Bane (Angel's Rebellion MC: #7)

by Jeneveir Evans

“What’s that mean?”

  I thought about everything Bane had gone through, how no one had been there for him. How even after eight years in the club, none of us, especially me, had realized how tormented he was by his demon. So for the next twenty minutes I told Ranger what had been going on. By the time I was finished, I could see the pain in Ranger’s eyes. He’d had his own personal hell that he’d made peace with from when he was a sniper in the Rangers. He knew how things could eat at a man’s soul.

  “Hell,” he muttered.

  “Yep.”

  “Still, Brother, you need us and we need you. You’re a member of our family. We want you there.”

  I thought about what he said and while it was good to hear, I just wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  He sighed and lifted his chin. He knew I had given him all I could. I couldn’t promise him anything. I wasn’t as big into promises anymore.

  Doc opened the door and walked out.

  “We’re going to go to the ultrasound room. Both of you turn your backs until Kenzie gets in there. She’s only in a paper gown. Eagle, once I get her in there she wants you with her.”

  I swallowed hard. Son of a bitch. Bane should be here. I tilted my head toward her then turned around and faced the wall. Once Doc had Kenzie sorted, she called me in.

  “Stand at the head of the bed, Eagle.”

  I did as she asked.

  “I’m doing a transvaginal ultrasound. Keep your eyes on the screen unless you want to possibly get a glimpse of areas I don’t think Kenzie wants you seeing.”

  I nodded but didn’t lower my eyes. Doc turned some knobs, pushed some buttons and a small looking TV screen came on. Soon we were seeing staticky lines, then suddenly a peanut looking shape came on the monitor and we could hear a heartbeat. I reached down and grabbed Kenzie’s hand, hers squeezed mine tightly.

  “Oh my god,” she whispered. “That’s Bane’s baby. That’s Bane’s and my baby, Eagle.”

  “Yeah, it is,” I said huskily. I was standing in awe looking at the picture. I could see the beat of the baby’s heart.

  “Well according to what you told me, Kenzie, your estimate of how far along you are holds true. The fetus measures as a twelve-week-old. Heart rate is at one hundred and forty-eight. Everything looks good.”

  “Doc, that’s not a fetus. That’s Bane and Kenzie’s baby.”

  Doc laughed. “All you bikers are the same.”

  Not taking my eyes off that tiny little form, I mumbled, “What do you mean?”

  “Every dad has corrected me by letting me know that is a baby, not a fetus.”

  “Well, I’m not the baby’s dad, but my Brothers were right. We are looking at a baby.”

  Doc started punching buttons and soon the picture disappeared from the screen. I kept my eyes on that blank surface. In my mind’s eye I could still see the baby. I heard a rustle, then Doc told me, “Eagle, go on out and let Kenzie get dressed.”

  I squeezed Kenzie’s hand before letting go and walked out of the room. I was a little shaky. Hell, this wasn’t even my child and I felt a faint hint of fear wondering if everything was okay with Kenzie and the baby. As soon as Doc walked out of the room, I pounced.

  “Doc, are you sure the baby is okay? She’s cried so much over the last three weeks and she hardly eats.”

  “Since Kenzie told me I could talk to you, I want you to know she’s okay. She does need to start eating and making sure she stays hydrated. I’m going to give her a prescription for prenatal vitamins and she needs to take one daily. I’ll want to see her once a month for a while then it will be more often later in her pregnancy.”

  “Alright, Doc. I’ll make sure she’s here and I’ll make sure she eats, drinks and takes her vitamins.”

  “Good,” Doc was saying as Kenzie walked out of the room holding a strip of paper.

  I looked at it and she handed it to me soundlessly. I took it in my hands and my eyes widened as I took in what we had seen on the screen. My eyes flew to hers and she smiled.

  That was her first smile since Bane had left. We’d both had a first after Bane had left today. I wondered if we would start measuring time like that. Before Bane left and after Bane left. We didn’t talk on our way home, we just picked up her prescription and went back to the apartment.

  I decided I didn’t care if the asshole had his phone off or not, I was going to start texting him daily instead of the several times I had already done. He needed to know what was going on.

