in twenty minutes. He was probably already outside the door, biding his time, on edge about the Shadowbringer and what he might do to me if he got me alone.

  The words I had hissed at Cas by his desk had been the last ones we’d spoken. He had taken my advice to heart, it seemed, staring at me from a distance but never coming close the way he had that day when he had captured me with his shadows. What I should make of it, I wasn’t sure. But it gave me back some of my life. I didn’t wake up every morning, fearing that he would lurk behind corners, trying to isolate me from the others and eventually take my soul.

  A different sort of fear had taken its place. The fear that he wouldn’t be there. That he would be gone one day along with his annoying glances and the hushed conversations he held with Avery during the breaks; that I would wake up and he would be gone from the range where Leon could sensibly control the situation and protect me. And that eventually, he would hunt me down in my sleep and rip out my soul … and I wouldn’t even realize what had happened. Only that I would become the insane, haunted, broken person Leon had so vividly described.

  It took us until the l
ast second to get ready, and the sound of the doorbell jerked through me like a bolt of lightning.

  Leon’s voice sounded at the door along with Jo’s dad, who interacted with him about not even considering drinking if he was to return Jo and me safely after the party.

  Finally, Jo’s father called for us and we got to our feet, each of us spinning before the mirror in an ungraceful circle before we stalked down the stairs like the zombies we pretended to be.

  Leon laughed by way of greeting, his eyes on my face and my arms, which I used to balance my stiff walk.

  “Very natural,” he commented and waved at Jo, who was only a step behind me.

  Leon had taken the liberty to mock his actual status as a messenger angel and attached a pair of crooked wings to his shoulders. I held back a laugh as I took in his form and the private joke it implied.

  “You look great,” Jo told him and clapped his shoulder as she headed out the door with a wave at her father, who called after her to have fun.

  “Ready?” I asked Leon. He nodded and held out a hand for me, a slight bow refining the gesture.

  “For you? Always.”

  I took it, breaking out of my zombie-character for now, and let Leon pull me to his side.

  The drive to Al’s house was filled with Jo’s excited chattering and music Leon had chosen to play in the background.

  When we parked at the end of Al’s driveway, there were a whole bunch of cars cluttering the area already. Jo and I reluctantly shrugged out of our coats, and Leon adjusted his wings as he got out of the car. He stretched his arm around me on the way to the door and I laid my arm around Jo.

  So together, we entered the night where anything was possible.

  The whole school seemed to be there, dancing and helping themselves to the weird dishes on the counter. It took us a moment to find a spot in the open kitchen where all three of us could sit together, but when we finally found that place, Jo and Leon claimed the chairs at the long table and I waded through the crowd to the fridge and grabbed something for us to drink, determined to spend as little time away from Leon and Jo as necessary, when someone stumbled into my back.

  I caught myself against the counter, dropping one of the bottles in my hand, and cursed.

  “Who invited you?” Avery sneered at me from the height of what had to be six-inch heels.

  Surprisingly, neither her minions nor Cas were at her side.

  “Leon,” I retorted, immediately regretting that it sounded like an excuse.

  Avery snorted, “Who else?” and turned on those heels that looked more like instruments of torture rather than shoes. “Nice costume,” she said over her shoulder. “Almost like you’re not wearing makeup at all.”

  With a frown, I watched her stalk away, her hips swaying in a furry skirt with a tail attached to it and her hair falling over a lace shirt, ears atop her head. I cocked my head and wondered if she could even sit down in that outfit without tearing it apart. Then, I grabbed a dishcloth from beside the sink and got on my knees to mop up the spilled drink.

  “Need any help with that?” Of course, Cas was there, and he had found me like a needle in a haystack.

  His voice, addressing me for the first time in weeks, sent a thrill through my system.

  A steadying breath later, I turned, dripping dishcloth in hand, and looked up to where I expected the Shadowbringer to be standing, gloating at me.

  He was crouching before me, a towel in his hand, dark eyebrows raised in perfect arches as he studied my face and dress.

  “So you look different,” he commented, a grin splitting his lips.

  “You can save your breath,” I told him and, “I know I look like a zombie. That’s the whole point of it.”

  At that, Cas laughed, a harsh sound that broke through the music, making me wonder if he would ever have laughed like that had the background noise not swallowed up most of it.

  “Quite attractive for an undead,” he commented as he leaned forward, bringing his face close enough for me to bite his nose if I was quick. He hovered there for a brief moment before he reached around me—sending a flash of fear through my system—and started wiping up the mess I’d made.

  The air left my lungs in a gust as I realized he wasn’t going to hurt me.

  “I could say the same,” I muttered to myself, flabbergasted that the immortal servant of hell was wiping the floor like an ordinary mortal.

