Toppleton's Client; Or, A Spirit in Exile

by John Kendrick Bangs

  CHAPTER X.

  THE SPIRIT'S STORY IS CONCLUDED.

  "I SHOULD say," volunteered Hopkins, with a shake of his head, "thatthat was about the most unpleasant situation he had got you into yet;and yet he was not entirely to blame. He requested candour from you, andyou declined to be candid. You should have told him of your engagementto Miss Hicksworthy-Johnstone. That would at least have prevented hiskicking her father out of your office and rolling downstairs with him."

  "It is easy enough to say now what ought to have been done," sobbed theexile. "I do not think you would have done very differently if you hadbeen in my position. I was jealous of the fiend, I suppose, and I didn'tknow but what he would insist upon doing some of the courting--whichwould have been intolerable."

  "Better that than to be set down by your _fiancee_ as a heartlesstrifler," returned Hopkins. "But what happened next? Was the oldgentleman hurt?"

  "Not he," replied the exile. "When he and I, as he supposed me to be,reached the bottom of the stairs he landed on top, and was the first toget on his feet again. And then, Hopkins, I was glad not to be in mynormal condition; for as the fiend attempted to rise my Arabella'sfather, who still retained his grip upon that oak stick, gave me theworst licking I ever had in my life, and I--well, I really enjoyed thespectacle, because I knew that I deserved it. The fiend, hamperedsomewhat by the corse to which he was not yet entirely accustomed was ata tremendous disadvantage, and I know Mr. Hicksworthy-Johnstone's blowscaused him considerable pain. The only possible escape for him was toleave the body, which he did just as the attacking party landed aresounding thwack upon the back of my neck. Of course, the minute thefiend evacuated the premises, I appeared to Mr. Hicksworthy-Johnstone tohave been killed, because there was in reality no slightest bit ofanimation left in my body. It was the horror of this discovery thatcovered the retreat of the fiend, who, more horribly green thanever--the green that comes from rage--mounted the steps he had sosummarily descended a moment before, and hurried into my room, draggingme by sheer force of will, which I was unable to resist, after him. Yousee, Hopkins, we were now nothing more than two consciousnesses; twominds, one mortal, the other immortal; one infinitely strong, the otherfinite in its limitations, and I was of course as powerless in thepresence of the fiend as a babe in the arms of its nurse. Mr.Hicksworthy-Johnstone, thinking that he had killed me, after a vainendeavour to restore my stricken body to consciousness--in which hewould have succeeded had the fiend permitted me to take possessionagain, for I did not wish Arabella's father to suppose for one instantthat he was a murderer--sneaked on tip-toes from the building, and,mumbling to himself in an insane fashion, disappeared in the crowd ofpedestrians on the street.

  "'This is a pretty mess you've got us into,' said the fiend. 'I shouldlike to know what excuse you can have for such infernal duplicity as youhave been guilty of?'

  "'I cannot discuss this matter with you,' I answered. 'The duplicity isnot mine, but yours. You have endeavoured to exercise rights which wereclearly not yours to exercise. I informed you that in matters of love--'

  "'Matters of love!' he ejaculated. 'Do you call this a matter of love?Do you think it's a matter of love for an entire stranger to throw atwo-pound crystal inkstand loaded with ink at the very core of mywaistcoat? Is it a matter of love for a grey-haired villain like that todrag me or you, whichever way you choose to put it, down a flight ofstairs and then knock the life out of us? It seems to me, you have astrange idea of love.'

  "'Don't you understand!' I cried. 'That man was only doing his duty. Heis Arabella's father!'

  "'Again, I must ask,' said the fiend, in a manner that aggravated me asit had aggravated the old gentleman, 'who, in all creation, isArabella?'

  "'My _fiancee_!' I yelled. 'My _fiancee_, you poor blind omniscient!Whom did you suppose?'

  "As I uttered these words, Hopkins, the fiend's whole manner changed. Hewas no longer flustered and angry merely; he was a determined and veryangry being. He rose from his chair, and fixing his eye upon the pointwhere he thought I was--and he had a faculty of establishing that pointaccurately at all times--and pointing that horrible finger of his at me,fairly hissed with rage.

