Believing Lies

by Elizabeth, Anne

  This was before she and Nick got together.

  She was my best friend.

  I believe the photo was taken the morning after one of our sleepovers. Noelle’s hair was out and wasn’t brushed. Her pajama pants had cupcakes on, and she had on a white tank top. She was smiling from ear to ear, her white teeth brightening the photo. I sat next to her, my arm around her shoulder. I wasn’t looking at the camera. My eyes were set on her.

  My eyes were only ever set on her.

  And she chose Nick.

  I scrolled again and landed on a picture of Nick, Mark, and me. Mark was smiling with his eyes closed because the sun was gleaming down on him. It made him look washed out. Nick and I were grinning at each other. Our hands were behind Mark’s back. I remembered that we were holding water balloons, about to throw them on his head. The next picture was evidence of that with Mark’s hair soaked, and he was laughing. Nick ran out of the picture so you could only see his foot in the frame, but I stood there. Staring at the water dripping off his head. This was before Nick and I even thought of kicking Mark out of our friend group.

  “I feel bad, Nick,” I admitted. Nick was leaning against the school wall on his phone. He was texting Mark to come and meet us. A couple of days before, Nick told me what Mark had done and that he was fed up. He didn’t want to be friends with Mark any more. I agreed.

  “This is the best thing for the both of us,” he explained. “Mark has done nothing but bring us trouble. And because his daddy is this big-shot lawyer, he gets away with it while we get crap!”

  He put his phone back into his pocket and huffed. It was true, though. Mark was always getting us in trouble, and he barely suffered consequences. His dad was always there at the school and used the fact that he helped fund the school against them. But that’s only when his dad was around. His parents were never there. Always on “vacation.” Dad complained about it a lot because he had to take his cases when he wasn’t there.

  “My dad works with his,” I muttered. Not quietly enough, though, because Nick snapped his head and looked at me.

  “Yeah, but you get in trouble. Your dad doesn’t bail you out like his dad does.”

  I nodded, knowing he was right. Dad always made sure I got consequences. He would make me leave the principal’s office while they discussed what was best for me. I am almost positive Dad vowed to get me more detentions.

  “Hey, guys!” Mark bellowed a couple of feet away from us. We both turned to look at him, and he looked awful. The dark circles under his eyes were obvious, even from where we were standing. The smell emanating off his body reached our nostrils in no time, causing us both to cringe. I noticed the redness in his eyes.

  “Mark,” I scolded. “Are you on drugs?”

  “Hey!” He chuckled. “Get off my back, Dad.” He grunted on the word Dad which caused him to cough. Nick’s jaw was clenching. His arms were crossed, and I remember thinking if anyone looks like a dad, it was Nick.

  “We need to talk,” Nick warned. He took a couple of steps toward Mark.

  Mark slurred, “What? Are you guys breaking up with me?” He started to laugh afterward, tripping over himself and landing on his face. “Ouch.”

  I rolled my eyes and walked over to him. I grabbed him by the back of his collar and stood him up. He lost a lot of weight; I felt it in my arms.

  “Look at yourself, Mark,” I criticized. “You’re skinny. You must’ve lost a lot of weight. Your eyes are red, and I bet you haven’t slept in days.”

  He cocked his head to the side. He suddenly winced in pain and grabbed the back of his neck. I let go of him and watched as he slumped to the ground again. He was on his knees, grunting. I heard footsteps behind me, and Nick appeared by my side. That was when I knew Mark was at his lowest. I bet Mark realized it too.

  “Clean up your act, Mark,” Nick demanded. “Do it for yourself because Kyle and I are done.”

  Mark looked up at us, his eyes screaming anger. “What?”

  “You have caused nothing but trouble for us, Mark.” I repeated Nick’s earlier words. Nick didn’t even flinch. He kept his stare on Mark, who was now standing up. His limbs were shaking, but he managed to get on his feet.

  “Trouble like what?”

  “Like Noelle!” Nick exploded. He stomped to Mark and was inches away from his face. “Like what you did to Noelle.”

