Reaching Answers

by Erin R Flynn

  “He knows who my father is, doesn’t he?”

  “Yes, but he wouldn’t betray your mother’s confidence, even now that she’s gone. He made it clear you were worried over nothing and I agree, even if your theory is correct.” She smirked at me. “You love going against the grain and starting trouble way too much to not believe other fairies aren’t the same, darling. They are. Trust me. That’s how they got the myths of being mischievous. They start trouble.”

  “Simply not for trouble’s sake or to hurt the good,” I muttered, bobbing my head. “Thanks, Katrina. Really.”

  “You are not only my dear friend, but I believe my path to redemption for all I did not fight or help with earlier before things became this bad.”

  I didn’t know what that meant, nor was I going to make her say it, switching on my telepathy instead… Which she was ready for.

  Of course she was.

  “You will make a wonderous queen unlike any other, darling. You see how you were raised differently as a fault or something to be looked down on, but I see it as your best fucking asset, Tamsin Vale. You have seen, lived, and suffered through what no other fairy queen has before you. You are the one who will unite the realms and bring peace and prosperity to your people like none before have.

  “And maybe I can work off my penance with any small help I can give you. I firmly believe that. The gods do not push us around like mice in mazes as we have free will, but throw us lifelines and give us chances to change our fates, make the right choices. So remember that next time you write a letter saying you hate your mother. She could see the future and probably knew you would.”

  I nodded, unable to make my voice work. She came over and kissed my hair, muttering for me to get some rest and remember I wasn’t alone before leaving.

  I thought about the last part of what she’d said as I ate the rest, ignoring when it got cold. How far in the future could my mother have seen? This far? Did that mean she knew I would succeed or not? That seemed much crazier than glimpses a few months ahead.

  Honestly, all of it seemed crazy.

  But just to let Katrina play devil’s advocate, I considered her idea that my mother knew I would be here writing a letter that I hated her. She made the decision knowing all I would go through, all I would suffer to be in that exact moment.

  Either she was a psychopath who didn’t care or willing to sacrifice her own daughter for all fairies. Fine, I wasn’t dead, but what I’d been through… It had been close.

  Several times. Dozens of times really.

  And I didn’t think I could do it. I obviously didn’t have a kid, but even with what had happened a few weeks ago with Izzy, I couldn’t sacrifice her. If her charm had flared and going after her could risk all the fairies, leaving her to suffer whatever alone could save them… I couldn’t have left her. Hell, that was what I’d risked as I was the only one who could unfreeze all the fairies.

  I risked that all the time, but I couldn’t trade my friends like that. I understood the life of one wasn’t worth the life of many, but that one life meant a lot to many, and writing anyone off was never acceptable. There was always another way.

  Always.

  But I wasn’t my mother and I couldn’t see what she had. I couldn’t know how much time she’d had to work it all out. That was always a factor in finding a better path or plan.

  Time. We did the best we could in the time we had.

  For the moment, I would try to give her the benefit of the doubt she didn’t have enough time to find a better plan that didn’t sacrifice me. That was about the only inch I could give.

  I thought it was fairly generous given all she’d left for me to handle and on my shoulders.

  After cleaning up my mess, I opened a portal and walked into my garage and was immediately wrapped in a bear hug. I knew they weren’t a threat but it was disconcerting, so I was glad it didn’t last long, Iolas letting me go and shaking me.

  “Don’t do that again,” he begged, several of the Light Guardians standing with him. “We couldn’t track you. Even your mates couldn’t locate you, and that damn warlock refused after he checked you were safe. We won’t intrude but you must be protected, Your Highness.”

  I sighed, stepping away from him. “Yeah, I know, I’m the only one who can do whatever with Faerie and—”

  “It’s not about Faerie!” He cleared his throat and muttered an apology, taking in a deep breath and slowly letting it out. “We could not protect your mother and it crushes our souls. You are the last, Princess. You are the last of our royal bloodline. You are the last of our history. You are our people’s light and hope. Not your power that can unlock us from that magic. You are. You have to live.”

  “You don’t even know me, mate,” I whispered, the tears coming back. “There’s so much more darkness in me than light. Fine, I’m the last, but you’ve gotta look somewhere else for hope because I’m barely hanging on. I have almost none of my own, and I really can’t muster any for others. I’m sorry. I just can’t.” I ignored their shocked looks and left the garage, ready for bed.

  Fine, after I raided the kitchen.

  Then I went to bed.

  21

  Darby was waiting for me at the cafeteria for lunch Monday. That wasn’t weird. He was waiting outside to catch me instead of inside. That was.

  “Everything okay?” I checked.

  “Yes. I want to eat off campus somewhere,” he explained. “I got a field trip cleared for both of us. I promised Professor Puth that it ties into shifter culture and you’d learn a lot, so he allowed it. Will you come with me, agra?”

  I would have, even if it meant skipping class. He rarely asked me for anything and he was nervous. We were still… Hesitant with each other and I wanted to move past it. I felt like we were always moving past stuff and it was my fault. I knew it wasn’t, but if he was dating someone else, someone normal when he wanted normal, maybe it would be like that for them.

