by Liz Durano
Suddenly he slams into me and my scream is caught in my throat as his need meets mine. His ache for my ache. His mouth finds mine and I hear him groan, primal and unchained. Benny pushes my thighs wider, my knees sliding wider apart as I do my best to take all of him. He’s big, filling every part of me. He begins to thrust and I bring my arms around him, wanting to hold him but Benny takes my wrists and pins them on the bed. He raises his head from mine, his eyes holding me hostage as he thrusts again and again. He’s back in control and I welcome it. I crave it.
“Is this what you want?” He murmurs in my ear as he seats himself deep inside me, grinding his hips.
“Yes,” I gasp as I wrap my legs around his waist. Why did I wait so long for this moment? Why did I let so many years come between us when we’re perfect together. I’m light to his dark and he completes me.
“Do you like it when I take you like this? Rough and hard?”
“Yes,” I gasp again. “Please, Benny.”
He slides out of me, leaving only the tip of his cock against my entrance. I whimper, feeling the emptiness at his retreat. But I also see the cocky smirk on his face and I know what’s coming. He slams into me and I scream, my voice hoarse as he fucks me harder, his movements speeding up as if it were right on the heels of my oncoming orgasm.
When my release comes, I bring my head back but Benny brings his hand to my face, bringing my head forward so I’m looking straight at him.
“Look at me when you come, Sarah,” he orders, his thumb caressing my cheek as he continues to thrust into me. And then it comes, rolling like a wave and taking me with it. I scream Benny’s name, not caring who can hear us. I’ve never allowed myself to be this open, to be this vulnerable but with Benny, it’s the only way to be. My body tenses as my world shatters all around me. I feel my orgasm take over, my arousal spiraling again as he pounds into me, my body squeezing, clenching around his glorious cock.
Benny growls in my ear, nips the skin of my neck as his body tightens. I feel his cock throbbing inside me, swelling and pulsing as he comes with a roar, his voice vibrating against my skin. My heart swells at the sound of his release and when he lets go of my wrists, I cling to him, the muscles of his back rippling beneath my fingers. When he collapses over me, the weight of him is a comfort. It feels like home.
He always was.
Chapter Twelve
I catch my breath and gaze at Sarah’s face, her skin glistening with perspiration. She looks so beautiful, so content... almost dazed as she catches her own breath. I can hear my heart beating inside my chest, like wild horses galloping across the plains. I remember watching them as a child new to the reservation, wild and free.
Outside, the wind picks up, rattling a neighbor’s roof. Two cats shriek in the distance. A dog barks. I close my eyes and rest my forehead on Sarah’s, inhaling the scent of her, a memory I want to protect forever, both of us as one.
I kiss her on the lips, sharing one breath as she sighs. My chest tightens, a question settles in the pit of my belly.
“Benny...” she breathes and I silence her with another kiss, deeper this time. I don’t want to hear anymore, not when my heart is telling me something I’ve long denied to myself.
I’ve always loved Sarah Drexel.
I slide out of her, roll onto my back and get up from the bed. “I’ll be right back,” I say, needing whatever remnant of solitude I can find to get a handle on my feelings. I’ve only been denying them for so long and right now, they’re requiring my full attention.
In the bathroom, I clean up, wrapping the condom in toilet paper and tossing it in the trash. Washing my hands, I stare at my reflection in the mirror, knowing I can’t stand here forever. I need to get back to Sarah. I need to hold her in my arms.
I hear her cell phone ring as I step out of the bathroom. I pick it up from the floor next to her jeans and hand it to her before crawling back into bed and pulling her to me so we’re spooning. She looks at the display but doesn’t answer.
“Who’s Enrico?”
“He’s Melina’s son,” she says, silencing her phone and setting it on her bedside table. “He’s been wanting to go out with me since he stopped by the clinic four weeks ago.”
I nuzzle my chin in the soft curve of her shoulder. “Are you planning on seeing him?”
