I smiled and shook my head gently at her. ‘Don’t worry, Nan. I don’t need the answer.’
‘Lauren, I did answer. I didn’t have enough money to buy insurance too.’
For a few seconds, I just looked at her as the information she’d given me filtered through to my brain first and then to my heart. The fear and pain of the truth became overwhelming, before a wave of sickness washed over me and the world blurred in front of my eyes. I dipped my head quickly down to my knees and fought with everything I had to ward off the rising bile and the light-headedness that accompanied it.
I picked up my black leather holdall with both hands and with one swift shake I aggressively tipped the contents all over my bed and looked at the mess. With one hand, I swept the mess to the floor. I couldn’t be fucking arsed to sort through it.
Jetlag was beginning to hit me and fast.
But, I knew it wasn’t the fucking jetlag that had me feeling this way.
Moving away from my bed I walked towards my window, crossed my arms tightly over my chest and stared outside. Then lost in my thoughts, I pushed my hair away from my face and back on top of my head and clasped my hands together at the back of my neck as I looked up to the ceiling and tried to work out what had gone down between Lauren and me.
I’d arrived back at The Manor half an hour ago. As luck would have it, I’d caught sight of her and Winter through the large, arched glass doors that filled the entrance. With my heart beating faster from having not laid eyes on her for more fucking days than I cared to think about, I pulled my luggage quickly out of the boot and slammed it, not even bothering to lock my prized possession. I’d swung the bag over my shoulder and quickened my step to make sure I bumped into them. Despite the look that I’d got from Winter, I’d ignored her and had continued to walk up to them both.
We’d passed the time of day and I gleaned the information that they were here to see Amy. I’d told them in return that although Luke and I were back, Cade and Brody were still in Vegas, sorting out the hotel with Cade’s family. I kind of hoped that Amy might want to know, then what I’d been looking forward to for fucking forever was over. We’d parted ways as they’d knocked on Amy’s office door and had then disappeared behind it.
Like a fool, I’d stood in their wake as I tried hard to read between the lines.
Lauren had smiled an almost sad sort of embarrassed smile and said hello, but that was it. As we were in public and with Winter, I couldn’t question her. I couldn’t apologise for being away for longer than I’d first thought I would have to be. I couldn’t explain that I’d had to spend the time with my son as Ashley and I worked hard to sort through all the shit between us for his sake. I didn’t ask if she’d understood her Christmas presents and the words I’d written down especially for her, as I’d tried to explain everything that I’d long ago shut away in my heart.
She was my greatest love, my greatest regret and she would forever be the other half of me. But, still we’d stood to one side of the foyer making small talk. Talking about meaningless shit that in the grand fucking scheme of things meant absolutely fucking nothing.
I righted my head and staring back out of my window, as the world got on with their lives and mine came crashing down around me, I went over and over those all too short minutes and tried to read between the lines.
She looked tired and something else.
I could sense something. Something that she’d been telling me without using words.
In my head, I pictured her again.
She was wearing a thick winter coat in a green colour that made her amber eyes pop. The rust coloured pom-pom hat on her head showed off the different colours in her hair and when she’d hastily pulled it off her head as I’d called out to them both, my eyes had been transfixed into watching the thick waves of her hair fall back onto her shoulders. I’d been taken back to a few weeks ago, remembering brushing it off her bare shoulders and winding the thick lengths around my hand, as she’d sat on me while we fucked.
I closed my eyes as the memories in my head engulfed me.
Then as I went through the tiny clip again in my head, it clicked and my eyes flew open. I watched her hand pull the hat off her head once again and saw what I’d been waiting for.
The ring was fucking gone!
Finally, taking notice of the world outside my window, I saw her red Mini Cooper disappear around the last bend of the long driveway.
‘What’s going on, Lauren?’ I questioned the empty room and spinning around quickly I walked hurriedly towards my bedroom door and grabbed my keys from the bedside table.
‘Jetlag be fucking damned, I’m not resting until I work this shit out.’
By the time the door slammed behind me, I was already at the top of the first flight of stairs.
As I jumped down them two at a time, my brain was whirring, going through all the various scenarios in my head.
She was no longer engaged. It was fucking fantastic, but… Why?
Where was she speeding to get to? She hated people who sped around the lanes here, I remembered her calling them dangerous and reckless.
I couldn’t come up with an answer, but I knew in my heart she was leaving me a trail to follow, even if she didn’t know it herself.
I ran to the car, jumped in and started her up all at the same time. I pulled out of the carpark like a fucking lunatic, spewing gravel in all directions, hoping that there was no one walking anywhere near to the driveway. I was driving far too fucking fast as I sped up the narrow exit. It was all going well and I knew I had to be making up time on her, when I had to come to a screeching halt at the turning to The Fairy Garden.
Well that’s fucking ironic.
The back end of my car slipped and I just managed to control it. I pulled up with only a few feet to spare from the delivery truck. It appeared that he had got himself stuck trying to turn into the narrow archway entrance to the tearoom carpark.
‘FUCK!’ left my mouth with force into the empty car.
