Things become more complicated if you’re 30 or older. You’re running out of time to meet a man, fall in love, go through an engagement period, get married, and have children before it becomes biologically difficult to do so. It doesn’t help that you’re past your peak in terms of beauty and don’t get as much attention from men as you did when you were younger. Your standards are also the highest they have ever been due to your past experiences, which makes matters worse because most attractive men who meet your standards will regard your declining beauty and fertility as negatives. Ideally, you do not want to be single after the age of 30, but if you find yourself in this situation, I have two pieces of advice.
First, you have to lower your standards substantially, to a level you once would have regarded as insane. That laundry list of qualities a man should have? Burn it. At this point, you should be solely seeking a man with good values. This means you will have to try out men who are of below-average appearance or have a personality that is borderline “weird.” You must immediately pass on more attractive men who are clearly in their fun stage and only want to have sex with you. Place sexual attraction on the backburner.
Secondly, you should focus on men who are at least five years older than you, preferably closer to ten. The reason is that an older man will greatly value you as a younger, fresher, and more fertile catch. It is also more likely that these men will be in their settle-down stage since they can hear their own biological clock ticking. Contrary to what mainstream culture says, most normal men love younger women, and you should use this to your advantage.
The biggest mistake I see women older than 30 make is dating younger men. These pairings have an extremely high failure rate because it is virtually guaranteed that younger guys are in their fun stage and looking to have sex with a “mature woman.” When I was in my mid-twenties, it was easier to have sex with girls in their late twenties and early thirties, because girls in their early twenties receive so much attention from men that they tend to be flakier and harder to get out on a date. Horny men choose the path of least resistance to achieving their sexual goals, which means that they see older women as a source of easy sex, not relationships. Instead, go in the other direction. Find a man who is moderately older than you and looking to beat his biological clock at the same time you’re trying to beat yours.
Another benefit of an older man is that his energy and testosterone will be lower. He’ll be less likely to cheat or spend his nights getting drunk with his friends. A potential downside is that he will be stuck in his ways and have strange habits. Every man is different, and you’ll have to screen all of them carefully regardless of age, but one who is five to ten years older than you will value you as a potential wife significantly more than a man of your age or younger. A 40-year-old man will truly feel like he won the lottery if he’s dating a 30-year-old woman who has maintained her appearance, and he will be far more likely to commit to her.
The last thing a woman wants to hear is that she should lower her standards and date a man who is potentially unattractive, but if you’re single and over 30, you don’t have many other options. Because it takes such a long time to go from being single to having a child, even in ideal circumstances, you need to adjust your standards significantly or risk failing to become a mother.
It’s not fair that you have a shorter biological clock than men, but you have to accept this reality and make changes accordingly, starting today. If you don’t want to be a mother, that’s fine, but if it’s something you strongly desire, you have to act quickly. As long as a man you meet has good values and sees you as a prize, you have more than enough to move forward into a relationship. From this point on, forget about all the sexy men who give you attention—now you know they just want sex. It’s time to look for a mature man who is ready for commitment, marriage, and fatherhood.
So far, I’ve covered how to meet a man and what to do up to the first time you have sex. The last part of the book will focus on securing a commitment and sustaining a healthy relationship.
Book III: Relationships
I’m extremely skeptical of anyone who claims to be a “relationship expert.” Either that person has had a number of failed relationships, and is likely to have more, or he has had only one successful relationship, which gives him a whopping sample size of one. If I create one successful business, am I a business expert? If I make one woman orgasm continually, am I a sex expert? I absolutely do not claim to be a relationship expert, though I have been hyper-aware of what worked and didn’t work in my failed relationships.
I have also become a node through which hundreds of people, both men and women, have shared their dating and relationship stories. I’ve noticed enough patterns to provide you with an ideal relationship solution that works within the context of modern culture.
I do think traditional ways are best for long-term relationships, but achieving this in a non-traditional age is impossible, and most of us have not lived anything that remotely resembles a traditional life. We must therefore arrive at a compromise that takes from what has worked in the past while accounting for the contemporary environment that continually feeds the devils within us.
Commitment
Most women see commitment as a process that unfolds gradually. You meet a man, you like him, you sleep with him, you date him for a while, you agree to commit, and the relationship escalates with the intention of eventually getting married. It’s what most of your friends do and what you’ve seen in movies since you were young.
For a man, the decision on whether or not to commit is based on logic. He asks himself what he will gain by making a commitment or escalating the relationship. If a man only wants sex, primarily because he’s in his fun stage, what will he gain through a commitment? If he’s already having sex, nothing. If a man wants a girlfriend to alleviate loneliness or have someone to hang out with, what will he gain through a commitment? Nothing as well, because his needs are already being met through a casual relationship. Men agree to a commitment mainly so that they will not lose what they’re already getting. Their motives are based on avoiding a negative (lack of sex, loneliness) instead of achieving a positive (family). The problem is that a man has little motivation to get married if it’s merely to avoid experiencing pain.