Sarah turns to look at me, a curious expression on her face. “Would you like me to?”
I bite her skin playfully and she giggles, goosebumps dotting her skin. “Would you like me to mark you as mine?”
“But I’m already yours, Benny,” she whispers, rolling onto her back. “I thought you knew that.”
I kiss the spot that I bit seconds earlier. “Just checking.”
“Can I make sure you’re never going to forget?” Sarah sits up, biting her lower lip as she studies me in the semi-darkness. Outside the window, the full moon illuminates her skin, revealing the soft slope of her shoulder, the generous curves of her breasts, and the dark shadows of her nipples. Her rumpled hair reveals a halo of yellow as she moves slowly between my legs, her movements smooth like a cat.
“How do you plan on doing that?” Even as I ask her, my cock stirs as Sarah wraps her hand around the hardening shaft. She lowers her face before my cock, her hand tightening and loosening at the base as her other hand cups my balls.
“Like this,” she murmurs, licking her lips slowly as my cock twitches in her hand.
“I’m not that easy, you know.”
She grins. “I know that. You play hard to get very well.”
“Not if you ask nicely,” I say, folding my arms behind my head.
“Please.”
“Please what?”
“May I please suck your cock?” She asks expectantly, frowning when I don’t answer right away.
“You’re forgetting something, Sarah.” As my voice emerges as a growl, she stares at me for a few moments, almost surprised. Suddenly, it hits her and her eyes widen. I can almost see her blush as the next word emerges as a whisper.
“Sir.”
My cock is now standing in full attention, rock hard and throbbing. I press her palm against the shaft. “Ask me again.”
Her nostrils flare, her tongue gliding along her lips again. “May I please suck your cock, sir?”
This time, it’s my heart that’s hammering inside my chest, the sound of her voice saying such words making my stomach clench. “Yes, you may, Sarah,” I murmur as she lowers her face and plants a kiss on the head of my dick, right on the drop of pre-cum glistening along the tip. Then she swirls her tongue around the head of my cock before sucking gently and I almost lose myself.
Watching her do everything I say almost becomes my undoing. I want to grab the back of her head and push her down my cock, forcing her to take me all in her mouth. After all, isn’t this what she wants? But I don’t. Those things take time and right now, I want to take it slow... or as slow as we’re taking it right now which isn’t exactly the truth. We’re simply making up for lost time.
Sarah rests her hand on my hipbone, her palm warm on my skin, her mouth circling my cock even warmer. She works her way down, moving slowly, inch after inch. I gather her hair in my hand so I can watch her, my breath caught in my throat. She feels so good I know I won’t last long.
“Sarah…”
“I want to make you come, Benny,” she whispers as she looks up at me. Then she runs her tongue along the underside of my cock from tip to base and back up again. I let go of her hair and lean back on the pillows, closing my eyes so I can feel everything. Her hands, her mouth, her tongue. Her submission.
I can feel my cock swell in her mouth, my release so close. I open my eyes and watch her go up and down my cock, as deep as she can and then pull away. It’s a glorious sight and I know I’m not going to last any longer.
When I come, she takes all of me in her mouth and this time, I reach down to hold the back of her head. It’s a light hold, just enough to let her know I want her to remain where she i
s and she doesn’t fight it. I groan, my body shuddering as I let go, my body taut as a wire. I gasp, feeling her mouth still around my cock. I let go of her hair and collapse on the bed, needing to catch my breath. I don’t have to look at her to know she’s licking me all over, my shaft, my balls, the head of my cock. She’s cleaning me.
Fuck. That’s all I can think of as I Sarah plants a trail of kisses up my torso, her hair feeling like butterfly wings on my skin. As she runs her tongue around one sensitive nipple and the other, I chuckle, pulling her higher so her face is in line with mine. I wrap my arms around her, our bodies molding together as one. She’s so beautiful, my nizhoni. My woman.
I pull her face toward me and she hesitates, her brow furrowing. “But Benny, I just..”
