Finding Sky

by Cass Sellars

  Skylar’s response was palpable. “Please. Please stop. I won’t be able to find you a pen, let alone a misplaced invoice for a box of them if you don’t let me clear my head. You’re killing me, Jess.”

  “I’m sorry. I just dream about this…”

  “About what?”

  “Feeling you under me. Like this.” She guided Skylar beneath her and felt the plane of her body burn through her clothes at every meeting point.

  Skylar ground into her and palmed the curve of Jess’s ass before she suddenly forced their bodies to still.

  “God, Jess, I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

  “Well, it’s happening to both of us.” Jess lifted her body to lie at Skylar’s side instead, hoping the intensity would lessen. “Please say we can be together this weekend. I’ll fill a room full of flowers, masseuses, and chefs if you promise to be with me this weekend.”

  “I don’t need all that. I just want to be with you.” Skylar’s reply was earnest.

  “Done. You do detrimental things to my resolve, but we need to talk, too.” Jess knew that if this was to be an honest beginning to what she hoped would be a permanent relationship, she had to be honest with what she knew about Skylar’s past.

  “I hear you. We will.”

  Jess was locked in by Skylar’s smile until a knock jolted them both. Jess rolled into a sitting position and Skylar scrambled upright, rushing to finger-comb her unruly hair.

  “Hello?” Jess called out, snatching a red folder from the floor. She had no idea of its contents.

  Yolanda poked her head through the door sporting a neutral expression. “Either of you craving French toast from the Buttercup? I’m too old for PMS, but something has got me having cravings.”

  Jess laughed, grateful for the normalcy she delivered to the charged room. “We would love two plates of sugary madness with plenty of syrup.”

  “I knew you might.” Yolanda crossed her arms over her chest with a self-satisfied grin.

  “Use my card, Yo.”

  “This one’s on me. It’s our anniversary, you know.”

  Jess looked at her watch as if to find the date. “I’ll be damned, it’s our tenth anniversary already?” She pretended to be clueless.

  “It is. You can look it up. Traditionally ten years is aluminum or tin, but please check the modern column where it says diamonds are appropriate.”

  “You have them cut that French toast into as many diamonds as they can, okay?” Jess joked. “You’re worth it, Yolanda.”

  “Don’t think I’m above corporate espionage.”

  “I would never underestimate you, sunshine. I love you.”

  “I love you, charmer. Skylar, you watch out for this one, she’ll bamboozle you before you know it.”

  “Thanks for the warning, Yolanda.” Skylar joined the banter.

  Jess was almost glad for the breather from the energy that threatened to eclipse her logical mind.

  “Be right back. And try to work past eleven a.m. today, Jess. I know you want to impress Ms. Addison.” Yolanda winked at Jess and spun into the hallway.

  “I’d say someone is hoping for an office romance.” Jess poked her playfully.

  “Jess! Did you tell her something?” A mild sheen of panic overtook her expression.

  “No one has to tell Yolanda Yates anything. She knows me better than anyone.”

  “Will she tell anybody? Are you going to confirm anything?”

  “Sky, I’m pretty sure she would help me hide a body if I asked her. I might have to justify the homicide, but she would have my back, regardless. She would protect me with her last breath, just like I would her. But no, I’m not going to confirm anything.”

  “I think it’s amazing to have someone like that in your life.” Skylar sounded wistful.

  “You do.” Jess was immediately serious. “Don’t you know that?”

  “Way too early to be part of my posse.”

  “Try me,” Jess said. She stroked her fingers in a line from Skylar’s temple and over her cheekbone before skidding a thumb past her lips.

  “Don’t do that.” Skylar breathed erratically.

  “Why not?” Jess didn’t adjust her touch.

  Skylar found words in an order she hadn’t planned. “Because I can’t stand the cravings. Of wanting to be with you. Of submitting to any wild impulse you might have. Of being part of every hot, loud, dirty fantasy you’ve ever thought of. I’ve fantasized about waking up with you since I met you. I imagine the impossibly hot stroke of your fingers and your tongue driving me insane for hours.” Skylar looked away and tried to steady her mind, shocked by her own words.