  ~***~

  Chapter 28

  Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

  ~Helen Keller~

  Bane

  March 27th, 1999

  I rolled over and looked at the time. It was after four p.m. Not that it really mattered, I didn’t leave this room. It was almost like I was a prisoner because three times a day someone would tap on my door. Since I didn’t bother locking it or answering the knock, someone would come in and leave food. They’d take what I hadn’t eaten away with them. I didn’t eat much. I’d lost weight. The only thing I had worn in the past two weeks were boxers. I somehow roused myself every couple of days and took a shower. Why I don’t know. I didn’t care if I stunk or not.

  I don’t really remember anyone picking up my laundry, they must have done it because I always had fresh towels and my boxers would show up clean and folded. I knew I was being an ungrateful guest, yet I didn’t have it in me to care.

  My fucking demon had stayed quiet. I guess he got what he wanted and I wouldn’t hear from him again until he was afraid of something else. Then I’m sure he’d be back with a vengeance. Instead, thoughts of what I had done to Kenzie plagued my mind.

  Knowing what I had done and what she had seen was destroying what was left of me. I had promised her I wouldn’t cheat. Promised her. Yet I did. All because my fucking demon had taken over my thoughts as soon as I saw that test.

  I thought I had known how much this was going to affect me. That was a fucking laugh. I hadn’t even been close to realizing that losing the people closest to me would devastate me this much. I’d never hurt this bad in my entire life. My body physically ached from the pain of my emotions, my mind was continuously tortured with what I had deliberately thrown away. I felt like I was going mad. A big part of me just wanted to slip into oblivion and never return.

  I hadn’t even bothered to text Dog like I’d told him I would. It had briefly ran through my head that he knew where I was, he knew how to check on me.

  The first day I was here I’d pulled out a bottle of whiskey from my saddlebags. After crying for what felt like hours, I had wanted to be numb. I didn’t want to think anymore, so I’d consumed the whiskey until I passed out. Besides that first day of drinking, I hadn’t touched a drop.

  Normally, there was no way I could have lain in bed as much as I have been. I had always been ready to go and do, now I didn’t have any energy. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t give a fuck about life. The bed suited me just fine.

  Despite not wanting to move, I had to piss. I got up and went to the bathroom and, for the first time in two weeks, I looked into the mirror. I was now sporting a beard and mustache. I studied it clinically. I had never grown one so hadn’t had a clue how I’d look like with one.

  It actually didn’t look bad with my hair, not that I gave a shit. I knew all the Brothers would say I looked like a man now. Yeah, I’d heard some say I was too pretty to be a guy. The beard had changed that. Beard or no beard, it didn’t matter. Nothing did. Not now.

  The thought flashed through my head that I could drive Kenzie crazy with my beard as I drank her sweet juices then it hit me hard that I’d destroyed my relationship with her. I’d never have Kenzie’s body under mine again. I’d never have Kenzie’s taste in my mouth again. I’d never wake up holding her in my arms again. Not only had I lost our baby, I had lost the love of my life. I had lost Kenzie.

  The pain hit so
violently, I almost fell to the floor. As it was, I barely managed to make it back to the bed before the tears hit again. In the back of my mind the notion flashed through it that I was probably the world's biggest pussy for crying so much, I didn’t care about that either.

  There was a lot I didn’t care about. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever quit crying over Kenzie and all I’d thrown away. I wasn’t sure if I could live like this. I didn’t know if I wanted to live in this constant hell.

  I waited for the demon to taunt me into getting my gun and pulling the trigger. I heard nothing but silence. Finally, I managed to drift off to sleep again where I could dream of Kenzie. That was where I tried to stay now. Asleep with her in my dreams.

  ~*~

  April 11th, 1999

  As I stepped out of the shower, I caught a glimpse of something. I turned my head, and a woman was setting food down on the top of the dresser where it was always left. She gazed up and down my body and I saw interest in her eyes. The look left me cold.

  “I could keep you company if you want,” she said as she eyed me while she walked closer to me.

  “I don’t want. Close the door on your way out,” I said and turned my head away from her.