  “I thought she wanted me,” he explained, pushing Nick away. “We only kissed, and I thought it was because she wanted me.”

  Rage was boiling inside of me. The sound of her name coming out of his mouth pushed it over. I felt the heat attack me like being submerged under lava. I didn’t even realize I moved until I saw Mark bleeding from his mouth. He held his hand up to his lip and made the blood spread even more. Nick wasn’t concerned. He never was when I reacted poorly when someone hurt Noelle. You should’ve seen Mark when I caught him with her. He couldn’t go to school for a week. I didn’t even remember it until Noelle hugged me the next day.

  “She would never want you,” I spat at him. Nick and I left after that. Mark was standing there, blood pouring out of his mouth and dripping onto the ground. His fists were clenched, and his eyes were burning into our backs. I then suddenly realized who I saw Mark as.

  He was a monster.

  I didn’t go through any photos after that. I sat on my bathroom floor for what seemed like hours, naked. I didn’t have enough strength to even try and wrap myself in a new towel. My brain was being tortured with a million questions.

  Where did the blood come from?

  How am I going to hide the towel?

  Who would do this?

  Why is this happening?

  I felt like an old guy that you see at the beginning of an awful movie. Where he is all depressed, then turns his life around by falling in love or something stupid like that. My bare butt on the cold tiles made me realize how pathetic I must’ve looked.

  Once I was able to distract my mind, I started to clean up. I grabbed the blood-stained towel and cleaned up the rest of the mirror. Wiping it away, smearing it even more. I had to get the towel wet again to get all the blood off the glass. The water stained red as it fell through the drain. Once the mirror was clean again, I washed the inside of my sink that had tints of pink all around it. I even poured bleach down to get rid of the stench. Mostly so I didn’t have to smell it again. I put on clean clothes before heading downstairs to put the laundry in. I washed the red towel with a bunch of my red clothing so it wouldn’t look different. Once I clicked Start on the washing machine, my phone started vibrating in the pocket of my jeans. Noelle’s name appeared, and I immediately answered it.

  “Hello?” I stuttered out. I wanted to slap myself for sounding like that.

  “Kyle?” Noelle asked. I grunted in response. I knew we were in a small fight, but hearing her voice say my name made me want to run over to her and just hug her. To let the smell of vanilla sugar fill my nostrils. I knew it was her favorite perfume; I bought it for her a lot.

  Noelle was the only person I could never really get mad at. My anger is the worst part of me, and sometimes I can’t control it. But with Noelle, it wasn’t like that. I had never actually gotten so mad with her that I even threatened to hit her.

  “What?” I barked. She jumped at my tone. Her eyes flickered with bitterness, and her face turned paler. I thought she was about to vomit. I just so badly wanted her to be quiet. I wanted to cover her mouth with my hand until she stopped breathing.

  Wait.

  Noelle’s voice pulled me away from the scary memory. I had completely forgotten about it until that moment. I did want to hurt Noelle.

  “Kyle, I am so sorry about what happened at my house. I understand that I am not in charge, and you are allowed to do what you want to do.” She started sniffing through the phone. I could tell she was upset, but I didn’t say anything about it.

  “I’m sorry too. You were just looking out for me.”

  Noelle was always looking out for
me. She was my savior. Got me out of a lot of bad situations. For a while, I didn’t want to be friends with her in case she got hurt, but she stuck around and refused to let me be stupid. I used to not care that much about my life until she came along.

  “Anyways,” she continued, “Wednesday is a teacher prep day, so we don’t have school. Do you want to come over and hang out like we used to?”

  “You mean before Nick?” my voice mumbled. I guess she didn’t hear me clearly because she asked me what I said.

  “Sure, but I have to hang up right now. I’ll see you Wednesday.” I placed the phone back down, not letting her respond. I could feel my veins popping out of my wrists.

  Is she just trying to replace Nick with me?

  Why is she doing this now?

  What a little…

  I paced around the room. I thought about what would happen Wednesday. I thought about what if I had killed her the day before. Would her family have known it was me? Would anyone?