“I don’t fucking care.” I pull her face toward me and kiss her, our tongues tangling, tasting as my hand drifts down her back, my hand grabbing her ass and squeezing. She moans against my mouth, pressing her body to mine, grinding her hips before I lift my hand and deliver the first spank. She gasps, her eyes widening as she stares at me.
Then she laughs a throaty laugh and I bury my face in the curve of her neck, inhaling the scent of her, memorizing her and knowing there’s no turning back now.
I’m so fucking done for.
We finally get out of bed two hours later, famished. I put on my clothes so I can run to the truck and get the container of food that Nana had packed for me. Sarah is exhausted, her voice hoarse from her cries, but she insists on frying eggs while a plate of enchiladas warm in the oven. As I fight the urge to wrap my arms around her as she cooks, I can see the marks I left on her wrists and her neck. I’ve never been this rough with anyone and at the same time, I’ve never been with anyone who wanted it this rough either. Sarah craves it like air. She was soaking wet the moment I held her down, her body humming with anticipation as I took control of her.
“How do you like your eggs?” Sarah asks and I tell myself to set aside all thoughts of lovemaking. For now, food takes precedence over everything else.
Later, as Sarah watches me lazily from across the dining table, our plates empty, I realize I haven’t torn my eyes away from her. I simply can’t get enough of her. She’s like a drug I’ve always wanted, a temptation I never succumbed to because I knew I’d be done for if I did.
Well, I’m done for. One taste of her lips and I was hers. And in that moment when I claimed her, we were one. One breath. One Heart. One soul.
“Something’s bothering you,” Sarah says, her fingers stroking my forearm snapping me back to the present.
“I was just thinking how perfect we fit together,” I say as she traces one of the tattoos on my skin. And how we shouldn’t.
“Sarah, I left marks on you,” I murmur, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear.
“Nothing a little concealer can’t hide.” She kisses the back of my hand, her lips moving up my wrist and forearm.
“I don’t want people to think I’m hurting you.”
“But where’s the fun in that when it’s what I want?” She asks, chuckling as I lift her chin.
“I’m serious, Sarah. Shiprock is a small town and the people, they see marks like this all the time, maybe in other places, on a woman. And they think one thing.”
Sarah frowns. “That’s the last thing I want them to think about you, Benny. Ever. I know you’ll never do that.”
I kiss the back of her hand. “Next time I’ll be more careful. I’ll put marks where no one can see but us.”
“I’d like that,” she says as I kiss her mouth next, the feel of her lips on mine making my cock stir. We’ve already gone twice before this and I want to go again. I want to claim her and make her mine. But I also know there’s a time for everything and right now, it’s bed. I also need to hold her... just hold her as if making sure she’s really here with me, that she’s not leaving.
“Why don’t we head to bed? You’re tired.”
“So are you, but first I have to clean up. I’d hate to wake up to a mess in the morning.” Sarah gets up from her chair and starts gathering the dishes. She doesn’t object when I help her and we get everything cleaned and put away in fifteen minutes. We’ve always been a good team and two years apart hasn’t changed that. One scrapes the plates clean while the other rinses them, passing them back to the other so they can be arranged in the dishwasher. It’s a simple routine but it’s as if we know what the other is about to do, a synchronized partnership begun four years earlier and now maturing into something else.
The moment we crawl into bed, sleep takes over but not before Sarah nestles her body against mine and I wrap my arm around her. Her breath feels soft and warm on the skin of my arm. I kiss her shoulder, inhaling the scent of her hair and skin and wishing I could bottle it.
Tomorrow I’ll need to make a decision. I can’t keep living a double life, with one foot planted on the land of the Diné and the other on the land of the white man. I remember when Mother had to go through a five-day ceremony just so she could step back into her family homestead after Dad died. I don’t remember the details—cornmeal, ash, chanting that lasted for hours, days—I’d been too terrified and too young to understand what was happening less than two weeks after Dad was killed, his sister being the one to handle all the funeral arrangements because Mother was too afraid to deal with his death. She feared his ghost would haunt her dreams and when they did, when her nightmares began shortly after, that’s when she decided to go home to seek help. But the one thing I remember the most was the sight of my mother emerging from the ceremony so cleansed of the ghost of my dead father, she never uttered his name again. He was a ghost who wouldn’t bother her anymore.
