The Homestead on the River

by Rosie MacKenzie

  ‘Thank you, Aunt Kathleen.’

  ‘But who paid for your fare?’ Ma asked, getting up to put the kettle on to make a cup of tea.

  Clara paused before answering. ‘Charles did.’ She sounded embarrassed. ‘I think he thought if I got rid of the travel bug totally, I’d come back to him. But there’s no way I can go back.’ She paused again. ‘Is that awful? To take his money when I don’t love him?’

  Ma shook her head. ‘It was his money to give. Maybe one day you can repay him.’

  Clara nodded. ‘He’s an awfully good man. I’m sure he’ll find someone to love. Someone who loves him as well.’

  Poor Charles Fitzpatrick, Lillie thought, even though she couldn’t remember ever having met the man. Apart from feeling so humiliated, he must be broken-hearted. And annoyed at having to fork out that cash on the off-chance his bride might come running back to him. She wondered how Lady Fitzpatrick and Hugh, not to mention Maisie and Paddy, had taken it all. Drominderry House must be in total shock.

  ‘You’ll have to ring your mother and tell her where you are,’ Ma said to Clara.

  Clara nodded. ‘I suppose you’re right. I’ll ring her after dinner.’

  Inside her head Lillie kept seeing Ronan dancing with Clara at Deb’s birthday party.

  ‘Does Ronan know you’re back here?’ she asked.

  Clara shook her head. ‘Not unless you told him.’

  ‘So you didn’t write to him from France?’

  ‘No. As I said, I just needed time on my own to think. I didn’t write to anyone.’ She looked at Ma. ‘I thought of writing to you. But then I just couldn’t. It took me those months to be sure in my own mind that I had done the right thing.’

  * * *

  That night as they prepared for bed, Clara told Lillie she’d spoken to her mother who was furious that she’d come back here.

  ‘Why?’ Lillie asked. ‘I mean … surely she’s pleased you’re with us. And not off somewhere by yourself.’

  ‘That’s what I would’ve thought … but that’s Mummy for you. She still thinks I should go back and get on with the wedding as though nothing has happened. I think she’s living in a dream world.’

  ‘It must’ve been traumatic calling the whole thing off.’

  ‘It was. Though Charles was so understanding. He really is a dear.’

  ‘Was it just that you felt you were too young?’

  Clara pulled her nightie over her head and went to the dressing table to brush her hair. ‘Yes.’

  ‘So there’s no one else, then.’

  Clara turned around abruptly. ‘What makes you think that?’

  ‘I dunno. Just curious. Anyway,’ she added, getting in under the covers, ‘I think you were very brave. I’m not sure if I’d have had the courage to do what you did.’

  ‘Better than going through with a sham marriage. That would’ve been so unkind to Charles.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Lillie said, snuggling down. ‘You’re probably right.’

  * * *

  When Ronan walked into the kitchen the next day after driving down from Armidale, Lillie watched him go over to Clara and give her a kiss on the cheek.

  ‘Ma told me what happened,’ he said.

  Clara smiled. ‘Yeah. Just one of those things.’

  Lillie tried to see if she could read anything in their expressions. There was nothing.

  ‘How’s Trish?’ she asked her brother.

  There was a beat of silence, and Lillie was sure he glanced at Clara. ‘We broke it off.’

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ Ma said. ‘I was looking forward to meeting her.’

  Ronan threw her a bright smile. ‘We’re still good friends, so you might well meet her one day.’

  ‘Why did you break it off?’ Lillie asked, knowing she was pushing her luck. When he didn’t answer, she laughed. ‘Yeah, yeah, I know … mind your own business, Lillie.’

  Ronan grinned. ‘You’re learning, li’l sis.’

  As she moved over to put the kettle on, Lillie was suspicious. Clara breaks it off with Charles Fitzpatrick and Ronan breaks it off with Trish. Again she remembered the look she had seen on Ronan’s face when he was dancing with Clara at Deb’s birthday party.

  She wondered if her suspicions would be proved right.

  * * *

  One evening a few weeks later, when Deb was staying over at Eureka Park and sleeping on a camp stretcher between Clara’s and Lillie’s beds, they all went trekking into the hills. They pitched their tents by a waterfall and built a fireplace out of stones. Ronan got the fishing lines out and soon landed a large Murray cod which Lillie wrapped in alfoil to cook on the stones. Clara had made a potato salad that she had carried in her saddlebag in a Tupperware container. Ronan had packed a couple of cans of beer, which he kept cold by standing them in the creek. Around them was the light swish of a soft breeze in the gum trees and the hum of birdsong.

