‘I have never uttered a single negative word about him in front of her. He wasn’t in her life and the least I could do was not to spoil the illusion that he was essentially a good man. She would simply see this as a chance, at long last, to begin a relationship with her estranged father because he was reaching out to her. And who could blame her for thinking that? But on the reverse side of that, what if he has changed? Then maybe I’m not putting her interests first. Would I be in danger of acting out of a sense of revenge for what he did if I fight him every step of the way? The initial problem might not have been my fault but the way I handled it is firmly down to me.’
I can see the empathy in Sally’s eyes and the acknowledgement that it’s an impossible dilemma.
‘It’s a horrible situation, Leah. You must be sick with worry as there are so many unknowns. If your worst fears are confirmed, then reaching an agreement would at least give you a voice in this. However, you have to show him you have a loud voice and you aren’t going to be afraid to use it. I’m here for you, Leah, I only wish there was something I could do to help. Do you want me to drive you up there tomorrow? Ollie’s office is in Leeds, isn’t it? That’s a long drive and some company might be a good idea. I don’t think you should be up there on your own for this meeting.’
‘That’s a very kind offer, Sally, and appreciated. But I’m taking the train and Harrison is going to ferry me to and from Ollie’s offices. I couldn’t face the drive and Harrison is aware this could be a horror story in the making, so I’ll be in good hands.’
I sit with my shoulders hunched, everything I’d been bottling up has been expelled and now I’m left with only gut-wrenching fear. The timing of this is horrible and my hopes for making Daniel and Bella a part of our lives seem to be an impossible dream right at this moment. It’s all such a mess, my heart is breaking. But that’s not something I can talk about with Sally, not least because I can’t even contemplate having my hopes and dreams shattered, leaving only a big gaping hole.
Sally’s arm wraps around my shoulders and we hug, both in tears.
‘Let’s hope it is only a quick divorce or money that he’s after. If we all chip in what we can to help then maybe you can simply pay him off. But promise me that everything you do will go through Ollie.’
I wipe my eyes and then blow my nose. ‘It will be tempting to ask him how much he wants to walk away but I couldn’t take anyone’s money. At least I don’t owe anything so I could probably get a loan. I don’t want my daughter’s wellbeing to be put at risk, Sally, that’s my only concern.’
Her arm tightens around me.
‘Time to say a few prayers, I think. I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way tomorrow. Obviously, Rosie will be with your parents but you haven’t spelt this out to them yet, have you?’
It’s a real effort to pull myself together.
‘No, they think it’s a routine meeting to talk through the process. Dad’s doing well and I don’t want him worrying about this until I know what’s happening. You have no idea how much it’s helped being able to voice all my thoughts out loud to you. Everything inside was a jumble, because ever since the divorce papers were served I’ve had to contain my thoughts to stop myself from going mad with worry. It’s time to replace emotion with cold, hard determination. Tomorrow I need to show Antonio that where Rosie is concerned I intend to fight for what I believe is right. I’m not going to accept anything at face value.’
I refuse to let this get in the way of a chance to grab some happiness for the future. When the time is right I hope that Rosie can cope with the outcome of the divorce. I don’t want her to feel conflicted as Daniel and I try to find a way through the problems. Hopefully we will be able to turn the idea of becoming a blended family into a reality. Although, just coping with that would have been a big ask of any nine-year-old. But with her biological father coming back into her life, that could threaten to pull her in two different directions at the same time. Oh, why did this have to happen now? Why not in six months’ time?
I’m Nobody’s Fool
The train journey allows me to determine my plan of attack. Okay, so I could have been the evil wife who made Antonio’s life unbearable and drove him into someone else’s arms – but I wasn’t. And none of that has any bearing on what is right for Rosie, after the divorce anyway. I need to get real because this was never going to be a clean fight. It has to be tactical.
My phone pings and it’s Daniel.
Good luck and stay strong.
I stop for a second to respond.
I’ll call you afterwards. You are my rock! Thank you for the pep talk last night. I’ve come out wearing my boxing gloves!
A smile creeps over my face as I press send, conjuring up an image of him in my mind. Getting today out of the way will be like lifting a huge weight off my shoulders. I can’t wait to shed the gnawing worry that has been constantly eating away at me, keeping me tossing and turning at night. Daniel has been there to listen to my angst and keep me positive. I freely admit that I don’t know how I would have kept going without cracking up over the past couple of weeks if he hadn’t been on the other end of the phone.
When I walk out through the main exit to the station and see a friendly face, it immediately gives me a boost.
‘Harrison, it’s so good to see you. Thank you for being here for me today.’
He knows every little detail of what’s going on. Even my very worst fears and the things I haven’t been able to voice to Ollie, because I’ve shared everything with him. But I also know that Ollie won’t divulge anything and on the reverse side of that Harrison won’t pass on a single word I say. In a way, he has become my sounding board, although I know he’s firmly in my corner so his views aren’t exactly impartial. However, he is very honest with me and I appreciate that.
‘You look different somehow. Are you okay?’ he asks.
My face is set and I’m ready to do battle.
‘I’ve made a few tactical changes to the plan. I couldn’t live with myself if this divorce ends up turning Rosie’s little world upside down, only to end in disappointment. Ollie is in for a bit of a shock. I can either act like a hapless victim in all of this and that could put Rosie at risk, or I can use the law to my full advantage. So that’s what I’m going to do.’
Harrison and I link arms as he steers me towards his car.
‘Thank goodness! I’ve been feeling anxious on your behalf, lovely lady. There are times when assuming everyone plays fair is a distinct disadvantage and I’m relieved to see you have arrived in a fiery mood. Watch out Antonio, you might be in for a real surprise.’
For the first time since all this began I’m able to laugh with some level of sincerity attached to it. The transition from being powerless to feeling powerful hinges on one thing only: and that’s having something with which to bargain. And the law is very clear about that.
~
‘Ollie, there’s a change of plan. I want to talk to Antonio in private to begin with.’
Ollie’s expression changes instantly from a warm welcoming smile, to a grave look accompanied by a deep frown.
‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Leah. Can I ask the reason why you’ve suddenly changed your mind?’
‘There are a few things that need to be said off the record. After that, I think it will be helpful if we outline to you what we’ve agreed and maybe you can then tell us how we move that forward legally.’
He looks apprehensive. ‘You’re taking quite a big risk here, Leah. My advice is that you don’t commit to anything without a great deal of thought and without the benefit of professional advice. However, you are the client and I am required to take my instructions from you.’
We’re facing each other across his desk and Harrison is outside in the reception area. The inner sanctum of a solicitor’s office isn’t as formidable as I’d expected it to be. They could be dealing with anything here, but the truth is that a lot of emotional and financial turmoil is handled
within these four walls.
‘My mind is made up and I’m convinced this is the right thing to do.’
‘As you wish. But if you feel you are being bullied in any way, or manipulated, then I’ll be waiting on the other side of that door and all you have to do is call me back in. Are you ready?’
I nod. As ready as I’ll ever be.
Ollie grabs a folder and a pile of papers, then escorts me from his office back through reception. Harrison gives me a firm nod of encouragement as we walk past him. Ollie simply looks directly ahead. We turn into a short corridor and he stops in front of a door which opens into quite a large, conference-style room.
I settle myself down and after a few minutes a light on a console in the centre of the table starts blinking and Ollie leans across to press a button. There are a couple of clicks and suddenly, for the first time in over seven years, I hear Antonio’s voice saying ‘hello’.
‘Good day, Mr Castelli. My name is Oliver Parker-Smith and you are through to the offices of the Chambers and Royal Legal Practice. Mrs Castelli is here waiting to take the call and has asked that I vacate the room for the first part of this meeting. Are you happy to agree to that change in format for today’s discussion?’
Antonio coughs, clearing his throat and then replies with just the one word to confirm his agreement.
‘I’m now leaving the room and will await my client’s instruction to return.’
Ollie gives me one last look, checking whether my mind is made up; I give him a brief nod and the vestiges of a nervous smile. Waiting until the door closes behind him, I take a few deep breaths and begin. This is a conversation over which I need to demonstrate control so that it’s clear I’m taking a firm stance. I want Antonio to understand that my solicitor has an important role in this but I’m driving it every inch of the way.
‘We’re alone, Antonio. What is it you wanted to say to me?’
A few seconds pass and I wonder if we’ve been disconnected, but suddenly his voice begins to fill the room.
‘This isn’t easy, Leah. It’s been a long time. My life is different now and I’m sorry for what happened before. I have someone new in my life and I also have a two-year-old son. I want to remarry and it’s time to put a few things right, first.’
I keep taking those slow, deep breaths.
‘And that was why you contacted your parents and gave them your address? You knew that I would start divorce proceedings. But what about my sister?’
He clears his throat once again, a bothersome little cough that reveals how nervous he is and that could give me an edge.
‘This is harder than I thought it would be … Kelly and I went our separate ways only a few months after we … left. I haven’t heard from her since then so I don’t know where she is. Look, I’m a different person now, really I am. I’m settled and my partner and I have a nice house; I have a good job and I want to get to know Rosie again. She has a stepbrother and Annie says it’s the right thing to do.’
Oh, now it’s Annie who has fallen for his charm and is convinced she can make him a better person. Same old Antonio. It saddens me that it’s Annie’s influence and not his own conscience that has made him regret the error of his ways and the hurt he’s inflicted on me and Rosie. No doubt he hated having to tell her anything at all about his past. Without a divorce he can’t marry her, though and I bet the picture he painted of me wasn’t a pretty one.
‘I hope you have plenty of money then, because divorce can be a costly process.’
There’s a sound of something hitting the floor, maybe a notebook or a pen and I think my words have startled him.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You left behind a lot of debt, Antonio, and there are maintenance arrears with regard to Rosie for the last seven plus years. Then, obviously, there will be your share of her upkeep until she’s old enough to be independent.’
‘I don’t have any spare money, Leah, so don’t think you’re going to get a huge lump sum out of this. I mean, I know I should be contributing to her upkeep, but the debt wasn’t my fault and surely that’s in the past now.’
Nothing is ever Antonio’s fault; that’s the way he leads his life. Will there ever come a point in the future when he walks away from Annie and his young son, too, I wonder?
‘That isn’t how the law looks at it, Antonio. But I’m willing to waive any financial claim against you if you agree to the terms I’m proposing. My solicitor will then put it in writing for us both to sign. Under the circumstances I’m merely putting Rosie’s interests first and foremost. By law you have a right to have access to your estranged daughter and I’m not disputing that. However, if we are unable to come to an amicable agreement on both a financial and parental access basis, then this could turn into a very costly battle. I don’t think that’s something with which you are going to be happy, either, but I intend to stand firm to achieve what I feel is right for Rosie’s future.’
He gives a bitter laugh.
‘So, this is payback time? You’re going to make this as difficult as you possibly can for me. You hate the fact that I’m happy now and that I wasn’t happy with you.’
He hasn’t changed at all. Does he feel no guilt at all about running away with Kelly and how that affected our lives here? Or the impact on Rosie as she faced the future without a father figure in her life?
‘When Rosie was old enough to ask the question, there was no way I could tell her why you suddenly disappeared from our lives. I gave her vague reassurances that your absence didn’t mean you didn’t love her. None of us have ever spoken to her about the aunt she wouldn’t even remember; the sister who betrayed me in the worst possible way. It’s as if Kelly never existed but something will always be missing now she’s no longer in our lives. And Antonio, you are equally to blame for that.
‘So, my answer is that this isn’t payback time, at all. I think it’s a very generous offer given the dire financial situation you left me in. My proposal is that I waive any claim against you for your half of those debts and any form of maintenance payment: whether historical, or in the future. In return for that considerable concession I will agree to you establishing regular contact with Rosie via Skype. If you succeed in building a meaningful relationship with her, then I’m prepared to bring her over for an accompanied visit at some point by mutual agreement. I will expect you to foot the bill for all of her travel arrangements and as a demonstration of goodwill I will cover my own costs for that, and any subsequent visits. But that will be the full extent of the access arrangements until she is no longer dependent upon me.’
The silence is hard to bear but I know this wasn’t at all what he was expecting to hear. Instead of having the upper hand, suddenly I’m making it clear how much he stands to lose financially. If he ends up having to agree to a payment plan he’ll have no choice but to tell Annie about the debts he left behind. That isn’t going to impress her very much, is it? Maybe he was naïve enough to think that financially this wasn’t going to be a drain on him. Forcing my hand to instigate the divorce served his purpose and he thought that meant there would be no cost to himself.
That’s the way he always breezed through life when I knew him; ignoring anything he didn’t want to accept, or which didn’t fall in with his plans. Now he’s focusing on keeping his new partner happy with thoughts of a wedding.
I wonder if he regrets having had no contact at all with Rosie, because having a two-year-old around must remind him of what he has missed. But if he was motivated by a genuine desire to make up for the past, get to know her and be a part of her future, then you would think that he’d want to help provide for her, too. Out of principle, if nothing else. Why would he support one child of his quite happily and not the other? Unless he thinks he can take me for granted and continue calling the shots to achieve whatever is on his personal agenda.
‘I think you’re exaggerating. I can’t be expected to keep two families at the same time and no judge can demand what I don’t have
to give.’
I’m so calm I surprise myself. He expects me to take sole care and responsibility for Rosie, while wanting to exert his rights to have unlimited access to her. This is first and foremost about being free to get married again. It has never crossed his mind to wonder how I was managing to keep a roof over Rosie’s head, pay the bills or put food on the table. He still has no sense of responsibility whatsoever. Unbelievable.
‘This is a one-time offer, Antonio. Take it or leave it. But those are my terms. If you aren’t prepared to agree to this then you’d better appoint a solicitor and the discussions can be conducted via our representatives.’
‘And waste money I don’t have? This could ruin me and the life I’ve built over here.’
I say nothing. I’ve had seven years of living in a financial nightmare and I have nothing on my conscience.
‘This is blackmail, Leah.’
‘On the contrary, it’s the law by which everyone has to abide. Including you, Antonio.’
‘It doesn’t cost me anything and we get this divorce through as quickly as possible?’
I can almost hear his thought processes. Annie will get her wedding and his life goes on as normal. Of course, Annie will assume that being married means something to Antonio and that it guarantees a rosy future for her and her son. All I feel is a sense of pity and empathy, from one woman to another.
‘Agreed. This is your chance to get to know Rosie, Antonio, so don’t let her down. All she knows about you is that you needed some time away and her expectation was that at some point you would come back into her life. You are starting with a clean slate, so make this about her and not about you. It’s your chance to prove yourself as a father. I’ll ask Ollie to join us and we can spell out the details of our arrangement.’
As I walk towards the door I don’t feel like I’ve won, but I do feel that I’ve safeguarded Rosie from potential harm in the only way I possibly can. There are no winners in a situation like this, but from the little he’s already said, it’s patently obvious that Antonio hasn’t changed at all. It’s sad that Rosie will have to discover his shortcomings for herself but there’s nothing I can do about that. If she decides she doesn’t want him in her life at some point in the future, then at least I won’t have influenced that in any way.
A Greek Affair Page 26