‘After all these years, you still understand me.’ I could feel her shaking her head a little against my chest.
‘Lozzie, where are you? The kettles on, love,’ her mum shouting travelled over to us.
‘I can and there’s a million other things I remember and cherish about you and as much as I’d like to list each and every fucking one, I think first we both need to go inside there.’ I leant my head towards her mum and dad’s house and I knew she understood what I meant, even though she couldn’t see me. ‘Because, I think we both deserve the truth, don’t you?’
Her arms that had been caught between us both started to move and I relaxed my hold on her just a little. Once they’d been released she wound them both underneath my jacket and around my body.
I inhaled deeply as my T-shirt moved with her movement and the bare skin of her wrist touched my flesh.
Fuck! The connection I had with her even after all the years apart was unlike anything else I’d ever witnessed. It still had the strength and power to shock me. Even in the emotional circumstances that we were about to embroil ourselves in, my body jumped to life at the simple touch.
‘Thank you for coming.’ She squeezed her arms around me just a little tighter.
‘Always and forever, Loz,’ I whispered back.
Reluctantly, I released my hold on her, but I couldn’t let go completely. Walking up the path to her parents’ home side by side, I reached out with my fingers to hers, threaded them together and took hold.
With my arm behind me and gripping hold of Raff’s fingers tightly, I pushed down the handle and opened the inner door to Mum and Dad’s house.
Even though Raff was here with me as we sought together for the truth of what had happened all those years ago, I felt tense and apprehensive at what the truth would bring in its wake.
I loved my family, we’d always been close.
I’d always felt their love for me and although over the years we’d had our ups and downs like most families, we were, or so I thought, close. I couldn’t believe they would intentionally cause me so much pain.
Raff closed the door to the porch behind us quietly and my mum’s head appeared around the kitchen door.
As she wiped her hands on her apron, her smile fleetingly disappeared as she took in who was accompanying me on my visit. She looked at us for a few seconds and took in that we were standing in her hall holding hands. Then after the initial shock she regained her composure and called out a greeting.
‘Hello, you two. Would you like a cup of tea?’ She didn’t wait for us to answer, but carried on regardless. ‘Yes, I think we’ll all need a cup of tea. Lauren, take Raff into the living room, the fire’s lit. Go and take a seat and make yourselves comfortable.’
‘Hello, Lisa, it’s nice to see you,’ Raff finally answered from behind me.
Mum nodded at him and pursing her lips together she held her emotions in check.
Leading Raff by the hand I turned left and walked into the shabby, but homely living room of my childhood. I sat down on the faded, floral settee and pulled Raff into the space next to me, but neither of us sat back to relax. Instead, we perched on the edge while we waited for them both to come in. As we waited, he lifted my hand onto his lap and rubbed his thumb reassuringly over my fingers.
‘Are you okay?’ he whispered.
‘No,’ I truthfully replied.
‘We have to do this, Lauren. But, we can…’
‘We can what? Raff you know we need to confront this today… otherwise neither of us can move on.’
Our whispering was interrupted by the arrival of my parents at the doorway together. My dad looked stoic, but my mum’s hands were shaking ever so slightly as she carried in our tea on a tray.
‘Thank you,’ I replied and I offered her a smile, trying to reassure her.
I waited a few minutes as my mum sat down and my dad stood beside her chair. I knew why he chose to stand there, having lived with them for years I knew his body language. He wasn’t comfortable with the situation that we’d presented to him, so he couldn’t sit and he wanted to offer my mum the comfort of him standing beside her.
As I looked over at them, I went through all the many ways I could ask them what I needed to know, but absolutely nothing sounded right. My mouth opened and closed a couple of times as I tried in vain to start the conversation we so desperately needed to have.
I didn’t want to confront them, I didn’t want to accuse them and I hated the thought of losing them once I’d found out the truth. I’d watched Amy for years missing the link of parents in her life. I loved my mum and dad and not one sentence that came into my head seemed to be the correct way to go about what we’d come here to do.
