The Full Moon Above Us

by Sarah Raz

  Alice and her daughters went around as if in a dream. The revolution had made itself felt in every corner. The train station was full of people waiting to meet their loved ones, hoping that they had survived. Every day, Alice went to the Jewish community building to see if there had been any messages for her. Gangs of young boys were roaming the streets, smashing every fascist symbol they could find. The swastika that had been installed over the city hall came crashing down to the sound of cheers from a large crowd. A sea of red flags filled the square. Alice knew that she had to move quickly in all that mayhem. She heard say that emissaries from the Jewish Agency had arrived in Bulgaria looking for Jews who wanted transfer visas through Turkey to Palestine. Here and there she heard talk of renewing the Zionist youth movements, but from talking to her friends and acquaintances she gathered that most Jews were swept in the communist fervor and wished to stay and take part in the Bulgarian communist revolution.

  Alice wrote to her brother Jacques in Plovdiv. Throughout the war period they had lost touch, but now postal and telephone links had been restored. She felt certain that Jacques and his family had survived, after all weren’t they made from the same stuff?

  Alice was worried that Asher would have hard time finding them now that they had moved to a different apartment and she left a note in the old place, just in case. She also left notes for him everywhere else she thought he would try to find them.

  The old landlady knocked on their door. Alice recalled that it had been quite a while since she saw her last. The woman looked very ill, hunched over, emaciated, a kerchief on her head, dressed in rags. In a weeping voice she told her, “Alice, when you needed a place to stay, I let you have it regardless of all the danger that it posed to me. I know that you have been taking pine cones from my cellar for heat, stuff that I bought home with what little strength I had left, and I didn’t say a thing. Now, I need your help.” Her strength had failed her and Alice helped her sit down and made her a cup of tea. “I heard that your synagogue had received packages from America, packages with food, medicine, and clothing. You, Jews, know how to help each other. You have a committee that takes care of you. We, Bulgarians, need you to rebuild our country. Go and get some items of clothing and a few pairs of shoes, and perhaps something to eat. The stores are empty, so we must share. I have no family, Alice, there is no one to take care of me. I am asking for your help. I have some money, I can pay you what you like.” The girls, still scared of the old woman, were seated at the corner of the room, holding hands, too scared to breathe. Alice felt a growing compassion for the old woman. Throughout the war period, she had never spoken to her, only appeared each month at the doorway to collect her rent. She had never inquired as to their wellbeing or if they had needed anything. She never paid any attention to the girls, though she herself was childless. Alice gave her a hug, kissed her on her forehead, and promised to help.

  The next day, like every day since the cannon fire had stopped, Alice went, daughters in tow, to the train station. “Today is the day,” she told them. I can feel that today we shall have great joy in our lives.”

  She took the red crepe paper that she had put aside just for this occasion, moistened it, and began wiping it across her cheeks to get some blood flow in them. She wanted more than anything to look good to him again.

  The train station was crowded, full of people waiting for the slightest bit of news from their loved ones. Alice sat down on a bench by the platform, her girls flanking her on each side, eyes firmly fixed on the place where the train would stop. The three of them were quiet. Quiet with the certainty that today he would come back to them. Jewish women passing her by, running from one end of the platform to the other, asked her how she could sit so serenely and how it was that her girls could sit with her for so long without complaint. Alice smiled at them, drew her girls close to her and answered, “It is just that we know that today we shall be reunited with our father.”

  The last train pulled up accompanied by the slowing beat of its wheels. A long squeal of the brakes gave way to an eerie silence. Then the doors opened, disgorging form them a sea of humanity. From one of the cars, Asher stepped down onto the platform. It was strangely as any other day that Alice had waited for him to come home from work, but now he was a man with disheveled hair, a man doubled over, dressed in stained clothes, with a limp as pronounced as his pallor. His head was swiveling from side to side, trying to find his loved ones. When he finally saw them, he tried to hasten his steps as much as he could. The girls got up somewhat tentatively, scared of meeting him in this condition. Could it really be their father? Alice could make no mistake. She ran to him, her arms akimbo, laughing and crying at the same time. Asher made an attempt to keep a dignified appearance, but to no avail. This was the moment that they had looked forward to for such a long time, the moment of their final reunion. It seemed as if the four of them were the only people on that platform. The world belonged to them.

  Asher’s strength failed him and he had to sit down on the platform. The tears that were running down his cheeks came to a stop in his beard and shone through it like tiny gemstones. Alice was in a trance as she was looking at him, but she soon came to her senses. She hired the services of a cart and a driver and together they transported Asher back home.

  They found it rather difficult to communicate and indeed they had little use for words. Their silence was all they needed. Alice asked the girls to have patience and give their father some space to readjust. Many a moment were spent in tears, but there was also much happiness for their reunion. Countless times Alice had envisioned that moment and wisely she had tempered her emotions. Asher took a hot shower at the hamam, a haircut and a shave, and having put on his new suit, which was now slightly big for him, he looked human again.

