Shattered Trust : DreamCatcher MC

by Liberty Parker

  “For what, baby?” he asks with confusion laced on his tongue.

  “For everything. For rescuing me, not once but twice. And for being willing to forgive a woman who was scared and heartbroken… so broken that she kept your child from you.”

  “Something that I realized when I was laying in the hospital, not knowing where you were and if you were okay… is that I played a huge part in that as well. It’s not all on you, Stella. I am to blame for that entire thing as well. I pushed you away from my own fears. But I’ll tell you all about that once you get out of the tub. Now, go on,” he gently orders.

  Doing as he requests, I walk away from them to go and soak. I walk away temporarily, not forever. That thought sends a smile to my heart. I’m finally going to get the man I’ve loved and together, we’re gonna raise our family and extend to it.

  If you hold onto your dream, never let it waver, you’ll eventually get your every heart's desire.

  Kruger

  As soon as my boy is settled, I walk out the door and lock it behind me. I won’t be gone long; I just want to get us a couple of glasses of water and a few snacks. I’m not sure if Stella’s been fed or not, and I can’t ask her to go another few hours without filling her stomach with some nutrients. The fear has finally subsided from her eyes, but she still carries a haunted look. One I plan on dispersing and in its place, a look of utter happiness.

  I’ve been a fool, since the day I met her I longed for her, but my past caused me to push her away. I could’ve lost everything if fate hadn’t stepped in and took a soul from this earth. One that on some days when I think about him, my eyes are tunneled full of hatred, but then when I step back, I’m grateful that Stella and Jaggar had someone good and decent in their lives. Someone that was good to them from what I can comprehend. I can’t say that I’m happy that he’s deceased, that’s devastating for his family and Stella. But his loss of life is what led me back to the family that I didn’t know I wanted—needed.

  As soon as my feet land in the common room, I see Cameron pacing the room with Mane glued to her chest. The little one is sleeping, but Cam is filled with impatience and worry. “He’s okay,” I say to her as I come up and stand next to her.

  She stops, turns around and looks me square in the eye, and asks, “How do you know?” The fear is evident in her voice, she’s worried about Jamie and any attacks and plans he may have where it comes to her and her old man.

  “Jamie wasn’t there, sweetheart. He was hiding like the weasel that he is. He let others do his dirty work for him. Gunner was going to speak with those who live there and ask some questions. There’s a lot of residents on the reservation, it could take him hours to finish the task. Why don’t you and Mane go and try to get some sleep?”

  “I can’t, I can’t sleep until he’s home and I can see for myself that he’s safe.” Tears begin to leak down her face, and it’s uncomfortable for me, because I’m unsure of how to comfort another man’s woman.

  “Cam,” I quietly say. “I wouldn’t have left him and the others if I thought there was any threat that could cause them bodily harm. He has back up, trust your old man and his brothers. We won’t let anything happen to you or Gunner. I swear this to you on my life.”

  She closes her eyes to try and contain the flow and call them back. “I worry. This is all my fault. I don’t know what I did to any of those people other than to be born, Kruger. I’m devastated that my family is always on guard because of me.”

  “This isn’t on you; this is on those stupid fuckers. You were living your life, they’re the ones who came in and interfered in that. I don’t understand this supposed prophecy they’re following, my mind can’t wrap around it, but that still isn’t on you. You need to let that burden fall free from your shoulders, Cam.”

  “That’s what Gunner says.” She huffs out through a chuckle, stating, “Y’all are definitely, brothers.”

  “No doubt about it,” I tease her. “Now, go get yourself something warm to drink and go rest and relax.” She gives me a small smile and follows me to the kitchen. Once I get her taken care of, I head to mine and Stella’s room.

  Stella

  I’m stretched out on the bed when Kruger comes back into the room. I didn’t dilly dally in the bathroom because I was anxious to hear what all he has to say. That was the quickest bath I’ve taken in my life; but I did make sure that all the pertinent places got clean. I did a quick shave of my legs and nether region before exiting the water.

  I was sitting anxiously waiting for him to make an appearance. My mind wanders all over the place on what all he wants to tell me.

  “Went and grabbed us some food and drinks,” he says as he comes over to me. He sits the water and a plate of cheese and crackers next to me. “You need to eat, baby. How long has it been since you’ve had food?”

  “They gave me something that resembled a sandwich. I nitpicked at it, I was afraid that it was poisoned or something.”

  “I wouldn’t have trusted anything those asswipes gave me either,” he chuckles as his hand reaches up and begins to rub the back of my neck in a gentle, loving touch. “Come on, baby, eat,” he says as he places a block of cheese on a square cracker. He brings it in front of my lips, but I crack up in laughter when I look at him and see his mouth is wide open as if he’s inserting the food into his own mouth. When he realizes what he’s doing, he smirks at me in response. “Force of habit.” He shrugs his shoulders. I open my mouth wide and allow him to feed me. I can only eat a few before my stomach is filled to the brim.

  “I’m full,” I tell him, rubbing my protruding belly.

