Cherish

by Evelyn Sola

  I don’t look up as he takes the seat across from me until he says, “What the fuck got into you yesterday?”

  His voice belies the serene expression on his face. I look closer, and he’s not serene at all. He’s seething. His nostrils are flared, and his jaw is clenched but tics every few seconds.

  “Excuse me, Jason? You can get off your high horse, okay.”

  “You’re at a bar, ordering vodka martinis like they’re water after walking out at work. And you have that asshole Doyle next to you. Did you call him there so you can punish me, Alex? Is that what yesterday was about?”

  I scoff and start to eat my eggs, ignoring him until I’m ready to respond. I leave the table and grab another bottle of water. I drink half of it before I speak. “Believe it or not, Jason, yesterday wasn’t about you. I wanted a martini, so I went and had one. I’m an adult who is old enough to drink. I was sick of the pitying looks from Mellie and Ananda. They handled me like I was a bomb that could go off at any moment. I couldn’t take that anymore. No, I didn’t call Doyle, and it pisses me off that you would think that of me. He showed up there on his own.”

  I grab my empty plate and wash it, giving him my back in the process.

  “I can’t undo it, Alex.” I didn’t hear him approach, but he’s at my back, both of his hands placed on my shoulder.

  “I’m well aware, Jason.” I try to shrug out of his touch, but he doesn’t move.

  “Let’s talk, angel. Let’s get it out.” He starts to rub my shoulders, and all I want is to lean into his body and let him absorb the tension, but I can’t. I remain rigid.

  “Nothing to say. It is what it is. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “You had plenty to say to Doyle yesterday before I walked in.” The dish drops from my hand at his audacity, landing with a loud clang in the sink. This time, I manage to shrug out of his touch and walk away.

  “You don’t get to be jealous of Doyle, Jason.” I leave him standing in the kitchen and walk back to the bedroom. Before I can even close the door, he’s inside the room. Furious, I turn to him, pointing my finger at his chest. “I’m not having Doyle’s baby!” I scream.

  “You think this is what I want?” he yells back, stunning me with his fury. What right does he have to be furious? “You think that after finally finding you, falling in love with you, and being lucky enough to have you love me back that I would want this? Fuck no! All of this happened before us.”

  “I know! Trust me, if it happened after we met, I would have been out of your life so damn fast! I know it was before me! But I’m still angry at you! There! I said it.” I’m manic now as I pace the bedroom. “I’m so angry that the man I love was selfish enough to sleep with that woman and irresponsible enough to get her pregnant. Now, we’re stuck dealing with her and whatever bullshit she’s going to throw at us for the rest of our lives.”

  Even though I’m screaming at him, I see him sigh as if he’s relieved by my words. “You’re not leaving me over this?”

  “No, I’m not leaving you over this! If I wanted to leave, I would have. I love the man I met all those months ago. He’s not only brilliant but sweet, giving, and funny. I love that guy, and no way am I going to give him up. And you know what? Natalie wants that guy too. I can see it in her eyes. But she made the wrong choice. And that’s too bad for her, because I have you now.” He grabs me mid-pace and holds me against him. I can feel the relief in his body. I sense the calmness of his breath. “I don’t want her to come between us.”

  “I give you my word I will never let that happen.”

  “But I don’t want you to keep things from me. If I’m going to be a part of this, I want to know everything. I’ll be raising your child, I can’t be cut out of any part of it.”

  “I’m so relieved to hear you say that. I’ve imagined the worst since yesterday, angel. You have no idea. I will never keep anything from you. She texted this morning. They have a flight back home tonight and want to meet before she leaves. I hope you don’t mind, but I called your boss and told her you wouldn’t be coming in today.”

  He must feel me tense in his arms at the mention of seeing them again, but he continues.

  “Before we meet them, we’re stopping off to talk to Tina. She will do as much as she can, but since Natalie’s a New Jersey resident, Tina is going to conference in one of her attorney friends from there. We will handle this, angel. We’ll go through the courts and do it right. We won’t take any bullshit from anyone.” He kisses the top of my head, holding me close. I lean into him, feeling his beating heart against mine.

