No Forgiveness

by Helen Nickolson

  Niko did indeed go to visit and the upcoming marriage was formalized in an engagement celebration. Aphrodite and Niko couldn’t keep their eyes off each other and blushed throughout the dinner when they were often caught staring in love and anticipation. They were allowed to kiss each other’s cheeks before Niko left, but that was all. They would have to survive on romantic dreams during the absence.

  Although the captain had promised that Niko would return in one year, it didn’t happen that way. The ship’s owner insisted that they take another vessel in America and drop off wheat in South America. The captain literally had no choice but to agree to do so. After all, his livelihood and the livelihood of his seamen depended on being available to do whatever the owner wanted.

  So, they travelled to Brazil in South America and put in another year’s time. Niko had written Aphrodite’s father to explain the situation and felt comfortable that the father and Aphrodite understood and wouldn’t think he was trying to stall the marriage. He loved her so much and dreamt of her regularly, often waking up hard and sweaty.

  From Brazil, the owner sent them with another load to Russia. That was a difficult journey and another year passed. Niko was becoming frantic that he would never be able to return to Ano Kourouni again. He thought about what Aphrodite and her family must be thinking and how worried they must be about her getting up in marriageable age. Yes, they knew he was sincere and that he loved her, but that couldn’t help them if he didn’t return and marry Aphrodite.

  He finally did return but four years had passed and when he returned, Aphrodite was married to another man from the area who was probably the wealthiest farmer around. She appeared to be happy and already had one child. Niko was stunned upon discovering this. A sadness enveloped him that never totally left him over the years. Sure, he laughed and danced. Certainly, he eventually married a good woman from a nearby village and they had a compatible relationship and several children. He had nothing to complain about and thanked God for his health, his good wife, and his children. He never complained, but thoughts of the lost opportunity to marry his one and only true love sneaked into his mind daily. He often wondered if the quest for money had been worth the price.

  This was the man that Michael wanted to talk with. This was a good man who had lived honorably in his life despite disappointments and frustrations. Michael, as every-one else, knew his story and had always admired him for placing his family first and providing for them with a giving and generous heart.

  Michael found Niko in the kafenio drinking coffee that wintry January afternoon that bleakly belied the return of summer and the warming rays of the sun. There was less to do on the farms in the winter and the men would invariably gather in the kafenio to exchange gossip or ideas on how to improve their farming techniques. Michael joined Niko’s table and talked amiably for about an hour with minor chitchat before turning to Niko to ask him if they could talk privately at another time.

  “So, my young friend, you want to speak with me on a one-to-one. I sense that you have some deep issues bothering you. Of course, we can talk and, if I can help you with something, it would please me greatly. Obviously, you have confidence that I will never repeat anything you say or you wouldn’t be requesting this. Let’s meet tomorrow afternoon at my house. My wife and children will have left to visit her sister in Kymi and we’ll have all the privacy we need.”

  “Thank you so much my friend,’ Michael nodded thoughtfully. “I knew you wouldn’t let me down, and yes, I have all the confidence in the world in you.”

  The following afternoon, Michael stopped by Niko’s house before going back to his own. He had told Ophelia, although he felt terrible about lying to her, that he would be talking with Niko about possibly buying some sheep from him and that he might be a few hours late. As he expected, she had no problem with that and lovingly told him that she would hold off dinner. She also rubbed her breasts against him and said, “After dinner, there might be a very special dessert awaiting you. I’m sure that you’ll be interested in a unique delicacy that I can offer you.” That didn’t surprise him either.

  Michael and Niko sipped small glasses of red wine while they talked. Everyone annually stomped the few grapes they harvested each fall and stored the juice in barrels downstairs where the animals were boarded. The soil in this area was too poor and rocky to produce many grapes, so the wine was especially treasured. This wine had aged well over a couple of years and had just a hint of retsina in it. Mm, it was so tasty and the retsina gave it that unforgettable tang that would instantly make one think of Greece.

  “Niko,” Michael started when all the pleasantries had been dispensed with and it seemed appropriate to begin the serious discussion. “I have made a great mistake in marrying Ophelia, and the fault is all mine. I didn’t love her before marrying her and don’t love her now. I’m going crazy having sex with her and thinking about Katerina the whole time. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to live with this hypocrisy all my life, but I don’t know how, or if, I can change my emotions.”

  Now, now,” Niko countered. “There is never a situation where it is only one person’s fault, but I understand that is how you feel. Tell me more.”

  “I should have married Katerina but didn’t feel at the time that it would be the right thing for me to do. I had ambitious notions of going into local politics and running for mayor. I even thought that, if I became mayor, I would have the opportunity later to look at a higher political position in the area. I’m sure you’ve heard what happened to Katerina with Giorgo. No one talks about it but everyone knows. I was simply too cowardly to marry her because of the ramifications that scandal would have on my goals.”

  With a sad twist to his mouth, Michael continued: “She and her mother came to speak with me after Giorgo raped Katerina, and they asked me to marry her. I, thinking only of myself and stupidly wanting a virgin, refused. I foolishly felt that people might not see me as a serious enough person to become mayor if I married a woman with the reputation of having previously had a sexual encounter. Of course, it wasn’t her fault but her reputation was damaged. And to top it off, I was afraid that she might be carrying Giorgo’s child. I just couldn’t accept that.