Raff stood up suddenly and without releasing my hand he leant towards my dad and offered him his hand to shake. For a few seconds my dad looked at it and then finally he relented and after what looked like a strong, firm shake Raff sat down beside me and spoke.
‘I’m sorry, Mr. Davenport.’
‘And tell me, just what are you bloody sorry for?’
My dad’s anger came spilling out into that one question and I moved, getting myself ready to jump into the conversation, but Raff gripped my hand tighter and I knew it was to discourage me.
‘I’m sorry I encouraged Lauren to leave home at sixteen. I know now as a parent how much that must have hurt you both. And I’m sorry she fell so ill under my care. I’m sorry for anything I’ve ever done that’s hurt you both, or her.’ He stopped speaking for a minute and gathered my hand back up onto his lap and then he covered both of our hands with his other one and held on tight. ‘But, that’s it… I’ll never apologise for loving your daughter and for wanting her to be with me. Not seventeen years ago, nor now in the present. Because it would be a lie. And I may be a lot of fucking things, but I’ve never been a liar.’
I turned my head towards him after listening quietly while he spoke and without even thinking twice I ran my fingers through his hair and lifted the hair that had fallen in front of his eyes back up onto his head. Slowly, his head turned to look at me and he moved my hand from the side of his head to his lips. He placed a kiss onto it as he looked into my eyes.
The gesture was simple and honest and I felt it deep down inside with every beat of my heart. I knew I’d been wrong in pushing him away. There had to be another explanation for what Flint heard between his parents. Raff’s words had made me remember, he had never been dishonest and I knew he wasn’t now.
‘Are you two back together?’ My mum questioned as she watched the interaction between us.
‘Not yet, but with your help today, I plan on fighting with everything I have, to get Lauren back into my life. We’ve loved each other for forever and I believe that it will never be too late for us. Because for a love like ours, there will always be a way back to who we once were.’
A loud sob left my mum’s mouth and my dad sat down on the arm of the settee to pull her close to his side as he offered her the comfort she desperately needed. Then he looked back at Raff and spoke again.
‘I appreciate your apology, Raff. And I sincerely hope you never have to experience what Lisa and I went through after Lozzie left us and then subsequently, what we went through as her helpless parents, when she fell so bloody ill.’
Raff answered by nodding back at my dad.
‘Please tell us how you paid for my hospital care in Vegas?’ Finally, I’d found my voice and I asked the question as gently as I could.
‘I will, but before you judge us you have to understand that we needed to have the money upfront to pay for your care and to get you home. It’s a decision that’s haunted me since we took it, but one which I know your mum and I would make all over again to provide you with what you needed.’
‘Oh, fuck… It was him, wasn’t it?’ Raff’s body became tense next to me and I turned my head between my parents and him as I tried to understand what they all seemed to be grasping and what I was missing. Unable to sit still
as we waited for my dad to answer, Raff stood up and tried again. ‘Wasn’t it?’
‘Yes.’
‘Fucking hell, the evil twisted bastard. And I bet there were provisos too?’ Listening to Raff speak and the way his tone changed as he did so, I now knew exactly who he was talking about.
My dad exhaled loudly as he braced himself to answer the man who was standing at my side with anger falling off him waves, but the same man that held on to my hand firmly but gently as he refused to allow his anger travel through to me.
‘You two were to never know he’d lent us the money. If you found out he would pull in the loan… But, looking at you both now, the worst thing he asked was that we did whatever it took to make sure you stayed apart. If you got back together and he felt we could have stopped it, again he would pull in the loan.’
My head was pounding, the full cup of tea that I was still holding in my hand was shaking a little and tea began to run slowly down the sides. My cup looked like I felt inside. I was about to explode with emotion and anger.
‘How could you both?’ My worst fears had come true.
‘We’re so sorry, Lozzie. We had no choice.’
