Lady

by Roosh Valizadeh

  It’s unreasonable to expect you to be able to quickly identify a man’s true intentions when it’s cloaked behind his desire to have sex with you, because even the man who is ready to settle down may still consider having casual sexual encounters. Your strategy must be to postpone physical intimacy to weed out men who only want sex. I therefore advise you to kiss a man on the lips no sooner than date two and to have sex with him no sooner than date nine. (Oral or anal sex counts as sex.) This “two-ninths” policy serves the dual purpose of weeding out men who are in their fun stage and selecting for men who have a genuine connection with you. You are free to make him wait even longer.

  Many a man will have a panic attack if you delay intimacy. He will become visibly frustrated and argue emotionally that you should kiss or have sex sooner. His frustration stems from being used to having sex quite fast, a possible sign that he’s in his fun stage. Assuming he toughs it out to date nine or later, you’ll have gathered a huge amount of information about him to make the right decision about having sex. If you do have sex by this time, it will just about automatically put you in a relationship with him.

  A good man will wait until date nine to have sex with you. That is a trivial amount of time in the grand scheme of things when it comes to creating a loving bond with a potential wife. A player, or a man who sees you only as a sex partner, will not wait nine dates for a woman with whom he doesn’t want a relationship. It will be far easier for him to find another girl.

  You may be thinking, “What if a player decides to wait for nine dates just to pump and dump me?” This is possible but unlikely, because even diehard players will feel some guilt about spending that much time with you only to leave. This phenomenon is common among foreign men when they date Ukrainian girls, who wait for as many as five dates before having sex. On several occasions, I have ejected from a girl I was only sexually attracted to because I knew it would take too long to sleep with her. It doesn’t make any sense to enter a relationship with a girl simply to bang her a few times. I’m sure these girls were disappointed that I didn’t want a relationship with them, but what is more important is that they avoided getting pumped and dumped, which would have polluted their sexual history and reduced their ability to bond with a good man who wants to marry them.

  The two-ninths policy also enables you to nurture your attraction with a good man who may not know all the game tricks. Attraction to a bad boy is often instant, because he knows how to hit many of your attraction buttons quickly, but a good man doesn’t have this ability. Attraction to him will be built up through the rapport you should feel within nine dates. If the man is long-term material, but the attraction is not there by date nine, it is better to eject without having sex with him. If the man is not long-term material, but the attraction is present, it would also be best to eject. The only situation that can lead to marriage is where the man is long-term material and you are attracted to him.

  Attraction doesn’t have to include explosive passion. That’s certainly nice to have, but passion fades quickly, often within a few years. If your relationship is based mostly on passion or physical attraction, it won’t last. Shared values, comfort, a feeling of partnership, and attraction based on masculine-feminine polarity are far more likely to endure than passion or butterflies in your stomach. It’s great if you can have it all, but it’s virtually impossible for one man to have all the qualities you crave. Passion and raw attraction are of secondary importance for establishing a stable family and a good home for your children.

  Many of the pieces are now in place. You have a good understanding of the positive and negative sides of your nature and that of men. You understand the poison the culture has fed you and why you should reject it. You know why you are attracted to assholes and why acting on this attraction is not conducive to creating a family. You know how to maximize the likelihood that a masculine man who is ready to settle down will pursue you, and more importantly, you know how to weed out men who aren’t serious by not kissing until date two and having sex until date nine. We’re missing one important component: where to find men.

  I have a feeling that finding men is the least of your problems because you already know many environments and venues where men congregate. Now that your hook is stacked with beauty bait, simply insert yourself into an environment where men are present and wait until they hunt you. The game becomes one of patience and choosiness. Over 90% of the men who will come to you will not be suitable, and it may take one or two years until the right one does eventually find you, no matter how beautiful you are.

  The biggest problem you’ll encounter is that men have become so neutered that most have lost their hunting skills. This is on top of them being scared of rejection because they’ve internalized it as an indication of their self-worth. To maintain a positive self-image, men will try to avoid rejection at any cost. This is why men drink copious amounts of alcohol at night—it gives them the courage to hunt while minimizing the pain of rejection.

  You need to make allowances for the fact that men are neutered and scared of rejection while simultaneously not doing any of the hunting for them. Remember: a man, neutered or not, will not value a woman he does not have to hunt, so he must initiate boldly and escalate each step of the interaction. What you can do, however, is indicate to a man that you will not bite off his manhood if he decides to take a risk on you.

  Let’s imagine two scenarios. In the first, I’m a single man who is ready to settle down, but I have not been laid in three months and am getting pretty horny. I don’t like nightclubs, so I focus on meeting women during the day. The first pretty girl I see is walking quickly through the park while wearing headphones. She has a stern face and her lips are pursed. My hunter sense is picking up on several obstacles, but I am nonetheless attracted to her. I approach her and ask her where the lake is, and though she looks at me, she doesn’t stop walking. I feel burned that a woman didn’t even care to acknowledge my existence. I tell myself not to approach another girl who has the same type of presentation.

