‘I’ve missed you, too. But what took you so long to get back?’ I smiled at him as I gently teased him.
‘Flint… He’s the reason I stayed in the U.S. for so many weeks. It was fucking hard staying away from you, but he needed me and as his dad, I had to spend that time with him. I had to be there to force Ashley into sorting out the shit storm she’d created between us.’ He stopped talking and loudly exhaled. ‘Honestly, I’ve never met someone so fucking greedy for “celebrity” status, although a lot of her continued involvement in my life was my fault, because I let her get away with it… But, it’s hard to fight over something you don’t give a fucking shit about.’
‘I understand, but once you saw it affecting him, you knew it was time to work it out for his sake. I’ve missed you, but you’re his dad and you did the right thing staying with him. Children must be our priority, look at my poor mum and dad and what they had to do, because I was their priority… Is he okay now?’ I asked.
‘Yes, he’s good. Finally, Ash and I sat down with him and treated him like the nearly adult he is and told him the truth. He told you that I’d left her when she lost a baby, didn’t he?’
I nodded at him. ‘Yes… And now, it makes sense. Flint apologised to me last time I saw him.’
‘Did he? He’s a good kid and I love the bones of him…That baby and the one she lost before that weren’t mine. I’d have never have left a woman because she lost my child or couldn’t give me a child. Surely, you know me well enough to know that?’
I nodded at him. ‘My heart knew, but my head was trying to protect me. I’m sorry.’
He closed my mouth by applying gentle pressure on my chin and placed another kiss on my lips. Once he broke away, he spoke again. His lips were so close to mine I could feel the warm air that left his mouth as he spoke. ‘No more saying sorry, we’ve had enough to last us a lifetime.’
‘Agreed.’
For a few minutes, we sat in the peace and quiet, looking at each other, not quite able to take in that we were in each other’s arms at last. He broke our contemplation by placing a kiss on the end of my nose. ‘So, how did you get rid of the fucking wanker?’
I laughed at his question and then replied. ‘He let me down gently and is probably engaged to his PA by now, using the same ring.’ The laughter that left Raff’s mouth was sudden and loud. His head rolled back and I watched his prominent Adam’s apple as it moved up and down through the long, dark stubble on his face. It was so cathartic watching and listening, that very soon I was laughing with him. Dr. Carpenter walking back into the room caught our interest and we pulled ourselves together enough to give him the attention he deserved.
‘That’s a great sound, I must say. Your mum and dad have just been catching Lyn and I up on what happened.’ I heard him tut and saw him shaking his head in disgust at what he’d just been told. I’d forgotten how close our two families were. I grimaced at him in answer and watched as he pulled a straight-backed chair away from the wall and nearer to us both, so he could sit down.
‘Okay, I’ve tested your urine. Would you prefer me to speak to you in private, Lauren?’
My heart sank, knowing his previous fears about the subtle increase of protein in my urine. We had discussed the possibility that this was the start of a decrease in the function of my kidneys. ‘No, Raff deserves to know,’ I sighed.
I felt Raff stiffen next to me and tighten the hold he had on my body.
‘Well, it appears the reason you’ve been feeling woozy and light headed just recently is because you’re pregnant.’
My ears began to buzz as the still room fell silent. I heard Raff audibly swallow and I could hear all the unspoken thoughts running around his head as he contemplated what we’d heard.
Dr. Carpenter looked between us both.
‘I can see you’re both surprised.’ He nodded at us both and smiled. ‘I want to offer you my congratulations, Lauren.’ He stopped suddenly as if he was choosing his words carefully.
‘Thank you.’ Stunned, I forced the words out of my mouth.
‘I know a child is something you’ve always longed for… But, as your doctor I must warn you that this won’t necessarily be an easy pregnancy. In fact, as much as I’d love to leave you to your joy at the news, I need to make you aware of all the risks to you and possibly to your unborn child. Some obstetricians would even go as far as to say that it might be easier for you to terminate the pregnancy.’
