Yoshiwara

by Eve Kaan

  She quickly removed them. 'These are the only ones. We don't have any others to bring,' Madam said. I couldn't be in that office anymore, so I went out. A bit of fresh air will do me good.

  ✽✽✽

  Uta

  Respected lady caused a hot rage and puzzlement that disturbs me. I stood at a foyer, beneath the stairs trying to recollect my thoughts. I'm not crazy. She invited me on the time of the rising moon.

  What was she thinking, to make an irresponsible person of me? I'm not that kind of girl. Yet she was still astonishing. I couldn't help myself only in one moment, I gloated her all over again in her sensual smoking, wearing that Western garment on top with hakama part only around her legs. But that was just until I managed to compose myself.

  'She is the Great Respectable,' I had repeated it several times in my head trying to stay focused when she asked me to serve her - to do what actually is in the description of my profession.

  My discomfort just raised from that point turning to rage when she mentioned the napkin. Was she thinking of that embarrassing situation she had caught me in at the ceremony? I'm not sure, but I think she has humiliated me. Why was I even invited to this party then, if she feels that I'm not developed enough? What's she imaging to herself, she thinks she can treat me like I'm some kind of moll on a random ally. I am an educated girl who knows how to behave in any situation. If my breasts are an obstacle, there are other girls. Every commodity finds a buyer, and so will I.

  Anyway, what gave her the right to be surprised while asking me about being tense during my serving - it provoked me. Today I'm here just so she could make gold on me. How would she feel if someone was seeing her only as a piece of meat!? I really don't understand what's wrong with these people. They trade with us like in slavery. She even responded sharply to my question about selling me.

  Sharply!! Have she lost her manners!?

  Of course, she didn't. Respected lady can behave as she pleases. I'm her commodity, after all. She had already arranged everything, without even consulting me.

  How could she ever pretend to care about whom we'll be sold to? Laying is in her job description anyway. And that's not all, she threw me out here in the foyer telling me to pay attention to the time. She'll see how professional I am. I will do my best tonight to make a tip of which I will buy my freedom from her.

  'Uta, what are you doing here?' One of the girls surprised me. She is among the first ones to arrive, and my sister's friend.

  'They invited me to a party with clients tonight,' I replied. I just hope she's not paying attention to my back tied obi. Not wanting her to suspect that I'm still innocent, my hands slid around me in the waist area to cover it.

  She seems unobstructed by my troubles but still surprised - due hearing the reason for my presence here. 'Congratulations Uta, that's a great honor. Only those with the finest proficiency enjoy such great tips that are being gained on occasions like this one. Oh, our first guests are here,' she approached me and added supportively, 'good luck kid.'

  The party began. I didn't know which of these women are more disgusting to me, it's hard to believe that I'm going to be sole to one of them. As for the other girls - it's evident that this has become a routine. They filled the room with joy in front of their hidden motifs. Earlier I experienced occasions like this one differently. I knew that I was participating as an observer and that none of their hands could touch me. This now is the real thing, that's the reality I'm adrift too. Consuming sake over the learned limits is my only consolation. I can't help myself, a lot of courage will be needed tonight.

  The Great Respectable Rin is not present, just Madam who is supervising the situation from a safe distance. Of course, she's not here, well she's not interested in this dirty scene - only gold to its last piece.

  I can already see the old crone to whom I'm going to belong tonight. She's not removing her hands from me, so far she has felt me all over - constantly apologizing. Every time she smiled, two golden teeth peered out. Her clothes are European. She too had drunk a lot of sake, so she pulled out a large bag with shiny coins out of her pocket.

  She did not mind my small breasts, on the contrary, she is continuously touching them pretendedly by accident. She'll pay me well, I thought, and subtly settled on her lap so she could try me even better. All of this is so sickening, but I don't have a choice. She's really enjoying me, I noticed, while I was looking for comfort in the bottle with an intoxicating liquid of oblivion.

  In some moments I breathed the scent of jasmine. The face of this older woman started to mix with her warm eyes. I imagine that, instead of this one, she is touching me. I don't feel well, this is making me sick.