  “Sure. Where are we going?” I asked as I extended my hand to him.

  He smiled as he took it, bringing it to his lips and kissing my glove. “Hell.”

  “I’m sorry?”

  He chuckled as he pulled me to walk with him. “You’ll see.”

  “I’m not sure I want to now,” I grumbled.

  Which only made him laugh harder.

  Dick.

  We headed to the student union and he used one of my unlimited portal passes that I’d had for a while now. I normally just opened my own temp portal or used the faculty one, but this was an official outing or whatever.

  He didn’t let me see what he wrote down and I played fair by not using my telepathy to listen in. He took my hand again and we went through the portal once it activated and came out into a bustling office.

  I hadn’t realized it, but he had also slipped a glamour charm on over my head at some point because when I caught my reflection in the mirror, I looked nothing like normal. Interesting. Very interesting.

  Darby spoke to a woman behind the desk and showed his ID before signing a clipboard. She handed him a few things and then answered the phone, handling whatever had just happened with efficiency I wish I had.

  “You have to wear this,” he explained as he handed over a guest badge.

  I shrugged, clipping it to my jacket. He did the same, but folded up the paper she’d also given him and stuffed it in his pocket.

  “This is where I went to high school,” he finally explained as we stepped out of the office. “As an alum, I can tour the campus without a guide. It’s one of the best boarding schools our world has.”

  “I thought you said we were going to hell?” I muttered under my breath, taking everything in with interest.

  “I was accurate,” he drawled, smirking at me when I glanced at him. “You act like they have to be mutually exclusive. They’re the same, believe me.”

  I thought about it a moment and nodded. “I do.” I’d gone to a shitty public school for a year and it was hell. I was an
abused foster kid and everyone had known that, bullying me as if it was my fault. No one cared and I was already an adult’s punching bag, so the kids all thought that gave them a free pass. Plus, with red hair that was too red to be real—but truly was—I was tormented constantly.

  “I spent a lot of time here,” he told me as we stopped at a set of double doors… That had the sign “Infirmary” above it.

  “What?” I gasped, glancing from him to the sign.

  He wouldn’t look at me though, swallowing loudly. “At least twice a week. For getting the best grades. Not having money. Someone’s girlfriend talking to me, but that was always because they wanted me to do their homework. They normally threatened me with their boyfriends who would beat me up anyways.”

  “And the teachers did nothing?” I seethed.

  He shrugged. “It wasn’t simply jumping in on bullying, but going up against the important parents who would start shit, and they didn’t have someone like Edelman to back them. I honestly never blamed them. Some kept me after class when they knew it was a prime time for me to get bullied. They did what they could without making themselves a target too.”

  “I guess, but it seems like crap to me too,” I grumbled, shrugging when I felt his eyes on me. “You take the job, you promise to protect the kids. I sort of understand Craftsman’s conflict that White says all teachers at that level go through and misuse what they teach. He taught me the stuff that I used to hurt others with. But these teachers promised to protect you and didn’t to save their own asses because shit was complicated. Boo-hoo.”

  “I love how you see the world, agra,” he praised as he squeezed my hand. “Let’s go have lunch.”

  I nodded, curious at a chance to learn more about Darby and his past more than whatever he wanted to teach me that allowed him to count this as a field trip. I was fairly certain I wouldn’t like that if Professor Puth agreed there was something I would learn about shifter culture.

  Sure enough, we were in the cafeteria no more than five minutes and I hated the place. I agreed with Darby’s assessment of hell for sure. Everyone was segregated by their species and it was also clear who were scholarship students or lowest on the totem pole.

  “Well who do we have here?” a guy a few years younger than me asked as he joined us at the trays with his buddies. “You are one hot piece of…” He frowned. “What are you sweetheart?”

  I snorted. “Way out of your league. That’s the answer you’re looking for.” I went to turn away and the idiot had the balls to grab my arm to stop me. “Take your hand off of me or I’ll break it.”

  “Do you have any idea who I am? No one talks to me like that,” he seethed.

  I glanced at Darby. “This is what you wanted me to see? That it starts this young? This little douche is already wielding his parents’ power or money like this and it’s accepted?”

  “No, that wasn’t the goal,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes and pushing up his glasses. “But you attract assholes in record time, so it was stupid to think it wouldn’t happen.” He stared down the guy. “Take your hand off my girlfriend.”

  “Who are—” the guy started.

  “That’s Darby Moore,” one of his buddies muttered. “I’ve seen him on the news. Dude, let go. He’s dating Tamsin Vale and she goes out in a glamour charm. She’ll break you.”

  “She’s not as tough as people say,” the complete moron argued.

  I took off the glamour charm since I was busted… And then broke the guy’s hand. “I’ve taken on councils and all their guards. Yeah, you’re baller compared to them and super scary.”

  “How dare you attack a student!” someone yelled at me.

  I met the irate administrator’s gaze without flinching. “How dare you teach those you are meant to educate and mold into competent members of society that they have the right to touch any woman they want. I suggest you have a conversation with Mr. Geiger before you stick your foot in it any more. And I will be speaking with the women of this school to see who else you blame for defending themselves.”