  "'That settles it, sir,' he cried. 'You and I part for ever. You, byyour foolish perversity, by your inexplicable lack of candour, by yoursinful refusal to trust your welfare to my hands, who have done so muchfor you, have nearly overthrown the whole structure of the greatness Ihave builded up. Your idiotic behaviour has decided me to do that whichfrom the very beginning I have most feared. I have been haunted by thefear that you would want to marry some woman simply for the empty,mortal reason that you loved her, utterly ignoring the fact that by ajudicious matrimonial step you could attain to heights that otherwisecould never be yours. Having your interests entirely in view, I hadarranged a match which would strengthen into permanence your, atpresent, rather uncertain hold upon society. Lady Ariadne MaudeFackleton, to whom you are at present engaged, as the daughter of theEarl of Pupley, can give you the _entree_ to the best circles in Londonor out of it; while this Arabella of yours can serve only to assist youin spending your income and keeping your parlour free from dust. Now,what earthly use was there in your philandering--'

  "'I fancy I have a right to select my own wife,' I said.

  "'You always were strong on fancies,' he retorted. 'You might haveknown that with the career opening up before you a plain Arabella wouldnever do. Do you suppose you could take her to a ball at the Earl ofMawlberry's? Do you suppose that any woman, in fact, who would consentto marry you as your weak inefficient self could go anywhere and do mejustice? I guess not; and your behaviour has settled our partnership forever. We part for good.'

  "'Well, I'm glad of it,' I retorted, goaded to anger by his words. 'Getout. I don't want to see you again. You've ruined me by putting me infalse positions from the time we met until now, and I am sick of it. Youcan't leave too soon to suit me.'

  "When I had spoken these words he darted one final venomous glance atme, and walked whistling from the room. As long as his whistle wasperceptible I remained quiet--quiet as my agitation would permit; andthen, when the last flute-like note died away in the distance, I floatedfrom the room and down the stairs to get my poor bruised body and put itin shape to call on Arabella.

  "Hopkins, when I reached the foot of the stairs my body had disappeared!I was frantic with fear. I did not know whether it had been found by thejanitor and conveyed to the morgue, whether Arabella's father hadreturned to conceal it, and so conceal his fancied crime, or whether thefiend had finally crowned his infamous work by stealing it. I sought forit in vain. Forgetful of my invisibility, I asked the janitor if he hadseen it, and he fled shrieking with fear from the building, and declinedever thereafter to enter it again. Every nook and corner in the Temple Isearched and found it not, and then I floated dejectedly to Arabella'shome, where I found her embracing her father in a last fond farewell.The old gentleman was about leaving the country to escape theconsequences of his crime.

  "'Arabella!' I cried, as I entered the room.

  "The girl turned a deadly white, and her father fell cringing upon hisknees, and then I realized that, recognizing my voice, they feared myghost had come to haunt them, and with this realization came to myconsciousness the overwhelming thought that both would go insane were Ito persist in speaking while invisible.

  "The situation, Hopkins, was absolutely terrible, and if I had had myteeth I should have gnashed them for the very helplessness of mycondition."

  "Did the old gentleman persist in his determination to leave thecountry?" asked Hopkins.

  "He did. He sailed for the United States on a small freight schoonerthat night, and reached New York in time to hear in that far-off climeof the marriage of his supposed victim; but I must not anticipate," saidthe exile.

  "For three weeks after that horrible day I never caught sight of mymissing person, nor did I discover the slightest clue as to itswhereabouts. It never turned up at my quarters that I could learn, butt
hat it was not dead or buried I had good reason to believe; for onemorning, while I was away from my rooms floating along Rotten Row,hoping to catch sight of myself if perchance I still lived, fourtruckmen arrived at the Temple here and moved all my clothes andfurniture, whither I never discovered, in consequence of which act, uponmy return here, I found the room cold and bare as a barn."

  "That was rank robbery," said Toppleton.

  "We should have trouble in establishing that fact in court," returnedthe exile. "I could not deny on oath that my hand had penned the orderfor the removal of the goods, and as for the clothes and other things,most of them had been bought by the money I had earned through thefiend's instrumentality."

  "That is so," said Toppleton, hastily acquiescing in the exile's words,lest he should seem to his visitor less acute than a full-fledged lawyershould be. "And how long was it before you encountered yourself oncemore?"

  "Three weeks," returned the exile. "And where do you suppose the meetingtook place?"

  "I don't know," said Hopkins. "At Buckingham Palace?"

  "No, sir. In Arabella's parlour! It was just three weeks from the hourin which Mr. Hicksworthy-Johnstone appeared at my office door in theTemple that, for the want of something better to do, I floated intoArabella's parlour again, and was filled with consternation to seestanding there before the mirror, adjusting his tie, the fiend in fullpossession of my treasured self. I was about to utter a cry of delightwhen I heard an ejaculation of fear behind me, and turning saw Arabellaherself entering the room, pale as a sheet. I tell you Hopkins, it wasdramatic; though, as far as the fiend was concerned, he was asnonchalant as could be.

  "'You are not dead!' cried Arabella, hoarsely.

  "'Not that I am aware of, madam,' said the fiend coolly.' Have I thehonour of addressing Miss Arabella Hicksworthy-Johnstone?'

  "'Oh, Edward, Edward,' she cried--'I forgot to tell you, Hopkins,'explained the spirit, 'my name was Edward'--'oh, Edward, what does thismean?' she cried. 'My father has fled to America, thinking that in thatunhappy moment of Saturday three weeks ago he had killed you.'

  "'Indeed!' returned the fiend. 'I sincerely hope he will enjoy the trip,though he did inflict injuries upon me from which I shall be a long timein recovering. But tell me, madame, are you Miss ArabellaHicksworthy-Johnstone?'

  "'Edward,' she replied, 'are you mad?'

  "'I have a right to be indignant at your father's treatment of me, ifthat vilely vindictive old person was your father, but I am not what youmight call mad. I cherish no vindictive feelings. But as my time islimited I should like to proceed at once to the business I have in hand,if you will permit me.'

  "Arabella sat aghast as the man she deemed her _fiance_ spoke thesewords to her. She was utterly unable to comprehend the situation, and Icould not clarify the cloud upon her understanding without imperillingher reason. Oh, Hopkins, Hopkins, were the fires of Hades to becomeextinguished to-day, there are other tortures for the spirit close athand more hideously unbearable even than they!"

  "It would seem so," said Hopkins. "If I had my choice between yourexperience and Hades, I think I should warm up to the latter. But go on.What did Arabella say?"

  "She drew herself up proudly after a moment of hesitation, and said, 'Ihave no desire to hinder you in going about your business.'

  "'Thanks,' said the fiend. 'Assuming that you are Miss ArabellaHicksworthy-Johnstone, I would say to you that I should like to knowupon what your father's claim that you and I are engaged rests.'

  "'Really, Edward,' she returned impatiently, 'I cannot comprehend yoursingular behaviour this afternoon. You know how we became engaged. Youknow you asked me to be your wife, and you know that after keeping youon your knees for several hours I consented.'

  "'Madam,' observed the fiend, 'I never went on my knees to a woman in mylife. I never asked but one woman in this world to be my wife, and youare not she.'

  "'What!' cried Arabella. 'Do you mean to say to me, Edward, that you did_not_ ask me to be your wife?'

  "'I meant to say exactly what I said. That I am engaged to be married toLady Ariadne Maude Fackleton, daughter of the Earl of Pupley, the onlywoman to whom I ever spoke or thought of speaking a word of love in mylife. I mean to say that Lady Ariadne Maude Fackleton and I expect to bemarried before the month is up. I mean to say that I never saw youbefore in my life, and I should like to know what your intentions areconcerning this absurd claim that I am engaged to you may be, for I donot intend to have my future marred by any breach of promise suits. Inshort, madam, do you intend to claim me as your matrimonial prize ornot? If not, all well and good. If so, I shall secure an injunctionrestraining you from doing anything of the sort. Even should you forceme to the altar itself I should then and there forbid the banns.'

  "'Sir,' said my Arabella, drawing herself up like a queen, 'you mayleave this house, and never set foot again within its walls. I should assoon think of claiming that celebrated biblical personage, of whom youremind me, Ananias, for a husband as you. Do not flatter yourself that Ishall ever dispute the Lady Ariadne's possession of so accomplished alord and master as yourself,--though I should do so were I morephilanthropically disposed. If it be the duty of one woman to protectthe happiness of another, I should do all that lies in my power toprevent this marriage; but inasmuch as my motive in so doing would, inall likelihood, be misconstrued, I must abstain; I must hold myselfaloof, though the whole future happiness of one of my own sex be atstake. Farewell, sir, and good riddance. If you will leave me LadyAriadne's address, I will send her my sympathy as a wedding gift.'

  "'Madam,' returned the fiend, bowing low, 'your kind words have taken aheavy load from my heart. You deserve a better fate; but farewell.'

  "Then as the fiend departed Arabella swooned away. My first impulse wasto follow the fiend, and to discover if possible his address; but Icould not bring myself to leave Arabella at that moment, she was soovercome. I floated to the prostrate woman, and whispered the love Ifelt for her in her ear.

  "'Arabella,' I said. 'Arabella--my love--it is all a mistake. Open youreyes and see. I am here ready to explain all if you will only listen.'

  "Her answer was a moan and a fluttering of the eyelids.

  "'Arabella,' I repeated. 'Don't you hear me, sweetheart? Open your eyesand look at me. It is I, Edward.'