I wouldn’t see a picture of Dad until I received a packet containing my trust fund information a few weeks before my eighteenth birthday. Even then, Mother refused to look at it. She didn’t need to. The moment I looked at his picture, I realized she saw him every time she looked at me. Everyone did. No wonder my stepfather couldn’t stand looking at me and did everything he could to make me regret being born. I reminded him of the man who took his woman away.
But that was then and this is now. Although I do as much as I can for my clan, I know I can do so much more, like living on the reservation, marrying a Diné woman and raising a family together. Noelle was always that woman whom I could live that future with.
Too bad my heart begs to differ, more so now as I watch Sarah stir in her sleep.
I pull her closer, feeling her hair brushing against my face. Will I be a ghost to my clan, too, when I tell them that I’ve never stopped loving a white woman from the moment I met her? Or should I simply end this now before I hurt Sarah like all the other men before me?
Chapter Thirteen
Benny is gone when I wake up but he left me a note on his pillow. As I read it, I can smell his cologne on my pillows mingled with a scent that’s all his own. The memory of the last few hours makes my stomach clench and I press my thighs together.
I miss you already.
I chuckle, my voice throaty from last night as I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. I touch my nipples under the sheet, the skin still sensitive from Benny’s attention. Closing my eyes, I let my hand drift down my belly, remembering how his beard tickled me as he kissed me, especially down there from my belly to my thighs and between my legs. My fingers slide lower, grazing skin that hasn’t forgotten Benny’s touch. I sigh. If only he didn’t have to go to work.
The buzzing of my phone on my bedside table snaps me out of my daydreams and lazily, I glance at my phone display wondering if it’s Benny. The moment I see the three letters flashing on my screen, I grab the phone and hit answer. Some calls you just have to take no matter what.
“Hi, Dad. What’s up?” I try to sound upbeat but there’s no hiding the sound of my voice. It’s hoarse and clearly coming from someone who just woke up at ten in the morning. In Dad’s world, that’s way too late to still be in bed.
“Can you take tim
e off work to fly to New York and meet with your lawyers?”
I rub the sleep from my eyes, willing myself to be alert. “I was hoping we could work with my current schedule.”
“Then that’s what we’ll have to do,” he says. “I have a meeting with Lionel when I arrive in New York today and his people will try to work around your schedule. If not, you’ll need to take time off. I don’t think we can delay this, Sarah. Can you email me the dates you’re off work today?”
“Give me a few minutes, Dad.” I sit up and get out of bed. At my desk, I open my laptop and turn it on. It takes a few moments to get started, my muscles tensing at the memory of the last time I’d switched it on to look for pictures of me online. I’ve never hated the internet so much.
With Lionel Chambers handling my case, I know I’m lucky that this whole thing happened in New York. It’ll make it easier for the lawyers to do what they need to do, not having to deal with different states and all that. But then, what do I know about legal matters when Dad takes care of everything?
“Lionel knows people who can track down where the listings with your picture and information are being posted,” he says. “Something like forensics, but for the internet. He barely knows the details to break it down to me correctly but as long as he’s got the people who can, that’s fine with me.”
“I’m really sorry about all this, Dad. I hope everything at the house is fine.”
I hear him exhale. “No more apologies, Sarah. You’ve done enough of that since this whole thing blew up and it’s high time you stop blaming yourself and trying to fix it on your own. Right now, we need to stop him from posting anymore and causing harm and that’s going to mean hiring lawyers.”
I want to ask him how much it’ll cost but I don’t. Maybe when I meet with the lawyers I will, but for now, I’ve got other things on my mind. “How’s Mom?”