  “Fuck. Me.” Jess looked mesmerized by the sentiments Skylar never expected to utter.

  “That’s a concept I’ve considered perhaps five hundred times.”

  “I want you very naked and very much under me. For a very long time.”

  “What the hell just happened to my dedication to be the best employee you ever had?”

  “It’s still there and separate from the best imagined experience I’ve ever pleaded for in my dreams.”

  “How do you do that?” Skylar could barely focus.

  “What?”

  “Distract me from every sobering thought that would jerk me back into reality so I could stop myself from wanting to be under you.”

  “Not in the plan, Sky.”

  “That’s because you hold all the cards.” She swallowed the dread that the words brought. Ones she thought would somehow haunt her.

  Jess seemed to understand that the moment had changed. “Okay, super employee. Back to work.”

  Within the hour they had returned to attempting to analyze invoices but had succeeded only in dusting streaks of powdered sugar from each other’s clothing and kissing like high schoolers under the bleachers.

  “I can’t finish much more,” Skylar said, finally pushing the plate away. “I must say, I was much more disciplined food-wise before I met you.”

  “I plan on burning it off you one day soon,” Jess said as she licked sugar from Skylar’s thumb and then her index finger.

  “You are not being good.” Skylar watched Jess’s mouth suck in her fingertip.

  “Then I’ll just be good at it.”

  Skylar shook her head. “I’m going to go to do actual work in my office if it kills me. You do not come down there, hear me?”

  “I hear you. Lucky for you, I have a meeting in an hour.”

  Skylar stood and hoped she looked like a manager leaving her boss’s office, not a woman flushed from lying on her boss’s floor. She rolled her shoulders and walked quickly down the stairs to her office.

  After what she considered an appropriate amount of time, Jess walked out to refill her coffee and wandered into Yolanda’s office.

  “Did Jim Shaffer call back, by any chance?”

  Yolanda offered a message slip between her fingertips. “He did, and I told him you were in a meeting.”

  “It was just invoice talk. You could have interrupted.” Jess took the slip and read the time.

  “Jess, how long have we known each other?” Yolanda peered over her readers and grinned.

  “Ten years today, as you well know.”

  “How well do I know you?” She laced her fingers under her chin as if waiting for the answer she already knew.

  “Um, where are you going with this?” Jess felt perspiration form at the back of her neck.

  “More importantly, where are you going? I’ve always supported you and I always will. I think this could be a pretty perfect match, but you be careful with that one. She’s in a precarious position—new to IA and your employee.”

  Jess sighed and relished the ability to speak freely to someone despite just telling Skylar that she didn’t plan on confirming anything about their burgeoning connection. “I know, ’Landa. I just—”

  Yolanda interrupted with a wave of her hand. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the thought of you two together, but I h
ave to ask about the striking Miss Fields.”

  “Very completely over since Saturday. It wasn’t right, you know?”

  “I do. I saw that firsthand at the race. Good for you.” Yolanda nodded approvingly.

  Jess held up the message paper, knowing Yolanda had kept distractions away since Skylar was in her office. “Thank you for this.”

  “Anytime. Happy anniversary, Jess.”

  “Happy anniversary, Yolanda.” Jess smiled and wondered when Yolanda would find the small diamond studs she had hidden in her desk drawer. Jess always remembered the important things about people she cared about. She glanced down into Skylar’s office as she sat and dialed the phone number on the paper. She cared more than she expected about Skylar, and she felt a wave of flutters in her stomach. She dared think that Skylar could just be the woman she’d wanted in her life.

  * * *

  Skylar had busied herself arranging clothes in her new dresser and tidying her apartment all evening. Jess was at a dinner meeting in the city, and she needed a distraction from the war of logic versus emotion that raged in her mind.

