Yoshiwara

by Eve Kaan

  Uta walked beside me. After a few steps, she quietly replied, 'I will always be happy to remember every moment of our time together.' I was stunned, I didn't hope to get that answer. Does this refer to our evening that she actually didn't forget? I have never spent a better time, not even in Europe, than this time I enjoyed with her. Through the garden we walked in silence, not even sparing a glance at each other. I only felt her energy. By the peripheral vision I finally took a glimpse of her, the more we walked she leaned closer to me. I wanted to touch her before we split ways. The entrance was just a few steps ahead of us when our hands accidentally brushed as I stood letting her in front of me to go in first. From her touch, my stomach fluttered. I have to see her again. I can't let her go like that - my urge for her company got better of me.

  'Uta, your kimono will be done tomorrow. I'll send it to you via one of the girls.'

  Rush answer quickly appeared, 'I could come to pick it up myself?' Her cheeks suddenly reddened. With a hand, she grabbed onto her fabric then added, 'You are very busy, so... But you can send it to me if that's more convenient.'

  'You're right Uta, we have a lot of work to do. You can come, it will arrive afternoon.' There was a smile on her face, which Madam soon interrupted with her call from the top of the stairs.

  ✽✽✽

  Uta

  Rin hurriedly left.

  Only with Utano, I can be relaxed and at ease as I'm feeling with her. She was so gentle throughout the whole morning, and especially yesterday.

  I walked slowly to watch her as long as I could while she climbed up the stairs. After a while, my quick glance turned to the garden when she disappeared.

  If I had known she would wipe me off on that settee, I would've soiled my entire face with strawberries. That was only one amongst all the other thoughts I had before she mentioned distant lands across the ocean waves. That immediately brought me the feelings of imagining us drinking coffee and laughing at some of the European tables, my revery lasting until she mentioned her disablement to have a free will. I was curious to know why she answered that, but couldn't go far with my questioning. It was a delicate subject. What does it mean that she didn't have the right to choose? She has more gold than anyone, which allows her to be wherever she wants – her wealth is making her free, why did she return then. I was asking myself, but soon I realized she actually didn't dream of this job -

  recalling her talking about being there to educate for it with melancholy. Yoshiwara has been awaiting her from childhood. I thought gold made her free, but instead, she is detained here. For her there is no debt she can pay like us, she is condemned forever. With that on my mind, I went out on the dusty streets of our destiny.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  I can't wait to tell Utano just how wrong she was. She will have to admit that I'm not so naive anymore.

  While walking through the beautiful spring, an image of our exchanged looks while she climbed the stairs are playing in front of my eyes. Does she feel like me - filled with ardent warmth around her heart? I want to run. The emotions I'm overwhelmed with are filling me with extraordinary energy. More than anything I want to scream vigorously and let the whole world know how fascinated I am with her, how warm and endlessly gentle - full of understanding, she is. Such a profound lady. It's not just about the enrichment - if it were, she would've just handed me over to that old crone. And it's not true that I'm just a commodity to her - otherwise, she wouldn't have spent the whole morning with me.

  Utano and Mother are standing on the porch, looking impatient. Maybe they're waiting for the carriage if a client has sent for Utano. I don't want her to go before I could tell her everything. Mother stepped out to the street, saying, 'She's coming, that's our Uta.'

  My sister ran towards me, 'Uta! What happened to you?' She seems frightened. 'What's all this about, what would've happened to me?' I thought but then noticed her studying me, leaning closer and her expression softened immediately. 'Your cheek, my darling. They let some bastard beat you?' In an instant she becomes furious. 'Who is she?!! I'm going to the Great House, right now!!! You should have been protected!'

  She tried to bypass me, but I caught her wrist. 'Calm down. Nobody's beaten me. I'm fine.'

  She stopped - seemingly composed. 'How did you get that swelling? Don't lie to me Uta, you wouldn't be the first nor the last one to go through this kind of treatment in that awful house - you don't have to feel ashamed.' Mother looked at us with interest.

