All My Secrets

by Sophie McKenzie

  ‘You,’ I gasp.

  Anna hangs her head. She takes Irina’s ballet shoes from her pocket and holds them out to me. She doesn’t meet my eyes. ‘I took them from under your pillow,’ she says. ‘I’m sorry.’

  Dazed, I take the shoes. The wind drives the drizzle into my face, stabbing at my skin.

  ‘What do you think you’re doing, dressing up as my mum’s ghost? Oh . . .’ I suck in my breath as the full realization strikes me. ‘Oh . . . it’s been you all along?’ Anna looks up. She says nothing, but the guilty look in her eye tells me it’s true.

  ‘Why?’ The word sounds strangled.

  ‘It’s just an experiment . . .’ Anna begins.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Girls.’ Miss Bunnock’s voice echoes towards us. She emerges through the trees. ‘What on earth . . .? Get over here now.’

  Anna turns and walks towards her, shrunk down inside the black coat. I follow, still barely able to process what has happened. Irina’s ballet shoes dangle from my hands. Misery roils inside me, great waves of it.

  There is no ghost. My mother’s spirit hasn’t come to me.

  I have lost her before I even found her.

  The pain of it fills me.

  ‘I don’t understand,’ I gasp, ignoring Miss Bunnock.

  ‘Get back to the house, Anna,’ Miss Bunnock orders.

  I barely register how tense Bunnock looks or how odd it is that she’s only sending Anna away. I’m still trying to deal with what has just happened.

  ‘I don’t understand,’ I stammer again, tears pricking at my eyes.

  Miss Bunnock opens her mouth, then shuts it again.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Anna says, her voice barely audible over the crashing waves. I assume she’s talking to me, but when I glance across she is looking up at Bunnock.

  Why is she apologizing to her?

  ‘Go,’ Bunnock orders.

  Without looking at me again, Anna races off, into the trees, the black coat streaming out behind her.

  Bunnock grabs my arm. Before I know what’s happening, she has dragged me out onto the rock. The rain is fiercer out here, away from the shelter of the trees.

  I stumble, resisting. ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘Shut up,’ Bunnock snaps. ‘Get over to the edge.’

  What? I stare at her, shocked out of my piercing misery. Rain streams down around us; the roar of the wind and the waves fills the air. ‘You knew Anna was pretending to be my mum’s ghost,’ I breathe. ‘You knew she’s been tricking me since we arrived here?’

  ‘Yes.’ Miss Bunnock meets my gaze. Her eyes are like steel pellets. ‘Of course.’

  My mouth gapes.

  ‘I got Anna onto the Lightsea course. She was instructed to fool you, just as she was told to appear open to the idea of ghosts when the subject came up and to make sure that you saw the photocopy of the newspaper article that I mocked up and left in the back of the library book.’

  ‘That was made up?’ My stomach feels like it’s falling away. ‘You went to all those lengths to make me think my mum was here as a ghost, that she died on the island? For some stupid experiment? What experiment?’ A sob rises inside me. ‘Why?’

  ‘I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to explain why and there weren’t really so many lengths,’ Miss Bunnock says with a sigh. ‘Apart from the article and Anna’s appearances as the ghost, all I did was hide a photo of your mother in Mr Lomax’s office when I knew, thanks to Anna overhearing you and reporting back, that you were going to break into it and look for clues.’ She pauses. ‘Your imagination and desire to make contact with your dead mother did the rest.’

  ‘What about the knife?’ I demand. ‘Did you put that under my pillow?’

  Bunnock nods.

  ‘Why?’

  She tightens her grip on my arm, ignoring my question. ‘Move,’ she orders.

  I try to pull away, but she yanks me back, closer to the edge of the rock.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Panic fills me. ‘Let me go.’

  Bunnock grits her teeth. She hurls me round, pushing me right to the edge. I teeter on the stone, my pumps slipping. And in that moment it suddenly makes sense: the knife left to make it look like I might want to hurt myself, the encouragement to believe in Irina’s ghost, the story about her dying right here, at Easter Rock.

  For reasons which I don’t understand, Miss Bunnock wants to kill me, and make it look like I have committed suicide by falling from the place where I believe my own mother died.

  My mouth opens to accuse her and she gives me a final shove. My arms windmill. My hands grasp air.

  With a scream, I lose my balance and fall backwards.