  In the second scenario, I walk through the same park and notice a pretty girl reading a book while sitting on a bench. She has a pleasant expression on her face and looks up often. She notices me and we briefly lock eyes. A warm feeling flows through my body. I take a deep breath, walk up to the bench, and ask her where the lake is. She puts down her book and gives a long response that makes it easy for me to continue. We enter a conversation during which she discreetly judges my worth by asking a handful of strategic questions while doing only 30% of the talking. Since I meet her standards, she gives me her number when I ask her for it, and we plan a date.

  Most women in public do not put out an inviting demeanor as in the second scenario, and then wonder why men never talk to them. Realize that men are always observing women and processing the temperature of their body language, whether during the day, at night, or within their social gatherings. If these signals are negative, they do not hunt. Just as a child learns not to touch a hot stove, a man learns not to talk to women who have a closed demeanor or who present themselves in the same way as the women who rejected him in the past. You can be the most beautiful girl in the city, but if your manner is not inviting, men will pass you up due to the fear of rejection. This is why many very beautiful women are approached less than women who are more average looking—the beautiful woman almost always has a snobby, standoffish demeanor that scares men away.

  There are three things I recommend to increase the chances that a man will attempt to hunt you: move slowly, make eye contact, and smile. Moving slowly is the first step. It makes you appear more inviting, friendly, and helpless as if you were a wounded animal that is easier to hunt. In our minds, a vulnerable woman will not attempt to make us feel like crap if she doesn’t like us. Another benefit of moving slowly is that it gives men more time to evaluate your beauty and come up with a way to meet you. If you’re flying by, a man won’t have enough time to decide whether you’re his type and devise an ice-breake
r.

  If you’re out in public, walk slowly as if you’re not in a hurry to be somewhere. If you’re at an indoor venue or party, plant yourself where you’ll be highly visible and allow men to digest your presence instead of rapidly moving from one spot to the next. Be the wounded animal that all hunters notice and think they have a chance of capturing.

  Second, make eye contact with men who meet your physical standards, and maintain eye contact for at least three seconds so they know it wasn’t accidental. If a girl is walking slowly and makes extended eye contact with me, my heart immediately starts beating faster, because she’s saying that she wants me to attempt to hunt her. I then evaluate her beauty, and if it meets my standards, I will think of a way to start speaking to her. Only a small percentage of men will act if you make eye contact with them, but it is a key step in increasing the number of those who will try.

  Third, to really encourage a man, top off your eye contact with a smile. This will send a red-hot signal that you are physically attracted to him. Beware! You’re now approaching—but not yet crossing—the line of doing the work that a man should do. You do not want to give a man an absolute money-back guarantee that he won’t be rejected, because if he doesn’t have to take some risk, how can he become invested in you? Start with moving slowly and making eye contact, and if these don’t produce the desired responses, add a smile, but nothing more than that. An alternative to a smile is maintaining eye contact indefinitely, as if you’re having a staring contest. However, most men will interpret a staring contest as showing less interest than a smile.

  Even if you smile, most men won’t approach you, no matter how attractive you are, because they fear rejection and have been programmed with feminist conditioning which tells them that talking to a woman is a form of “harassment.” You may find that it’s mostly minority men (black, Latino, and Middle Eastern) who respond more readily to your inviting demeanor since their “macho” background is more resistant to cultural neutering than is the case with white and Asian men, particularly in large multicultural cities.

  To maximize the number of men you meet in public, try going for walks in crowded parts of your city for three to eight hours a week when the weather is warm. Wear a cute outfit and go for a slow stroll through a safe area where men will be present, especially around lunchtime or when the workday is ending. Do not put on headphones, because this will discourage men from trying. Depending on where you live, you may be overwhelmed by men or none will try to talk to you.

  I’ll be the first to admit that meeting people in public is not the best way to find love. It’s more suited for loners who don’t have the energy to spend long periods with other people. You may also be disappointed by how many men are scared to approach you even if you give them encouragement with eye contact and a smile. On the positive side, if you live in a large city, you can go outside at any time and start fielding offers from hunters without having to depend on other people to organize events or meetups.

  Experiment with different venues and assess the responses you get. Perhaps men don’t approach you in parks and coffee shops but do so regularly in bookstores and museums. Always keep your eye open for a niche location that is conducive to men chatting you up. For example, you may know of a coffee shop with a shared table where men are always working on their laptops. Make eye contact and see what happens. Or maybe on your way home from work there’s a hotel lobby where you can buy a cup of tea and be surrounded by successful businessmen. You’ll be surprised by how many little goldmines exist within only a mile or two from your home.