The driver looked at me, obviously hearing me swear and raising his hands, he showed me his ten fingers as he gesticulated how long he was going to be. Although, by the look on his face, I could see he thought I was a fucking arsehole and he would probably take longer just to fuck with me.
I nodded at him and lowered my head onto the top of my steering wheel.
‘Now what?’
Lauren would be long gone.
After looking around the village, without being able to locate Lauren’s car, I’d pulled up in front of the building that contained a woman who I knew I could open my heart to. My heart was pounding, frustration was running riot around my body and I needed a dose of reality.
I spent just over half an hour with the lady, who against everyone else’s wishes and instructions, had always believed in us. The same lady who meant as much to me as my own grandmother did. I knew that she was suffering with dementia as Winter had kept me up to date over the years and since I’d been back I’d visited her a couple of times already.
But today was a bad day for her, her carer had told me as much as soon as I walked into the building. Although, taking in the look on my face, she said I could still visit, if Vera was happy for me to be there.
Vera offered me a smile after I poked my head around her door after knocking, and taking that as an invitation I put my problems to one side and went in and sat with her. She spoke to me like she was sitting in the kitchen at Lauren’s mum and dad’s house and I’d arrived to pick up Lauren for a date. I went along, happy to reminisce with her and I enjoyed watching as her face lit up as we discussed the beautiful young girl that was her granddaughter.
When she started to doze off, I took my cue to leave. I placed a kiss on the hand of hers that I’d been holding and put it back onto the arm of her chair.
But as always, Vera somehow managed to give me the information I wanted and needed to know.
Her carer stopped me as I put pen to paper to sign out of the building.
<
br /> ‘Sorry, Rafferty. Vera gave me this yesterday and she was most insistent that you had to have it as soon as possible. I should have remembered earlier when you came in… but it’s busy in here today. Anyway, I’ve remembered now, so here you go.’ I looked down at her fingers which held on to a small square, florescent yellow post-it note that Vera had written on.
I took it, thanked her and walking back to my car I read the words she’d written especially for me.
Now, lost in my own thoughts I drove out of Falham village and towards where I was now convinced I would find Lauren. Knowing what I was about to face, my head went back to where it had all started.
“Operator, how can I help you?”
“I need help to make a call to England, please.”
“Do you need to reverse the charges?”
“Yes…, yes please and can you tell them it’s an emergency?”
“Of course, can I have the number, please.”
Gripping hold of the receiver, I gave the number to the operator and leant my forehead against the cool metal of the aluminium of the false wall behind the phone. My heart was pounding. I could hear Cade walking around behind me and Cerise's soft crying, as she sat on Luke’s lap and let go of her fears.
I forced my conscious thoughts back to the phone as I heard the operator speak again.
“Connecting you now.”
“Thanks,” I murmured into the phone and closing my eyes I willed all the strength I had, as I prepared myself to ask for help from the man I had long ago sworn never to ask for anything from ever again.
“Well this is a surprise, Rafferty.”
I ignored his condescending fucking tone and tried to rise above it. I’d long ago realised that I would do anything for Lauren and I drove myself forward when my hand twitched to be allowed to slam the receiver down on him.
“I need help, Rupert.”
“Well, well, well.”
I hated the fucking bastard with everything I had.
“I wouldn’t ask for me. But, it’s not for me, it’s for Lauren. She’s ill. We’ve brought her to the ER in Vegas. I will pay you back, it would only be a loan.”
“You need money?”
“Yeah,” I answered, sighing into the phone.
“Not a star yet then?”
“No. Look, I know what you think of me… I’m begging you to help us. I’ll do anything to get what she needs… Please can you help us?”
I heard him tut into the phone and could imagine the look of pure joy on his face as he took in my desperation and pain. “What a mess you’ve created, boy. Just think, if you’d have followed what I wanted for you, you’d both still be here with your families around you. That poor girl and it’s all down to you.”
I rolled my bottom lip over my teeth and bit down as I forced myself to remember the bigger picture and how much Lauren needed help. So, I took a deep breath and ignored him, effectively letting him carry on. “I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties.” In my head I rolled the words ‘I bet’ around when he paused mid-conversation. “But, unfortunately, you’ve called the wrong place I’m afraid, I don’t have any money. So, I can’t help you.”
His words made the pain and fear already travelling around my gut expand to the point of being excruciating.
“You don’t have any?” My voice got louder as I spoke the words back to him in disbelief. “I know you fucking hate me, but this is her life we’re talking about and you’re telling me that you don’t fucking have any.”
“Don’t you raise your voice at me, my boy. Unless you want me to take out yet another loan on this dilapidated house and put your mum and sister’s stability in possible jeopardy, I can’t help you. Is that what you want me to do?”
“Two minutes left,” the operator’s voice interrupted us both and for a couple of seconds I removed the phone from my ear and looked up to find Cade staring at me. I watched as he shook his head and gesticulated he would make a call and get what I needed.
I shook my head at him and spoke back into the phone.
“No, I don’t want you to risk them.”
