To Save a Love

by Aston, Alexa

  “Do you know Lord Jergens?” Dez asked Shelton.

  Distaste crossed his neighbor’s face. “I know of him. I have never spoken to him. His gaming debts are enormous. I had heard he wed Lady Alice.” He shuddered. “To think that was her . . .”

  “I know. We must contact her father and see if he can help.”

  “I agree,” Shelton said. He looked at Anna. “How are we to help her?” he asked.

  An idea had been taking shape and Dez decided to share it.

  “I think Anna will have a great fear of people after her experience. I am afraid to say this—but you and Lady Shelton are strangers to her.”

  “I thought the same thing,” the viscount admitted. “I have not seen Anna since we were children. And even Jessa will be a stranger to her because she was so young when Anna was spirited away. She wouldn’t recognize the grown woman Jessa has become.”

  “Because of that, I feel that I am the only one she will know. I want to help her, Shelton. Bring her back as far as I can to the girl she once was.”

  Doubt flickered in Shelton’s eyes. “Is that even possible, Torrington? I am afraid with Anna having been at that madhouse for so long, she may never be normal again.” He paused. “Do you still love her?”

  “I always have. I always will. No matter what she is like. Would I wish for her to be whole again and make her my countess? Of course. Is that even a possibility?” Dez glanced down at Anna, who still wept softly. “I have no idea. But I want to do whatever I can to bring her back.”

  He took a deep breath. “I want to be in sole charge of her.”

  Shelton’s brow creased. “What do you mean?”

  “There is a small cottage where the three of us—Anna, Dalinda, and I—would play as children. It had been abandoned and never had a tenant move in. Over time, we brought odd bits of furniture to it. Toys. Books. Games. Since my return, I found it still unoccupied and have had it filled as though occupied. I even placed a desk in it so that I might work from there at times. I thought I might find great comfort in doing so, recalling the good times the three of us had spent there.

  “It would be perfect for Anna.”

  The viscount shook his head. “I am not sure I understand. Do you mean for Anna to live there?”

  “Yes. For a time.”

  “No, Torrington. She cannot look after herself.”

  “I will stay there with her.”

  “What? That’s impossible. She is unwed.”

  Dez’s gaze bore into the other man. “Are you telling me you would pander to the strict rules of the ton when Anna’s very life and sanity are at stake?” He shook his head. “I will care for her. I will talk to her. I am the one, familiar face she will know. If anyone can bring Anna back to reality, it will be me.”

  “It sounds preposterous.”

  “Do you have a better idea? You cannot keep her as a caged animal at Shelton Park. What if she does grow violent and neither you nor your servants can contain her? Please, Shelton. Let me try. I won’t frighten her. She knows me. She loved me once. I can help her, I know I can. Just give me the chance.”

  “For how long?”

  Dez looked at the man helplessly. “I haven’t a clue. For as long as it takes, I suppose.”

  “Jessa won’t like it. She’ll want her sister at Shelton Park.”

  “Tell Jessa what you saw at Gollingham,” he urged. “Tell her of the deplorable conditions. How Anna needs the quiet and solitude. Give me at least a week. No, better two. Then you and Jessa may come visit,” he added, hoping that would be enough time for visible improvement to occur.

  “I will want daily reports,” demanded Shelton.

  He thought a moment. “Coral, my valet, will be our go-between. In fact, when you take Anna and me to the cottage, call at Torville Manor and ask for him. Tell him to bring a basket of food and ink and parchment to the cottage. I will have him look in on us daily and he can ride and speak to you in person regarding Anna’s behavior and progress.”

  Dez smoothed her hair. She had quietened and he thought her now asleep.

  “A doctor should see her.”

  “I agree but I pray that we wait on that. I don’t want any strangers approaching her. She already cannot speak.”

  He explained about her damaged vocal cords and how he knew what to do since he had suffered from a similar affliction during his military service.