  Twenty-nine

  For a single, terrifying second, I think I’m going to fall off the rock and into the dark sea beneath. Then my fingers latch onto the cloth of Bunnock’s jacket. I grip it with a strength I didn’t know I had. Roaring, I haul myself up, push Bunnock away from me and run. Across the rock, my feet threatening to slide out from under me with every step. Then into the trees.

  I’m gasping, wet through, as I race through the wood. I can hear Bunnock calling out behind me.

  ‘Come here!’ she yells.

  I run on. Anna darts out from behind a tree. What is she still doing here? Furious, I try to duck past her to get to the path.

  ‘No, Evie,” she whispers. ‘This way. Bunnock will see you on the path.’ She turns and heads into the dense bushes opposite.

  She’s right, though I hate to admit it. I hesitate a second, then hurry after her. We’re instantly hidden from view. I can hear Bunnock stomping over the fallen twigs and leaves that are strewn across the ground.

  Anna puts her hand to her lips.

  ‘Evie!’ Bunnock calls out.

  I hold my breath. Rain drums down.

  Bunnock’s footsteps crash about, then fade away. She’s gone, for now.

  ‘I swear I didn’t know she wanted to kill you,’ Anna whispers, her face pale and her eyes wide and scared. ‘I honestly thought it was some kind of experiment, to see how you’d respond if you thought your birth mum was haunting you.’

  ‘That’s some sick experiment,’ I hiss at her, fury rising inside me. ‘Josh and I nearly died when we followed you along the beach. And anyway . . .’

  I can’t put into words just how cruel a trick it has been.

  ‘I know.’ Tears fill Anna’s eyes. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’

  ‘I bet your mum isn’t even dead, is she?’

  Anna shakes her head.

  ‘Bitch.’ The word shoots out of me. ‘Why did you do it?’

  ‘Miss Bunnock said it was part of my “Lightsea experience” and that I’d be in trouble if I didn’t,’ Anna says.

  I stare at her. Is that true? Anna certainly looks genuinely upset. It doesn’t matter. Nothing justifies making me think Irina’s spirit was here, trying to contact me. Nothing makes up for the desolation of knowing that there never was a ghost. Which means there is no history of my mother on the island.

  I frown. In which case, there is no cover up and I must have been wrong about Lomax wanting me dead.

  ‘Are you sure Bunnock never said why she wants to hurt me?’ I ask.

  ‘I told you, I didn’t know she did want to hurt you.’

  I stand up. There’s no sign of Miss Bunnock, though the rain is falling as heavily as ever and the wind is picking up too. ‘I don’t believe you,’ I say.

  I crawl away, out of the bushes. Anna follows.

  ‘Go away,’ I tell her.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Anna asks. ‘Let me help—’

  ‘Go away,’ I repeat.

  ‘But—’

  I turn and run into the trees. I run hard, quickly leaving Anna behind. I don’t know where I am on the island. Or where I should go next. I run blindly on, thoughts careering around my head: about the ghost, how I was fooled, why on earth Bunnock wants me dead, that Samuel tried to warn me.

  I stop dead.

 
; Samuel. He must have found out what Bunnock was planning – some of it at least; that’s how he knew I was in danger. Rain trickles down my face. In a daze, I wipe it out of my eyes.

  Without warning, a hand grabs my arm.

  Yelping, I tug away. It’s Bunnock. Her grip on my forearm is fierce, like a vice.

  ‘No!’ I shout.

  ‘Quiet!’ she orders. She twists my arm. A sharp pain shoots through me. ‘Now move!’ She gives me a hard push.

  A cold shiver trickles down my spine as I stumble on. Could Bunnock have hurt Samuel? Her grip on my arm never loosens as she hurries me through the trees. Another few seconds and I recognise where I am: just a few metres from the boathouse where Josh, Pepper and I were clearing up earlier. We reach the edge of the wood. Rain lashes down, soaking me through. My damp clothes cling to my skin, my hair sticks to my face.

  Pain from my arm sears through me. I stagger onto the boathouse path. Footsteps sound behind us, crunching over the twigs and stones. Without warning, I’m yanked sideways, hurled to the ground. I fall heavily, damp earth on my face . . . in my mouth.

  Spluttering, I scramble to my feet. Pepper is here. Josh too.

  ‘Stay back,’ Josh urges. He and Pepper rush at Miss Bunnock. Which is when I see the gun in her hand.