  She pretended for a moment that they’d decided not to pursue anything personal. She tried it on and hated the way it felt. She was grateful for the diversion of mundane housework. She finally crawled into bed, the now-familiar nagging doubt about an office romance tucked in with her, and was wishing for sleep when the phone rang.

  “What time do you normally go to bed?” Jess’s voice floated through the phone.

  “About now, why do you ask?”

  “Just didn’t want to wake you up, that’s all.”

  “If I have to choose between hearing your voice and sleeping, I’ll always choose the former.” Skylar wished that her response had been less revealing. She holds all the cards and I could lose everything I’ve worked for.

  “I’m very happy to hear that. I wish you weren’t so far away.”

  “Me too. Do you have time to work with me tomorrow?”

  “That’s like asking if I have time to eat cheesecake.”

  Skylar laughed in her ear. “I mean work stuff. Actual work stuff.”

  “Anything to see you. Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “I don’t know, giving this a chance? Wanting to, maybe?”

  “Such a task, Jess. Gorgeous women are such a burden.”

  “I think you’re fantastic. I can’t wait to see you in the morning.”

  “You too.” The thought made her smile, and her earlier doubts faded like mist.

  “Hey, Yolanda reminded me that we have the sponsors’ dinner Friday night. Can you go? Yolanda and Kyle will be there to keep me in check, so don’t worry about your virtue.”

  “I might look very out of place.” She mentally rifled through her closet and found it woefully lacking.

  “How? Wear the black dress you had on the other day. It’s no big thing.”

  “Maybe to you. You already look like you belong everywhere.”

  “I don’t know what that means, but I’m taking it as a compliment. We can all ride together from the office.”

  “Wait, I didn’t say yes yet.” She smiled as she pictured herself in anything in her tired wardrobe and vowed to buy new clothes if she could get out of the office in time.

  “It was close enough. Good night, Sky.”

  “Sweet dreams, Jess.” Skylar forced her finger to hit Disconnect and replayed every moment they’d spent together since Sunday at the lake. The memories flooded her mind and drowned the sound of doubt and dread that accompanied her once again into sleep.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Skylar walked out to Yolanda’s car and climbed in the back with Jess. She had styled her hair but left it loose around the shoulders of her black dress. Her shoes were dressier than she normally wore, and she had managed a bit of makeup, hoping to blend in where she knew she would stick out next to the stylish woman accompanying her. She was beautiful. Skylar fought the need to kiss her for the entire rush-hour ride into the city. Jess hooked her pinkie around Skylar’s, which was shielded by the tilt of Jess’s thigh. It reminded her of the days when no one could know you were a lesbian and secret touches were all you could manage.

  Jess found their name badges and then their table, where Skylar and Yolanda dropped their purses into chairs.

  “You look nice, Kyle.” Skylar nudged him, happy for the distraction from Jess, who worked the room like a shoo-in politician at a party convention.

  “You look fabulous. Our boss can’t stop looking.” He winked at Skylar.

  “Don’t be silly. She’s just being nice by inviting the new girl.” She doubted she convinced Kyle, who smirked at her knowingly.

  “Stop it. Yolanda and I could be on another planet right now and Jess wouldn’t notice we were gone. Just enjoy the attention. You’re a lucky girl.”

  Skylar replayed his words when Jess walked up to her. Pretending to whisper something, Jess disguised her real intent, instead skimming her lips by Skylar’s ear. “I want to kiss you.”

  “Yes, I agree. That would be great, Jess.” She said the words through a fake smile, pretending the message was an innocuous work-related story, not the tell that could give away the shocking truth of their relationship.

  Jess stepped back when an arresting woman in a white satin suit approached the group.

  “Liz! Great to see you. It’s been at least a year.”

  “Right? We travel in the same business circles, you would think it wouldn’t be that easy to keep missing each other.”

  “Elizabeth Manning, I would like you to meet Skylar Addison, my new finance manager.”