  “We have both been to war, Shelton. To Hell and back. If anyone understands Anna’s suffering, it is I.”

  The viscount was silent for some minutes and finally he said, “I agree. I know how much you care for her and would never abuse her. I will ask for my footman and driver not to reveal what they have witnessed. No one at Shelton Park will know of Anna’s return. The same should be true beyond your valet. If Anna can be restored to anything close to what she was before, I would not see her reputation ruined by her having been alone with you.”

  “I do love her,” Dez said. “I would die for her. My fondest wish would be for us to see our dream of marriage come true. If it can’t, I will remain devoted to her the rest of my life.”

  “You would choose not to marry?” Shelton asked.

  “There is no one for me but Anna,” he said softly. “I have two nephews. The elder will be my heir.”

  “Very well.”

  Shelton rapped on the roof and the carriage began to slow. When it stopped, he exited the vehicle and spoke to the driver and then returned.

  “My coachman knows where to take you. How far is it to this cottage?”

  “Probably a quarter-mile.”

  “You will carry her all that way?”

  Dez glanced down, love for Anna overwhelming him. “I would carry her to the ends of the earth if needed. Besides, look how thin she is. She will be no burden, I assure you.”

  He stroked her hair again, hating once more how it had been chopped off. It fell a couple of inches below her ears and was matted and dirty. From the conditions he removed her from, he assumed she had head lice. He had seen both in the army and knew of ways to rid her of it. Dez began composing a list in his head for all he would need Coral to bring to the cottage.

  The men fell silent after that. It surprised him that Shelton had relented so easily to such an outrageous plan. A bachelor harboring an innocent, unmarried woman. Living together for God only knew how long. There were things Dez would have to do—intimate things—that Shelton probably had not thought of or was reluctant to bring up. It didn’t matter. What was important was healing Anna’s mind, body, and spirit. Frankly, he didn’t know if it were even possible. He would remain optimistic but prepare himself for the worst.

  His gaze fell to the sleeping woman in his arms. How many times had he longed to do this very thing? Hold Anna in his arms as she slept. He vowed he would move heaven and earth to help her grow into the independent, spirited girl he had known.

  They reached their destination and Shelton promised he would see that Coral came to the cottage as quickly as possible. The viscount descended the stairs the footman had placed beside the carriage’s door and he helped guide Dez down them.

  He turned and said, “I would offer my hand to you, Shelton, but I am rather tied up.”

  The viscount grinned. “After all of this, I feel we are meant to be good friends. Call me Tom.” He placed his hand on Dez’s shoulder and squeezed it then cupped Anna’s cheek and said, “Get well, Cousin.”

  “I am Dez,” he told the viscount. “Short for Desmond—but no one I like ever calls me that.”

  Tom smiled. “Then Dez it is. Take care, my friend.”

  He nodded, his throat tight with emotion. Tom reentered the carriage and gave a wave. Dez began walking and, in a few minutes, caught sight of the blue waters of the lake. He went to the cottage and opened the door.

  “We are here, Anna,” he told the sleeping woman. “I pray I can help you find yourself again.”

  Going inside, he went to the settee and sat. Anna continued sleeping
. It made him feel good that she had enough trust in him—whether she knew it was him or not—to fall asleep and stay that way.

  Sometime later, Coral arrived. Dez saw the valet standing in the open doorway, a wicker basket in his hand.

  “Come here, Coral,” he said. “Take a seat.”

  Over the next half-hour, he told his servant the entire story, holding nothing back. How he and Anna had grown up and tried to elope. How they both had been sent away. And how he and Lord Shelton had discovered Anna was alive and retrieved her from the inhumane conditions they found at Gollingham Asylum.

  “Thank you for your trust in me, Lord Torrington,” the valet said solemnly, his gaze on Anna. “I hope Miss Browning will be restored to full health.”