  “Now though, I am with a woman I don’t love. We have sex more than often enough, but I feel nothing other than general affection for her. She knows how to arouse me in many skillful ways and does that to make sure I won’t stray. But I have no feelings of love for her. I’m not even very attracted to her physically even though my actions may appear differently to her. She does not attract me like Katerina still does. Ophelia is a good woman but her face has little appeal and her body is too fleshy and thick. How am I to live with this marriage the rest of my life? I don’t blame Ophelia. I only blame myself, but that doesn’t help me resolve anything and I do want a resolution.”

  “And you have come to me because you know I have had some bad luck in my love life. You know what happened with Aphrodite years ago. You must be looking for some help in surviving your marriage and building a stable future. After all, the church teachings won’t allow you to commit suicide or get a divorce,” Niko said slowly and carefully to make sure that he wouldn’t offend Michael by being presumptuous in summing up the situation.

  “Yes, you are exactly right,” Michael agreed sadly. “I know that life has not given you what you hoped for, but you’ve managed to deal with that. Please, tell me how you have survived.”

  “First, I think you must truly accept the finality of what has happened in your life. I think you have but are suffering because you also accept your own stupidity and responsibility for the decisions you made. I was incredibly sad when I heard of your impending marriage to Ophelia instead of Katerina,” Niko said shaking his head forlornly. “I wanted to come to you and strongly urge you not to make a monumental mistake, not to make a mistake with long-term consequences. I should have come to you, but I was fearful that I would be seen as a prying and gossipy ol
d man and that I would offend you.

  “I’m now going to tell you that no man or woman will be able to offer you proper advice, but I will talk about my friend Dr. Petro Makropoulos who lives in Halkida and works at the hospital there. He also made a fiasco of his life. On the surface, he appears well-balanced and satisfied, but he knows what he did and the mistakes he made. He suffers but accepts his fate. I’m going to tell you his story because it is sadder than yours. It may not help you, but you’ll know that we all have our sorrows to bear and yours may not seem as profound relative to his.”

  “All right Niko. Tell me anything that might help me, anything to help me accept my fate.”

  “My friend Petro was a brilliant man and studied medicine here in Greece. He stood out from other academics and received a scholarship to conduct special research in internal medicine at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York City, New York. Cornell is a prestigious institution, founded in 1898, and Petro was greatly honored at this opportunity. Of course, he jumped at the offer and went to New York.

  “He didn’t have a great deal of money, so he rented a room in a nearby boarding house which offered both breakfast and dinner. The owners and managers, Roberto and Maria Ortega, had arrived as newlyweds from Puerto Rico approximately thirty years earlier and had a daughter, Elena, who was twenty-four years old. She was a lovely young woman who had gone to college and worked in the banking sector. Of course, she lived at home and helped her parents with the lodging business as much as she could. She had become friends with a couple of other young women in the boarding house and was happy to have their company.”

  Michael remained quiet and occasionally nodded as Niko relayed the story of Petro Makropoulos and Elena Ortega. These are the words that Petro as conveyed to me: “Elena was absolutely lovely. She was a small and dainty thing but very strong with slender limbs that moved gracefully. She had brown curly hair that fell to her shoulders and clear blue eyes that teasingly observed the world. Her lips were somewhat average until she smiled; but, her smile lit up the room and was irresistible once it was directed at you.

  “Petro was immediately attracted to her, but she didn’t respond the same to him. It wasn’t that she didn’t find him attractive. She did. He was quite good looking, with a body resembling that of a soccer player. He was muscular and dark with typical Mediterranean olive-skin and black, laughing eyes that could so easily charm women. He knew the effect he had on women and didn’t hesitate to take advantage whenever he could. He felt no guilt about taking advantage since his philosophy was that everyone had free will and the women who slept with him did so because of their free will. Besides, women in America were known to be much looser than women in Greece. and he couldn’t be blamed for their actions.”

  “So, Dr. Petro Makropoulos was quite a player?” Michael asked.

  “Yes, my boy, Petro was quite a player and proud of it. He was not one to give up easily on a woman who presented a challenge. Elena was a challenge and, because of that, she increasingly became more desirable to him. He started wooing her cautiously so as not to scare her off. After a couple of months, she agreed to go out with him. She didn’t want to develop emotions for him and became concerned when she realized that, indeed, she was beginning to care for him deeply. She had heard about Greeks, their volatile nature, possessiveness, and macho attitudes toward women. The last thing she wanted was to have a relationship with a Greek. She knew it would be impossible to continue a long-term relationship and a dalliance with him could lead to nothing permanent.

  “However, she continued to see him daily at the boarding house and went out with him more and more often as time passed. As you would expect, her heart became tangled and could no longer hold out against him. They were at the heavy kissing and touching stage when one of her girlfriends at the house told her to be careful with Petro.” Elena did not appreciate this and became defensive.