  'Utano, I would never lie to you. It was a small accident – It doesn't even hurt, and the swelling almost dwindled. Calm down, if they have hurt me, I wouldn't be trying to hide it.' She took me underneath my elbow leading me into the house.

  Mother commented, 'We were worried because you didn't come back earlier. I hope you made a good deal, Uta.' Panic caught me. Gold!!! I completely forgot. I didn't make even a single coin - well technically I wasn't sold. But how to explain this situation? Mother will blame all the fault on me. Through my head passed the real problem I've been caught up in. Eventually, I have to be given to someone. I don't want to touch any woman that isn't Rin.

  Mother quickly prepared everything to hear the story of how I lost my innocence, 'I see that your cheek is red - hopefully, that was the only blow. You know Uta, there are some women like that out there. Well, she must have paid well when they turned the blind eye as if nothing had happened in the Great House. Otherwise, they are very strict about violence against girls.'

  Sister looked at her with anger, but Mother continued with talking while eating the biscuits calmly, 'It's not that horrible, you should always think about earnings. A wound will heal, and everything is forgotten as soon as you feel how much you are paid. You're neither first nor the last, but every girl who suffered something like that got extra remorse as a redemption for the troubles,' she chewed the biscuit, and added through a greedy laugh,' and someone will now add more kimonos to their collection. So, this morning you already went to tailor's parlour and bought a new one I see. Ahh... Uta, they must have paid you well. I can't wait for them to bring me my part, so where are they? Have they sent a girl? It must be a small fortune. Surely it takes time to properly divide my earnings from such a huge amount.'

  Utano commented briefly through her greeted teeth: 'Gold is not everything.'

  Mother turned to her: 'How's that, it's the reason why we're all here after all, isn't it?! Hm? And you once yourself agreed to entertain such a client Utano, it was a long time ago - ah, but you couldn't have forgotten? Back then you said that gold is your only interest.'

  Utano took a deep breath. 'How can I ever forget the evening full of inner excitement that the gold made available to me?' Her response was sarcastic - I think.

  Mother just looked at her while holding a bitten biscuit in hand, then returned to me again. 'We are listening to you, Uta?' In order to concentrate, I cleared my throat before beginning, carefully choosing the words which will be compound into a lie.

  'I'm still innocent.' They were both surprised waiting for me to continue. 'The evening started steadily. Five clients were present. One of them bought me, paid well for it...'

  Mother interrupted, 'If she paid, then how are you still innocent?'

  I thought, if I were to say that she hit me because of my resistance while she was tearing my kimono off, Mother would accuse me that it's all my fault. On the other hand, there were other girls who saw me going toward the room with her. 'We went to the room. She was very gentle, a profound lady with manners. While I was entertaining her, she accidentally swept my kimono with her hand – stitch relented, and a small hole emerged,' I turned to Utano, 'don't worry, this morning I handed it to a tailor. Great House borrowed me this one, I couldn't walk around Yoshiwara in ripped clothes, it would be really disgraceful - to look like some moll girl from a back alley.' Looking at Mother I continued, assessing if she is going along with the story. 'Constantly I was trying to lead her on into something more than watching. Well, that's how I earned this inju
ry.' I looked back at Utano, 'She drowned herself in sake as the night was passing. With every sip, she talked more and more about her love for some special girl of hears. Dazed with an enormous amount of alcohol she gestured in great fervour and accidentally swept my cheek. Her apology lasted almost until sunrise. In the end, she just fell asleep, without touching me.'

  Mother shook her head in disapproval. I have to finish the morning story and why I came back home so late. Only Madam knows with whom I spent the breakfast time, but Mother rarely speaks to her anyway. 'My lady said in the morning that this was supposed to be her first experience in Yoshiwara, but she couldn't do it. Her love for the other girl didn't let her. She invited me to have breakfast with her but didn't stop talking about love and her special girl. Nonetheless, I received a generous tip - it was probably because of kimono and the cheek, she thanked me and paid for the pleasuring evening.'

  Mother got up from the table. 'Well my Uta, somehow your work as a night lady is always obstructed, how long misfortune will follow you?' A muffled sound of blow and scream from above interrupted us, I think it came from Kaoru's vocals. Mother went climbing the stairs, Utano following her. Curiosity gave me no peace, so I got up too. Kaoru is standing in the room, all upset because of some spider. She found it while moving the wooden cabinet.

  Sister said to her with disapproval in her voice, 'Why did you move the cabinet all by yourself, I told you we'll do it together. You have no patience at all. Look at this, now that expensive mirror for which you gave too many golden pieces yesterday is broken.'

  Mother commented before she left us alone, 'Clean this mess! Today we have to sort out shungas, by disposing of those who became shabby from flicking. '

  I helped them with broken fragments on the floor. Kaoru cheerfully continued to arrange her room, despite the shattered mirror, 'Actually, I don't care about that mirror, soon I'll be able to buy as many of them as I want.'

  Utano asked sarcastically, 'Ah..., I see, you mean your lady friend from the north?'

  Kaoru took out the fragrance oil from her cabinet, 'Hmm, the most important thing is my oil, I mean, the fact that I didn't smash this bottle. She gave it to me, always pampering me and giving me all of her attention while we're together - I'm telling you, It's only a matter of time when she will ask to become my matron,' Kaoru smeared some oil on her neck, 'Soon, I will leave this place to live with her, surely. She has a huge property, heredity from her late husband.' While walking around the room, she began to imitate her potential matron lady 'Kaoru, you are my true love... your skin is so soft...' but then laugh consumed her. 'A lady full of gold. Whenever her schedule allows her to, she comes to see me. I'll live like a princess. Only that rotten teeth of hers...but I came with a solution to always plant a leaf of mint in her mouth - she has that chronic halitosis, and it's not like we're kissing much. But even all that is better than saving for a whole lifetime with these poor tips to pay off the debt.'

  Utano smiled afterward. 'She's already the third one that, you're claiming, will become your matron. I mean - I really would love for you to be rescued from Yoshiwara, and to live the life of your dreams, but please be careful to avoid disappointment - again.'

  She cautiously placed the oil in another cabinet. 'I know Utano, I was a bit unrealistic in previous cases, but it's different this time. Look at the gifts I received from her. She lavishes me with affectation. I have never experienced it before. I'm telling you this is the real thing now.' She stretched her neck. 'And this room reminds me of my old life when I was godless. Now I need to maintain a new classy style - learn how to live in luxury, so I don't appear like an alley girl when I move to her large estate full of luxury and gold...'

  This topic didn't interest me anymore. I went back to my room trying to catch the scent of jasmine absorbed in my kimono.

  Utano knocked on the door and entered the room carrying a tall pile of shungas in her hands. 'Uta, we have to sort this out. Mother commissioned the new ones - she's examining them downstairs.'

  This is my opportunity to tell Utano all about my previous night, but also about the morning, I spent with the lady of profound manners. She placed shungas on to the floor, settled beside me and began to slide through them. 'Uta, I'm sick of these horrible images, if only I could throw them all away. It's really hard to wait for our time to leave Yoshiwara - the time when we'll be able to enjoy the peace of a small village.'

  I tossed shunga that was in my hands on the ground. 'Utano, I'd like one day - you know, when we're free, to go on a trip and see the faraway places, experience the adventures of some strange lands.'

  'We can travel as well. We'll also go north and south of our country to see all those different landscapes.'

  'Well... I thought somewhat a bigger trip, outside of the sea borders. Let's say Europe...'

  She made a face as if she didn't like my proposal. 'Europe Uta. What are we going to do there? They eat with their hands and drink tea only on special occasions - and most importantly, where is the rice? You know I can't imagine a meal without my favorite grain, and because of it we decided to grow it,' she continued in disbelief, 'Europe! What is in Europe? Where did you get that idea?' I was disappointed with her reaction. Rin told me that Europe is beautiful.