  I have to get it together.

  I'm here for the gold. If this old hag pays good, let her enjoy. She started to crawl under my kimono, so I silently whispered to her that the Madam is there and if she wants me to retreat with her in the intimacy, I would like to show her all of my skills. She laughed, and with impatience, she jumped to the direction of face charged for my sale. Then my emotions overwhelmed me. Will I really be sold like this? I can't believe she allowed it. All I wanted was her scent on my skin in the morning when I wake up as a woman. My desire was only the product of deserted daydreaming. I'm just a commodity for her. Everything about that spell was just my imagination, and the question is - does she even like women. Maybe she's inclined to men. My youth is naive. Hot tears began to warm my cheeks...

  The woman came back with a huge grin, noticing nothing on me.

  ‘Come on.' Foul mouth said.

  ✽✽✽

  Rin

  I saw through the window that Uta's having a good time. From the garden, I was observing part of the party. Hiding her innocence could've ruined my reputation, and I almost gave in to it. She desired things to go this way, just like every other girl here. Each one of them loves beautiful things and luxury by which they are surrounded in Yoshiwara from childhood. I wouldn't be able to bear the thought of someone falsely loving me just because of my wealth.

  Love is not for me. I would never be sure if she loves me, or my coins. That's my destiny. Yoshiwara is the only woman I'll ever have in my life. It's time to go home, this torture makes no sense anymore.

  I went into the foyer to go out of the house. Along with my steps, I heard two different ones. Beside me appeared Uta with this client - it seems that she had bought her. The woman is pulling her while undoing her own blouse, and she hasn't even gone to the room yet. Uta turned her head towards me. I almost didn't recognize those lost eyes. Her face is red, covered in tears. My body stopped on its own, my legs feeling like being buried in the ground. I didn't expect it, but her weakness broke me. She went with her to the room below the stairs.

  She pulled her into the darkness like a bag of trash. I was staring, realizing that Uta is behind those doors. Again, my whole body's twitching. My blood runs faster than ever. She'll take her clothes off now, and touch her frail body. No tears of hers will be preventing it. Uta was touching me so gently that day during our tea. She was shivering as I talked to her, and she looked into my eyes as if the rest of me did not exist - only the soul. I do not know why she does this, hasn't she seen me.

  ✽✽✽

  Uta

  Again, I thought that I saw the woman of jasmine scent. This sake has overcome my mind to the extent that I feel and see what I'm longing for - the only woman I wished to be with me in a way I'm going to give myself to this other one, this old crone for whom my heart only beats out of fear and my stomach is clenching in disgust.

  The old crone introduced me to a room as the door banged louder than the thunder. That brought the reality of my situation back to my focus, despite the alcohol that's proving to be of no use in this agonizing cruelty from which I can't see a way out anymore. Helplessly desperate, I can only let myself be taken to the world of endless agony. She threw me on the futon and started tearing my kimono, the one that my sister gave me.

  'You will tear off my kimono,
untie it first...' Through the tears, I pleaded. She grinned laying on top of me, and suddenly became serious. 'I paid for you. I'll do with you and kimono whatever I like.' In my attempt to move her so I could untie it myself, she went crazy. 'You're running away from me. I'm going to tranquilize you now. It is necessary for young girls to be educated on how the lady should be treated.' She tore the clothes in my chest area. Reflexively I lifted my torso and caught her hands, but she instantly slapped me.

  The impact was so strong that everything went black, and my head banged on the floor.

  ✽✽✽

  Rin

  'Uta!!!' I shouted at the sound of a bang and ran towards the room. There lied that old hag on top of her. Clutching her hair, I pushed her aside. A wisp stuck in the top two buttons of my shirt and snatched them as she fell. She tottered into the foyer by slamming the door shut. I got up above Uta raising her head gently like a delicate flower.