  I looked in the mirror and saw the man she had seen. Hell, my fucking ribs were showing. I didn’t know how she could want me looking the way I did, not that I gave a rat’s ass. She was a club whore, she just wanted to fuck a biker. This biker only wanted to be with one woman and that bitch was not my Kenzie. It would always only be Kenzie.

  I pulled on a pair of boxers then grabbed the sandwich she had left. I ignored the beer and grabbed the water instead. I walked back to the bed and sat down. The vague thought of what day it was ran through my head. I glanced around hunting my phone to find it plugged up laying on the nightstand. I hadn’t put the charger on it so one of the women who came to my room must have plugged it into an outlet.

  I grabbed it and turned it on. The zinging noise it made sounded like a high whiny crotch rocket taking off. I glanced at the date and was shocked to see it was April eleventh. I’d been here a month. I briefly thought about looking at my texts, but I didn’t, instead I turned my phone off and set it back down. After forcing the sandwich down and drinking some of the water, I laid on the bed, rolled over, and welcomed sleep again. That was the only place I could hold Kenzie in my arms. Asleep was the only place I wanted to be now.

  ~*~

  Mad Dog

  The situation with Bane, Kenzie and Eagle hadn’t gotten any better. Eagle had missed Church five weeks in a row now. I knew if he left the club it would ultimately be the worst thing in the world for him. He was floundering and while we had tried to get him to talk to us, he wouldn’t. I was holding out hope that he would one day soon.

  Bane hasn't called or texted me since he left. I had to call Spyder each week to get an update or he would call me. I picked up the phone and punched in the number that I’d had to use way too much lately.

  “How’s it going, Dog?” was how he answered the phone.

  “Was wondering about our boy.”

  “Nothing’s changed, Dog. He doesn’t come out of his room at all.”

  “Y’all still taking his food in to him then?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Maybe you need to force him to come out and get it,” I told Spyder. Hell, I didn’t know what else to suggest.

  “Won’t do that, Brother. He would starve to death before he came out of that room right now.”

  “You really think that?”

  “Yeah, I do. Just gonna have to give it more time, Dog. I know that’s not what you want to hear but that’s the truth.”

  “You think I should have someone come get him and put him in a hospital? I think we have enough evidence to say he’s a danger to himself that we could get him in one now.”

  “Dog, you do that, you’re signing that boy’s death certificate. Let him be. He just needs more time.”

  I sighed. “Fuck, I hate this shit.”

  “I know, Brother. We can’t do anything else though. He’s not hurting anyone. Let him do what you sent him here to do. Let him come to terms with whatever it is that is plaguing him.”

  “Alright, Spyder. Thanks, Brother.”

  “Like I said Dog, no thanks necessary.”

  ~*~

  Eagle

  April 26th, 1999

  I was on the way to meet Kenzie at Doc’s office. It had been a month since her first visit. She would be a couple days shy of being sixteen weeks pregnant. She now had a small baby bump showing. Bane would get a fucking kick out of it. I’ve caught her several times rubbing her stomach and smiling. While the sadness still showed on both of our faces, we now smiled when we talked about the baby. Neither of us had said Bane’s name in a couple weeks. It hurt both of us to say it or hear it.

  I kept sending my texts. I don’t know if he is getting them. Something told me that he still had his phone off. I prayed to God that if something happened to him that someone would let us know. I was counting on Dog for that. Dog knew where he was. I know he was checking up on Bane too. He’d checked up on me as well. I just didn’t have much to say to him. I didn’t to anyone. I was still unsure if I wanted to continue being in the club and to be honest, I hadn’t really thought about it much. Instead, my thoughts had been on Bane and how we had all failed him.

  I’d missed Church five weeks in a row. I was surprised I hadn’t already gotten the call for me to turn in my cut. If they asked, I’d give it to them. As it was, the only thing I would have stepped foot on the compound for would have been Church and since I wasn’t really concerned with what was going on I didn’t figure there was any use in me going. They could make it just fine without me.