  “I think it best you leave,” he growled.

  “I don’t think that’s for you to decide,” another man said from behind him. “Mr. Moore is a decorated and valued alum and personally asked me for permission to give a tour to Ms. Vale. Headmaster Edelman was incredibly happy two of his finest students were going to spend time at our institution, and I promised I would make sure they were taken care of. I will keep that promise.”

  The man dipped his head to us and Darby thanked him before we grabbed trays and continued on our way like there wasn’t a huge thing going on in our wake.

  Huh?

  He waited to explain until we were sitting at an empty table in the corner. “You’ve done a lot to help supe schools at the college level. You’ve also done a lot to help the young women who walked into the same traps Izzy did in the high schools. That was the principal, and he didn’t hide he hoped to be on your list of places you might help if you had a tour of the place.”

  My mouth dropped open. “Do all the adults seriously just expect me to save the world? Can any of them do a godsdamn thing on their own?”

  “You have a lot of help they don’t,” he reminded me gently. “They don’t have Geiger and the Vogels and a growing group of backers to help them. This world is terrifying for those who try to go against the grain in a way the human world is not. You have seen it, but you are powerful. Most of us are not. You have to take that into account.”

  “But—”

  “No, no but this time, agra,” he whispered, leaning over and rubbing my shoulder. “I know you judge the teachers who didn’t protect me, but I don’t. Well, not as harshly. They tried. Some really tried but they had families. They weren’t the only ones on the line. Mel told me there were fights you cut from because it could hurt her or others you protected. You know that line.”

  I opened my mouth but then sighed. “You’re right. You’re right. Sorry. I had the luxury to cut and run if things got too hairy. I wasn’t a respected member or society or whatever. That comes with a cost. I know that it’s just…”

  “You can’t live with injustice as others can,” he murmured under his breath, referring to my being a fairy. He kissed my hair when I nodded and we focused on our food. “This really wasn’t what I wanted to show you, but it is smart you see it’s at all levels. The corruption starts early. I went to a lower-level, common-type supe grammar school, but it was even there.”

  “It’s so extreme, even to human rich school.” I shook my head when he tried to argue. “We worked a lot of problems and corruption in the rich circles, Darby. That was where call girls and forced mistresses are abundant. There’s a lot of darkness when people have money to buy their way out of anything, not just with supes. Supes just take it to extreme levels where it’s everywhere.”

  “Living longer doesn’t mean living better,” he agreed. He let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his eyes again. “I can’t say what I want to show you is any brighter of a topic, but I didn’t mean for our outing to take this dark of a turn. I’m sorry, agra.”

  “I’m not.” I bumped his shoulder. “I’m having fun with you, even in hell.”

  “I love you too,” he breathed in my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

  Something we both noticed and neither of us could hide our shock from. Things hadn’t been like that between us for… Too long. Personally, I thought we both kept trying too hard to force things to get better and with how complicated my life was, it never worked out. We became discouraged and defeated and then it was a vicious cycle of being hesitant and not wanting to try.

  Or lowering our expectations. At least I did.

  Constantly. Which was sad since I loved him, and we’d hit such levels of passion and fire, that I longed for it again with him.

  Who knew high school could bring that out in us?

  Yeah, simply thinking that made me feel weird. Him too, from the frown he sported as we kept eating.

  �
��We’ll pick up more food later, but you have too many eyes now for second and third trays,” he warned as we wrapped up. “People are already chatting and texting everyone they know.”

  “I’m shocked they let the kids have their phones during the school day at a fancy boarding school.”

  “I meant the adults,” he drawled.

  Ahh, yeah, they were pains too.

  He showed me the dorm for vamps where he told me several stories that hurt my heart, namely how no one wanted to room with him so they weren’t a target too. Next, it was the lounges where people had fun or saw their families when they visited… Which his never did since they objected to him going to a fancy school and accepting charity.

  We went to some of his classes, keeping quiet because they were currently in session. But nothing he told me made me happy and my soul ached for how horribly he had been treated. It was all I could see and feel, and I really didn’t understand the point of the field trip besides he was trying to let me in more.

  I was glad for that. I wanted to know more about Darby and see this side of him.

  I simply didn’t understand the master plan, and my boyfriend always had one.

  Always.

  He took me out to the football field and led me up the bleachers. “I spent a lot of time here. It was required for scholarship students to come and cheer on the teams, show our school spirit, and support the school that was giving us a better life.” He snorted as we sat down. “I raised the school’s GPA and test scores, tutored half the idiots in my class, and was forced to help them cheat. Yeah, a better life.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, hugging his arm to me. “I really am.”

  “I know you are.” He kissed my hair and gestured out to the empty football field. “This is what you missed, agra. This is the normal that makes you feel so weird and different from the rest of us because you missed.”

  And there it was. The master plan. It hit me hard as I stared out at the snow covered grass, not even knowing what state we were in. I couldn’t even make my mouth work as I tried to take in what he was pushing me towards.