  They had decided to make it easier for the girls and spare them the details of most that he had suffered. The girls, satisfied with having two loving parents at home once again, asked no questions.

  “Jacques is waiting for us in Plovdiv,” Alice said caressing his scarred hand with some cream she had prepared from olive oil. “We would do well to join him soon, since he is in charge of making plans for Jews after the war. In his recent letter, he describes how he is acting in leadership roles in the Zionist movement and had done so throughout the war. He asked us to make our way to him after our reunion without delay. Don’t worry yourself, Asher, I am quite adept at packing and we don’t have that much to take with us anyway. Asher was seated on his chair, leaving his body and soul to her care. He heard her talk, but was not really listening to her. “As always, Alice, I have full confidence in your decisions. If we must go, so we shall, and if you say that we should stay, I am right here with you.” Asher tried to straighten his aching back, stretched out his legs and let out a great sigh. “Alice, after all that we have been through, what does it matter where we shall be as long as we are there together? Though on second thought, yes, we should be next to your family, where we can help and be helped. When do you wish to depart?” Alice gave him a penetrating look, smiled and said, “Right away!”

  In truth, Alice had been preparing for departure for quite a while. She had saved enough for a readjustment period in Plovdiv. All that was left was to say goodbye to all her friends and benefactors, chief among whom was the lady dentist.

  The four of them put on their finest and made their way to the dental clinic. In her hands, Alice carried a package tied with a ribbon. The large waiting room was full of people who knew that the doctor would ease their pain even if they could not afford the treatment. Medications were in short supply and it had been difficult to provide proper standard of care, but the doctor had done her best. Making her way through the crowded waiting room, Alice knocked on the cabinet door to the sound of jeers from the waiting patients. “We are only here to say goodbye,” she whispered. When her assistant opened the door and the doctor saw Alice, she immediately got up to greet her. Alice shook her hand and intr
oduced her husband. “You have an amazing wife,” the doctor said, placing her hands on Alice’s shoulders. “You will never know how much she had helped me throughout the war. I cannot properly value her actions nor reward her for them, but I hope that I could make things a bit easier for your family while you were away. Alice had been so fearful to lose you and she worked above what her strength could bear. Together, we have managed to survive.” Tears welled up in the doctor’s eyes. “I feel that I am not losing an employee, but a cherished friend. A long road awaits you. I know how Alice desires to make her way to the Holy Land. I am certain that she will succeed.” Alice gave her the cardboard box, which turned out to be full with vials and pouches. “I have received this from the Jewish Committee,” she said. “These are some pain medications and penicillin that have just arrived from America. When I told them where this was going, no one had objected. This is the least I can do for you. I shall never have the words to thank you enough.”

  Her whole life had prepared Alice for goodbyes, but this time she felt that the dentist had been sent to her from up above. Her guardian angel had mercy on her and took care of all her needs through the work of this remarkable woman. Alice could find no words to express her gratitude to the doctor, but she knew that her blessing would be with her always.

  Alice packed a few items of clothing in two suitcases. As usual, she had put the shaving box in one of them and the jewelry box, which now held only one brooch set with a lapis lazuli gemstone and a simple pearl necklace, in the other. Each girl had received a small duffle bag to carry.

  Plovdiv

  The road to Plovdiv had been a long one. The fleeing Germans and the new Soviet occupiers had made a mess of the roads. The whole country was staggering as if drunk. Everywhere there was relief and jubilation. Public buildings, trains, and cars were draped with red flags, and the sickle and hammer were everywhere. Wherever Soviet soldiers could be seen, they were accompanied by adoring crowds of Bulgarians. The Soviet rule was quickly consolidating its power.

  They were met by their family at the Plovdiv train station. Jacques, Rebecca, little Linka, and the two aunts all stood there at the platform to greet them. Their reunion was an emotional one. Jacques, walking in front of everyone, approached them first. He gave his sister a long hug, shook hands with his brother in law, and smiled kindly at the girls. “Where is father, how is he,” asked Alice. Jacques lowered his gaze, came over to her and hugged her yet again. “He survived the entire war,” he whispered. “Together, we had made it through it all, but when the Germans began to flee, father was walking down the street when a German truck reversed into him, knocked him down to the pavement, and then continued to drag him for many meters before the driver even noticed what had happened. Father died on the spot. There was nothing to be done. I am sorry we couldn’t locate you for the funeral, Alice. I had to sit Shiv’ah alone, since I could not reach Corinne either. Bitter fate had struck again. Father is no more. But Alice, let’s find solace in that all of our children are safe and healthy and we are determined to persevere together. Linka, you have new sisters now. It is important that you stay together. Come, give them a hug.” Linka took one small step and retreated back to her mother. Alice had been crushed by the news. Tears poured out of her, unchecked. Asher held her by the arm and helped her up the steps of the tram that took them to their new home, an apartment rented for them by Jacques.