  “Okay. I didn’t mean to worry anyone yesterday. I felt like I was suffocating and needed some time to myself. And I’d never use Doyle or anyone else to make you jealous. I don’t play those games.”

  “I’m sorry it came to that point, Alex, but just like I’m not going to keep any information from you, you can’t keep your feelings from me either. Even if you’re angry at me, I need you to let me know, not go drinking at a bar alone.”

  “Fair enough. I’m sorry I worried you.”

  He leans down and rests his forehead on mine, squeezing my waist in the process. I tilt my head up and he meets me halfway, kissing me tenderly, pouring his love and emotions into that kiss. I slide my hand underneath his shirt and stroke his soft skin. He moans in my mouth and deepens the kiss, but all too soon, he pulls away.

  “I want you.” He sighs. “But we don’t have time for anything more than a quickie right now. I want to take my time and love you like you deserve to be loved.”

  He rests his forehead on mine again. Despite the throbbing ache between my thighs and hardened nipples, I nod in agreement.

  With his arm wrapped around my waist, we walk back to the bedroom. He leans on the dresser, his eyes devouring my breasts as I dress.

  “So, how badly do I need to kick Doyle’s ass?” he asks.

  “He’s not worth it. He did me a favor. There are lots of reasons for people not to like me other than my race. If he’s the type of guy who lets his family decide who he’s with, I dodged a bullet. I am who I am. Love me or not, but I won’t hold my breath and wait for anyone to come around and approve of me. I don’t want to spend any more time talking about Doyle.” I reach up and stroke his face. “It’s you and me, Jason.” And then I stun him when I yell, “I’m going to be Alexandra Francine Dupree!” With only my bra on, I jump in his arms and wrap my legs around him. He laughs and spins me around the spacious closet.

  “Damn right you are. I’m going to marry you so hard, angel. I’m going to husband the hell out of you every day.”

  CHAPTER 48

  JASON

  “I’m so ready to slap a bitch.” I chuckle at Alex’s words as we walk hand in hand to my car. The meeting with Tina dealt with the legalities of the situation. The forms Natalie, myself, and her husband will need to fill out so I can be listed on the birth certificate as the father, shared custody, and child support. If they cooperate, it can be a smooth process.

  In the state of New Jersey, the husband is automatically recognized as the legal father unless he signs a form saying he’s not. If they decide to put up a fight, things are going to become a lot more complicated. Natalie is always a wildcard. I have no idea what she’s going to do, and the husband factor does not help.

  The midday traffic is heavy as we maneuver our way to their downtown hotel. As the rain increases, so does my uncertainty. As if she can sense the shift in my mood, Alex places her hand on my lap, her diamond ring sparkling in the car, calming me instantly. I lift her hand and kiss it before putting it back on my lap.

  By the time we arrive at the hotel and park, we’re already five minutes late. The hostess leads us to a secluded table in the back, and no one says a word as I help Alex out of her jacket and pull out her chair. When I finally sit down, I find Natalie watching us. She’s rounder today, her normally thin face plump. Her hair is tied up in a haphazard ponytail, her face void of makeup. Her eyes widen as she lo
oks from me to Alex and back again.

  “What is she doing here? This has nothing to do with her.” Her voice is low but filled with venom. I tense, ready to put her in her place, but Alex gently places her hand on top of mine. Natalie’s eyes widen at the site of the diamond ring on Alex’s finger. Tears well in her eyes, but she holds herself together. She takes a deep breath and averts her gaze.

  Daniel puts a protective arm around her, but when he finally notices the ring and understands the reason for the change of her mood, his shoulders sag. Just like Natalie, he pulls himself together fast. He squares his shoulders and pulls her closer as he flags down the waitress.

  Alex and I only ask for water, but Daniel orders tea for Natalie and a full meal.

  “Congratulations,” he finally says to us, his tone contradicting the sentiment. “Alex, is it?” Alex nods. “Congratulations on agreeing to marry a cheater.”