  Can I get away with murder?

  Pushing away my thoughts, I went for a run. The heat was building up in my body and making me sweat. I needed to push the anger and hatred out on something else before I did something I would regret.

  Should I kill her?

  I didn’t even bother to change except for my shoes. I grabbed my keys and phone and left the house. I let my feet take control, running around. I couldn’t fight it; they wanted to go where they wanted to. I let my mind wander, trying to relieve myself from any more haunting thoughts.

  Where am I?

  I looked around, and the neighborhood was nicer than where I lived. Tall houses with balconies. Don’t get me wrong, we could’ve afforded to live there. But Dad was a minimalist. We had more than enough. I walked past a familiar house, and I realized where I was.

  Kill her.

  Noelle’s house beckoned me. It called me to go inside. I closed my eyes and imagined myself breaking in. No one was home except her, so no one would have known. I would use my keys. I gripped them in my hand, holding one in between my pointer and middle finger. A jab at the eye would cause her enough pain for her to know she shouldn’t have tried to replace me. Then slicing her throat open, watching the blood pour from her perfect neck would have been more than satisfying to see. To lie next to her lifeless body.

  What is happening to me?

  I ran. I sprinted farther from the house before I could do anything. I was terrified of my mind. And my strength. I didn’t know how far I would go. How far I could go to kill a person. To kill Noelle. I came across an empty road. I paced myself, still fighting the murderous thoughts in my head.

  It felt like someone was squeezing my skull and a couple of times I lost my balance. My feet slowed the pace when I noticed a figure standing ahead. He was hunched over, leaning against a store window. I figured he was looking at something, but as I got closer, the blood dripping from his body made itself visible to me.

  “Sir!” I called out, running to him. “Are you okay?”

  He turned to me, his eyes bloodshot red. Scratches and wounds gushing with blood were all over his face, and I almost didn’t recognize him.

  “Mark?” I asked. I was only a few inches away from him now. Cuts were ripped into his shirt, and the cloth around them was stained with blood. He pushed himself away from the wall and started leaning toward me. I caught him before he hit the ground, and he grabbed my shoulders, trying to steady himself.

  “Kyle, I didn’t do this to myself. I…” He struggled, trying to explain what happened. I told him to shush as I pulled out my phone and dialed 911 for help. Mark was falling to the ground as I tried to hold him up with one hand; the feeling of blood dripping onto my arm shook me.

  “It was Nick.” My head snapped to look at Mark, to see if he was saying that or if it was a figment of my hallucinations. His eyes were peacefully shut, and his breathing started to slow.

  “Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?”

  13

  Day Nineteen

  “Kyle!” a voice rang out, distracting me from my thoughts. Noelle came running over to me and engulfed me in a hug. Her arms traced my spine as she placed her head onto my shoulder. I listened as her breathing evened out and steadied.

  I was in the waiting room when Marie, Luke, and Noelle walked in. It was hours after I had arrived, but I didn’t tell them where I was for a while. Mark was in surgery, and no doctor had talked to me for a long time. I remember watching the sun beam through the windows when the doctor came out and told me that they were doing everything they could.

  It was dark when they found me.

  “Hey, guys.” I sniffed, rubbing my eyes. “How did you find me?”

  Luke walked over to the seat beside me and sat down. He handed me a cup of coffee. Marie sat next to him while Noelle remained in my arms. She shifted so now she was sitting in my lap.

  “Your mom told us what happened,” Luke explained.

  Marie nodded. “What she couldn’t tell us is why you are torturing yourself by staying here for hours for some old friend of yours who I believe made your life a living hell.”

  Noelle peeked her head up and stared at me. My eyelids threatened to close and taunted me with the relief of sleep. Her hands ran up to my hair, and she started twisting it in her fingers.

  I can’t handle this right now.

  I pushed her away slightly. Shifting my legs to the other side, forcing her off. She was taken aback, but she didn’t say anything. She just sat down next to me and placed her hands in her lap. Luke gave me a look, but I didn’t care enough to comment on it. Marie just stared intently at me, waiting for a response. I sighed and grabbed at my head, holding it in my hands. I let my eyes close for a second.