I stood up, still holding the cup of tea in my hand. ‘There’s always a bloody choice!’ I screamed out in my anguish. ‘I understand that you needed the money for me and I’m sorry to have put you in that position, but it was seventeen years ago. Raff told me he called here a few times, he even told me that you’d told him I was getting engaged to Bryan of all people.’
My mum cried louder at my words and turning her head she pushed her face into the dirty work clothes my dad was still wearing. Dad held her close, rubbing up and down her back as he tried to reassure her.
‘We hoped in time, Lauren, you would move on,’ he answered.
‘AND. HAVE. I?’ My anger bubbled over as I screamed at them both and understanding that this was everything I had been dreading it would turn into, I sank heavily back into their old settee. ‘I’ve never stopped loving him, never stopped wondering all the what if’s and truth be told, I’ve never stopped hoping he would come back. You should have told me, maybe not in the beginning, but after Raff married you could have told me.’
‘How much do you still owe?’ Raff speaking made me stop.
At his words, I stopped the harsh words that were flying out of my mouth, because once out and into the world they would be so hard to retract even with an apology. I took another look around my parents’ shabby home and guilt hit me like a ton of bricks for all the accusations I’d flung their way. Everything made sense. They both worked so hard, Dad with his gardening and Mum with her cleaning, but they had nothing to show for it. No holidays, flash cars or even new clothes.
‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered to them both. ‘I shouldn’t have said those things…’
‘Loz.’ Raff interrupted me and I turned towards him. Pulling me by the hand he hadn’t let go of since he helped me out of the car, he stepped towards me and lifted my chin with his other hand. ‘It’s okay, we can make this right.’
Then he turned back to my dad. ‘Get him on the phone and put it on speaker. Let’s find out exactly how much it is that you still owe.’
My dad looked at me, released my mum and then stepped towards the phone on the side table. Pressing a few buttons the sound of a dial tone filled the now silent room.
‘Colonel Davenport.’ I heard his condescending voice, my dad’s reply and question, and it was all too much. I watched as the cup of tea in my hand fell in slow motion to the floor, splashing its contents in a far-reaching circle and the expressions on my parents’ faces change from worry and guilt to looks of concern.
Then the world went black around me.
I heard his voice answer that they still owed several thousand pounds and leant towards the speaker on the phone.
‘You’ve been found out to be the fucking bastard I always knew you were and now I’m going to finish you.’
I felt Lauren pull on my hand and then her grip as it relaxed its hold on mine and I turned my attention from the phone to her as she began to fall and then her mum began to scream.
‘There she is.’ I heard what I thought was our doctor’s voice and confused, I opened my eyes to look and check.
And sure enough, it was him.
‘Don’t worry, Lauren. You’re still at your mum and dad’s. Lyn and I were passing when your dad phoned us and here we are.’ He smiled down at me and I realised I was now laid out on the settee.
‘Dr. Carpenter?’
‘You fainted, Lauren. I hear from Rafferty and your mum and dad that you’ve had a bit of a shock.’
‘Yes, I did,’ I replied, as I remembered hearing the Colonel’s voice on speaker phone and understanding what his role was in keeping us apart for so long.
That meant that Raff had never wanted to leave me.
I searched around the room for Raff, and I sighed out loud as I found him. He was standing at the bottom of the settee with his arms crossed over his chest, looking extremely solemn. I could sense he was tense and his grey eyes had darkened in anger. He smiled at me as my eyes found his and his posture relaxed slightly.
‘How have you been of late?’ Dr. Carpenter continued to question me while holding my wrist in his hand as he checked my pulse.
‘I’ve been feeling a bit off for a few weeks, but there’s been a lot going on. But, my blood sugar has been steady,’ I offered him as I tried to convince him I was fine.
‘Have you fainted before?’ Dr. Carpenter’s eyes came up from his watch to find mine as he asked the question.
‘No, but I have felt woozy a few times recently.’
I heard Raff exhale as he took in what I’d just said. Concern once again spread over his face.
‘Okay, I’d like to run a few tests on you, if that’s alright?’ Dr. Carpenter carried on.
‘Of course. But honestly, I feel fine now. I could come in later in the week?’ I watched as he nodded at me and smiled back at the same time.
‘That’s as maybe, but I’ve got you here now and I know what you’re like at making appointments, I think I’ll do them today. Let’s get you sitting up and when you’re ready I’ll need a urine sample please. Until then, let’s do a glucose test and see how that is.’
My blood sugar result was good and after about ten minutes of sitting up, Raff helped me to my mum and dad’s downstairs loo and I did my sample.
I thought, as I sat on the cold toilet seat, about what had happened in the last couple of days and shook my head at the news we had discovered. Then I sighed at the way I had shouted at my parents when I discovered their part in our story. I stood up, sealed the lid on the pot, washed my hands and opened the door. Raff was waiting, leaning on the wall outside the door, so he could help me back to the lounge. On the way past my ashen-faced looking parents, I grabbed hold of their hands and squeezed.
‘I’m sorry for shouting at you, I know you never meant to hurt either of us.’
My mum held my hand for a few seconds and happy with my words she let me carry on with Raff, back to the living room. I handed over my sample with a smile and sat back down on the settee.
‘I’ll be back in a minute, Lauren. What I need is in my car.’ Dr. Carpenter left the room and suddenly Raff and I were alone for the first time.
‘I can’t believe all of this,’ I offered as Raff sat down next to me.
He placed his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. His hand ran up the side of my face and he gently threaded his fingers into my hair. I leant my head instinctively onto his chest and over the steady beat of his heart. My arm came around him and moving his T-shirt up a little with my hand I then placed it on his bare skin and held him close. ‘Are you okay?’ I questioned Raff.
Raff exhaled and I felt his chest contract under my head and then expand as he prepared himself to speak.
‘I’m so fucking pissed. I want to kill him with my bare hands. I’m struggling with my hatred for him
. But, then I remember that I’m sitting here with you and holding you in my arms and it’s giving me the hope that we can move forward from this fucked up mess to have the life we were intended for and I’m holding myself together because it’s what you need me to do.’
‘I can’t be angry at them, Raff. They did what they had to do at the time.’ I spoke to the chest I was resting on and gently toyed with his bare flesh at his waistline.
‘I’m not pissed at your parents, Lauren. They were as much pawns in his game of vengeance as we were. It’s just all those years we’ve lost and the knowledge that I should have come back years ago to force the issue.’
‘But you’re here now.’
‘I am and I’m not leaving. The burning question is, do you want me to stay? Because I seem to remember a few weeks ago you agreeing to anything to keep me at arms’ length.’
I swallowed, lifted my head and looked up at him.
‘I was told something. It had me running scared… I’m sorry I pushed you away, but I couldn’t risk you leaving me again. I knew I wouldn’t survive it.’
His lips came down to mine and he pressed them down hard as he attempted to show me his love. Just the touch of his flesh on mine comforted me. It meant we were together, just as we always should have been. The kiss was chaste, but the feelings flowing between where our skin touched each other’s as we savoured our connection, was anything but. Eventually, he slowly pulled away and his silver grey eyes once again found mine. The love I found there within them took my breath away.
‘Do you want to tell me what you were told?’ he whispered to me
‘No, not really.’ I couldn’t hurt Flint, so I reluctantly refused.
‘You’ll make a great step-mum and an even better friend.’
My eyes opened wide and then narrowed at him. ‘So, you know what Flint told me?’
‘Yeah, I’ve known since the day he told you and I sat in your tearoom day after day hoping we could talk about it. But, knowing you, I could see you weren’t ready to listen.’ He pressed his lips to mine again and when he pulled away he was smiling. ‘God, I’ve fucking missed you and it was even worse after getting you back for those all too short fucking hours.’ He grinned at me, sucked in his bottom lip, looked longingly at my lips and then back to my eyes.
Rafferty (Default Distraction Book 2) Page 28