  I returned my focus to the floor, bringing my dishcloth down into the puddle of fluid, and started mopping alongside the Shadowbringer. There was something surreal about the way his long fingers slid over the tiles. Like a diamond in grease. I had a hard time not staring.

  Only when there was nothing more to clean did I dare look at him again, my fingers trembling as I lifted the dishcloth. “Thanks … I guess.”

  He shrugged and got to his feet, flinging the dripping towel into the sink, and disappeared into the crowd without a look back.

  When I made it back to the table, carrying three bottles once more, Leon greeted me with a look of worry.

  “I was about to send a rescue mission after you,” Jo said with a grin.

  From the look in Leon’s eyes, I was sure that he would have gladly led that mission.

  “I was on a little rescue mission of my own,” I set down the bottles and flopped onto the chair next to his.

  Jo raised an eyebrow.

  “I dropped a bottle and cleaned up after myself like a good person,” I explained.

  Leon chuckled, probably because he heard the subtext of worrying about being good.

  I twisted the cap off the bottle and took a gulp of the purple soda that had to be a special Halloween edition, shuddering at the artificial grape taste. “Anything interesting going on?”

  My eyes scanned the moving crowd in the living room, a collection of sailors and knights, superheroes and robots, nurses and vampires, and to my surprise … another pair of wings.

  I cocked my head to get a better view of the pair of fairy wings moving near the windows and almost laughed out loud when I realized it was the Shadowbringer who was moving in time with a pair of cat ears.

  My laugh turned sour in my throat.

  It didn’t take long until one of our classmates joined us, bottle in hand, and asked Jo to dance.

  She blushed and hid a giggle as she got to her feet, leaving Leon and me to ourselves.

  “Honestly, Leon”—I nudged his arm—“what are we doing here?”

  He gave me a look that seemed to be suggesting whether that wasn’t obvious.

  “We don’t do parties. We don’t do social events. That’s not our thing,” I pointed out. “We do soul-saving and hiding from the evil side.”

  I didn’t fail to hear the darkness in my tone.

  Leon gave me a smile. “We are—” He paused and leaned closer so his chin hovered over my shoulder. “I am on a mission to save your soul”—his breath tickled my ear—“by getting you to enjoy yourself a bit. No one your age should be forced to give up her life because a Shadowbringer is hunting them.”

  I shivered involuntarily—not at his words. “I am not giving up anything, Leon,” I reminded him. “You know that I have never been one to go out much.”

  He nodded. “Maybe it’s time you started.” He reached behind my neck with one hand, his fingers grazing along my hairline, bringing back that sensation of excitement and the electric current that seemed to flow between us now. “With me.”

  A smile tugged on my lips. “Like a date?” I asked for clarification.

  Leon only nodded and brought his hand down along my spine to my waist. “Dance with me,” he asked, and before I was able to say a word, I was on my feet, Leon beside me, leading me into the dancing crowd.

  Chapter Thirty

  The hard beat of the music carried me over the make-shift dance floor between couches and other put-aside furniture, Leon’s gaze was intent as he watched me move, he himself always one step away from me, circling around like a lion.
I was wondering if I should switch back into zombie-mode and stalk awkwardly through the crowd just to have some of that fun Leon had mentioned, but his attention … the hunger in his eyes as he took in my rolling hips and swaying body … somehow that instilled excitement in me.

  “Have I told you that you’re beautiful tonight?” he breathed into my ear as he caught me around the waist and pulled me against him. “Exquisite.”

  “Even with the zombie face?” I asked with a wink.

  “Especially with the zombie face,” he retorted. His fingers curled at my waist, finding purchase on my dress.

  We both laughed.

  “You don’t look so bad yourself,” I returned the compliment, wondering if he had noticed that he wasn’t the only one with wings.

  Nearby, Jo was dancing with the same boy who had asked her at the table, their arms around each other. I hadn’t known she liked someone. Then again … I had been so busy with myself these past months that I had hardly noticed anything. They looked good together.

  I was about to comment to Leon when the painful tug made itself known in my chest. My hand flung to my sternum in reflex, and Leon scrutinized my face with concern. There hadn’t been many deaths in the area in the past weeks. Leon had taken me along on all of them and he had negotiated well. Some of the souls he’d taken to heaven directly, and for some, he had gotten a very short time of purgatory.

  By now, seeing him and Cas bargain for souls had become so familiar that I didn’t even flinch at the thought of going with Leon when it was time to collect a soul.

  But tonight was different. Tonight would be the first time I would do the transfer.

  My knees felt like pudding at the thought.

  There wasn’t entry to heaven for anyone but a soul. Heaven couldn’t even be found without carrying a worthy soul. Not even for a Lightbringer.

  So tonight, when I had inhaled my first soul, I would be not only seeing the gates of heaven for the first time; I would also be free of the Shadowbringer.