Lady

by Roosh Valizadeh

  It might be that you are being approached but are failing to notice it. To explain what I mean, realize that zero women try to talk to me during the course of my day. They don’t hold the door open for me, make small talk about the weather, or otherwise give me aid. If a woman does chat me up, no matter how innocuously, I have to assume that she wants to sleep with me or is filming some kind of internet prank video.

  Whenever a man talks to you, for whatever reason, he is in fact approaching you, because if you were a 1,000-pound woman, he almost certainly would not have initiated the interaction. In most cases, these interactions are indirect and nonchalant, but if your response is positive in the form of smiling, giving him your full attention, or moving slowly, he’ll continue the conversation and reveal his hunter intent. Since you’ve been approached by men so often since hitting puberty, it’s likely that you don’t recognize them as approaches but as low-level background noise.

  Approaches are either indirect or direct. An indirect approach is when a man asks you for directions, holds a door open for you and smiles, makes a comment about the weather, asks about a book you’re reading, or casually inquires about something in order to gauge your receptiveness. A direct approach is when a man starts with a compliment or clearly shows personal interest that leaves no doubt that he wants to get to know you. Since most men approach indirectly, don’t expect cartoonish “Me hunt Jane, me big man” behavior.

  A more common problem is being approached by a man you don’t feel attracted to. The reality is that both men and women want a romantic partner who has high value, often above their own. Only once it becomes clear that they can’t get such a partner do they start to be more realistic about their standards. The good news for men is that their value naturally increases as they age into their thirties because women prize experience more than youth. The bad news for women is that their value goes down as they age into their thirties because men prize youth and beauty more than experience. Once you reach the age of 30, you should be lowering your standards each year, which is something that most women fail to do.

  Even if you drastically increase your beauty, there will be a limit to the type of partner you can attract. For example, if I spend ten years improving my value but am upset that I still can’t get my ideal girl, the problem is not women but me and my unrealistic standards. The logical response is to lower them while the emotional response is to say that all women suck and marriage doesn’t work. Unfortunately, many women who fail to find love become bitter and say that men “act like boys” or “are afraid of strong women.” Complaining can feel cathartic, and I’ve certainly done my share of it, but unless you adapt to your environment and check your standards against an honest appraisal of your worth, it will be impossible to succeed with relationships.

  It’s unlikely that you will gain the commitment of a man who is more attractive or has higher status than you, although such a man will definitely sleep with you for fun. A famous male celebrity will fornicate with a groupie, and be excited to do so, but this doesn’t mean he will ask for her hand in marriage. A man’s standard for sex can be so low that you may be able to sleep with millionaires, sports stars, and other famous men, but none of them will offer you anything more than a sugar daddy type of arrangement. This means that you should not confuse the sexual attention you’ve received from men—particularly when you were in your physical prime—with men who would be willing to commit to you.

  Men have a term for a woman who has been pumped and dumped by a man whose status was so high that it has distorted her view of the type of man she thinks she can land in the future: alpha widow. She holds out for years, waiting for a man of equal or higher status to come along, but it never happens and she fails to marry, or she marries a man with the intention of cheating on him if her alpha stud returns one day. It’s likely that you will not find another man whose status matches that of the highest-status man who gave you attention in the past, so don’t base your standards on the top two or three men who have given you sexual attention.

  Men are often mystified by the complexity and detail of a woman’s shopping list for her ideal man. Most of the time, the man they are describing doesn’t exist in real life. If your list has more than three or four qualities, chances are you will fail, and even four qualities may be too many. The older you get, the shorter that list will have to become, to the point where it contains only one or two qualities. This advice is too dreadful for some women, because they don’t want to date lower than they’ve had in the past, but they must understand that their value in the eyes of men is lower than when they were younger, as unfair as that may be.

  Many feminists are trying to brainwash men into finding older and fatter women more attractive, but until they succeed, and I promise you that they won’t, you’ll have to lower your standards as you age, sometimes substantially so. If one year after reading this book you’re not satisfied with any of the men you’ve met, the problem is definitely your standards. If you can’t increase your beauty naturally or find a venue where the type of men you prefer congregate, accept the average of all the men who wanted to commit to you in the past few years as a reflection of your value.

  Consider how useful it is to gain the commitment of a man you know is not the highest status you could get: he will highly prize you and be less likely to cheat or leave. If I’m accustomed to dating girls who are a seven on a scale of one to ten, and suddenly a nine falls in love with me, I will probably never look at another girl again. I’m not advising you to marry a troglodyte, but there is value in dating a man who may be rough around the edges. At the very least, you should not chase after men whose value is so high that their interest in you will never go beyond the sexual. If a man has a stable job, has similar family values to yours, and you enjoy spending time with him in spite of his flaws, there isn’t much more you can look for in a long-term partner.