  “I am counting on your discretion, Coral. There’s to be no gossip about this unusual situation. In fact, I don’t even want anyone to know she is here. I will depend upon you daily for many things.”

  Dez explained the kind of supplies he would need. The daily trek to Shelton Park. How Coral was to tell everyone from Meadows to Mrs. Abbott to Paul Lexington that Lord Torrington was working on a very important project and had retreated to a private space. He was to be left alone until he returned to Torville Manor proper.

  “You can count on me, my lord,” the valet promised.

  He had Coral build a fire and put water on to heat. Coral removed some of the food from the basket and placed it on the small table in front of the settee.

  “Go and get the things I need most now. The soap and towels. The vinegar and cheese whey. The kerosene and comb.”

  “What of clothes for you and Miss Browning, my lord?”

  “I can wait for those until tomorrow’s trip. Check in my sister’s former bedchamber and see if any gowns were left behind.”

  He knew Dalinda had wed Gilford in London during the Season and she had never once returned to Torville Manor. His hope was that his twin had left some gowns more suited to the country in her wardrobe and that his father and Ham had been too self-centered to even think of them being there, much less removing them.

  “Yes, my lord. I will return within an hour.” The valet hesitated. “Might I say something, my lord?”

  “Speak freely, Coral.”

  “It is a shame what happened to Miss Browning. I admire you for trying to help her. Not many men would.”

  Tears stung his eyes. “Thank you, Coral. I only hope I can help her.”

  Coral’s head bobbed up and down several times and he took his leave. Dez sat holding Anna, not fighting the tears that began to stream down his face.

  And then she opened her eyes.

  Chapter Eleven

  Anna had heard talking again, like bees buzzing in the background. She had stopped listening to others a long time ago. When she’d first gone to Gollingham, she had strained to hear every word spoken. In the end, she had learned it led to nothing and only gave her false hope. So she had not bothered to listen. To the attendants, who had gossiped like magpies and played cruel jokes on the patients in their care. To Fiend, who pestered her with questions and no matter how she answered, told her she was wrong and stupid and mad. To Matron, who was cruel and abusive and taunted Anna.

  Not hearing what went on around her allowed her to be in her own world. The one of her own making. It was a far more pleasant place to spend her time, especially during the long hours of sitting on the benches that lined the hallway. During those hours, she tuned out anything that occurred around her. If someone spoke to her, she never answered because she never heard their voice. If a patient was carted off for treatment, she never realized it occurred.

  In her world, Anna created beautiful things. She lived in a wonderful house. Not as large as Shelton Park but still roomy and airy. Only she and Jessa lived there. No adults were allowed. Thoughts of Mama hurt too much for her to dwell upon. Mama had been in ill health and something told Anna that Mama was dead. As far as Papa went, she refused to think of him at all. He was the one who had put her in the bad place with Fiend. She had spent hours when she first arrived at Gollingham thinking of ways to kill him. Stab him. Shoot him. Push him off a cliff or the roof of their London townhouse. Cut him with a thousand slices until his blood flowed freely and the life drained from his eyes.

  She had pushed those kind of thoughts aside. In her world, everything was perfect and so she had stopped thinking of Papa at all. Her world had beautiful colors. The house had furniture that she designed in her mind and she often moved it around, finding new ways to please her. Every room had freshly-cut flowers in crystal vases, flowers of every color of the rainbow and beyond. She and Jessa took their tea on beautiful china plates, where each time they sat, Anna varied the pattern and colors.

  Her bedchamber received the most light and had the largest bed she had ever seen. The adjoining room was filled with nothing but exquisite gowns. She spent hours trying them on, sometimes with Jessa watching her, nodding her approval and clapping her hands when one especially delighted her. Anna had worn every type of fashion under the sun. She had even imagined times when she donned the clothes of a man. She had done so once when she was about twelve, taking a pair of trousers that Dez had brought her, and slipping out of the house to ride in them. It was ever so nice to be able to move and walk and ride in something so comfortable.