  “Where are his parents?” Luke asked. He squirmed in his seat, trying to find a more comfortable position. Luke is six foot one, so small hospital chairs don’t fit him. I watched the ground, looking at his feet move around. Soon, Luke placed them on his chair, so his head was now in between his knees. I chuckled at his little kid’s stance.

  “Out of town. I tried calling them myself, but they didn’t answer.” I huffed. He just nodded, then looked down. Marie was staring at him, bug-eyed at what she just witnessed him doing.

  “You comfortable, Dopey?”

  Luke slowly turned his head to face her. His smirk widened on Marie when she looked him in the eyes. His arms fell to the side, and he leaned forward.

  “I can’t fit into the chairs, and this is the only comfortable position. I’m sorry I’m so tall.” Luke paused for a moment. He turned his head back to face forward, then he muttered, “Shortcake.”

  Marie’s smirk dropped, and her eyes turned red. You could see the steam coming out of her head. Veins were popping out of her neck.

  “Guys, not now,” I begged. They both turned to me and apologized. I always thought that Luke and Marie would get along, but I guess not. Noelle told me that she introduced them in the parking lot because that’s where they all met up. She said that they were not too happy with each other. I couldn’t understand why, but it was the last thing on my mind.

  “Kyle, why don’t you go home, and then when the doctors know something they can call?” Noelle offered. I looked at her, and her eyes twinkled with hope. The way she was looking at me, she seemed to have been asking a lot more than me just going home.

  What is she asking me?

  “I can’t.” I fought. “I can’t leave him.”

  “He was awful to you, Kyle,” Luke argued. “He was always making you do things you didn’t want to do and got you in trouble. I feel bad for him, I really do. But you brought him to the hospital, and you’ve stayed here for hours. You’ve done enough.”

  Marie nodded. “I agree with Giant John; you know that if that was you, he wouldn’t be here. Hell, he wouldn’t have even brought you here. He would’ve left you on the sidewalk, bleeding to death.”

  “You’re right,” I answered. They all looked at each other before getting up,
except Noelle. She remained in her seat; she knew me too well to know that it would be the end of it. She folded her hands in her lap and waited for me to continue.

  “I owe him.”

  “He’s really gone, Mark.” We were sitting on my bed because Mark wanted to check on me. His mom told him about Max, and he said that he needed to see me. My head was under my pillow, trying to mute my sobs. Mark was sitting upright next to me with his hand on my shoulder. We were so young, and he knew exactly how to act.

  “I know, Kyle.” He started patting my back. “Max was my little brother too, and I miss him. But it wasn’t your fault!”

  I sat up, pushing my pillow away from me. “Henry said—”

  “I don’t care what Henry said,” Mark yelled. “He’s an idiot. It was not your fault.”

  I looked down at my Spiderman bedsheets and felt upset again. I didn’t know what bothered me more, Max dying, my family hating me, or the fact that Nick wasn’t there. It wasn’t Nick’s fault he wasn’t there. His mom wouldn’t let him. She said that Nick doesn’t handle death well, and after his dad’s passing, he had to see a therapist. This would only set him back. I would only set him back.

  “It is my fault, though, Mark.” I sniffed. “I was the one who let him in the water. I didn’t know.”

  “Exactly, you didn’t know because no one told you. So, it wasn’t your fault,” Mark explained. He stood up and started pacing my room.

  “How are you so good at this?” I asked, wiping the tears from my face. “How do you know what to say?”

  He stopped walking around and looked at me. “I deal with death in my family a lot. So, I know what to say because I say it a lot.”

  “That’s sad.”

  I don’t remember if I said that out loud or if I was just thinking it. But Mark continued talking about it.

  “I also know that they are in a better place now. Just like Max. I bet he has a treehouse and is playing with a lot of toys in Heaven. Maybe reading that book he likes so much. The one he made everyone read to him when they came over. I’ve read it like a hundred times!”