  “Jason never cheated on me. I can’t say the same for you when it comes to your choice of spouse, Daniel, is it?” Alex uses the same condescending tone he used on her.

  Daniel rolls his head back as if slapped, but he doesn’t reply. He purses his lips, duly reprimanded.

  “You say one more ugly thing to my fiancée, and you will regret it. She didn’t cause any of this. You have some shit to say, I’m sitting right here.” I point my finger at Daniel to make my point clear. He leans forward and pushes my finger out of his face. Just as I’m about to reach across the table, Alex puts her hand on my lap to calm me.

  “Let’s be better than this, Jason,” she whispers to me.

  “Let’s get to the point. I’m the biological father. I want shared custody.” I pull Tina’s card out of my pocket. “Have your lawyer call mine. Let’s be mature about this, please. I want what’s best for the child.”

  “The child you created with my wife, but by all means, let’s do the right thing now that it benefits you, you selfish prick.” He curls his lips as if it physically hurts to speak to me.

  “Is this what we’re doing now?” I ask, but Alex interrupts.

  “See, you call him names, and then I’ll be forced to call her names.” She points at Natalie when she speaks. I can see the fire in Natalie’s eyes. I know her. I know she has a sharp retort on her tongue, and she’s simply waiting for the right time to strike. “But that won’t get us anywhere. It doesn’t matter who did what. That child doesn’t know the difference, and he or she shouldn’t be punished because of what his parents did. Daniel, I get it. You’re angry. You’re hurt. What Jason did, there are no words, but your vows are not with him.”

  “How dare you?” Natalie says, finally joining the conversation. “This is none of your goddamn business.”

  “I beg to differ, Natalie. This ring on my finger says otherwise, and Jason, my fiancé, wants me here.”

  “Enough!” I look around to find a few other patrons watching our table and I lower my voice. “We are here to talk about the baby. Nothing more, nothing less. Can we get on with it, please?”

  Everyone retreats to their corner. I gently stroke the back of Alex’s neck, willing her to calm down. I ignore Natalie as she watches, hurt in her eyes.

  “I have nothing against you, Alex,” Daniel says. “You’re way too good for the likes of him.”

  “On that we agree. You got one last dig in. Can we start now?”

  Daniel doesn’t respond, but his body remains rigid. Every time he looks at me, his lips curl as if repulsed. I don’t look away from him. I meet his stare head-on until he finally breaks the silence.

  “We’ve come to a decision.” He looks at Natalie, who is now wiping her eyes with her cloth napkin. There’s no tinge of black mascara or eyeliner left behind. Bangs hang over her eyes. Her skin is sallow. When she finally puts the napkin down, she nods at Daniel, urging him to continue. “After Natalie has this baby, she’s going to relinquish her rights.” He stops speaking and sips his water. When he’s done, he clears his throat and continues. “She wants you to have the baby, Dupree.”

  At that declaration, Natalie bursts into tears and leaves the table. Alex audibly gasps, covering her mouth with both hands, as she looks from me to Daniel. Daniel jumps out of his chair and follows Natalie out of the room.

  “Are they serious?” Alex asks, craning her neck to get a look at them.

  They’re only a few feet away near the bathroom. Daniel’s back is blocking our view of Natalie, but his head is moving as he speaks. He finally stops talking long enough to pull her into his arms for a hug.

  I never noticed it before. I guess I was too busy thinking about myself, but Daniel loves Natalie. I thought he was a fool, and maybe he is, but he’s also a man in love with a woman who was incapable of letting me go. I watch as he pulls away and wipes the tears from her face with his bare hands. He puts an arm around her shoulder and leads her back to the table.

  “Is this really what you want to do, Natalie? Is this another game? I don’t want to take the child from you. All I want is to be involved. We can share custody.”

  “Why? You’re not so sure this one is ready to be a full-time mother to a child that’s not hers?” She jerks her thumb at Alex.

  “This one?” Alex asks.