Most men simply want sex, and since women give them sex freely when dating, a man will balk at his woman’s attempt to secure a commitment. She will complain to friends that her boyfriend is a man-child who hasn’t grown up, whereas the reality is that she is already providing him with everything he wants. This is why it’s essential to determine a man’s values before sex to find out if he wants more than a casual relationship, because you cannot make a man want something that he hasn’t already decided he wants.
From a man’s perspective, committing to you has only two benefits. First, it prevents you from sleeping around (assuming you don’t cheat). Many men do not want to share their woman with other men. The second benefit is that a commitment is the most rational step before having a family. It is likely that a man who wants children will want them to be raised within a stable family environment, which requires a man and a woman to make a vow, first informally as a promise and then in court and possibly before God. By selecting for men in their settle-down stage who want children with a devoted wife, you’ll find it far easier to get a commitment than your friends who don’t screen a man’s values at all before going to bed with them.
It will not work if you withhold certain benefits and bestow them only if your man agrees to make a commitment. For example, if you tell a man that you cook or clean only for serious boyfriends, he will resent you and see you as manipulative. Consider how you would feel if a man said, “I only introduce serious girlfriends to my friends, not girls I’m merely having sex with.” You’d be hurt that he was withholding something in order to get you to do something else.
The better approach is to be the ideal partner from day one for the man who knows he wants to marry the ideal partner. In that
case, he’ll rush to take you off the dating market and make you his wife within three years. A man will either want a future with you or he will not, and trying to micro-manage or manipulate him into monogamy will fail in the end.
If a man sees you as a potential wife, he’ll want to secure a commitment relatively early. He may raise the subject indirectly by asking about the other men you know and what their intentions are, and will say he doesn’t think it’s a good idea for you to spend time with them. A feminist may state that such a man is “controlling,” “jealous,” or “over-protective,” but the reality is that if he doesn’t care about the other men in your orbit, he will never settle down with you. Either something is wrong with his protect-and-provide instinct or he’s spending time with other women.
I admit that I’m firmer than the average man when it comes to what I expect from a girl who wants a commitment, mostly because of my extensive experience with promiscuous women. I’ve noticed firsthand how impulsive women can be, how easily they will cheat (particularly if they consume alcohol), and how adept they are at lying in the face of objective evidence to the contrary. Therefore, I expect my woman not to have one-on-one meetings with men, not to have long conversations with them (whether online or offline), and not to travel for fun without me or family members. I have a high tolerance for a woman who is overly emotional or throws temper tantrums, but practically no tolerance for her having relationships with other men, because this can lead to infidelity and the dissolution of the relationship.
If I identify a girl who is perfect for me, but she doesn’t agree to my standards, I will not continue the relationship, because experience has taught me that a girl who doesn’t meet my standards is not ready to be my wife. Most men are less experienced than me when it comes to knowing the true nature of women, so I expect their standards to be lower, but if a man’s standards are too low, it could be a sign that he is not serious about the relationship or is disconnected from his masculine instinct. It’s essential that a man demonstrates he has standards to indicate that he is invested in the relationship and wants it to last for the rest of his life.
I advise men to wait for the girl to raise the issue of commitment first, because it helps us to gauge the status of the relationship. If I’ve been sleeping with a girl for a couple of months and she doesn’t raise the subject, I assume she doesn’t want a relationship with me and doesn’t care if I sleep around since she’s doing it herself. It makes no sense for me to disturb an arrangement based on sex by seeking a commitment from a girl who is simply using me for my body. This is especially the case if it wasn’t hard for me to get her into bed and her sexual history suggests that she has been with dozens or hundreds of men.
The most natural way for you to bring up commitment is after he shares an anecdote about a woman. Ask him if he’s seeing other women. Then say that you value your relationship with him and are ready to take it to the next level because you are not seeing another man and have no desire to. If he sees you as his future wife, he will be pleased—but not necessarily visibly excited—at what you said and be inclined to agree once he has communicated what he expects from you in a relationship. Commitment is a big step for a man, even if he’s falling in love with a girl, so don’t take it the wrong way if he doesn’t jump for joy at the idea.
If a man is certain that you won’t be his future wife, he’ll resist the idea of commitment by declining outright or saying that he’s “not ready.” Understand that if a man says he’s not ready, what he’s really saying is that he’s not ready for you, ever, because a man is always ready for his ideal girl, even if sex has yet to take place. This bad news will be unpleasant to hear, but the upside is that you will know for certain that the relationship is dead.
A response that tends towards the negative is when he asks for “more time” to think it over. A man is likely to use this line if you caught him off guard, meaning he hadn’t considered a relationship with you. Give him a couple of weeks to think it over before bringing up the topic again, but expect his answer to still be “not ready.”