  'Hmmm..., I just said that no specific reason at all - as an example of a distant journey.'

  She continued to shake her head while separating the shungas, appending one dusty volume to me. I immediately stopped at the second sheet while unpacking. That sheet presented two women in a passionate embrace. It would be quite ordinary shunga that shows two-night girls in an intimate relationship if the colors of their yukatas didn't point the love they have developed between them. No wonder I didn't see it earlier - Mother would be crazy to let this rare scene be shown in front of the client's eyes. Shunga with an atmosphere of love. Our ladies can't be aware of love existence here. Who would buy a girl thinking that she might be in love with someone? This must be some accidentally lost shunga.

  Utano came closer behind my shoulders, leaning over me. 'What are you looking at?' She started to tease me. 'Haven't you saw enough of them already? You're an expert in our shungas - I remember just last summer when you held a whole bundle in your room, carefully studying them, saying they are needed for skill development you most certainly would use in future.'

  My cheeks flushed a little. 'Utano, weeell..., and that was the truth. For what other purposes would I use them?'

  Laughter disabled her from proper speaking. 'You know all too well for what purpose you used them. My doors are just across from yours...' she still laughed 'I heard -' and laughter disrupted her yet again. At this point, I pretended to be angry.

  'What did you hear? You haven't heard anything, don't lie Utano.' She tried to suppress her laughter a bit but wasn't giving up.

  'Yes Uta, I did - I did.' I stood up from the floor. She caught my wrist and said with a smile, 'Come on, don't be angry - It's just a little teasing, I didn't hear anything.' I sat down again with a frown.

  'There was nothing to hear anyway.'

  She hugged me, even though she still laughed in waves, 'Right... Nothing to hear at all.' Finally composing herself, Utano said, 'Let me see that shunga you were looking at.' She couldn't resist adding, 'You must be reminded of one of your nights.' This was yet another one of her usual teasing topics.

  'And now I won't let you see it. You can't stop, you'll just tease me even more.' She was trying to get serious and take the shunga.

  'I will not Uta, I promise.' We were wrestling until she wrenched it from my lap. Suddenly the mood changed when the scene on the sheet became visible to her. 'What is this? I've never seen it before. All shungas like this one should be prohibited by law,' she,s becoming angry, 'love between girls - rubbish! There is no such thing as love, that's impossible. It's just someone's empty dream. Shungas like this one are created to fill heads of young girls with unrealistic fantasies.' I was saddened by her reaction.

  'But - but... you're
exaggerating. Of course, it is possible, we're also only human beings as any other. Love doesn't choose, you can't decide on what to feel...' I didn't think my answer would be so disturbing for her.

  'You're a child Uta, your head is filled with foolish fantasies,' she paused for a moment, 'Uta, the story you arranged for Mothe, it hasn't convinced me. I left you all day to decide on when you will tell me the truth.' My heart wants to confide in her, but how can I - despite the fact that she is a night lady, her mind simply doesn't understand the passion. I never lied to her before, because she was the only one who always understood me.

  'I lied to Mother only because I feared that she would blame me for all that happened.'

  She crossed her hands over the chest, watching me with a serious expression. 'I knew it!'

  I was on the verge of hyperventilation while anxiety consumed me. She softened and hugged me. 'You know you can tell me everything. I'll always be here for you Uta. Calm down and tell me all from the beginning.' I still haven't decided where to begin with – is it the decision to go with that old crone because Rin made me upset or just the part in which my client slapped me.

  'Utano, that woman paid for me. That was true. She dragged me to the room in a very rough way. Afterward, she started to rip my kimono off – the kimono you gave me. I didn't know what to do, so I caught her wrists, but then she slapped me. Even when I was begging her to stop ripping off my clothes, she said that I am sold to her and it's her full right to do whatever she wants with me.'

  Utano kissed me on the forehead. 'I hope they have shown her where the place for a scam such as herself is - since you haven't slept with her?' Utano will think that Rin is the hero when I tell her how she saved me. And that cheered me up, brightening my mood a little bit.