  I pulled into the parking lot and saw Kenzie sitting in her car waiting on me. I got off my bike, took off my helmet, hung it over one of the grips on the handlebar then walked over to her.

  “Ready for this?” I asked her as she got out of her car and locked it.

  “Yeah,” she smiled at me. “We might get to find out what the baby’s sex is.”

  That brought a pain to my heart. This should be Bane going in to the appointment to find out the gender of his child. Not me.

  I somehow managed to smile at her and murmured, “Let’s do it.”

  I know she heard the hurt in my voice. It wasn’t ever far from either of us. I sat in the waiting room until a nurse called for me to come back to the ultrasound room. I didn’t feel comfortable going into the room for Kenzie’s checkups. I knew that soon I’d probably have to start. She needed the support.

  Since I was now living with her we’d become fairly good friends. Even though we didn’t talk a lot, we were learning each other's odd quirks. I knew she hated me squeezing the toothpaste from the middle, she knew I hated my clothes to come out of the dryer smelling like some kind of flowery shit.

  I knew she tended to kick her shoes off as soon as she walked in the door and she knew it pissed me off because I somehow always managed to trip on the fuckers every damn day. I think she deliberately did it on purpose because she likes hearing me cuss a blue streak. She’d started laughing like a loon every day hearing it. I’d trip on the fuckers for the rest of my life if it kept her laughing. She didn’t do enough of it.

  I was led to a different room than the one we’d been in the last time. Kenzie had her pants pushed down a little and her shirt pulled up some, her cute little baby bump was showing in all its glory. Doc was sitting on a stool waiting for me. I walked over by Kenzie’s head again. Although this time I wasn’t in danger of seeing things I didn’t want to see.

  I watched Doc squeeze what looked like K-Y Jelly onto Kenzie’s stomach, then she got this little wand that the head of it looked similar to a man’s electric razor. She started running it around on Kenzie’s stomach and immediately we heard the heartbeat.

  Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

  Blindly, I grabbed Kenzie’s hand. God, it was torture hearing that sound
when I knew it should be Bane. Yet it was also one of the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard in my life. My eyes stayed glued to the screen and soon we were seeing the baby. It was bigger now, even someone as uneducated as me about babies could see that.

  My eyes widened when I saw a tiny foot.

  ‘Holy shit. That’s its foot.”

  Doc laughed at me. I didn’t fucking care. I was in awe of what I was seeing. Then Doc moved it again and even I knew what I was looking at. Bane and Kenzie were having a boy.

  “Oh my god. Oh my god. It’s a boy,” Kenzie’s tear-filled voice said.

  “You’re correct. That’s a boy,” Doc said softly.

  Doc kept moving the screen and a face suddenly appeared on the screen. Kenzie and I both gasped. I kid you not, the baby was smiling.

  I felt this pain in my heart. I wasn’t envious of my best friend, instead I was hurting for him because he was missing so much.

  On the way home, I stopped by the store. Kenzie had a craving for Rocky Road ice cream. Her first craving. After I got home, took my shower, and was in bed for the night, I texted Bane again. I let him know what had happened today. This was the only way I knew to make him a part of what was going on.

  ~*~

  Bane

  May 9th, 1999

  I got up to go to the bathroom and staggered. I was barely able to catch myself before I fell. I made it to the john, pissed, and turned on the shower. As I stood under the showerhead letting the water run over me, I realized I was pretty weak. When I pulled back the curtain and looked into the mirror, I was shocked by what I saw. My ribs were protruding, my face was gaunt. The bones in my wrists stuck out. I was wasting away to nothing.

  I shakily walked back to the bedroom and sat on the bed. I grabbed my phone and turned it on. I was shocked that another month had passed since I’d last looked. I had a decision to make. Was I going to let myself go until I was finally gone or was I going to start eating to get stronger?

  The appeal of the first option was great, yet something inside me fought that. I’d made a promise to Eagle that I wouldn’t take my own life and that is what I was doing in a roundabout way. I’d broken so many promises, I briefly thought, ‘what was one more?’ Then I remembered the night he had made me make that promise and I realized taking my own life would devastate him. I couldn’t do that to him. I just couldn’t.