  "'Edward!' she gasped, her eyes still closed. 'What _does_ it all mean?Why have you treated me so?'

  "'It is not I who have done this Arabella; it is another vile being overwhose actions I have no control. He is a fiend who has me in his power.He is--oh, Arabella, do not ask me, do not insist upon knowing all, onlybelieve that I am not to blame!'

  "'Kiss me, Edward,' she murmured. 'One little kiss.'

  "Hopkins," moaned the exile, "just think of that! One little kiss wasall she asked, and I--I hadn't anything to kiss her with--not thevestige of a lip.

  "'Kiss me, Edward,' she repeated.

  "'I cannot,' I cried out in anguish.

  "'Why not?' she demanded, sitting up on the floor and gazing wildlyaround her, and then seeing that she was absolutely alone in the room,and had been conversing with--"

  "Oh!" ejaculated Hopkins, wringing his hands. "Dear me! The poor girlmust have been nearly crazy."

  "Nearly, Hopkins?" said the exile, in a sepulchral tone. "Nearly?Arabella never did anything by halves or by nearlies. She became quitecrazy, and as far as I know has remained so until this day, for with therestoration of consciousness, and the shock of opening her eyes to seenothing that could speak with her, and yet had spoken, her mind gaveway, and she fled chattering like an imbecile from the room. I havenever seen her since!"

  "And the fiend?" queried Toppleton.

  "I saw him at St. George's on the following Wednesday," returned theexile. "I had been wandering aimlessly and distractedly about London forfour days since the dreadful episode at Arabella's, when I came to St.George's Church. There was an awning before the door, and from thehandsome equipages drawn up before the edifice I knew that some n
otablefunction was going on within. The crowds, the usual London crowds, werebeing kept back by the police, but I, of course, being invisible,floated over their heads, past the guards, through the awning into thechurch. There was a wedding in progress, and the groom's back seemedfamiliar, though I could not place it at first, and naturally,Toppleton, for it was my own, as I discovered, a moment later. When thelast irrevocable words binding me to a woman I had never before seen hadbeen spoken, and the organ began to peal forth the melodious measures ofthe Lohengrin March, the bride and groom, made one, turned and facedthe brilliant assemblage of guests, among whom were the premier and themembers of his cabinet, and as complete a set of nabobs, mentioned inBurke, as could be gathered in London at that time of the year, and Irecognized my own face wreathed in smiles, my own body dressed inwedding garb, standing on the chancel steps ready to descend.

  "I was married, Hopkins, at last. Married to a woman of beauty andwealth and high position, utterly unknown to me, and not only were myown mother and my best friends absent, but I myself had only happened inby accident.

  "My rage knew no bounds, and as the fiend and his bride passed down theaisle amid the showered congratulations of the aristocratic multitude, Iimpotently endeavoured to strike him, of which he was serenelyunconscious; but as he left the church my voice, which had been stifledwith indignation, at last grew clear, and I howled out high above thecrowds,--

  "'You vile scoundrel, restore me to myself! Give me back the presence ofwhich you have robbed me, or may every curse in all the universe fallupon you and your house for ever.'

  "He heard me, Toppleton, and his answer was a smile--a greensmile--seeing which his bride, the Lady Ariadne Maude Fackleton, faintedas they drove away.

  "That, Hopkins, is substantially the tale of villainy I have come totell. Little remains to be told. The fiend has been true to his promiseto make me famous, for every passing year has brought some new honour tomy name. I have been elevated to the peerage; I have been ambassador tothe most brilliant courts of Europe; I have been all that one could hopeto be, and yet I have not been myself. I ask your assistance. Will younot give it to me?"

  "Edward," said Toppleton warmly, "I will. I will be candid with you,Edward. I am almost as ignorant of law as a justice of the peace, butfor your sake I will study and see what can be done. I will fight yourcase for you to the very last, but first tell me one thing. Your name iswhat?"

  "Edward Pompton Chatford."

  "What!" cried Toppleton, "the famous novelist?"

  "He made me so," said the exile.

  "And the fiend's present title is?"

  "Lord Barncastle of Burningford."

  "He?" said Toppleton, incredulously, recognizing the name as that of onewho fairly bent beneath the honours of the world.

  "None other," returned the exile.

  "Heavens!" ejaculated Toppleton. "How Morley, Harkins, Perkins, Mawson,Bronson, Smithers, and Hicks will open their eyes when I tell them thatI have been retained to institute _habeas corpus_ proceedings in thecase of Chatford v. Barncastle of Burningford! Morley particularly, I amafraid will die of fright!"