by Sarah Hill
“Not enjoying the roast, Rylie?”
Del’s voice interrupted her thoughts bringing her back to the dinner table, where she realized she’d been pushing her green beans around her plate the entire time. “I’m sorry. I have so much going through my head right now. I wasn’t paying attention to dinner.”
“I can see that. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Del asked, taking a drink of her milk.
Sighing, Rylie let her fork clatter against her plate and looked at the two people who’d acted more like her parents than her mom ever had and smiled. “I received some surprising news in my creative writing class today.”
Del’s forehead furrowed and Norm took a bite of his homemade dinner roll.
“Well, what is it?” Del asked.
“Mrs. Matthews told me that I have a good chance at receiving a writing scholarship to New York University.”
A squeal issued from Del as she jumped up and ran around the table to give Rylie a hug. “My girl is going to college!” she exclaimed.
Rylie peeked under Del’s arm at Norm. He was sitting with his hands folded under his chin, wearing the gentle smile he saved for Del and Rylie. “I’m proud of you, Rylie,” he said, the smile lines that painted the sides of his eyes deepening.
“I haven’t won the scholarship yet, but Mrs. Matthews says I have a good chance. She’s going to help me pick out one of my stories and get it shined up to send in for submission.”
Del sat back down beaming and said, “I knew you were destined for better. You’re gonna show them all, Rylie.”
“So, you want me to go? If I win that is,” Rylie said, her cheeks reddening.
Del’s eyes widened. “Of course, we do!”
Rylie wasn’t sure why, but a part of her wished they’d asked her to stay closer. Pinning a stiff smile to her face, she jerked her head into a nod. “Okay, good.”
Del’s face fell as she reached across the table to grab Rylie’s hands and said, “Sweetheart, we want you to go to get the education you deserve. You leaving will cut a good-sized hole in our hearts. It would be bittersweet for us, but you’d be back for the holidays and maybe even summer if you choose to come home. This will always be your home, Rylie.”
Rylie smiled and squeezed Del’s hands. “Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me all these years. Even before I came to live with you, you made me feel loved and gave me a sense of belonging. You’ll never understand how much that has meant to me.”
“You’re our girl, Rylie. You have been since the moment I met you. We are so proud of you,” Del said, as she kissed the top of her hands and winked.
“When will you know if you get the scholarship?” Norm asked.
“If I want to try for it I need to have my submission in by the end of the month, before school ends. Mrs. Matthews said they will select the finalists’ mid-summer. If I make the cut, I’ll have to submit another story and the winner will be selected sometime next year before graduation. So, I should know before the end of senior year.” Rylie felt chills roll through her again as the reality of what this might mean came crashing down on her. “It’s like a dream. I can’t believe I might have the chance to go to NYU!” she exclaimed, covering her cheeks with her hands as she laughed.
“You’ll go, Rylie. I have no doubts,” Del said, a tear rolling down her cheek as she smiled.
Rylie took a bite of her roast. “Mmmm, the roast is delicious Del,” she said, stopping mid-chew and frowning.
“What’s wrong?” Del asked.
“If I go to New York, I’ll starve! I’ll have to live on ramen noodles and Chef Boyardee!”
Del laughed and said, “They have dining halls in college, sweetheart. You’ll be fine.”
Norm let a laugh out and said, “If I were thinking about traveling far away, missing out on Del’s cooking would scare me too.”
The three of them laughed and Rylie felt a little more confident about the possibility of leaving the small town of New Plymouth. If she ended up going, she would come home every chance she got and once she graduated, she’d come back home for good. What was four years?
April 1990
“Slow down, Rylie!” Maysen said, grabbing the dash of his truck trying to steady himself as he was thrown side to side in the passenger seat.
“It’s not me. The road is so bumpy it’s going to rattle us around. I keep telling you we should practice on an asphalt road.”
“Country roads are bumpy. Slow down and it will be a smoother ride,” he said, through gritted teeth.