  The apartment was small, but centrally located not far from the Jewish school. It had only the bare minimum of furniture; beds with some blankets, a table, and a few chairs. “In time, we shall get more necessities,” Jacques told them. “I have already found for Asher employment at the sugar factory. He can start right away and the girls can start attending school.” Mati and Luna had been rather silent, but Alice knew that they would adapt. The tough part was behind them, she thought. Things would be better from now on.

  “Oh Alice, how we have missed you,” Sarah reached out to her with both arms. “Tanti Sarah, Tanti Suzanne, I am so happy to see you again. I have always known, this whole time, that we would have coffee again together,” said Alice, embracing her aunts. Suzanne stood there silently with tears in her eyes, a shy smile on her face. “She can’t see,” Jacques explained. “Her hearing is not that great either.”

  Finally, everyone had taken their leave, promised to visit again the next day, and let them sort themselves out alone in their new home.

  Alice felt like a ship that had been lying in wait for a fresh breeze to take it to its final destination. Her first night back in Plovdiv, the first night at home after the war dragged itself out, never wishing to end.

  “Mother,” she whispered as she gazed upward looking for a moonbeam, “mother, I am certain that you are watching us now, shaking your head, smiling. I did my best, mother, to bring my family here. Look, mother, everyone is healthy and still I have the strength to fulfill my brother Yitzhak’s wishes and you will yet merit to light our way to Eretz Israel.”

  Jacques could spare time from his occupations only on weekends, when the entire family gathered in his house. From him, they heard stories that made their skins crawl. Jacques told them that throughout the war his family had stayed in Plovdiv and he, as the one who had been tasked to coordinate the community survival effort, had heard of a large group of Jews who had been deported from Sofia to a village by the name of Chekhalera, not far from Plovdiv. This particular deportation encompassed around a hundred families, which arrived at the village to find it empty and abandoned, its inhabitants deported or killed for giving assistance to the partisans. Others had joined the partisans in the mountains. The village had no supplies and no public institutions. No one took care of the deportees and they had been forbidden to leave the village boundaries. The Plovdiv community came to their assistance and sent them trucks laden with food and supplies. They even managed to smuggle a few capable people to the village who had organized a communal kitchen and a food distribution center. Jacques recounted how on one of his visits to the village, when he stayed there for over a fortnight, he saw births that were handled without any medical assistance and people who had lost their minds, beside themselves with grief. In all, four hundred people were abandoned by the authorities to fend for themselves and without the help of the Plovdiv community, who knows what might have become of them.

  Mati and Luna, who had long been absent from regular studies, joined the Jewish school and began anew their lives as normal schoolgirls. Alice had been too exhausted to take upon herself the duties of a provider, but had still wanted to make herself useful. Her senses told her that no matter how bad the times, women would always want to make themselves look good. She contacted a supplier of beads and together with her aunts made them into colorful necklaces. Asher worked the night shifts at the plant, giving her enough time by herself to do her craftwork.

  No amount of goodwill, no amount of good intentions to rebuild and return to normality was proving to be enough. People had simply lost faith. In Plovdiv, Jacques had been at the center of all the Jewish activity and was well-aware of the doings of the Zionist movement in Bulgaria, a movement whose purpose it had been to help Bulgarian Jews repatriate to the future state of Israel. Many emissaries had arrived from mandatorial Palestine and Alice often saw them at various meetings and conferences they had organized through the Beitar, HaShomer HaTzair, Maccabi, and Poalei Tzion movements. Alice recalled a different era in her life, an era when she had heard the stories of the pioneers who were rebuilding her ancient homeland, the people who had established the first towns and villages. She had liked hearing stories about the greening of the desserts, the drying of swamps, of guarding against Arab and British enemies, all with the goal of reestablishing a Jewish homeland in the Holy Land.

  One day, their home was surrounded by several cars belonging to the local police. Alice became frightened. The girls were at home. Asher was at work, and again she had flashbacks of when the unknown and the unexpected had held
sway over her life. What was it now? The police officers knocked on her door and quite politely, but with unquestionable authority, demanded that the building be evacuated from all its dwellers. Alice took the girls outside and they joined with all the other tenants across the street. Several soldiers showed up and began removing large quantities of firearms from the building’s basement. There were rifles, mortars, shells, and hand grenades by the dozen. It turned out that the owner of the building had been a Nazi collaborator and he had helped them stash their weapons in his building; weapons that would be used against Plovdiv residents who refused to cooperate with the S.S. It turned out that the house was sitting atop the proverbial powder keg and only by the grace of God a major disaster had been avoided. The city was full of notices about German collaborators who had been arrested and punished.

  Alice found it difficult to regain her composure. Any unusual occurrence threatened to throw her off balance. Any piece of information about ships that floundered offshore or difficulties with reaching Israel made her reconsider going there. The latest event at their apartment building, however, had given her new determination to follow through on her plans and repatriate to Israel, no matter what it took. When she had heard about Jewish youth groups being organized to train for repatriation in Italy and in France, she thought that this would be a great opportunity for Mati. