To Save a Love

by Aston, Alexa

  “Very well,” Cheshire said. “But you won’t like what she’s become,” he said ominously. “My guess is you will leave her care to us once you see her.”

  Chapter Nine

  With trepidation, Dez followed Dr. Cheshire from the room. He glanced to Lord Shelton, who didn’t bother to hide his worry. They moved along a corridor and up a flight of stairs, the sounds of silence heavy.

  They reached the first landing and he heard a keening, once again in the distance, and wondered if the noise was made by Anna. At least they knew she was alive. He doubted the picture Dr. Cheshire painted of her being some wild, uncontrollable woman. Dez thought the man did so merely to keep Anna as his patient and keep the money flowing into his coffers.

  The stench hit him as they moved higher. He saw rats scurrying about brazenly. The doctor ignored them.

  When they made it to the first floor, he gazed down the long hallway, startled to see long benches on both sides. Various women sat upon these benches, wearing drab garments that resembled gunny sacks. No one spoke. No one looked at them as they passed. Dez found his feet faltering as he longed for just one woman to meet his eyes.

  Then one did.

  He halted and stared at her. Dirt smudged her face. She wore the same thing all the others did and, up close, he could see the coarse, rough fabric. The shapeless garment struck her mid-calf. Her feet were bare and filthy, probably because of the waste covering the floors.

  “Please,” she whispered. “Help me.”

  He stood before her, speechless, seeing the agony in her eyes. She couldn’t have been more than twenty years of age.

  “Who is this woman?” he demanded.

  Dr. Cheshire stopped and retraced his steps. He glared at the woman. “You know you are not to speak,” he chided.

  Fear flashed in the woman’s eyes. Quickly, she bowed her head, remaining perfectly still.

  “Who is she?” Dez asked again. “Why is she here?”

  “She has been diagnosed as mad,” the physician said smugly.

  Dez knelt and placed a hand over the woman’s. Her nails were jagged and broken, dirt ground deeply into her skin, as if she were some laborer.

  “Who are you? Who placed you here?” he asked softly.

  “Jergens,” she said, so softly that he barely heard the word.

  “You are Lady Jergens?”

  She nodded.

  “Come along,” Cheshire urged. “The patient is already breaking rules left and right.”

  “What rules?” he asked. “They are not allowed to speak?”

  “No. They aren’t,” Cheshire informed him. “It is part of disciplining them. Sitting on these benches is also part of their program.”

  Dez recalled the lilt of Anna’s voice. How he enjoyed hearing her sing. To think she had been silenced for years was criminal.

  Gazing back at the woman before him, he said, “Did your husband send you here?”

  She nodded again, her mouth trembling. “He only wanted my dowry. Once he got it, I was brought here. We never even consummated our marriage.” A single tear cascaded down her cheek. “I want my papa.”

  “You are to cease this at once,” Cheshire proclaimed. He motioned to an attendant. “Take her.”

  The man roughly grabbed Lady Jergens and hauled her from the bench. He struck her face with his fist. Blood spurted from her nose. He struck her again and she fell to the ground. Dez stood there in shock, not believing what was unfolding in front of him. The attendant then kicked the downed woman viciously in the belly, glee on his face, before hauling Lady Jergens to her feet. She began wheezing and sobbing as he led her down the hallway and then began to struggle. Another attendant latched on to her and they dragged her away.

  “Where are you taking her?” Dez shouted, the shock wearing off as he glared at the man in charge of the asylum.

  “It is none of your concern, my lord,” Cheshire said coolly. “The baths will calm her.”

  “Your people struck a lady!” he exclaimed. “They beat her. I have never seen such brutal, savage behavior.”

  “There are no ladies present at a madhouse,” the doctor said blandly. “Only patients who need to be kept in line. Discipline is important to maintain.”

  Dez glared at the physician. “You are as malicious as your attendants,” he spat out. “Evil and cruel. You aren’t trying to help these women. You are torturing them. This place is vile and inhumane.”

  He quickly hurried down the corridor. The men had turned and he tried to guess which room they had entered, trying the knobs on several doors.

  Then he came to an open room and saw Lady Jergens had already been restrained, her wrists and ankles tied to a chair. Both attendants retrieved a bucket of water and as they tossed it at her, he raced to block them. He was too late and the woman took the brunt of the water. What spilled from her onto him was frigid.

  “This is freezing. Why are you doing this?” he asked as Lady Jergens’ teeth began chattering.

  “It’s the treatment,” one man said. “They disobey and they get the water.”

  The other picked up a full bucket and dashed it against Lady Jergens again.

  “Stop!” Dez demanded.

  “Come here at once, Lord Torrington.”

  He turned and saw Cheshire standing in the doorway, a shocked Lord Shelton beside him.

  He rushed toward the man. “This is inhumane. Why do you do this?”

  “The water actually soothes them,” the physician said, arrogance pouring from him. “You know nothing about medicine.”

  “Neither do you if you subject innocent women to this barbaric—”

  “You may think the method is barbaric but it has proven most effective.”

  “Have you done this to Anna?” he demanded.

  Cheshire remained silent. “Come along.”

  Dez raced back to Lady Jergens. “I will get you out of her, my lady. I promise.” Then he rejoined the other men and they left the room.

  “You shouldn’t have told her that,” Cheshire admonished. “It will give her false hope. Her husband is the only one who can legally remove her from Gollingham.”

  “Then I will find him and convince him to do so.”

  The doctor smirked. “Be my guest.”

  “Take us to my cousin,” Lord Shelton said, his voice quivering. “And if you think I would leave her in this place after what we just witnessed, you are sadly mistaken.”

  Cheshire shrugged and continued down the hall. They passed another dozen women, sitting mute, and Dez tried to put them from his mind. He needed to focus on Anna’s welfare now.

  They stopped before a door and an attendant rushed up, key in hand.

  “It’s been a bad day, Doctor.”

  Cheshire turned and gave them a knowing smile. “You will see that she is demented. That her case is hopeless. Open it,” he said to the attendant.

  The key went into the lock and Dez tried to brace himself for what he would see as the door swung open.

  The first thing to hit him was the horrendous smell, much worse in here than in the hallway, which had been awful enough. Bars covered the lone window, which was closed. The air felt heavy. His eyes swept across the room and found the single bed near the corner. A shape lay on it. He rushed toward it and faltered, gasping.

  He could barely tell it was a woman, much less Anna. Her beautiful, strawberry blond hair had been shorn short and was so filthy he couldn’t tell what color it should be. She lay motionless on the bed, her eyes closed, a rope wrapped around her several times and underneath what was a cot, effectively tying her to it. What puzzled him was something that bound her, her arms crossed in front of her.

  “What is this contraption?”

  “It is called a straitjacket,” Cheshire replied. “Quite effective, I must say. Restraints are often needed to control behaviors such as tearing clothes and demonstrating lewd behavior.”

  Dez shuddered.

  The doctor continued. “We find rest
raints helpful in stopping patients from harming themselves or others. It also keeps them from attempting suicide at night when no one is watching them.”

  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing and looked at Lord Shelton in disbelief.

  “You are insane, Cheshire, if you believe this helps individuals committed here, the vast majority which I assume are not mad. You are shutting innocent women away from the world.”

  The physician shrugged. “They are deemed mad by their families, my lord. I am merely providing a service. We don’t promise a cure. We do confine them so they and their loved ones are safe.”

  “Get this . . . thing off her at once,” he barked at the attendant.

  The man looked to Cheshire, who nodded grimly.

  The attendant first loosened the ropes that bound her to the cot. When he flipped Anna over, Dez could see all the many ties up the back.

  Then Anna began jerking and making wheezing, guttural noises.

  *

  Anna had gone to her special place. She only went there when she was placed in her room. Not when she sat on the hard wooden benches for twelve hours a day. Others were around her and even though they never spoke, she liked to keep her world private.

  She imagined being at the lake again, the one that sat in the middle where Shelton Park ended and Torrington lands began. So many happy days had been spent at this lake. Skimming stones. Swimming. Picnicking. Walking along the shore. She pictured the blue of the water sparkling in the sun. A clear sky. Birds chirping in the trees behind her as the woods started.

  Her legs were straight out in front of her as she sat on a blanket. Her hands were propped behind her, her arms straight, as she lifted her face to the sun and tried to feel its warmth penetrating her. She sensed Dez sitting beside her and imagined the smell of his favored sandalwood soap wafting toward her.

  Near the water, Jessa was hopping on one foot. Then a butterfly caught her eyes and she began chasing after it. Dalinda followed Jessa as she scampered away and they moved into the trees. She sighed. Now came the best part.

  One which she had relived a thousand times. No, a thousand times a thousand. Maybe more.

  Slowly, she turned her head toward Dez. His handsome face smiled down upon her, his brown eyes rimmed with amber. A breeze caught a lock of his dark, wavy hair and he pushed it from his brow. Then he leaned toward her. Every time she knew it was coming and yet she cherished it as if it were the first time. His hand cupped her cheek. His lips met hers.

  And she relived her first kiss.

  The kiss was sweet. Lingering. It told of his love for her and promised good things to come. Anna reveled in it, enjoying it anew, yearning for the time when a simple kiss had been her whole world.

  Dez broke the kiss and gazed upon her. She froze that image in her mind and let it stay. This was her favorite moment of her life. When she had been young. Pretty. Carefree. Her whole future ahead of her. She would take out this memory and examine it. Replay it. Relish it.

  It was unlike the white times. Those were for when Fiend punished her with the abominable treatments. Anna had learned during one of those to go to her quiet place. It was all white. Pure. No color. No sound. No motion. A vast expanse of nothingness where she could hide from the mean people who did bad things to her.

  She went back to Dez. Thoughts of him calmed her. She hadn’t been calm earlier. It had been one of her rebellious days, one where she couldn’t sit for twelve hours without moving or talking. She had screamed and shouted until her throat ached and she grew hoarse. Even the ice-water treatment hadn’t made her cease. Eventually, her throat became scratchy. Her pitch fell. Then she lost all ability to speak and retreated to the white place. She didn’t remember anything done to her after that, only that she was now here, in her room, the awful straitjacket pinning her arms across the front of her body, tied so tightly that it was worse than a corset.

  But it was still blissful because she was alone. Left with her cherished memories.

  From afar, she heard voices. Men’s voices. They frightened her. Perhaps the attendants had told Fiend of her abominable behavior and he had sent them to beat her again. The beatings left her battered and bruised. They crushed her spirits. It took her a long time to heal from them.

  She wouldn’t think about it. She would go to the white place. Where it was serene. Where nothing invaded. Devoid of anything or anyone.

  Then she was roughly turned and she knew an attendant was untying the restraints. She couldn’t help it. She began thrashing about, trying to scream, wheezing grunts coming from her. She had endured too much today. She couldn’t take anymore. Tears streamed down her face as she wished everyone would go away. Leave her. Let her finally die.

  Suddenly, the straitjacket was ripped away from her. Her arms ached as the blood began rushing back. What was amazing, though, was she felt an embrace. Someone stroked her hair and murmured to her. Anna caught a whiff of sandalwood and relaxed. Warmth enveloped her.

  What was happening?

  She had never been able to conjure anything so complex. Yes, she could imagine things in clarity with brilliant, bold colors. Yet she had never been able to create smells. Sounds. Touch. Keeping her eyes closed, she smiled. The heavenly warmth continued. The sandalwood scent became stronger. Anna inhaled deeply, drawing it into her lungs. My God, she had imagined Dez here. With her. This was an entirely new level she soared to. Anna had no idea how she had done it, only that it was the most wonderful thing that had happened to her since she had come to Gollingham.

  Then she was being lifted. Carried somewhere. Oh, how marvelous. Her cheek rested against a beating heart in a hard, muscled chest. Dez moved so fast that she felt as if a breeze gently touched her. Then she bounced a bit, moving down stairs.

  Fear struck her.

  No. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t carry her fantasies so far. She had never imagined trying to leave the asylum, at least not after those first few gut-wrenching weeks. She’d thought of nothing but escape then. Ways to flee. And had been shown just how foolish those notions were. She had been hurt so badly as to never wish to think about leaving on her own again. Even her fantasies of Dez coming to rescue her had been shoved away, placed so deeply within her that she dare not let them out.

  Suddenly, bright light slammed against her, as if she had been taken outside in the blinding sunshine after the darkness of the asylum. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and whimpered. This was going too far. She heard the sweet song of a bird. Felt the breeze. Smelled the fresh air of a spring day. She began weeping copiously because she knew her greatest fear had final come and swallowed her whole.

  After all this time, Anna finally had gone mad.

  Chapter Ten

  Dez’s heart ached with each step he carried Anna. They exited the darkness of Gollingham Asylum and he headed toward their waiting carriage. The wide-eyed footman placed the stairs down and opened the door and Dez entered the carriage, a sobbing Anna held close. He took a seat on the bench and kept her in his lap, reluctant to release her. She had yet to open her eyes. He didn’t know if she spent so much of her life terrified that she kept them closed to keep out the world or if the bright light hurt them. To think a creature of light such as Anna had been locked away for a dozen years in filth and darkness caused his heart to ache.

  Shelton climbed in and took the opposite seat, his emotions worn on his sleeve.

  “The poor girl,” he said as the carriage started up. “Do you think she knows what is happening?”

  “I doubt it. She hasn’t looked around. It’s as if she’s deliberately gone deep inside herself.”

  The viscount shook his head. “Can you blame her? She’s been in that hellhole for well over a decade.” He paused. “Do you think . . . that she truly has gone mad after so long a time away from society?”

  He shrugged. “I cannot say. All I know is she has been liberated and I will do everything in my power to see her restored to good health, both physically and mentally.”<
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  Dez had seen her limbs covered in old bruises, faded to the ugly shades of yellow and green. He wondered how often Anna had been beaten. If any bones had ever been broken. If her spirit had been broken.

  He understood why she couldn’t speak. She had ruptured her vocal cords from screaming or shouting too long. It had happened more often than not on the battlefield. He himself had even experienced it. Officers, in particular, were prone to the ruptures as they shouted orders, trying to be heard over the sound of cannon fire exploding and the many guns discharging. The strain created the rupture. The first time he had witnessed it, an army doctor explained to him that, within the throat, the vocal cords were layers of mucus membranes. These membranes vibrate, which allows speech. If the layers are ruptured, vibrations cease, causing the loss of a person’s voice. It hadn’t been painful. He’d had no difficulties breathing. He’d merely been hoarse and his throat scratchy. After two days, he’d regained his voice.

  This must have happened to Anna over and over again through the years. Who knew what damage had truly occurred? At least Dez had an idea how to help her. The doctors had had him keep his throat moist, which relaxed the vocal cords and hastened the healing process. He also was told to avoid extremes of hot and cold food or beverages. He had gargled with warm water dosed with salt and drank honey mixed in warm water.

  The most important thing had been resting his voice. The same would be true for Anna. She would need to keep silent for as long as possible before starting to try to produce a stray word or two. Eventually, she could build up to phrases and then, finally, full sentences. From what he had seen during his short time at Gollingham Asylum, she had been trained to be silent for long periods of time. Dez shuddered, still not comprehending the number of women present at the place. And only women.

  How many were there because they truly were insane versus how many had been put away by the men in their families, as had been done to Anna and Lady Jergens? He ached hearing the brief story Lady Jergens had shared. It struck him that she had said her marriage had not been consummated. If that was the case, he wondered if she were legally wed. It would be worth pursuing. Contacting her father, whom she had wanted so desperately, and seeing if he could claim legal rights over his daughter and annul her marriage to Lord Jergens.