  “Why are you warning me about Petro?” Elena asked her friend huffily. “He treats me very well and I think he’s becoming serious about me. I didn’t think there could be any chance of an enduring connection, but I’m now wondering. Marriage has crossed my mind since he told me that he loves me. He was so romantic and serious when he said it that my heart skipped or opened or whatever it does when you fall in love.”

  “Elena,” her friend responded seriously. “I’m warning you because when he sat between us the other day on the little couch in his room, he tried to fondle my breast. I don’t know what he was doing to you, but he did touch me. Of course, he made sure that you couldn’t see any of this. I should have slapped him right then and there but I froze. He has a reputation as a womanizer and a womanizer doesn’t change. There’s a reason for the saying ‘old dogs cannot learn new tricks.’ He may truly love you, but he’s a womanizer and you know it.”

  Niko took a pause to shake his head and continued by describing how devastated Elena felt and that she confronted Petro immediately. She needed to know the truth! Petro vehemently and angrily refuted what Elena’s friend had said. He claimed that she had tried to flirt with him and was basically jealous of Elena. Not knowing what to believe, Elena decided that her friend had been speaking out of jealousy and was deeply disappointed. They had been such close friends—basically roommates living in the same house together. She felt sorry for her friend but wasn’t about to give Petro up on a trumped-up charge. After all, he had said he loved her and continued saying so.

  “The friend,” Niko recounted, “felt she wouldn’t be able to help Elena and unhappily moved out at the end of the month. Elena purposely lost touch with her and gladly put the incident and the warning out of her mind.

  “I shouldn’t be telling you such private details, but I know this will go no further and Petro was very descriptive about their relationship. He knew that she was feeling closer and closer to him, thrilled to see him, to touch him, to hear him, to be near him. Her heart was full of love, and she joined him in his adjoining room one night. She went to him freely out of love and wasn’t disappointed. He was quite experienced, and she was a virgin who was very willing to let him teach her what to do and how to please him; he, in turn, was happy to please her, to touch her everywhere, to kiss her, to lick her, and to slowly and patiently enter her. Sometimes he was wild with her and thrust quickly and desperately, but she enjoyed it as much as he did. Of course, he knew how to protect them from pregnancy and she trusted him in that.

  “Elena was so happy and she now could envision a life with Petro comfortably—at least that’s what she told him. Sure, there were differences in their cultures, but those differences could be overcome. Still, she knew that her parents would not approve of what was happening under their roof and was very careful to keep her love affair with Petro a secret.

  “She was in this unbelievably happy state until the day she overheard talk from Petro’s room. How unusual, she thought. He must have a female relative visiting. She had come home during the middle of the day as she wasn’t feeling well and was lying in bed when she heard Petro’s voice and another, a feminine voice, talking and laughing. She thought that she should probably join them and meet this relative, but she just wasn’t feeling up to it. Nevertheless, wondering what was going on and not wanting to feel left out, she went and listened at the bedroom wall that they shared. It was then that she heard the bed creak and the voices change from conversation to moans and sighs. Of course, she recognized what was taking place next door and threw some clothes on in order to go and confront Petro.

  “I’ll be there in a minute,” he shouted frantically when she knocked at the door and shouted his name. He had been caught. “I’ll be right there Elena. I just need to use the bath-room first. “

  He went to the door just a bit disheveled but with a smile on his face. “What’s wrong Elena? You’re not usually here at this time. Are you sick?

  “Yes, I’m here because I wasn’t feeling well at work. I heard some commotion in your room as if you had a female visitor here and want to k
now what’s going on.

  “You’re right. A friend of a long-ago friend happened to be visiting New York City and decided to look me up. She came by to catch up on old times and we had a wonderful conversation about the past. You probably just heard us laughing and talking. She was just about to leave when you knocked on the door.

  “At that, a somewhat tousled and unattractive woman joined Petro at the door and quickly pecked his cheek goodbye before brushing by Elena. She hadn’t looked Elena in the face as if embarrassed by something or other.

  “Come in my sweet Elena,” he invited. “I’m so sorry to see you not well my love. Maybe if we cuddle a little, that will help you.

  “Elena, feeling and acting very suspicious, walked into the room. She saw that the bed had quickly been made and smelled the aroma of sex. “You had sex with that woman,” she accused him. “How could you? You’ve said you love me many times now and we’ve even talked about marriage. She wasn’t even appealing with that pock-marked skin and heavy body. How could you? Don’t you even care who you have sex with? Are all women just a vagina to you? Am I another vagina to you?

  “Petro, seeing how upset she was, thought it would be best to take a walk out in the air. He definitely didn’t want to stay in the room that even he could tell smelled of the sexual encounter. He suggested the walk to her and they roamed around the block for an hour. He wanted to hold her hand but she maintained a distance between as if she didn’t want to be touched. Sensing her distraught state of mind, he swore, “I did not have sex with her. I don’t even find her attractive. I didn’t touch her.” He claimed this over and over. “I swear on my mother’s grave that I am telling you the truth. There is nothing more sacred that I can swear upon and you must believe me. Please Elena, don’t do this. Let’s go and have coffee and talk about our future seriously. Let’s talk of marriage. Let’s talk about first visiting Greece to see if you could imagine living there.