  As Lillie looked around, she thought how lucky they were to be up here in the hills, seemingly without a care in the world. She looked across at Deb and gave her a bright smile. ‘How good is this?’

  When they’d finished eating and had washed the dishes in the creek, they laid their sleeping bags by the fire and sat around singing along as Ronan played the guitar. He had carried it slung across the front of his saddle. Lillie loved it when he played for the family after dinner in the living room at the homestead. On one of those occasions Lillie realised he also had a good singing voice. Often he would leave the singing up to Dad, but now Lillie suspected that was because he didn’t want to show Dad up.

  As Ronan played the guitar and sang the Bob Dylan song ‘Mr Tambourine Man’, she could see Clara’s and Deb’s eyes glued to his face.

  When he stopped singing and took a sip of his beer, Freddie cried, ‘Go on, Ronan. Please, please.’ So Ronan played ‘Molly Malone’ and Clara sang the words. Lillie already knew that she had a lovely voice, for she remembered how she had stopped outside the library door at Rathgarven and heard her sing when Ronan was playing the harp; later Ronan had played ‘Molly Malone’ for the family and Clara had sung. And Clara often sang along to the latest hits on the transistor radio they both listened to in their bedroom. But Lillie had forgotten how haunting ‘Molly Malone’ was.

  As Ronan and Clara sang together, they locked eyes across the fire. It was then that Lillie knew without a doubt why Clara had called off her wedding to Charles Fitzpatrick, and she felt incredibly sorry for him. She also wondered how Clara’s mother would react if she knew that Ronan was the reason her daughter had thrown away the opportunity of marrying a lord, and all that came with it.

  One way or another, she was bound to be furious with the O’Sullivans.

  CHAPTER

  35

  Six weeks after the camping trip, Clara announced she was moving to Armidale. Marcus and Freddie were out camping in the hills with Arthur, and Ronan was in Armidale as he had a rugby game on the following day. So it was just Kathleen, Lillie and James with Clara in the kitchen that Saturday night.

  ‘I’d like to get a job in Armidale,’ she said, startling Kathleen, who was checking on a chicken casserole in the oven. ‘Much as I love being with you all, I’ve got to earn some money of my own. My working visa will run out before I know it and I want to save up so I can visit the Greek islands on the way home to England. Everyone raves about them. Besides, I can’t live with you forever. You’ve all been terribly kind and I’ll always remember my time with you.’

  ‘Why Armidale?’ James asked. ‘Wouldn’t you be better to go to Sydney? I would’ve thought there’d be more opportunities there.’

  Clara fiddled with her place mat. ‘Ronan said I could rent one of the rooms at his digs.’

  ‘Oh!’ Kathleen stopped stirring the casserole and placed it back in the oven to cook for a few minutes more. ‘Really!’

  She put the oven glove down on the edge of the sink and considered Clara’s pretty face. Over the past few weeks Kathleen had noticed
Clara and Ronan spending more time together when he was home for the weekend. A few times they had gone riding into the hills by themselves, Ronan on the mare Kathleen normally rode and Clara on Lillie’s Muffin. At first Kathleen thought they were consoling each other on their breakups. But she began to suspect there might be more to it. Was that why Clara had called off her marriage? And why Ronan had split with Trish? She wasn’t sure how she felt about this. She loved Clara, but if Jessica were to get a hint that Ronan was the cause of Clara’s broken engagement, all hell would break loose. There would be no way in the world Jessica would believe Kathleen hadn’t known what was going on.

  Perhaps I should have seen it happening, she thought. If I had, maybe I could have put an end to it. And Clara would be back in Ireland and married to Charles Fitzpatrick. Then again, I of all people know what it’s like to be totally blinded by love. No matter what anyone said, it would make no difference to how Clara and Ronan felt.

  Kathleen went to the oven once more and took out the Pyrex casserole dish and carried it to the table, where a dish of mashed potatoes and beans she’d picked earlier in the day from the veggie patch were already waiting.

  ‘One of his flatmates is leaving,’ Clara said. ‘There’s a spare room, so it seems a practical thing to do, rather than trying to find somewhere to rent. And Ronan said the dentist he went to wants an assistant. I can also get a job in the evenings in one of the hotels. I really do want to save. So, all in all, it seems like a good idea.’

  ‘What about your mother?’ Kathleen asked. ‘Won’t she expect you to come home sooner?’

  Clara picked up her glass of water and took a sip. ‘Now that I’m not going to be Lady Fitzpatrick with a huge estate in County Kerry for her to visit, I don’t think Mummy would give a toss what I did.’

  Kathleen sat down and served out the casserole and the vegetables and handed the laden plates around. ‘Oh, I’m sure that’s not true,’ she said. Though, remembering the last conversation she’d had with Jessica, she wasn’t so sure. ‘Even if you think that,’ she said to Clara, ‘we’d best let her in on your plans. Despite how you feel about her, I’m sure she’d want to know what you’re up to.’

  ‘Yes,’ Clara said, finishing a mouthful of beans, ‘you’re probably right.’

  ‘So when are you thinking of moving?’

  ‘On Monday, if that’s okay.’

  ‘Golly,’ Lillie said. ‘That soon.’

  ‘Well … the room’s available now, so I thought I might as well go up straightaway.’

  ‘We’ll miss you,’ Kathleen said. She looked at James. ‘Won’t we, darling?’

  ‘Oh, don’t worry,’ Clara laughed. ‘I’ll be down often. I’ll make sure I hitch a ride with Ronan.’

  Kathleen studied her face, but Clara gave little away. Maybe it is best that she goes to Armidale, she thought. If there is something going on between her and Ronan, up there they can sort it out away from the family’s prying eyes.

  ‘That’s great, darling. We’ll look forward to that. Now,’ she added, ‘you and Lillie can do the washing up and James and I will retire to the living room.’ She smiled. ‘Maybe you could bring us a cup of tea.’

  * * *

  On the school bus on Monday Lillie told Deb how Clara was going to Armidale to share digs with Ronan.

  ‘It sounds as if she really fancies him,’ Deb said. ‘And he fancies her as well.’

  Sheelagh said more or less the same thing after Lillie wrote to tell her that Clara had broken off her engagement. Lillie’s old friend had dropped out of school and was living in a flat with a couple of other girls in Dublin, where she had a job as a waitress around the corner from Trinity College.

  And guess who came in for a cup of tea the other day? None other than that fella, Seamus Flaherty. He’s back from Canada and’s gone and got himself a scholarship to Trinity. I must say he’s quite cute and a barrel of laughs. All the bloody waitresses fawn over him. Sadly, he seems to have a steady. He brings her in each time he comes. And would you guess who came in with him last time? None other than the fancy Lord Fitzpatrick himself … no doubt still smarting after Clara left him stranded at the altar. He’s supposedly doing a part-time course at Trinity. Do you think he’d be interested in the gorgeous and eligible Sheelagh Cassidy becoming the new Lady Fitzpatrick?

  Lillie grimaced. Poor Charles Fitzpatrick. The gossip had even spread to Dublin. And imagine Seamus Flaherty being back in Ireland. And winning a scholarship to Trinity, where he could live out his fantasy of becoming the next Brendan Behan.

  The Saturday morning after Lillie received Sheelagh’s letter, she and Ma went out riding, and Lillie told her what Sheelagh had said about the gossip of Clara’s broken engagement spreading to Dublin.

  ‘Well, let’s not spread it around the whole of Australia as well,’ Kathleen said, as they trotted together. ‘Hopefully Charles will find a new girl shortly and will forget all about Clara.’

  ‘Do you think Clara broke off her engagement to Charles Fitzpatrick because of Ronan?’ Lillie asked.

  ‘Possibly. However, it’s really none of our business, darling. Ronan’s a grown-up. So is Clara. You shouldn’t worry about them so much. What will be will be. In any case, he could do a lot worse than Clara. And she would be darn lucky to get our Ronan.’

  Later, as Lillie sat at her desk to do her homework, hard as she tried she couldn’t concentrate. All she could think of was Ronan and Clara up in Armidale. What were they doing? Were they sleeping together? Somehow, when she’d found out Ronan was probably sleeping with Trish, it hadn’t worried her all that much. Imagining him with Clara was different. Why, she wasn’t sure. Maybe it was just because she had always imagined Clara as part of the family.