  She opened her eyes, frantically clenching me. She hugged me as nobody has ever done before this moment. 'You still came,' she whispered softly. I sat putting that hurt head on my chest. Her kimono is torn, so I covered this frail body in sheets and held it in my arms. She placed her hands in my palms, not letting go of me. Tears from those beautiful eyes slid over my skin all the way to the floor. My heartbeat is fast like when I was a little girl, as my eyelids lowered filling with liquid hotter than the sun. I would never have forgiven myself if she had been hurt. It's impossible to fight against emotions. I want to protect her from the whole world.

  With a shuddering voice, through the tears, she whispered, 'I'm scared. Please don't leave me alone tonight.' I don't know where my courage came from, I was broken. Quietly for her forgiveness, I asked.

  She is shivering like a weak leaf in the gusts of a strong wind. I started to subtly caress her fingers, immediately gating a response. My skin melted beneath the touch that my soul absorbed. She parted the upper part of my shirt to move a hand toward my heart. After I felt the movement of her head, a soft kiss was left on a place where my heart is, a kiss that is breaking the barriers of set principles. Now I’m breathing only for her. She continued to leave passionate but soft kisses on my bare skin above strong heartbeats. I surrendered to everything - more potent than common sense. I'm completely submerged in the endlessness of emotions, embracing her while feeling the pulse stronger than rapids. Her lips came to my neck.

  Now I'm shaking more than she is. I raised her head gently to meet those beautiful green eyes. Her tears continued to glide over her face, leaving me more broken at the site. For the first time, I cry in front of someone.

  She caught my wrist, placed it on her lips and kissed. I felt the warmth of her face on my cheekbones, then she whispered, 'My heart beats like this because of you.'

  My lips came on that silky neck, kissing the droplets that are sliding through the soft skin, desperately wanting to keep her close. That pain is my fault. She slightly moved the leg over me, to get on my lap. The sheet slipped from her shoulders, and now my hand is placed on the naked waist. Her breathing quickened as she pressed against me gently like silk weaving. My lips couldn't stop caressing her. Heat seized me. Everything in me starts to quiver like it did that time when she danced. I felt her palms stroking my back, and the tears were gone. She moved away gently, only for a small gaze. Now for the first time, I saw her bare breasts with skin bright as the moonlight - when her kimono fell to the waist. I have never seen such a beautiful scene. She looked at me intensely as her fingers held one of the remaining shirt buttons. I want her more than anything, but only a whisper 'don't' came to my lips.

  I can't be with her, it would be impossible to hold myself back if we would make love now. She is not a girl you can just delete from your mind when the morning comes. My hands caught hers, gently lowering them between us. I kissed her warm skin and slowly pulled myself out from beneath her, but she frantically held me, not letting go.

  'I'm not going anywhere, not tonight,' the thought just went out from my mouth.

  'This is the happiest night I've ever had,' she said with warm eyes on which I held my gaze for a while, wanting to believe that her words are real.

  I untied her kimono obi and took a yukata from the edge of the bed. She started to take the clothes off in front of me, I didn't have the strength to look at her naked body, so I lied on the futon, my head turned from the intimate gaze. With a bright smile, she came beside me, placing her head on my shoulder. Her lips left a soft kiss on my neck before she fell asleep, and I cuddled her recalling her sentences.

  Uta was still holding me in an embrace, lying with her head on my chest when I woke up. I've never found myself in a situation such as this one. Last night I almost surrendered to temptation, but it's relieving to know I was able to restrain those urges of mine. She sleeps innocently like a child, seaming so carefree. At first sight, I fell in love with this girl. That deep eyes, that energy... She mesmerized me the first single moment I lied my gaze on her. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's possible that I'm more than just my gold to her. But even so, Yoshiwara is the only women in my life... Or maybe there's still a chance...

  Perhaps she's the girl for whom I will abandon all my principles and completely dedicate myself to her. While slowly pulling out of bed I took a gentle kiss from her, she stirred a bit, then continued to breathe deeply.

  I covered her up to the shoulder and left...