I advise that you have the commitment talk no later than two months after you have sex with a man. There are three reasons for this. First, it’s still early enough for him not to have become so sedated with “free sex” that it becomes all he wants from you. Second, it’s more than enough time for him to develop feelings for you. Third, you won’t have wasted too much of your time if it turns out that he was simply using you for sex.
Remember that sex is a man’s number-one need, so unless he is specifically looking to create a family, he will do everything possible to keep the relationship solely in the realm of sex. If he does refuse to commit, your best option is to break up with him, take a break for a few weeks, and then dive back into the dating market to meet another man.
If you want to gain a man’s commitment before having sex with him, he will agree only if his head is screwed on right and he knows exactly what he wants. This is your safest option, and I strongly recommend it, but it’s guaranteed to fail unless you’re absolutely sure the man is in his settle-down stage and both of you are highly compatible. If a man is merely leaning towards settling down but is not firmly there, he will probably reject a commitment before sex unless he’s so horny that he’ll agree to give you one of his kidneys just to sleep with you.
Getting a proposal of marriage is a bigger challenge than a commitment to monogamy, because most men are aware of the destructive nature of marriage laws and the family courts. Even though I genuinely want a family, I’m hesitant about signing a legal contract that comes with a monumental set of downsides that could result in my financial ruin or even imprisonment, a concern that is shared by just about all the men I know. By now, I hope you can see that the more victories that feminists achieve, the less likely a man will be eager to marry you. Whenever you see a hairy-legged lesbian feminist push for more stringent laws that will further reduce the number of men who will want to get married, it may be a good idea to speak out against her.
The best thing you can do to make a man excited at the prospect of marriage is to minimize his financial risk by agreeing to a prenuptial agreement. You may see this as tacky, but it alleviates most of the anxiety a man has about marriage, particularly if he has a high income. There is remaining risk for a man even if you do sign a prenup, but it shouldn’t stop a man who is determined to start a family. On the other hand, if a man is not sure whether he wants to be a father, he will refuse to marry even if you agree to sign a prenup. Seeking a man who has decided to have children before you meet him is the best indication that he will go all the way with you in spite of the risks.
The problem with most women is that they have absolutely no screening process and are shocked by their “bad luck” when they experience failed relationship after failed relationship. Personally, I can’t remember the last woman who asked my opinion on family life and children before she had sex with me. It’s even worse when a woman asks a man about having a family a year or more after entering a relationship with him. This won’t happen to you. Screen a man from the first date, stick to the two-ninths policy, and terminate interactions with men who are not in their settle-down stage.
Within one year of a relationship, you’ll have experienced virtually every aspect of your man’s personality and gained insight into his values, thanks to spending long periods in his company through sleepovers or short vacations. You want to know him well enough by the end of the first year to be able to provide a definitive “Yes” or “No” to the question, “Do I want to have a family with him?” To help you answer, have discussions about children and how you think they should be raised. For example, I’m sympathetic to homeschooling and would ask my girlfriend if she can see herself doing it. I may also ask her opinion about the negative effects of electronic devices on children, adding that I don’t want my kids to use tablets. There should be a general agreement on how you both approach child-raising.
By the first anniversary of a com
mitted relationship, you want a full picture of who he is, what he’s like to live with, and what kind of father he’d be. If you’re satisfied with that picture, start dropping hints about marriage, perhaps by relating anecdotes about friends or relatives who are getting married. Gauge his reaction to the idea. If he’s hesitant about marriage, find out what his objections are. If they’re related to his concerns about divorce, say you’re willing to sign a prenup. If they’re related to his need for personal space, demonstrate that you can respect his boundaries by reading books or busying yourself with other things while you’re at his place.
As long as his objections don’t conflict with your core values, make an effort to squash them in the next two or three months. Then raise the topic of marriage again. Does he have any objections this time? If he does, try to resolve them once more. If he doesn’t have any objections, give him time—but not too much time—to arrive at the decision to ask you to marry him, without presenting him with an ultimatum.
By the second anniversary, you want him to have proposed marriage or have come extremely close to doing so. Modern couples often take longer than two years to get married, but remember that you don’t have unlimited time. You don’t want to waste more than two years with a man who is not serious about marrying you, because you may need this time to search for another man. If you’re older than 30, you may want to shorten the time from two years to eighteen months or even less.
Another reason not to wait longer than two years is that the passion and sexual attraction will naturally fade as you get into years three and four. Unless you have children to cement the bonds of love, you run the risk of becoming bored with each other and going your separate ways. Children will be necessary as the passion fades to transform the relationship into a pair-bond that lasts for decades.
You may ask if you should marry a man you’re not in love with. The problem is that many women confuse love with lust and sexual excitement. Even the notion of romantic love is flawed because it’s primarily based on emotion, which changes and fades over time, instead of values, which are more constant and stable. All emotional butterflies eventually disappear, and if there are no values behind those butterflies, there is no need for a relationship to continue.
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