There are some conversations that as you get older you imagine having, or at least I know I did. I always wondered how I would feel and react if I was ever told this or that. Never in my wildest imagination or dreams did I ever think I would be told I was pregnant on one hand, but that it might be so risky to me and my unborn child that some specialists would consider the best option might be to terminate. My heart was beating frantically in my chest as I answered him. ‘Is that what you’re recommending?’
‘No, Lauren. It won’t be easy, but I know it’s far from impossible for a diabetic type one woman to carry a baby and for Mum and baby to survive the strain that a pregnancy will put on you. In fact, with the right monitoring and care, the percentage of survival for both mother and child gets higher every year. But, I must make you aware of the situation… I want you to know that I, as your Doctor, will support you in whatever decision you make.’
Instinctively, my hand left Raff’s waist and came down over the top of my jeans as I sent my love through to our child. I was listening to everything Dr. Carpenter was saying as he spoke about the potential risks to my already under pressure kidneys. He spoke about the risk to our unborn child and how it might not even be possible to carry her to full-term.
But as he spoke, she spoke to me too. Listening to her voice as she replied to me, and me telling her in my head that I already loved her, I knew she had to have a chance.
As her mum, I would give her the opportunity to live, because I loved her too much already to let her go.
‘I’ll leave so you two can talk. I’ll be in your mum’s kitchen eating her cake if you need me… By the way, it’s good to see you back home, Raff and thanks for stepping in at the last minute to play at Jack’s wedding, it was much appreciated.’
I felt bereft as Lauren removed her arm from around my waist. Then I watched as she gently ran her hand onto her still flat stomach and I understood why she’d removed her touch from me. Then and there, at that very minute, I knew that without a shadow of a doubt I would help the woman I had loved for forever, fulfil her dream of becoming a mum, because it’s what she wanted.
My head was fit to explode with the revelations we’d already heard, but my anger and hatred towards the man who had caused us both so much fucking pain was now an afterthought as my concern for Lauren grew. He and his plans of fucking vengeance against us didn’t warrant any more of my time. I had more important things to think about. I would make sure he got the money that was outstanding to him and I would repay Lauren’s mum and dad, too. I owned the house he and my mum lived in. I wouldn’t demand she kick him out, but I would make sure that my mum and sister knew exactly what Rupert was capable of. They would have to understand when I let them know with absolute certainty, that neither I, Lauren or Flint would ever be in the same room with him again. But, I wouldn’t force either of them to choose between us. Life was too fucking short to cause the people I loved more pain.
Now, I was thinking on all the things Dr. Carpenter had told us and slowly trying to filter through the risks he had spelt out to us both.
I can’t lose her again, was the one thought that ran around my head over and over. But, I refused to be a selfish prick by voicing it out loud.
‘Hey.’ Pulling myself together, I broke the silence in the room, leant forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Then with the tip of my finger I began to run it down her nose and then to count the freckles on this side of her face that seemed to be appearing as I smiled at her.
Slowly, Lauren turned her head to look at me and
it was like seeing her for the first time ever, I was floored by her beauty. Gone was the pale, worried complexion from earlier. After hearing the Doc’s news, she was once again vibrant, with colour in her cheeks and her eyes were bright with hope. I lifted a long piece of her hair away from her face, wanting to see all her stunning features without it obscuring my view and placed it behind her shoulder.
‘How are you feeling?’ I gently questioned.
‘Shocked, but so happy, I could burst.’ A broad smile swept over her face.
I felt tears prick my eyes and I sniffed them away as I laughed a little at her words and nodded back to her.
‘How are you?’ she asked with devilment dancing in her eyes.
‘It’s been an enlightening couple of fucking hours but I’m getting there.’ I couldn’t help but feel hope after taking in the expression on her face.
Looking at her and taking in the brewing excitement inside her, I knew what I wanted to do next.
‘I need to talk to your dad, wait here.’
Reluctantly, I released her and jumped up from the settee. I opened the door and walked through to the kitchen. Four heads turned to watch me walk in and I grinned back at their questioning expressions. Then I stopped walking and pushed my hands down into the back pockets of my jeans. I’d been on stage all over the world in front of thousands of people, but only ever once did I remember feeling this fucking nervous in my life. That was when I’d been grilled by Lauren’s dad as a teenager in the lounge, before he’d agreed to let me take her out.
