Cherish

by Evelyn Sola

  We entered the lab only to find Natalie standing in the lobby signing paperwork. Next to her was a bulky Asian man, dressed casually in jeans and a button-down shirt, with his sleeves rolled up, revealing a dragon tattoo on his left arm. They stopped and stared at us as we walked in, but no words were exchanged. The man, who I assumed was her husband, turned his eyes on Jason, his glare full of disdain and hatred. When he turned his cold eyes to me, his anger morphed into pity. Jason stood his ground, holding his stare, daring him to say or do anything. I did the same.

  He finally put his hand on the small of Natalie’s back and escorted her out of the building, her large belly leading the way. By the time they left, I gave up all pretense of trying to appear happy. I took a seat while Jason showed his identification and filled out paperwork. He only had a moment to sit next to me, his hand on my bouncing knee, before he was called to the back. He kissed me tenderly, words of love on his lips before walking away from me.

  He was gone less than ten minutes. Neither of us said a word when he got back. He wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me close, as he walked us back to the hospital. That was almost thirty-six hours ago. Soon, we’ll either be at home preparing for our wedding or talking to Tina about shared custody and child support.

  I don’t lie to myself. I’m praying for the former.

  Dad, holding a wooden spoon in front of me, shakes me out of my reverie. I taste the sauce for the chicken parmesan and tell him how good it tastes. A few minutes later, the doorbell rings and Bruce opens the door for Jason.

  As soon as I hear his voice, I run into his arms, and he lifts me off the ground as he kisses me. Dad hands Jason a beer as the table is set by Bruce’s wife, Nova.

  “So, what is this nonsense I heard about you two getting married at city hall?” Tina asks over dinner. But before we can answer, she says, “It’s not happening. We’re having a wedding or Dad will never let you hear the end of it.”

  “I have to walk my carrot cake down the aisle. And McCallister, that’s my former partner, is always bragging about his son-in-law, the accountant. Surgeon beats accountant all day every day.”

  And that’s how dinner goes. I learn they take turns hosting dinner each month, and I’m told that I am now in the rotation. Dinner is lively and loud as we talk at once and over each other. I laugh throughout, but mainly listen as they tell stories about growing up with their father.

  Jason is quiet. Normally, I’d attribute his quiet to fatigue, but we both know there is something else lurking just beneath the surface. This limbo can be over by this time tomorrow, or it can be replaced with even more uncertainty. Because if there’s one thing we can’t control, it’s Natalie.

  Dinner’s over much too soon, and as we’re cleaning up, baby Owen’s fussing is heard over the baby monitor. Tina brings him out, and as she grabs a bottle, she hands it to me. I sit down, with Jason beside me, and she places the squirming baby in my arms.

  “Relax,” Jason whispers in my ear. I take a deep breath, allow the tension to leave my body, and for the first time, the baby doesn’t cry while in my arms.

  CHAPTER 46

  JASON

  The email was sitting in my inbox before I arrived at dinner. I didn’t open it. I cursed when I saw it. I cursed the lab for taking less than the forty-eight hours they promised me. I cursed myself for getting in this predicament. Fear covered me like a blanket of ice.

  She loves me. I know it. But can she handle this? The look I saw on Natalie’s face won’t leave me. She was lacking her haughty look. She was scared. Her fear was palpable, and if Natalie is scared, it can only mean one thing. And I’m not ready to think about it.

  Despite the late hour and the long day tomorrow promises to be, I know I won’t be able to sleep tonight.

  “You know what you need in here, Jay?” Alex asks as she steps out of the bathroom wearing a pair of black silk pajamas.

  “What do we need in here, angel?” I pat her side of the bed, and when she slides in, I pull her into my arms.

  “A TV and more drawer space.”

  “We’ll go shopping on my next day off. Have you given more thought about our wedding?”

  “I have. So, you know the Public Gardens downtown.” I pull her closer and nod. “There’s this little bridge, and my mom used to take me there, and I’d walk back and forth and stare at the water. I don’t know if it’s possible, but I want to get married right there when the flowers are in full bloom.”