  “We’ll leave the food sitting here in case you want some later on,” he says, putting the plate on the table that sits next to, what I’ve been referring to, as my side of the bed. Which is the furthest side away from the door, that is also the side of the room that Jaggar’s pen sits on. This is Kruger’s way of making sure someone would have to go through him to get to either one of us.

  That’s the kind of man he is.

  He settles on his side and pulls me into his arms. And this is when I know with a hundred percent certainty that I’m not gonna like anything he’s fixing to share with me. I tighten my arms around him, showing him silently that I’m here to support him and help him get through whatever demons plague him.

  He squeezes me back in thanks.

  I melt into him as he sighs out loudly.

  17

  Kruger

  What I’m fixing to share with her is something that no one outside of Gunner is aware of. I’ve held these secrets of my youth close to the vest, always worried that I’d receive sympathetic looks from those who are meant to look up to me.

  “My father wasn’t a good man, Stella. He didn’t believe in monogamy, he felt that the love of his dick needed to be spread far and wide. And share it he did. He didn’t care how much he hurt and demeaned my mom. He didn’t care how he made me feel as if I was nothing more in his life than a lookout. He treated me like a buddy he had to deal with other than his son that he was supposed to love and cherish. He was supposed to protect me, but he didn’t view it that way. I was the excuse he used to my mother to go out and play with his whores. He’d state that he was taking me camping, fishing, anything that entailed male bonding so that my mom wouldn’t question his extra-curricular activities. There were many times that I was forced to sit and watch or hear my father as he bedded this woman or that one. There were times that on a weekend there was more than one female he’d bed. It made me feel dirty, as if I was betraying my mother… which I was. But the beating I’d receive if I was to call him out, wasn’t worth it. I’ve had several bones shattered when I’d have had enough and tell him I was gonna tell her what he was doing. It was wrong, I knew it was wrong, and I fucking hated him for putting me through that. He was a motherfucker and not a day passed by that I didn’t hate him and wish that anyone other than him had fathered me. He shared all of his thoughts on why he did these things, he drilled t
hem into my head. Women weren’t to be trusted, not on any level, and you didn’t give your heart away to any of them. His teachings were that women and relationships were toxic to a man’s soul. According to him, they do nothing but want your blood, sweat and tears only to take and give nothing back. He believed that women were nothing more than blood sucking leeches. His teachings were archaic and unfounded, but after years and years of hearing this, it began to sink in on a level that it never should’ve. I was young and naive, I was dependent on that man to teach me the ways of life, after a while, I just assumed that’s the way it was supposed to work. That’s all I knew, but then I met a woman who made me stop and think about all the vile ways of my father. Kadence became my everything. From the moment I laid eyes on her, my world shifted. I was young, so young that I believed every single thing that came out of her mouth. I thought we were destined, soul mates. For a year and a half, I lived, breathed and existed for her. I was her whipping boy. I did everything for her, she never lifted one finger or paid for a damn thing. I worked two jobs to make sure she had her every heart’s desire at the tips of her fingers.”

  “How old were you?” Stella interrupts me to ask.

  “Seventeen. I was impressed by her; thought she was the answer to my world’s woes. She made me question everything that my dad had ever said. I began disobeying him, refusing to be his lookout boy. And boy did he hate that. We got into a few knock down drag out fights because of my refusal.”

  “I’m sorry your dad did those things to you, Kruger.”

  “It’s life, babe. Some men are good, some not so much. It’s unfortunate that men aren’t put under a microscope before they’re allowed to reproduce. Men like my dad, shouldn’t be allowed to procreate, he should’ve been clipped before his seed was introduced to a female's reproductive system.”

  “You know you aren’t like him, right?” she asks me, looking up at me with the eyes of an innocent, yet loving woman. I can’t help but wonder what her childhood was like. Did she have any sufferings like I did?

  “Tell me about Kadence,” she spits my ex's name out as if it’s a foul substance that’s made its way into the cavern of her mouth.

  “She was a viper, only I didn’t know that when I met her. She was older than me, twenty years old. But she had so many life experiences that I was enamored by her and excited that an older woman wanted a man like me.”

  “She took advantage of you,” Stella angrily announces.

  “She did, but at that time, I didn’t know that. I thought I was special that she even gave me the time of day. She took my virginity and had me wrapped around her little finger from that day on.”

  “What changed all of that for you?” Her question was expected, but I hate the answer I will give her. It brings back all the hatred and self-loathing I feel when it pertains to this topic.

  “When I caught her in bed with my father. I didn’t know when she and I got together that she was one of my father’s regulars. She was using me to get back at him for not leaving my mother and his many lovers behind. She was eighteen when she met my father and fell head over heels in love with him.”

  “That’s fucking gross… he was old enough to be her own damn father,” Stella spits out.

  “Yeah, but honey, we both know love knows no age limits. I’m ten years your senior,” I remind her.

  “Wow, I forgot for a minute there that you are an old man,” she jests with me.

  “I’m gonna show you just how old I am here in a minute,” I inform her as a gleam of anticipation enters her eyes.

  “I’m looking forward to learning that,” she snickers as I begin to tickle her sides. Then she becomes serious when she says, “I understand why you pushed me away, Kruger. I would’ve done the same things if I’d had the upbringing and betrayals that you did.”