The four faces smiled back at me, waiting for me to start.
‘Mr and Mrs Harper.’ As I began I realised I was shifting my feet around with uneasiness.
Just get the fuck on with it.
‘I’d like your permission to ask Lauren to marry me… please.’ The please slipped out as an afterthought in my bid to be fucking polite and to do what I had come out here to do properly. My hands came out of my pockets and as I waited for him to reply I started to crack my knuckles.
‘Absolutely, you can.’ The words came out of his mouth as he nodded at me. I nodded back and stayed long enough to see Lisa fling herself into his arms. I could hear their excited voices as I walked back to the lounge. I knew Lauren would have heard me, my voice was deep and would have carried.
I walked back in to see her sitting where I’d left her, with one hand over her mouth and one over her baby. Her beautiful eyes were wide with shock and from the creases in the corners of her eyes I could see she was grinning.
‘So, what do you think?’ I questioned her, twisting my head instinctively to the side and raising an eyebrow at her.
I watched as she nodded back her answer and I strode forward until I was stood in front of her.
Suddenly, she was too far away for my liking. I reached out to her and pulled her up and into my arms. Then I turned us both and sat down fast. The old settee groaned in protest, as I lifted her up and pulled her down onto my lap. Once she was there, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to me.
‘Just by looking at you I can tell you’re going to have the baby. But, I want you to know that whatever your decision is, I’ll be here with you… right by your side. Because I want us to get married as soon as we can.’
‘Yes, I am… This little girl, I can’t explain it, but I already love her so much. And, Raff I never doubted that for a minute, and me too… I want to be married to you so very much,’ she replied and for a second my heart stopped and then restarted as I stopped breathing, gathered myself and carried on.
‘Little girl?’ I smiled as I asked her the question.
‘Uh, huh,’ she nodded as she answered me, then lifted her head to look at me. The amber in her eyes sparkled and I was as captivated by her then, as I was when I first saw her.
I inhaled a long, laboured breath and forced myself to ask what needed asking.
‘Did you take in all the risks that Dr. Carpenter mentioned?’ I hated myself for raining on her fucking parade, but the question had to be asked.
‘Yes, I have, really I have. But, I already love our baby, Raff. Deep down inside I’ve always known I was meant to be a mum. I was meant to give her life.’ I could feel myself nodding at her words, even though what she was saying was scaring me to fucking death. ‘And if the very worst should happen, she’ll have the best daddy and big brother anyone could ask for.’
Once again, my breathing stalled as I forced my body to calm the fuck down. What I wanted to do was to jump up and to shout and scream at her until she agreed that the whole pregnancy was far too fucking risky, then I could lock her up, and keep her by my side forever. But, life wasn’t like that. I knew we all had to live life however we saw fit and we had to be allowed to take the risks we wanted to, so we could live it to the full and just because she had diabetes, she was no different. Suddenly, my brain went over what she’d said and almost like she could hear the cogs whirring in my brain, she pushed herself away from my chest to look up at me.
‘I know you need to keep her, I understand. But, listen to me when I say, I can’t lose you again, Loz.’
‘Believe me, I plan to be here to watch her get married… Did you take in what I said, Raff?’ She smiled at me as she placed both of her hands on either side of my face.
I nodded at her in answer, already knowing it was a forgone conclusion and ran over her words again. Then it clicked. ‘The baby is mine?’ I questioned, feeling my eyebrows move together as I spoke.
‘Yes, she can only be yours.’
‘But, you said you were on the pill, so I just assumed… well… the twat.’
‘I haven’t been with anyone since the last time you and I were together. I’m only a couple of weeks late, so she has to be yours… kiss me like you understand what I’m saying to you.’ I knew she was reversing the tables on me and saying some of the words I’d spoken to her too many years ago to count and I smiled at the memory.
I put one hand up her back and pulled her slowly towards me as all the time I stared at her lips with intent.