  Which will mean a late spring or summer wedding. Fuck.

  “We’ll make it happen. Whatever you want.”

  “I love you, Jason. I’m yours. Always.”

  “Me too, angel. Let me show you how much I love you.”

  “What’s the matter, babe? You’re off in la-la land.”

  “Hmm?” I ask as I pull on my pants. “Go back to sleep. It’s early.”

  She sits in the middle of the bed and gestures for me to come to her. When I get there, she pulls me down in front of her and rubs my shoulders.

  “You’re all tense. Do you have a big surgery scheduled for today? It’s like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.” She rubs the base of my neck, all the way down my back.

  “The test results are back. They’ve been sitting in my inbox since before dinner last night.” The gentle ministrations of her hands immediately cease. I hold my breath as I wait for her to speak.

  “You’ve known about this for over twelve hours and you didn’t say a word?” She moves away from me, her touch now a distant memory. “You said we would be a team. How the hell are we supposed to be a team when you keep things from me, Jason?”

  She jumps off the bed and paces, her brow furrowed and one hand on her hip.

  “We were having dinner with our family, Alex. I wasn’t going to bring it up there.” She opens her mouth to speak, but I speak first. “And when we got home, I wanted to be with you. I hadn’t seen you all day. I wanted to hold you against me one more time before things potentially changed.”

  She reaches for her robe that was strewn against the bed and puts it on, pulling and tying the sash with a little bit more force than necessary.

  “Open the email. I don’t want to go the rest of the day wondering. I need to know now.” She grabs my phone from the dresser and forces it into my hand.

  The little bubble of bliss we were in a few minutes ago is a memory. With a shaky hand and a suddenly dry mouth, I open the phone and find the email. I take a deep breath before opening it. Beside me, Alex is as still as a statue. If I tried, I could probably hear her heart beating.

  I put in my information, along with the passcode they gave me at the lab.

  I scroll all the way to the bottom and read the words that will change my life forever.

  CHAPTER 47

  ALEX

  The urge for a cigarette is strong today. The smoke of a cigarette in my lungs as the stress leaves my body when I exhale is something I need desperately. I’m so tense, my neck is hurting, but every time I move a muscle, Mellie’s eyes follow me.

  Ananda is not too far away. They are watching me from both sides of the room, but I ignore them. I close my eyes and rub the bottom of my hands over my eyes, but no matter what I do, the words on the computer make zero sense.

  All I can think about are the words I read this morning. Words I will never forget.

  The alleged father cannot be excluded. I will think about those words and the numbers that followed for the rest of my life. Probability of paternity. Ninety-nine point nine. A bunch of nines.

  My fiancé is having a baby, and it’s not with me.

  I drop my head on my desk, numb to the pain to my forehead.

  “Alex, you want me to get you some water?” Mellie’s usual in your face manner is absent today. She and Ananda have been tiptoeing around me, asking to do my bidding as they exchange worried glances and whispers when they think I can’t hear.

  “Water won’t fix this.” I stand up abruptly and grab my
coat from the coat hook adjacent to my desk. “You know what will, though? Vodka. Vodka fixes everything.”

  I don’t give them a chance to speak. I don’t tell my manager I’m taking off an hour early. I simply grab my jacket and my purse and walk out of the office.

  I know they both get up at the same time, but the door is shut before they can get to me. I ignore their calls, and luckily for me, the elevator door opens as soon as I step in front of it.

  It takes me a full ten minutes to have the first vodka martini placed in front of me. It only takes two minutes for my glass to become empty.

  I thought I had prepared myself for this, but I was unprepared to see those words, dashing my hopes. Damning me to a lifetime of dealing with Natalie and all the bullshit I know she’ll throw at us for the next eighteen years or longer.

  I smile at the bartender as he puts my next drink in front of me. I take my time with this one as I look around the bar. There’s a couple in the corner, sharing the same seat in a booth. She has her head on his shoulder, and he kisses her forehead every few seconds. The scene is sweet and makes me miss Jason, but the last thing I need right now are kisses.