“I didn’t…”
I’m sure he had more to say, but I pressed the button and ended the call. I didn’t need to hear anything more come out of his mouth. After waiting a couple of minutes, I released the button I was pressing down. I’d been holding it down so forcibly that my finger was turning white with the pressure and lack of blood flow.
I was so fucking pissed off with him.
“Operator.”
“Hi, I need assistance please to make a call to the UK.”
I gave Lauren’s mum and dad’s number and the fact I needed them to accept the call because it was an emergency and then I waited. As the phone began to ring thousands of miles away, I turned around in the stark, white corridor with its few plastic covered chairs and bright lights. I closed my eyes, allowed my knees to bend and my back to slide down the wall. The phone wire was stretched to capacity as I sat down on my haunches and tried to hold it all together. Once they’d stabilised her, and I hoped with everything I had they would do, at that point we either needed a credit card that worked or some sort of insurance that would cover her hospital stay.
What we needed was a miracle.
“Rafferty.” The accusation flooded through the phone without him saying another word.
“Mr. Harper. I’m sorry. Lauren has been taken into the emergency room at Summerlin Medical centre here in Vegas. She’s very ill. She needs your help please. I need your help.”
I pulled up a few cars behind Lauren’s and reversed into the empty parking space, feeling a sense of relief at finding her. I could see she was still sitting in the driver’s seat. I took a quick look at my wristwatch, working out she must have been here just under an hour, and I tried hard to get into her head as I wondered why she still hadn’t gone inside.
We sat like that for about ten more minutes, then I saw what she was waiting for. Her dad arrived in the flat-bed truck he used for his landscaping business and it all clicked into place.
He pulled forward and reversed in one fast movement onto the drive of Lauren’s family home. I watched as he lifted his hand to wave at her and then he disappeared from my view.
I stared, waiting for her to get out of her car.
My phone vibrating in the front pocket of my jeans broke me out of my trance and adjusting my position I manged to retrieve it, pulling it from my pocket.
Ignoring the notification, I opened my messages and started to type.
‘Are we going in?’ Then I pressed send.
I saw the moment she read my message as she turned her head to look for me. Grabbing my jacket from the seat next to me, I pushed open my door. I placed my hand up onto the roof of the car and pulled myself out of the low sports car. Thrusting both arms into the jacket, I back kicked my driver’s door closed, not giving a fuck if I marked the new paintwork and jogged past the couple of cars in between us.
Her head turned slowly and then her eyes found mine as she looked through the half steamed up glass of her driver’s door.
I could see that she’d been crying
Offering her a small smile of encouragement, I wrapped my fingers around the car’s door handle, pulled it open and offered her my hand. Much to my relief, without any hesitation whatsoever, her gloved hand came up to find mine and I stepped back so she could get out. As soon as she was standing, I used the one hand I had to pull her into my body. It wasn’t an action that I’d spent any time thinking about, but an action that was so natural to us.
She fell into my body with force and I wrapped both of my arms and my open jacket around her and held her close, trying to warm her up. Looking up into the grey, gloomy sky I sent up my thanks to whoever was looking down on us.
‘Don’t be kind to me, I pushed you away and I don’t deserve your kindness and I just can’t cry any more,’ she whispered into my chest.
‘I promise not to be kind, if you promise never to push
me away again.’
I bent my head down, allowed my nostrils to fill up with the scent of her shampoo and then I gently and slowly pressed my lips to her head. When she didn’t flinch, or recoil away from my touch, my heart literally expanded to twice its size with hope.
‘You deserve everything, Lauren and I mean to make sure you get it. Here today, we’re going to start with the truth.’
‘How did you know where I was?’ she questioned.
‘One word… Vera.’
‘You’ve been to see Nan?’
I nodded, with my chin resting on her head I knew she could feel the action.
‘I spent some time with her and somehow she told me what she sensed I needed to know. I’m here because you’re here, it’s that simple. We’re both here because we both deserve to know what happened all those years ago, don’t we?’ Steam left my mouth when I spoke, it was freezing outside, but with her wrapped up in my arms I knew I would stand here for eternity.
She nodded against my chest.
‘We have some answers, but it doesn’t fit together, does it?’
‘No. But, as much as I want to know, I’m almost scared to. I came here yesterday after speaking to Nan and didn’t go in. Because the missing pieces to my greatest ever heartache are there inside that house with my parents, who I love and who I know love me.’
‘I know you’re scared and so am I… But, we can’t go on like this. It’s like we’re slowly killing each other. I arrived back in the country today, having had to stay away for far fucking longer than I wanted to and the first thing I saw was you. It fucking killed me to greet you like we were just friends and then, in a few minutes, our conversation was over. You went in to see Amy and I went up to my room. I can’t live like that, seeing you, but not being able to touch or kiss you.’ I moved my feet as I thought over what words I needed to find to carry on. ‘I stood in my room trying to control the anger inside me at having to let you walk away and I knew there was something I was missing. In my head, I went over the few words we’d spoken, but the answer wasn’t there. It was more about what you weren’t saying.’
Rafferty (Default Distraction Book 2) Page 27