‘I understand… I wanted to marry you anyway. I’d have loved her as my own, even if she was his. But, fuck!... You, Lauren, have made all my fucking dreams come true. You are my first love and you’ll be my last.’ I ran one finger down over her nose and then kissed the tip, before turning my attention on her full and inviting lips.
‘I love you, Rafferty,’ she whispered to me, before my lips found hers.
I pressed my mouth softly to hers and remembering exactly where we were I reined in what I wanted to do to her. ‘And now you need to understand this.’ I lifted my hips and pivoted slightly, pushing my hard-on into the underneath of her bum and thighs. I watched her comprehend what I was doing and she giggled. It was music to my ears. I knew we had a lot to get through and I knew the path was going to be fucking difficult. So, for now, we needed to remember all the good, fun times between us, so once again I reverted into the adolescent kid she’d fallen in love with, to pull us out of our overthinking adult heads. ‘And now, Lauren, I think it’s time we got out of here. I need to “waylay” you some more, to show you how fucking much you mean to me.’
Seven months later
Tentatively, I pushed my hand into the circular opening and inched my fingers over to where her tiny hand with her beautifully formed long fingers rested on the white sheet underneath her.
Gently, I took hold of it and watched her fingers instinctively close themselves around my index finger. My eyes swept over her features and I took in how she was everything I’d hoped she would be.
It was simple, she was beautiful, like her mum.
‘Daddy’s here, Gabriella. That’s it, you hold on tight. I’m not leaving you, not ever.’
It wasn’t the first time I’d said her name or spoken to her, but this time was different. This was the first time we had been together without her mum.
Lauren had chosen her name days after we’d found out she was pregnant and named her Gabriella after
the angel she was convinced she would be and the fact she was our Christmas miracle. Every night as I climbed into bed with Lauren, I placed my head over her in the womb and told her something funny to make us all laugh. When she was around twenty weeks old, she would move around anytime she heard my voice, or so Lauren would tell me. Once she had grown bigger and I could wrap my arms around her and my gorgeously pregnant wife, she’d aim a few toes or knuckles in my direction, making Lauren and I laugh. We agreed that she was most definitely a girl, because she always had to have the last word.
I watched now as her body shuddered a little as she breathed in the oxygen being pumped into the incubator.
My heart leapt in panic as I looked at her and my eyes leapt up to the doctor on the other side of the incubator.
‘She’s fine, Mr. Davenport. She’s preterm at thirty-four weeks and a little smaller than a full-term baby, at 5lbs and 6ounces. But, I don’t see her being in here longer than twenty-four hours. She just needs a little help with the oxygen today and then afterwards possibly with helping her to feed. Other than that, everything is perfect with her and she’ll soon be on her way home with you.’
I couldn’t answer the consultant paediatrician we’d employed, I just nodded at her words of reassurance.
At that point, the tears I’d been saving up for the last couple of days began to flow. I placed my head on the side of the plastic container and let them go. The last forty-eight hours had been the most emotional fucking ride of my life. The whole pregnancy had been much more plain sailing than I’d even dared to hope for. With Dr. Carpenter’s help and guidance, we’d employed a fantastic obstetrician who had worked with an enormous number of diabetic women. Between them and me we’d kept a close eye on her. The tearooms had been run in her absence by her staff and they’d done a fantastic job keeping her in the loop, but not letting her lift a finger and, for the first time in fifteen years, Default Distraction hadn’t produced an album, much to Lawson’s fucking disgust. Brody, Cade and Luke had decided, without me being present, that due to the circumstances Lauren and I were in, my time was much better being spent with her and I loved the fuck out of them for coming to that conclusion. We had the material. Hell, since Brody had met Amy all he did was write. And one day when the time was right again, we’d record all the new stuff he’d written. Those had all been the high parts of the last seven months. But, forty-eight hours ago my world fell around my ears when having complained of a headache and with swelling in her feet and face, Lauren’s blood pressure then went through the roof. She was diagnosed with possible hyper-tension and pre-eclampsia and taken into hospital to be induced. When the birth didn’t happen quickly enough, she’d been rushed out of the labour room we’d been in and taken for an emergency C-section.
Rafferty (Default Distraction Book 2) Page 29