  “Natalie, enough!” Daniel slams his hand on the table. The people at the table closest to us turn their heads and begin to whisper. “I will walk out of here right now. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

  “I’m sorry,” Natalie quickly says to Daniel before turning her attention back to me. “It’s not a game.” Her voice trembles, but she straightens her shoulders and continues. “It’s in everyone’s best interests, especially the baby’s, if you raise him or her.”

  “Is he putting you up to this? Is this what you have to do to have him stay with you?”

  “It’s for the best, Jason. I’m married to Daniel but having your baby. How do you think this child would feel growing up in our house? In my family? It’s best this way.”

  “Oh, I get it. Of course. Your bigoted family would never accept the half-black child. You’re right. It’s best this child grows up with unconditional love. Not some fucked-up family values. Have your lawyer call mine.”

  “Get off your high horse. My family has their issues, but you know what? Your family isn’t as accepting as you’re trying to pretend. Let’s not rewrite history. Your mother told me point-blank she wanted you to end up with a strong, black woman. Someone who would understand you. Not someone like me. She told me that to my face, Jason. Don’t you dare sit here and act as if I’m the only one with an the unaccepting family.”

  “None of that matters now!” Alex says. “Show some respect for your husband and stop acting like the jilted lover, Natalie. It’s unbecoming. Show some respect for the man who’s standing by you.” Alex then turns to Daniel and says, “You’re too good for her.”

  Natalie glares at Alex but keeps her mouth shut.

  “The baby is due in two months. We’ll stay here until the baby is born, so you won’t need a lawyer in New Jersey. I can work from here and travel back and forth if necessary,” Daniel says. He tells us the rest of their plans, but from what I can glean, they are staying in Boston to hide. He took a paternity test months ago, and it doesn’t appear that anyone in their families know that Natalie is pregnant.

  Alex doesn’t say another word for the remainder of the conversation. They agree that Natalie will sign the necessary paperwork once the baby is born. I’ll have the child until the court can approve the terms, at which time, she will have no further access to the baby.

  By the time Daniel finishes explaining, Natalie’s face has gone white. I turn to her, waiting for her to speak, to chime in and say that Daniel is out of his goddamn mind and that this isn’t what she wants. I don’t get any of that. She’s silent as she looks at me, almost as if she’s pleading with me to understand.

  For the second time, I’m blindsided. I was so concerned with keeping Alex after this came to light, I never thought about N
atalie’s family dynamics. Their married daughter having a baby by a black man who is not her husband. The man they never wanted for her. Of course, this child would be a source of shame.

  “Is this what you want, Natalie? I need to hear it from you.” Her eyes fill with tears again. She swipes them away as they fall and nods vigorously.

  “I need to hear it, Natalie.”

  “Yes. It’s for the best.” Daniel rests his hand on top of hers, squeezing it for support. “We’ll let the lawyers handle it from here.” She stands up abruptly, grabbing the table for support once she’s upright. Daniel stands with her, his hands on her hips to steady her. “I need to lie down.” She waddles out of the restaurant and out of our sight.

  “I’ll call you when she goes into labor. There’s no need for us to speak again directly. Like my wife said, we’ll speak only through the lawyers going forward.”

  He doesn’t give me time to respond before practically running out of the restaurant. I toss some bills on the table and grab Alex’s hand, neither one of us speaking on our way to the garage.

  Of all the ways I expected this meeting to go, this was not one of them. I expected a fight, not complete surrender, but I’m relieved at the outcome.

  Once we’re situated in the car, I turn to Alex, who still has not spoken. I grab her hand, and she turns in her seat to face me, her face devoid of any color. I squeeze her hand and speak before she has the chance to tell me this is too much for her.

  “I know this is not what we talked about. We were supposed to share custody, and I’m sorry I didn’t see this coming, but, Alex—”

  She pulls her hand from mine and starts to speak over me. “Jason,” she begins, her voice shaky, “I’m going to sound like the most selfish person on earth.” My stomach drops at her words. This is it. This is when she says she didn’t sign up to raise another woman’s child full time.