  ✽✽✽

  Uta

  I'm waked up in the scent of jasmine, but soon realized she left me here alone. I got up from the futon. What if I'm not good enough for her, she didn't go with me even to the proper kiss on the lips. Why was I refused, perhaps my approach could've seemed assertive. Well, I just have to see her and find out. It would be best if I were to act like my memory is blurred. She certainly noticed the smell of sake on me. I'll show her I'm not one of those alley girls. I don't want to see any other women. I want to belong only to her. Oh, my hopeful thoughts lad me to thinking that she's maybe still in the Great House somewhere, and what are the chances of meeting her by accident in this mansion.

  Uhh, painful cheek suddenly reminded me of that punch as the events of the previous night played in front of my eyes.

  Right after I went out into the foyer wrapped in a yukata. I'm in need of some appropriate clothing - my kimono was ripped and certainly can't be used in that state.

  'Uta, you must be hungry. Come to me for breakfast.' It was her voice full of gentleness. She looked at me from the top of the long staircase, with a lighted cigar in her hand and a smile without any attempts of hiding it.

  'Good morning, Respected lady.' My tone was timid while I slowly walked towards her climbing the stairs.

  'Your cheek...' Rin gently touched my sour spot. The only thing I felt was the pleasure of our skin contact, while I stood unable to stop my gaze on her. My cheek didn't hurt, I only felt tightened skin on that place.

  She seems worried. 'I'll call a doctor to examine you.'

  'There's really no need for that, it doesn't hurt. I'm fine.' I spoke modestly while drowning in her eyes.

  'Call a doctor!' She shouted in the air. 'Come, Uta, it's cold this morning – the unpleasant breeze is streaming through here.' She walked down the corridor but then paused waiting for us to adjust the steps. 'I ordered to prepare a new kimono for you, and I also send your's on the repair at the tailor's parlour.'

  I stopped. 'Thank you very much, that is my sister's kimono, and it's of great significance to me.'

  'Here are the girls who will help you with kimono I'm giving you to keep,' she showed to some doors I've never seen before, 'there are also the baths you can use for morning hygiene. Take your time, as long as you need, I'll wait for you in my quarters.'

  The doors of the room, filled with several smaller pools, opened. Each one of them smelled like flowers. The girls greeted me by giving me a dozen kimonos to choose from. All of those kimonos seem to be the selected ones with the most beautiful patterns. I didn't care about kimono, bath
s, nor doctor - only her, and how to hasten all of this necessities. I wanted to do everything as soon as I could to spend more time with her. My morning routine unrolled quicker than ever. I hurriedly went up towards her door, then knocked and waited - finally she opened it. 'Come in. I didn't expect you so soon - hopefully, you got refreshed.'

  'Thank you, the kimono is beautiful.' I stopped for a moment at the door, but then came in.

  'This is our doctor. He will examine you for a bit if you don't mind?' She directed my attention to a tall man whose mustache partly covered his face around the mouth. With deep voice he asked, examining the mildly swollen cheek, 'How did you get the injury? I see your cheek is slightly bruised, but fortunately, there isn't any serious contusion.' I was surprised by the question, convulsed even. How to answer that. Maybe he knows what kind of women visit here, but I still feel a bit ashamed to confess just like that, how some old woman harassed me.

  'I can't recall all the events of the previous night, well - you know I've been drinking sake a little. Unknown woman accidentally bumped, hitting me when she turned around.' The doctor found that nothing was broken, leaving a healing medical formulation in the small bottle for external application. I started to look around, but there are not any mirrors in the room.

  'If you want, I can apply that for you?' Rin asked approaching me. I nodded firmly. As I passed the bottle to her, she caught my entire hand - I'm not sure whether it's a coincidence or she's using this moment for something else. I wonder... She carefully rubbed my cheek. I wish this was more than kindness caused by the lack of mirrors. 'Join me at the table, breakfast is served,' she said, pointing to the table on which was a small feast. Rising my head I noticed that shungas weren't on the wall anymore, but I didn't comment to avoid leading her to wrong conclusions, such as making myself seem like some lascivious girl.