  In my city, I came up with a little trick at the library. I couldn’t approach girls inside the library, but I could stay there until closing time and leave at the exact moment a girl I liked was also leaving. I would then “spontaneously” encounter her as we both walked out of the library at the same time. For you, the main strategy is to know where the men you like are located and then find a way to encourage them to hunt you. Your safety is the number-one priority, so do not explore strange or isolated areas of your city, especially after dark, or neighborhoods that have a bad reputation.

  Two more ways to be hunted by men are through a social circle or loosely-based community. A social circle is composed of a group of friends and acquaintances who spend time together while a community is a group of mostly acquaintances who share one or two interests. The problem with modern society is that we’ve become so atomized that we may have only one social circle that consists of fewer than ten individuals. If your lone social circle does not include a man with whom you can develop a connection, you’ll be forced to try other means.

  By far the largest benefit of a social circle is that it’s the safest and most fruitful way to meet a man, but if you don’t have a large social circle, perhaps because you’ve moved away from your birth city or have friends that already got married, it won’t be easy to join another one since they usually form in high school or college. The best you can do is attach yourself to an established social circle so that you are in a position to be invited to events where men are present.

  A problem you may have with your social circle is that it’s probably composed mostly of women, who tend to keep the best men in the group to themselves. If you have a friend who is single, she is unconsciously competing with you for men. She may even sabotage your efforts by throwing shade on your growing hair or thinning body. Men are often appalled that female friendships are marked by backstabbing and jealousy, so be on guard when dealing with your girlfriends.

  Most people now rely on communities that are organized through the internet. They come in the form of language clubs, speaking clubs such as Toastmasters, salsa dance schools, and professional clubs that focus on job networking. The bonds that tie together the members of a community are much weaker than those of a social circle, but the turnover is higher and you’ll have the opportunity to meet more men. Another benefit of a community is that—unless it’s a girl’s book club—it will almost always have a high ratio of men to women.

  To maximize the potential opportunities from your social connections, I recommend that you say yes whenever you’re invited to an event. Look your best, encourage men with your demeanor and gaze, be friendly to the other guests, and exchange contact information with potential acquaintances who have large social circles. Aim to attend at least a few social functions a month where you can meet acquaintances and have a decent man or two approach you. If you attend the functions of a particular group several times but are not approached by high-quality men, try other groups.

  The second way to meet men is to join communities that are based on a shared interest. In my hometown of Washington, D.C., professional networking groups are quite popular. Dance schools are also common, helping to select for a man who has some rhythm. Most communities are organized through social networking sites, so it may be a simple matter of logging on to Facebook to find out what events are being hosted in your city. Choose one that is likely to attract the type of man you want, go alone if you have to, place yourself in a highly visible area of the venue, and wait for men to chat you up. Because anyone can attend these events, you’ll have to deal with a lot more men who are duds, so stay sharp when evaluating them.

  If you believe in God, I strongly recommend that you attend or join a church and view it as a long-term strategy that may involve doing volunteer work. It is likely that single men who belong to a church will possess many positive attributes, including being in their settle-down stage. Make a list of two to four churches in your area that are compatible with your beliefs, check out the Sunday service of each, and then pick the one that most appeals to your spiritual needs. Go every week and occasionally attend church social functions.

  While it’s nice to be approached by attractive prospects when you walk out your front door, understand that men who hunt women outside of church or social-circle settings are less likely to be seeking long-term relationships. Invest in at least one tightly-knit community instead of solely relying
on being approached in public.

  I do not recommend internet dating, because most online men are in their fun stage, looking for easy sex. Hot guys will contact you using copy-and-paste messages they’ve perfected through trial and error, making you think there is genuine interest when all they really want is to have sex with you as quickly as possible.

  Internet dating will also demoralize you because you will invest a lot of time to meet men who will end up being quite different in person to how they presented themselves online. For every internet success story, there are dozens of horror stories, including sour interactions where insults are exchanged.

  Another downside of online dating is that it will make you think you are getting solid leads, causing you to invest less in a social circle or community. Trying to match with men while in your pajamas at home, instead of doing the work to build genuine connections in real life, will make you lazy. Ultimately, internet dating is more for women in their fun stage who want casual thrills. You should rely on social circles, communities, and public encounters as your three best ways of meeting men.

  What should you do if men aren’t approaching you? No matter where you go in the world, single men will attempt to have sex with women as long as they are approachable, no matter how ugly they are. I have witnessed unattractive women who were crippled, bald, or even lacking limbs get approached by men. If you’re not being approached at all, it means you’re going to places that lack masculine men, such as gay clubs, or you’re putting out a masculine vibe that tells men you will crush their genitals if they try to talk to you.

  Look in the mirror. Observe your movements, gaze, and smile. Are they warm and inviting? Ask a male friend for his honest opinion. Embracing the feminine is embracing the vulnerable. Lose any rigid confidence or sternness in your body language. This doesn’t mean you should slouch or look sad, but have the look of a woman who needs help. If you were genuinely lost in a city, how would you appear? Wide-eyed, slightly concerned, hopeful. This is the vibe that will maximize the number of hunters who seek you out.