Rylie exhaled her frustration and eased her foot up off the gas. Maysen was trying to teach her drive the past few weekends and though she felt she had improved, he still refused to take her out on the paved roads. He told her that until she learned how to drive a country road there was no way he was going out on the open road with her. Since it was his truck, she had no choice but to do what he said but she was losing patience with him. The truck stuttered and gave a violent jerk before dying in the middle of the road. “You piece of shit!” Ryle shouted, slamming her hand on the steering wheel.
“Stop calling my truck a piece of shit,” Maysen said, rubbing a hand over his face and sucking in a deep breath.
“Well, it won’t stop dying!”
“It’s not dying. You keep killing it. You have to shift down when you change to a slower speed.”
“It dies when I do that too!”
“And you wonder why we don’t go out on the paved roads? You’d kill somebody! I’m starting to think you’re not going to be able to figure out the clutch, Rylie.”
“Maddie doesn’t have to use a clutch. I don’t understand why I have to,” Rylie said, pursing her lips and throwing herself against the back of the seat with her arms crossed.
“Maddie doesn’t have a clutch; it’s an automatic. It does the shifting for her. Riding with you I finally get why they started making automatics. Chicks need the car to do the shifting for them.”
Rylie punched his arm and glared at him. “Don’t be a jerk!”
“Look, why don’t we take a break? I’ll drive us to Ontario to Dairy Queen and get us some blizzards. Sound good?”
Rylie looked over at him. His eyebrows were raised and he looked exhausted. Guilt hit her like a punch in the stomach. She was being such a brat to him when he was so willingly giving up his time to teach her how to drive. “I’m sorry, Mayse. Let’s go get some ice cream. I’ll buy.”
Smiling, Maysen leaned over and kissed her. “I’m driving,” he said, opening his door and jumping out.
Laughing, she climbed over to the passenger side and put her seatbelt on as he climbed behind the wheel and started the truck back up. Reaching over, she squeezed his arm and said, “I love your truck. It’s not a piece of shit, I was just frustrated.”
Maysen’s dimples dotted the sides of his cheeks and he said, “I know, but we should think about teaching you in an automatic. How likely is it that you’ll end up with a manual anyway?”
“I’ll have to know how to drive a stick if I plan on living on the farm and growing old with you. All the ranch trucks are manuals. Maysen, I can do this.”
As the truck rumbled down the road, he looked over at her. Cocking his eyebrow, he said, “I don’t know if we can survive you learning, Rylie. At least not right now. I think you should learn to drive first and then once you’re comfortable with it, we can revisit learning how to drive a stick shift.”
Disappointment dropped into the pit of her stomach. She knew she could learn the manual shifting, but she knew Maysen was running out of patience. She was worried his truck wouldn’t hold up to the abuse she unintentionally inflicted on it. Sticking her lower lip out, she nodded and said, “Okay, deal.”
They found their favorite booth at Dairy Queen and sat across from each other. As was their tradition, they clinked their plastic spoons together and then scooped out a bite from one another’s blizzard to sample.
“Mmmm. That’s good,” Maysen
said, wiping a Butterfinger crumb from his lip and nodding his approval. “How’s mine?”
“Not bad. I don’t know about the raw cookie dough though. Isn’t it supposed to give you worms or something?” she asked, wrinkling her nose at him.
“No way! Who told you that? I eat raw cookie dough all the time when my grandma is making cookies. I’ve never had worms.” Maysen shoved a big spoonful of his cookie dough blizzard into his mouth and wiggled his eyebrows at her.
“I can’t remember where I heard that. Maybe in elementary school? They’re always telling little kids some old wives’ tale to scare them into behaving,” she replied, taking another bite.
“You have a little on your lip. Here I’ll get it.” Maysen leaned forward and gave her a sweet, lingering kiss.
“Get a room!” A high voice shrieked from across the aisle.