  ‘Stop right there,’ she snaps.

  Josh and Pepper freeze. I stare at the gun. It must be the same one that Samuel saw. Which makes it even more certain that Bunnock has done something to him. Before I can form this thought into words, Bunnock grabs hold of Pepper and swings her round, twisting her arm so high up her back that Pepper screams in pain.

  ‘Another step and I break her arm.’ Bunnock’s voice is ice-cold. I have no doubt that she means what she says.

  Josh and I exchange a look, then he backs away.

  ‘Over there.’ Bunnock points her gun towards the boathouse. ‘Inside!’

  Josh and I hurry along the path, Miss Bunnock and Pepper right behind. Josh’s hair and jacket drip with rain.

  ‘What the hell is going on?’ he murmurs in my ear. ‘I thought it was Lomax who was after you. What is Bunnock doing? D’you think that’s the same gun Samuel wrote about in his notebook?’ He pauses. ‘Evie, d’you know what’s happened to him?’

  I shake my head.

  ‘Hurry up!’ Miss Bunnock barks.

  ‘You can’t do this,’ Pepper insists. I can hear the pain in her voice. ‘You can’t kidnap people at gunpoint. Why are you—?’

  ‘Shut up.’ There is something so cold, so menacing about the way Miss Bunnock speaks that Pepper instantly falls silent.

  ‘How did you and Josh find us?’ Miss Bunnock asks angrily as we reach the door. I snatch a quick glance behind me. She’s still twisting Pepper’s arm high up her back, the gun tightly gripped in her other hand. There’s no way Josh and I can overpower her without risking Pepper’s life.

  ‘We were looking for Evie,’ Pepper says.

  ‘And when we don’t go back everyone at the house will notice,’ Josh adds.

  Bunnock doesn’t react to this at all.

  I bite my lip. Suppose all the adults are in on the plot? Just because Lomax isn’t covering up a murder doesn’t mean he isn’t somehow in league with Bunnock over wanting me dead.

  ‘Inside,’ Bunnock orders.

  Josh opens the boathouse door. I follow him through, out of the rain. The boathouse smells damp. Across the room, the expanse of water that lies open to the sea is choppy. I stare at where the boat used to be, where Kit and I worked together. Water slaps at the walls, echoing around the room.

  ‘What have you done to Samuel?’ I demand.

  Bunnock ignores me. ‘Through there.’ She points to an alcove beside the big store cupboard where I’ve seen Mr Bradley store tins of varnish and brushes. Before it was covered with old cloths. Now these have been pulled away, revealing a trapdoor set into the wooden floor. The iron ring that opens it is padlocked to the ground.

  I glance anxiously at Bunnock. She lets go of Pepper’s arm, but keeps a tight hold of her gun. She tosses a set of keys at me. ‘Undo the padlock and go down the steps.’

  I crouch down and fit the key into the padlock. It turns with a click. Hands shaking, I remove the lock and lay it on the wooden floor at Miss Bunnock’s feet.

  ‘Help her lift the door,’ Miss Bunnock orders.

  Josh bends down and together we haul the trapdoor open.

  A ladder extends into a gloomy cellar. It’s totally dark down there. Once the trapdoor shuts over our heads, we won’t be able to see our hands in front of our faces.

  ‘You can’t send us down there without any light,’ Pepper insists.

  ‘What about food? Or water?’ Josh adds.

  ‘And you still haven’t told us what you’ve done to Samuel,’ I say.

  ‘Enough,’ Miss Bunnock snaps.

  I swing my leg over the hole and feel for the top rung. My palms are sweating as I descend into the darkness. I reach the stone floor at the bottom and look around. It’s a large room, empty as far as I can see, apart from a table near the ladder set with a candle lamp. Beside the lamp are a box of matches, a large bottle of water and a loaf of bread.

  My fingers shake as I take a match and light the lamp. It casts ghostly shadows over the walls which flicker as Josh and Pepper climb down. As Pepper reaches the ground, the trapdoor shuts with a thud. Above our heads the padlock is clicked into position.

  ‘What the hell is Bunnock doing?’ Pepper exclaims.

  ‘She’s going to kill me,’ I say flatly. ‘She used Anna. I think someone is paying her. Possibly Lomax. Maybe all of them.’ I’m trying to sound brave, but my voice trembles.