  Skylar wondered why it bothered her for a fleeting second that Jess couldn’t introduce her as much more. She chastised herself for being ridiculous. She had wanted no such thing a week ago and wouldn’t have even considered it a year ago. She never wanted to be that girl, giving up her dreams for the promise of love. She didn’t recognize this person so willing to compromise. She wondered if that made her a cliché or a really lucky victim of fate.

  “Very nice to meet you, Skylar.” Liz offered a firm handshake before refocusing on Jess. “I wanted to give you a heads-up, Jess. I brought a date. I believe you have some history. I hope that doesn’t cause any awkwardness between us.” She gestured behind her to a nearby table, where Whitney sat sipping from a martini glass.

  Skylar watched as Jess managed to swallow the shock and adeptly display a warm smile. Was she upset to see Whitney with someone else, or was she just irritated that she was having to deal with her at all?

  “Of course not. Whitney is a great person. I hope you have a great night.”

  Liz made the requisite follow-up small talk conversation before excusing herself to return to her table.

  Skylar moved closer to Jess. “Who was that?”

  “Elizabeth Manning runs a real estate law firm that works with high-end clients from beginning to end. She scouts property for investors, rehabs, resells, or leases for them, and all they have to do is collect the checks. She makes bank doing it. Her average deal nets the firm six figures.”

  “Sounds like the business to be in.”

  “Assuming that money is all you’re looking for, then absolutely.”

  “Does that bother you?” Skylar gestured toward the opposite end of the room where Whitney was making a show of wrapping her arm around Liz’s waist. She looked enthralled by the ensuing conversation, but Skylar couldn’t help but catch the repeated glances in Jess’s direction.

  “Not at all. Good to know our devastating parting of ways didn’t damage her too badly,” Jess joked and refocused on Skylar.

  “I’m sorry.” Skylar thought that it must be strange to see Whitney with someone else. She wasn’t sure how she’d feel, given the same circumstances.

  “There is absolutely no need. It was never meant to be between us. I am sorry, however, that I can’t put my arm around you in public yet.”

  Skylar laughed. “I don’t
even know how we would go about explaining that.”

  “I don’t have to explain anything. You just have to feel comfortable.”

  “I need some time. To figure it out.” Skylar wasn’t sure what that meant, but she knew it was true.

  “I know. You’re not getting pressure from me.” Jess gave her a small, reassuring smile.

  “Thank you for that.” The statement confirmed that Jess was solid, safe. She indeed wouldn’t pressure her, and she’d let things happen at Skylar’s pace.

  “I do have bad news, though.” Jess tugged at the dress covering Skylar’s thigh.

  Skylar raised a brow.

  “My hateful aunt Amy is being moved into a nursing home, and as her only living relative, I have to go and get all the paperwork squared away this weekend.”

  “I’m guessing she didn’t have any kids?”

  Jess’s expression darkened. “That would have required finding another human being willing to spend more than five minutes in a room with her. I think even the nurses will be flipping a coin for a way to get out of it.”

  “That bad? Even after all these years?”

  “Unfortunately. Who knows what happened to her. She’s just always been miserable.” Jess dusted a quick thumb over the back of her hand. “You could come with me?”

  “Gee, I think I’d like our first weekend together to be free of miserable old ladies and nursing homes.” Skylar shivered at the contact with Jess despite its considerable brevity.

  “Fair enough.” Jess looked disappointed. “Thank you for understanding, I don’t think I would be quite so gracious. I’ll simply move the team of musicians and caterers to next weekend.”

  “You don’t need to try so hard, Jess. I think you know I’m already sold.”

  “Cancel musicians, got it. The caterers were for me, I think we’ll be hungry.”

  Skylar shook her head as Yolanda and Kyle returned with huge pineapple-garnished cocktails and a plate of cheeses.

  “Well, by the looks of it, I definitely picked the wrong Ivan Associates employee to hang out with tonight.” Skylar eyed Kyle’s glass and took a wedge of cheese from Yolanda’s proffered plate.