  “I appreciate you giving that to me, Stella. But the truth is, I am old enough to know better and you are not Kadence. You are loving and loyal, unlike she was.”

  “Whatever happened to Kadence? Do you ever see or visit your parents?” These questions cause me to suck in an air full of lungs. This is the hardest part of the story that I have to share.

  “Kadence is in prison. She murdered my mother in front of my father, then she took his life after he watched her drain my mother's blood with a knife to the throat.”

  “W-what?” she cries out. I bring her further into my chest and run my fingers through her long, thick locks.

  “By that time, I’d joined the club and was steering far from all three of them. I knew my mother wasn’t to blame, but I couldn’t see her without seeing him. I put as many miles between us as I could.”

  “I thought your dad was a member of the club?” she asks me.

  “He was, but he was a shady fucker and the club asked him to take some time away to clean up his life. He took that to mean that he could live the way he wanted to without any consequences.”

  “But if they lived far away, how was he a member of the club?” Her curiosity and questions are good ones, ones that I haven’t had to answer for in the years past.

  “He kept my mom separate from all things club related. It was his way of getting to screw the club bunnies without anyone slipping up and telling my mom. She lived the civilian life and Dad made weekly appearances at the clubhouse with me in tow. I always envied the kids who grew up with the club, they were well-adjusted and you could see the love their parents had for them. I was so fucking jealous of all of them that I pushed them away for a time. Yet, they never gave up on becoming my friends. Gunner chiseled his way in one visit at a time. And Ma, shit that woman never let me come without mothering the shit out of me. She wormed her way into my soul without me being any wiser to what she was doing. Pops, he was strong, and always made sure that I was far away from my father while he was screwing a bunny or two.”

  “He didn’t force your dad to stop?” she asks, and I understand why she does. Pops is an admirable man, he’s never strayed from Ma, and lets everyone see and witness the love and devotion he has for his wife and family— he bears no shame in his public displays of affection.

  That’s the kind of man I strive to be.

  The kind of man that my woman and son are deserving of.

  “They’re bikers, Stella. They live by a code, and interfering in each other’s relationships isn’t something that they do, unless it’s pertinent to one of their lives, or could damage the club as a whole. The entire reason and existence of the MC is to live free outside of the normal laws and interferences of outsiders. Some stray, others don't. Either way, it’s not talked about. We respect the boundaries and never, ever, come between a brother and what he needs.”

  “And you, Kruger, which one of these men are you?”

  Stella

  Why did I ask that? I for one, am all about monogamy, but I’m scared to know the answer. Will the two of us be able to have the type of love that Gunner, Cameron, Country and Charlee have, or will I be the statistic of club life and secrets?

  “You, Stella. It will only ever be you from this day forward,” he vows.

  “No more bunny interviews?” I raise my eyebrow up at him when I question him on this. Because that’s cheating as much as finding someone else outside of our relationship. I know that it’s a club thing, but I doubt my heart can take knowing he’s getting his jollies off with a new skank.

  “No more. Never again. I swear this to you. That’ll be left up to the single men of the club to do. My heart is taken, owned, sweet Stella. I’ll never stray, I vehemently give you my unwavering oath of my word. Hear me now, sweet Stella, this is my solemn vow to you and Jaggar both. I will be the man my father wasn’t, I will honor and cherish you both until the day I leave this world and beyond. You are my family, the two of you, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.”

  “Then do it, Kruger. Take me, show me how much I mean to you,” she says through breathless pants.

  “I plan on it,” I inform her, “but first, we need to clear
the guilt you still harbor. It needs to be let go and we both need to move forward. I won’t touch you until we’ve cleared the air.”

  “Shit,” I mumble out. I was hoping we’d forget that and move on. Seems my man has other ideas, however.

  “Tell me, I know I hurt you when I pushed you away, but what made you not want me to know and be a part of Jaggar’s life?” he asks, and I can hear the hurt as his mouth opens and he asks this question.

  “It wasn’t that I didn’t think you’d be a good addition to his life, Kruger. It’s because I was selfish and only thinking about myself. I didn’t want to face a life where I’d have to see you on visitations only. I was hurt that you didn’t remember our night together. I was pissed that you didn’t care about my feelings when you announced you were gonna help break in the bunnies, or whatever it was you were doing. I hated you at that moment and planned on leaving and never looking back. I never wanted to see you again, I didn’t want my… our son to grow up thinking that it was okay to do that to a woman he professed to care about. Oh, I know you didn’t want a relationship with me, but you knew how I felt, correction, how I feel about you. You threw that in my face and never looked back. Because, Kruger, if you had, you would’ve seen the devastation your actions did to me. All the sympathetic looks I got from my friends and your club brothers was too much for me to deal with. I needed to erase you from my mind and life, so I ran back to Florida and planned to separate myself solely from you and the club. It’s why I never told Cameron about Jaggar’s existence, I knew she’d tell Gunner and in return he’d tell you. Looking back, I regret those decisions I made, especially once I found out I was expecting. But you didn’t remember and I made up all these things in my mind you’d possibly accuse me of, and I didn’t want to hear any of them.”