  Pepper shakes her head. ‘I don’t get it,’ she says. ‘If they’re all in on it then why the subterfuge? It doesn’t make any sense.’

  ‘It doesn’t make sense anyway,’ Josh points out. ‘Why do they want Evie dead?’ He takes the lamp and walks across the cellar, lighting each corner in turn.

  It’s soon obvious that apart from the table and its contents the cellar is empty, save for a heap of tarpaulin in one corner. The lamp casts sinister shadows as Josh sets it down on the table.

  ‘What was that?’ Pepper grabs my arm.

  I follow her pointing finger to the tarpaulin in the corner.

  ‘Oh man,’ Josh says.

  ‘What?’ I ask.

  And then I see it myself: the tarpaulin is moving.

  Thirty

  The three of us jump back, away from the tarpaulin. Josh puts out his arm, his hand reaching for mine. Even in the midst of my terror, I feel a glow that his first thought is for me, to make sure I’m safe.

  ‘Who’s there?’ Pepper demands.

  And then the tarpaulin rears up and Samuel emerges.

  My whole body sags with relief. Josh squeezes my hand. I squeeze back, then remember Kit and let go as Samuel scrambles to his feet.

  ‘Man, you gave us a fright,’ Josh says.

  Samuel nods. ‘I was hiding under the covering,’ he says unnecessarily. He’s shivering – though with cold or fear I can’t tell. He has always seemed younger than the rest of us. Now he looks about six years old. I rush over and put my arms round him. He stands, letting me hug him, though not hugging back.

  ‘Miss Bunnock wants to kill you, Evie,’ he squeaks, his teeth chattering. ‘I tried to warn you. I found out, but now she wants to kill me too.’ He peers over my shoulder at Josh and Pepper. ‘She’ll want to kill you as well. That will be at least twice the average number of UK murders in one day.’

  ‘I don’t understand,’ Pepper snaps. ‘What the hell is Buttockbreath doing with a gun, ordering us into a pigging cellar and trying to kill us?’

  ‘Let’s sit down,’ I suggest.

  Josh nods. He helps me lead Samuel back to the tarpaulin. I settle Samuel in the corner, drawing the rough tarpaulin over his shoulders. Josh brings the bottle of water and the loaf of bread. Neither looks as if it’s been touched, yet Samuel h
as been missing for nearly a whole day.

  ‘Have you been down here since last night?’ I ask. ‘Have you eaten anything?’

  ‘Yes to your first question and no to the second,’ Samuel says solemnly. ‘Did you know you can survive three days without water and three weeks without food?’

  Josh tears a chunk off the loaf. He hands it to Samuel. ‘Never mind three weeks, you need to eat. Now tell us what happened,’ he says. ‘From the beginning.’

  Samuel settles himself back against the wall with a sigh. ‘OK, well, the first thing – one – was that I found a gun yesterday morning when I was coming back from my one-to-one with Mr Lomax, along with a picture of a woman who looked like Evie.’

  ‘That was the photo Bunnock switched with the knife,’ I explain. ‘The photo of my birth mum.’

  ‘Yes, I worked that out,’ Samuel says proudly.

  ‘Bunnock’s gun?’ Pepper wrinkles her nose.

  ‘Yes,’ says Samuel.

  ‘We found your notebook, Samuel,’ I say, exchanging looks with Josh. ‘You don’t say it’s Bunnock’s gun there.’

  ‘I didn’t know it was her gun then.’ Samuel pauses. ‘You said to start from the beginning.’

  ‘OK, sorry, go on,’ I say.

  ‘So I found the gun and the photo, and I remembered Josh and Kit arguing about Evie and her ghost and how she thought there was this cover-up of her mum’s murder, so I thought about it logically and if the two things were connected then the gun must be to kill Evie to keep her quiet.’

  ‘Which was true,’ I said.

  ‘But then I thought the gun was Mr Lomax’s because that’s who Evie said was covering up the murder.’

  ‘Which was wrong,’ Josh says.

  ‘Right,’ Samuel says.

  ‘What did you do next?’ I ask, my eyes intent on Samuel’s face, pale in the lamplight.

  ‘I came to warn you.’

  ‘So that was what you meant when you saw me in the hall yesterday morning and said you had something important to tell me later?’ I ask.

  ‘Yes, but then Miss Bunnock called me for chores before I could say anything, so instead I decided to explain to her, so that she would understand and come and warn you herself. That was “two”.’