  The stables were perhaps her favorite part of the world she created. More than anything, she had loved to ride and felt more comfortable in the saddle than anywhere else. Her stables had horses of every color and size. Her favorites were a tall black of seventeen hands who was a handful, spirited and energetic, and a chestnut mare with white socks who had the gentlest nature and enjoyed the apples Anna brought to her.

  A good portion of her time was spent riding. She rode the perimeter of Shelton Park and cut through the woods in order to take the shortcut to Torville Manor. When she went there, Dez and Dalinda were always waiting for her. They would mount their horses and the three of them would ride out. They explored places she remembered and new ones she invented on the spot. They rode into the small village and would stop at the baker’s for a treat. Sometimes a cinnamon bun. Sometimes fresh scones.

  She rode back now, the sun shining because it was always a sunny, rain-free day in her world. She led her horse into the stables and returned to the house. Magically, she stepped inside wearing a sapphire blue gown and went to the drawing room, where Jessa should be waiting for her and they would have tea.

  Her sister wasn’t there, though. Dez waited for her instead. And she kept hearing the buzzing. Then it stopped and she relaxed, content to pour out the tea and tell Dez about the carrot cake she had made that he was about to eat.

  Then she heard crying. No, she didn’t hear it. She sensed it. The tears flowed. She instinctively knew this—but no sobs came.

  Who might be crying?

  No one cried in her world. No one was ever sad or unhappy or jealous or angry. Everyone was happy and satisfied and enjoyed every minute.

  Slowly, she opened her eyes.

  Glancing around, she didn’t know where she was though it seemed incredibly familiar. She felt warm and smelled sandalwood again.

  Dez . . .

  Anna decided she had taken her world to a new level but realized she no longer had control of the creation of it. She was somewhere she didn’t know. She smelled someone she would never see again.

  For some reason, she had avoided looking at the person who held her but she couldn’t avoid doing so any longer. Her gaze turned to whoever held her. Her breath caught.

  It was Dez. A much older Dez than the boy or young man she remembered. This Dez was very much a man. His face was tanned as if he spent a good portion of his day outside in the elements. His thick hair, always with that slight wave, was a rich brown. She steeled herself and looked into his eyes. Oh, they were exactly the same, a deep brown with amber circling them.

  And Dez was the one crying.

  His eyes glittered bright with unshed tears, while oth
ers ran along his cheeks. Without thinking, Anna reached out and cupped his face. His eyes grew wide but he didn’t speak.

  How had she done this? Made Dez into a man? He looked older. Harder. Full of anguish. She had to do better. She had to make him happy. Her fingers grazed his cheek and touched the corner of his mouth. She tugged on it, trying to make it move up. When it didn’t, she took her other hand and brought it to the other side. Using her thumbs, she pulled the corners of his mouth up into a smile and let go.

  Her Dez now smiled on his own. His tears flowed freely, which she didn’t like, but she supposed they might be tears associated with happiness. She had once cried those, just as she had cried tears of misery. She had learned that tears did nothing. They only made a person appear weak and then someone might take advantage of you. She still cried sometimes but only when no one else was around and she was in her room, lying on her cot.

  “Anna.”

  His voice was deep. Deeper than she remembered. She liked it, though. She liked him. It would be fun to visit with this new Dez. Perhaps she could think and make herself appear older. Wouldn’t it be fun if they could dance in her world? She played the pianoforte there and sang because Jessa enjoyed music so much but she had never thought to dance. She had learned to dance just before they eloped because she was going to be making her come-out with Dalinda and it was important to know the steps of all of the different types of music which would be played at balls.

  She frowned. She had not wanted to make her come-out. She had not wanted to be parted from Dez. They had talked about it and both had understood that they could not be together. Until her father told her about arranging for her to marry some ancient lord with a name she refused to remember and Dez had said they should run away and they did and then everything horrible happened.