  What I need is for my man not to be having a baby by someone who is not me. But that ship sailed before we ever met. As expected, I feel the tension leave my body. Good vodka, I think to myself as I feel the heat of the liquid spread throughout my body.

  When the door of the bar opens, I look toward it, expecting Mellie and Ananda to come walking in, but it’s not them. It’s Dr. Doyle. I turn my focus back on my drink, but a few seconds later, he’s taking the seat next to me at the bar.

  “Fancy seeing you here.” I don’t bother responding. “Must be fate. I do believe this is where it all began with us.” I make no pretense of hiding my snort or my exaggerated eye roll. He doesn’t take the hint though. “And since I don’t see Dr. Dupree…” He leaves the sentence unfinished as he makes a show of looking around the bar.

  “Go away.” I flag the bartender and request a third drink, but he places a glass of water in front of me, followed by fries I did not order.

  “At one time, you didn’t want me to go away.” He reaches up and grabs one of my tight curls and rolls it between his fingers. All I can think about is when Jason plays with my hair at night while we lie in bed together. I smile at the memory of him doing that just last night. “I was a fool. I liked you then. Hell, I like you now. It’s just that—”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does. You’re in a bar drinking alone, and it’s not even five o’clock yet. I was stupid. I went home, and I told my brother about you. Showed him your picture even.” He stops talking, and when the bartender comes to him, he orders fish and chips and unsweetened iced tea.

  I ignore Doyle and focus on my fries. Doyle grabs my chair and spins it around to face him. “I’m ashamed to admit this part, but he told me our family would never accept you.”

  “What did you just say?” I lean over so he could repeat himself. Maybe it’s the alcohol coursing through my system because his words make no sense.

  “My brother thinks my family would never accept you.”

  “Why not? Because I’m not a doctor like you?”

  I know deep down that’s not the reason, but I need to hear him say it.

  “Not exactly. Obviously, you’re black, or part black.”

  “And?”

  “And they might have a problem with that at first, but I don’t care anymore. They will come around. Besides, they live across the country.”

  “Andy!” I yell for the bartender. “One more vodka martini.” I wave my empty glass at him. He nods at me but goes to help another customer. As if I didn’t hear a word Doyle said, I continue to eat my fries.

  “You don’t have anything to say, Alexandra.”

  “Alex! And believe it or not, Dr. Doyle, I have way bigger problems than your family, their intolerance and your lack of backbone.”

  “Is Dr. Dupree the problem? He’s not here, and I noticed you leaving the hospital in tears a couple of weeks ago. And now you’re at a bar drinking alone. The same bar where we met.”

  Before I can respond to his ridiculous words, Ananda and Mellie walk through the door searching frantically. The minute they spot me, they both sigh in relief.

  “What the hell, Alex?” Ananda picks up my water and smells it. Satisfied that it’s just water, she puts it down.

  “Dr. Doyle, right?” Mellie asks. “I’m Jason Dupree’s sister. We met at his party.” She shakes his hand and says, “What are you two doing here together?”

  “Smooth, Mellie,” I say with a snort. “Andy! Where’s that drink?” Andy looks at Ananda, who shakes her head at him.

  “Just getting some dinner before I work overnight,” Doyle says.

  “Really?” Ananda says with false enthusiasm. “I have a medical question for you.” She spins his chair around to face her and takes the seat next to him. I tune them out. Mellie takes the seat next to me, looking at me like a scared rabbit.

  She doesn’t say a word as she takes out her phone and starts texting. She orders more food and water. Andy never brings me that third drink, and by the time the food Mellie ordered arrives, I’ve lost my appetite.

  “What the hell are you and Ananda doing here? I want to be alone.”

  “Jason told me,” Mellie says.

  “You and Ananda have been tiptoeing around me all day. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that you know. And please don’t treat me like I’m stupid. Don’t tell me that this doesn’t change anything.” I push the sliders away but pick at the now cold fries.

  “It doesn’t change the most important thing. It doesn’t change the love you have for each other. It doesn’t change the fact that you agreed to marry him, knowing this was a possibility. It doesn’t change the fact that he’ll be devastated if he loses you.”

  “You think I’d be sitting here drinking at five in the afternoon if he was—”

  I don’t get to finish my sentence. The door opens, and from the sheer force of it, I know who it is. It also doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know who Mellie texted.

  He comes charging through the bar, still dressed in his scrubs. He never wears scrubs outside the hospital. When he reaches me, he grabs my face in both hands and looks into my eyes. He searches my face, and when he sees I’m unharmed, he turns to Doyle, who makes no secret of watching us.

  “I’m only going to say this to you once. Alex is with me. She’s engaged to me. You had your chance, and you walked away. Too bad. You don’t get a do over. Back the fuck off because next time, I won’t be this calm about it.”

  “Oh!” I say a bit louder than necessary. “John Doyle ghosted me because I’m black. His family wouldn’t have approved.” I say the last sentence with an exaggerated British accent and curtsy, followed by loud giggles. The entire bar quiets down as they look at us.

  “Let’s go home.” Jason reaches for me, but I shrug away from him.

  “If I wanted to be at home, I would have gone there. I want to sit here and get drunk.” I look around him and yell, “Does anyone have a cigarette?”

  “You must have lost your godforsaken mind, Alex. I said we’re going the fuck home.” He doesn’t give me time to respond. He throws some cash on the counter, picks me up and carries me out of the bar. Mellie and Ananda come running out holding my coat and purse.

  A few minutes later, we’re inside a warm Uber. Jason doesn’t say a word the entire ride home, which takes longer than it should because of the rush hour traffic. By the time we get home, it’s only a few minutes past six, but my body feels like it should be much later.

  Jason pulls things out of the fridge before he says, “Sit down, Alex. We’re going to talk right now because this shit can’t continue.”

  “I don’t want to talk. There’s nothing you can say that will make the situation any better. I’m tired of talking. Talking’s not going to fix anything.”

  “
Getting drunk in the middle of the day won’t fix anything either. Acting like a child won’t fix this, but obviously we need to have a conversation. It appears you didn’t hear shit the last time we talked.”

  “Nothing will fix this, Jason. Nothing.”

  “Our love can. I love you more than anything, and I know you love me too. Let’s never forget that.”

  I leave him standing in the kitchen and head for the shower. By the time the shower warms up, my clothes are strewn on the floor. The hot water feels good against my skin, and the noise of the water beating against my shower cap drowns out the voices in my head. By the time I step out, I’m exhausted. As if on autopilot, I dry, apply lotion, and put on a long T-shirt. I climb on the bed, the toll of the day sucking my energy.

  I put my head on my pillow and do the only thing I can do. I weep. I don’t know how long I cry, but the tears flow until my pillow is soaked with my tears. Eventually, Jason finds me rolled up in a ball in the middle of the bed. He doesn’t say a word as he climbs in the bed with me, pulling me into his tight embrace.

  It’s a combination of the sunlight and the pounding in my head that wakes me up. It’s not a hangover. I didn’t drink enough for that. The headache is from crying and dehydration.

  “Shit!” It’s already past the time I should be at work. I jump out of the bed, regretting it immediately. I run into the bathroom and hop in the shower. After a quick wash, I brush my teeth, wincing at my face in the mirror. My skin is blotchy, and what little summer tan I had is long gone, leaving me pale with a few red spots around my eyes. I avert my gaze and rinse.

  By the time I’m in the closet looking for my clothes, Jason comes walking in, surprising me because I thought he would have been long gone by now. I don’t look at him as I continue to rummage through our closet.

  “I made you breakfast. Come and eat.” He grabs my hand and walks me to the kitchen, pointing to a chair. I find Advil and a bottle of water waiting for me. I pop a pill in my mouth and finish the water in a few huge gulps. My stomach growls at the smell of bacon and eggs.