Maysen and Rylie looked over and saw Rebecca and a couple of her icy friends eating burgers.
“Mind your own business, Rebecca,” Maysen growled.
“I would, but your putting your business out there in front of us and it’s not an enjoyable view.”
“So, look the other way!” Maysen said, his voice raising.
Rebecca glared at him and said, “I liked you a lot better before you let her attach herself to you.” She tossed the uneaten portion of her burger onto her tray and stood up. “Come on girls, I’ve lost my
appetite.” She stalked away as the other two girls looked at each other with open mouths. They’d barely eaten any of their food.
“I’m getting a to-go bag. I’m not wasting my money like that,” the darker haired girl said, standing up and heading towards the counter.
“Why do you guys hang out with her, Marcy?” Maysen asked the other girl, who was wrapping her burger in the wax paper that lined her food basket.
Marcy paused from wrapping her food and looked up. “I don’t know. We’ve always been friends. It’s just how she is, you know that,” she said, shrugging as she placed her napkins on top of the wax paper and stared blankly at them.
Rylie watched as the dark-haired girl came back and started tossing their food into a bag. She looked over and caught Rylie staring. “Got a problem? Thanks to you and your hot lips, I have to eat in the car with an angry Rebecca,” she said, through gritted teeth. She looked at Marcy and added, “We better wrap hers up too. Our heads will roll if we bring our food and leave hers.”
Marcy quickly wrapped Rebecca’s food in the crumbled wax paper and tossed it into the bag with theirs. She stood up and waved at Maysen and Rylie. “See you around,” she said, hurrying after her friend.
Maysen shook his head and looked over across the table at her. “Don’t pay any attention to them. Rebecca is just a jealous bitch because no guy will date her and Marcy and Jessica are too scared to stick up for themselves, so they do what she tells them to.”
“I know, but it’s hard to ignore sometimes. How does somebody so mean keep her friends? When there are people like me, who have to work so hard to even get a chance? I would never treat any of them the way she does and yet they hate me.” Rylie shook her head and took another bite of her ice cream.
“Girls are just stupid,” he said. Pausing and looking at her, he added, “Present company excluded of course.”
She laughed and said, “That’s why I prefer to hang out with guys. You’re definitely less drama, but…” Rylie said, hesitating. “I still wish girls would give me a chance. Maddie too. She’s a better friend than Rebecca could ever be and yet she’s invisible, just like me.”
“Trust me. Hanging out with those girls would never compare to hanging out with Kevin and I, or any of the other guys on the football team. We promise to put a smile on your face,” he said winking.
“I know and I will be forever grateful to you for it. I don’t know how I would’ve made it through school without you, Maysen. Thank you.”
“Anytime, pal.”
“I can’t believe it’s almost over. We wish for years to be done with school and here we are on the brink of it. It’s sad and a little scary.”
“It is that,” Maysen said, lifting his spoon up and down in his ice cream as if he were churning butter.
“You’re scared too?”
Abandoning his spoon, he looked at her. “Of course, I’m scared and like you, I’m sad. We’ve spent most our lives seeing the same people we grew up with every day and in a couple months we may never see some of those faces again. Its mind blowing how that happens. We’ll have a whole new life with new responsibilities.”
“I know,” she whispered. Tears sprung in her eyes and she looked away.
“Speaking of, have you heard any more about that scholarship?”
“No, Mrs. Matthews said we should expect to hear something this coming week. I’m not sure I’m ready to hear the outcome though.”
“Why not? I thought you’d be excited?” Maysen asked.
“I am, but if I don’t win it will crush me and make me question if writing is for me. If I win, it will mean moving away from everything I’ve ever known… if I accept,” she said, peering over at him.
“If, you accept? Of course, you’re going to accept, Rylie. You’re going to win that scholarship and become the best writer you possibly can.”
“I can become a great writer here. I don’t need a fancy college name on a diploma. My heart is here with you.”