  CHAPTER

  36

  To Ronan it was as if the time since the family had arrived at Eureka Park had gone as fast as the rocket the Russians had launched to Mars a number of years before. Now it was the spring of 1967. Harold Holt was Prime Minister of Australia and sentiment against the Vietnam War was escalating. It was just over a year since the Battle of Long Tan, when eighteen Australian soldiers had been killed and twenty-four wounded, and just recently Australian casualties had once again been heavy in the Battle of Suoi Chau Pha, with six dead and nineteen wounded. Although he and the rest of the family were now Australian citizens, as yet he hadn’t been conscripted to fight in Vietnam, although a few of his friends at uni had. If his number came up he was prepared to go and fight with his fellow countrymen. Despite being deeply in love with Clara.

  The day of the bushfire he realised beyond doubt that he was not in love with Trish. He was still in love with Clara. Deb’s birthday party had confirmed it. That night, as they sat outside on a hay bale between dances, Ronan had asked her why she hadn’t written to tell him she was engaged to Charles Fitzpatrick. The silence had stretched between them.

  ‘I tried a few times … then … well …’

  ‘Are you in love with him?’

  She fiddled with a piece of string on the hay bale. ‘I thought so,’ she said finally. ‘Now I’m not so sure.’

  ‘Why’s that?’ he asked.

  Her beautiful blue eyes held his. ‘Because …’

  ‘Because what?’

  ‘Now that I’ve seen you again … Well … That’s made me unsure.’

  Ronan took her hand. What he wanted to say was: I love you, Clara. Break off your engagement. But he was too much of a gentleman to say that.

  ‘He has a lot to offer you, Clara.’ He forced himself to get the words out. ‘A lot more than I can ever offer you.’

  ‘If you’re talking material things, well … I suppose he does. And Mummy would be furious if I broke it off.’

  ‘It’s not your mother you should be worrying about. It’s you, Clara. You alone.’

  ‘I know. Even so, I can’t help feeling sorry for her. If I marry Charles it’ll make her life so much easier.’

  Ronan had put his arm around her sh
oulders and squeezed her hard against his body. ‘That’s not a good enough reason to marry someone.’

  ‘I thought I did love him, Ronan. Truly I did. He’s such a good man. He loves me dearly. And I know he’ll do anything for me. It’d break his heart if I broke off the engagement at this stage.’

  Ronan had looked out over the sheep yards; he could hear the lambs bleating. ‘Why don’t you go back to Ireland, see how you feel? If you discover you do still love him, much as you must know it would break my heart, go ahead and marry him.’

  They sat in silence. Eventually Clara nodded. ‘Yes. I think that’s what I’ll do. I’ll go back and see him. Try and work out how I feel.’ She stood up and looked down at Ronan. ‘But I’ve never forgotten that kiss we shared under the mulberry tree. And the ones on the island.’ She reached out and touched his face. ‘Never.’

  ‘Nor have I,’ Ronan said.

  ‘Will you kiss me now?’ Clara asked.

  All Ronan had wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss her. But if he did, there’d be no going back for either of them. If he could have offered Clara what Charles Fitzpatrick was offering her, he wouldn’t have hesitated. But he couldn’t.

  He shook his head. ‘Not now, Clara. If you are prepared to give up everything Charles has to offer you, then I’ll kiss you for the rest of my life. To kiss you now would be unfair. To you. To me. To Charles.’

  Clara gazed at him steadily. ‘Yes. You’re probably right. I’m being a silly romantic. You’re the practical one.’ She looked towards the door of the barn. ‘Let’s go inside and have another dance. And I’ll go back to Charles and sort myself out.’

  Ronan stood up and looked at her longingly. ‘If you decide to come back here, I’ll be waiting for you. You can be sure of that. I promise.’

  A week later Clara had left for Ireland. And Ronan didn’t hear from her, which made him so anxious he found it difficult to concentrate on his studies. In the meantime he decided to break it off with Trish. It wasn’t fair to her, feeling as he did about Clara. His heart leapt when his mother rang and told him Clara had broken off her engagement. But even then he didn’t hear from her. The months that followed were agony; all he knew was that she was staying with a friend in Paris. Finally Kathleen had rung to say Clara was coming back to Eureka Park. And when he came down from Armidale and she looked into his anxious eyes, he knew without a doubt that she’d broken off her engagement so that she could be with him.