  Once you meet a man you like, the problem is getting him to ask you out. To avoid rejection, he may try the beta male method of becoming your friend and hoping that you will make the first move. My advice to men is to be bold, but I’m only one voice combating a chorus of cultural influences that are working to emasculate men. It doesn’t help that many women harshly punish men when they try to strike up a conversation. Since a huge component of securing the commitment of a man is to have him invest in you, you should not ask a man out, just as you should not approach a man. The best thing you should do is to encourage a man with your body language and conversation while behaving like a lady.

  If a man approaches you in a public venue, it is obvious that he is not a meek man, and he will definitely ask you for a date if he likes you. However, if you meet a man through a social circle or a community where he didn’t have to approach you outright, he may hesitate to ask you out because he will be unsure if you like him. You can help to alleviate some of his doubt by encouraging him, but you should not remove all doubt to the point where he doesn’t have to take any risk.

  There are only two requirements for a man to ask you out. The first is for him to be attracted to you sexually. If a man is not attracted to you, it’s game over, because your personality can never substitute for the physical. I know you don’t want a man to desire you only sexually, but don’t try to fight the hard truth that if you didn’t have a vagina, you’d be in deep trouble. Embrace the fact that God has hard-wired men to appreciate a woman sexually first and foremost.

  Secondly, a man won’t ask a woman out unless he has a healthy level of confidence. If he doesn’t possess an ounce of strength and is not willing to put himself out on the ledge to ask for a measly phone number, he is not man enough. I don’t like to judge other men harshly, but there is no excuse for a grown man not to ask a woman out. I know of men with physical handicaps, such as deafness, who have the courage to ask women out, so I can’t give a man who refuses to do this a pass. It’s not your job to train a man to be a man—he should already know how to do the basics when he meets you.

 
To encourage a man to ask you out, give him one strategic compliment about his personality, humor, or intellect, but do not compliment his physical attractiveness, because it will make him think you primarily want sex. The compliment should make him excited that he has a chance with you. If he possesses sufficient testicular fortitude, he will prolong the conversation and eventually ask for your number.

  Here are three examples of compliments you can give:

  “It’s nice for a change to meet someone who shares my beliefs.”

  “I don’t usually meet men who have positive energy as you do.”

  “You think about things in an interesting way.”

  If you want to devise a compliment, make it pleasant, encouraging, and somewhat vague without implying an absolute guarantee that you will say yes if he asks you out.

  Another way to encourage a man is to ask him personal questions apart from what he does for a living. Follow up on the personal stories or anecdotes he tells you. If he’s talking about a recent trip he took, ask questions about it. If he’s talking your head off about a certain kind of drink, ask about his interest in it. If he remarked that he likes to meditate, ask exactly how he meditates. When a man invests time in a specific topic, chances are it interests him greatly. Follow up with questions that encourage him to continue the conversation with you.

  The end of a conversation is a do-or-die moment. Before this point, you gave multiple positive signs, including a strategic compliment, but the fear of rejection among men is so strong that it may be worth pushing him over the edge by saying the following: “I enjoyed this conversation with you.” Say no more than that. If he still doesn’t close the deal, you must pass. He’s either not that attracted to you or not a masculine man. Going beyond this final statement would essentially be the same as asking him out, which is not your job. You cannot be both the woman and the man in a relationship.

  If you do the work for a man in the beginning, you will have to do the work for him until the end. He will never step up. Encourage a man, respond to him, ask him questions, but don’t chase him like you are the hunter. This may mean having to wait many months until a man who is ready to take a risk on you comes along, but it’s better to wait than to put on the pants yourself and get into a relationship with a weak man you always have to lead.

  A common scenario is wanting to eject from a conversation. You gave a man a shot but realized that he doesn’t have the qualities you’re looking for. I advise on the golden rule of treating him as you would like your brother or another male relative to be treated. When you’re ready to go, simply say, “I’m sorry, but I have to go.” It’s helpful to add an excuse, such as being late for a meeting or needing to talk to your friends. If he asks for your number, say, “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested.” Then turn around and withdraw from the interaction. If he persists, repeat your rejection word for word until he gets the message and gives up. The adult thing to do is to reject him in person instead of leading him on by giving him your number and then not responding when he calls or texts.

  Even if your rejection is exceedingly polite, you will encounter men who get angry and say things such as “You’re not hot anyway” or “Whatever, slut.” This is especially common in nightclubs where alcohol is served. Men say these things because they are emotionally hurt by your rejection and want you to feel the pain that they’re feeling. Don’t take these insults personally, since a man doesn’t know you well enough for them to be a reflection of who you really are. If you’re regularly experiencing sour interactions at a particular venue, I advise you to go somewhere else, because you’re probably in a hunting ground for men who just want to have fun.