“Rylie,” Maysen said, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand. “I’ll be here waiting for you. I promise you my heart, but I need you to fulfill your dreams and have no regrets first. You’ll be back for visits and I can’t wait to visit you in New York and explore it with you. We’re going to be okay.”
“I’m so scared. When I was younger, I thought I’d always be alone because nobody ever wanted me. Now, I have a life filled with people who want and love me and I feel like I’m on the verge of losing it. I don’t think going away to college is worth that gamble.”
Maysen got up and slid onto the bench next to her. Cupping her face in his hands he said, “Listen to me. You are not going to lose anyone, especially me. I’ve told you; your face is etched on my heart.”
A tear ran down her cheek as she placed her hands over his and nodded. “I know, but how are you going to feel when you don’t see me for months at a time? What will happen when you come home after hanging out with friends to an empty house? You’ll get tired of feeling lonely and as you’re around other girls, you’ll see they too have little quirks that make you smile. I’m afraid your heart will slowly change.”
Maysen opened his mouth to speak.
Rylie placed her hand over his mouth and said, “Not because you want it to change. It will just happen. My absence will make it change, Maysen. I know it will and I’m not sure I’d be able to get past it.”
Maysen pulled her hand from his mouth and shook his head. “You crazy girl, why won’t you listen to me? Do you realize how many girls have tried to get me to forget you? It won’t happen. I only want you. Do you still want me?” he asked, his face inches from hers.
“Of course, I do, I’ll always want you. That’s why I want to stay and go to school with you. Why aren’t you fighting for me?”
“I am, you just don’t realize it yet.” He kissed her a little harder than normal, pinching her bottom lip before leaning back and smiling. “You’ll always be my girl, Rylie and I won’t ever break that promise.”
That night in the tree house, Rylie broke a promise she’d made to herself and gave herself to Maysen for the first time. It was something she hadn’t planned on doing until they were married, but the love she felt in every fiber of her body for the boy who’d given her hope was stronger than her will power.
May 1990
Rylie walked through one of the many cow pastures on the Banks’ ranch as the sun rose, casting its golden light over the grass and clover flowers that sprouted around her. The sounds of cattle mooing in the distance filled her with an unexplainable calm. It was
Sunday morning and confusion racked her body as she ran through the events of the past week.
The first was giving her virginity to Maysen. She already felt a deep connection to him, but that night she felt so much more. To put the raw emotion into words was impossible. All she knew was she’d give her life for him and she felt he’d do the same for her. The draw they felt to each other since that night intensified. Rylie snuck out several times after Del and Norm went to bed over the past month. Every fiber of her seemed to crave his touch. There was a voice in the back of her mind that kept telling her to slow down. At some point, she would have to talk to the school nurse about how to obtain birth control. There was no way she was having that conversation with Del and she couldn’t live with the disappointment Del would undoubtedly be unable to hide.
To add to her stress, she received the official news Wednesday from Mrs. Matthews that she had in fact won the writing scholarship to NYU. Everything she ever wanted was no longer a dream; it was staring her right in the face and she was terrified. In her mind, her future was marrying Maysen, having kids and helping him work the ranch he would eventually inherit. It always filled her with contentment and peace to know she would be loved and safe for the rest of her life. Now, with this opportunity becoming a reality, she wasn’t sure what it would mean for them if she took it. Maysen seemed to support her going away for college until Mrs. Matthews received the letter announcing her successful win. Maysen kissed her and seemed excited as Mrs. Matthews explained what the scholarship would cover for her if she chose to accept it. Later, as he drove them home, he seemed a bit moody. When she asked if everything was okay, he’d just replied with ‘Yeah, why wouldn’t it be, you received some awesome news today.’ Yet, he didn’t seem happy and kept his eyes averted from her. When he dropped her off at home, he only kissed her cheek and told her he’d see her in the morning. None of the usual kissing or unwillingness to let her out of his embrace she had grown accustomed to the last year. It was as if something inside him had broken.