  When it comes to meeting men, the bottom line is to focus on your beauty and embrace your feminine core. This may be hard to do if you’ve been trained to chase, grab, and achieve, but it should be simple enough for you to turn off all these traits and become a passive ball of energy that is observing and evaluating the masculine energy that is attempting to come into you. If you like a man, encourage him with smiles, positive comments, strategic compliments, and follow-up questions. If he is indeed a man, he will act.

  I’ve left many gaps unfilled when it comes to conversation, giving your phone number, and making plans, because it’s the man’s job to take the initiative while you either accept or reject his advances based on your feelings and level of interest. He’s the driver and you’re going along for the ride, and during that ride you will evaluate his driving skills and say yes or no while he strains to get you to like him. If he likes you and you like him, things will move into the realm of dating.

  Dating

  Depending on your perspective, dating is when the fun or the pain begins. Within one year of your journey, after improving your beauty, becoming more social, getting involved with communities, and moving slowly and invitingly in venues where men are present, you should rack up a significant number of interactions with men that lead to dates.

  Before you have a first date, you may encounter men who exhibit two completely different types of behavior. The first type is men who do weird things from a place of neediness or anxiety. Examples of this are fishing for compliments, texting too quickly and expecting you to do the same, or anticipating you to take the lead on where to go for dates. If you believe the man has potential, gently tell him how you expect him to behave without emasculating him. Here are some examples of what you could say:

  “I’m not used to a man who texts so quickly.”

  “I’d rather you pick the venue. I trust your judgment.”

  “You’re putting too much pressure on me when you do that.”

  Unless a man is an experienced player, he’s going to make many mistakes, especially in the early stages of the interaction. If you see redeeming qualities in him, it’s best to be patient and see whether you can subtly hint how you expect him to behave.

  The second type of behavior you’ll encounter is a man pushing very quickly for sex while exhibiting other player traits. He’ll try to sneak in a fast kiss, invite you to his apartment at the end of the first date (or earlier), send racy text messages requesting nude photos, and attempt to make last-minute plans that suggest he wants a booty call. I don’t think I need to explain that these are signs he’s only looking for physical pleasure.

  Every single man you meet will want sex from you, but he should not flagrantly broadcast this fact. Remember that you will not be able to change a man’s main motives or desires. The best you can do is nudge him ever so slightly in the right direction, but not substantially so. You will always fail to secure a relationship from a man who is feeding his devil.

  On your first dates, I advise you to abstain from alcohol to weed out fun-stage men. Have tea, coffee, ice cream, or frozen yogurt instead. If a date asks why you don’t drink, say that you do so only on “special occasions” and that there are “more downsides than upsides” to drinking. If you meet men in night venues, you’ll have to abstain from drinking there as well to come across as consistent.

  Men in their fun-stage know they have virtually no chance of attaining their goal of fast sex if a date doesn’t drink. You’re essentially flashing a bright red “I’m not easy” signal without actually having to say so. Once a man realizes you will be difficult, he’ll get visibly stressed out and use all types of arguments in an attempt to persuade you to drink, perhaps even shaming you as “boring,” but understand that the more he tries to get you to drink, the more likely he’s just looking for a pump and dump.

  You may be tempted to drink only one glass of wine, but one drink can easily turn into two, which will put you in danger of succumbing to temptation and breaking the two-ninths policy. Most women severely underestimate the effect that only one serving of alcohol has on their decision-making.

  If I go on a date and a girl drinks, I put her in the promiscuous box and proceed accordingly, because I know that she has drunk alcohol around many men before, and what almost always follows drinking is casual sex.
If I go on a date with a girl who doesn’t drink, I start to consider her other qualities and whether she’s a potential long-term partner, but unfortunately this rarely happens, and most girls I meet love to drink excessively. A man who is in settle-down mode will value you more highly when he discovers that you don’t drink around men.

  Your main complaint may be that it’s impossible not to drink socially, and that I’m asking for way too much. You may be right, but the reason many women fail to enter relationships is that they date the wrong men, and this is largely because they are under the influence of alcohol in the early stages of dating.

  When a man drinks alcohol, he gets exceedingly horny and will pass up the future wife for the easy girl. When a woman drinks alcohol, her devil is activated and pushes her to the sexy man with status instead of one who will protect and provide. Alcohol greatly impairs our ability to make good decisions and lowers our standards when deciding who to have sex with. If you like to drink and don’t think you can live without it, I advise that you at least refrain from doing so around a man until you have sex with him. Otherwise, you will primarily attract fun-stage guys.

  Understand that your behavior and not your words will tell a man everything he needs to know about you. If you drink heavily, share racy photos, and put out easily, why would he want more than sex from you? Saying that you’re “not that type of girl” will fall on deaf ears. The point is that you’re not trying to fake the qualities of a good girl—you are the good girl. You must shed any promiscuous behavior you’ve adopted from being born during the world’s peak stage of degeneracy and embrace the positive side of your nature so you can bond with a man who is ready to settle down. Eliminating alcohol is a crucial step in accomplishing this goal.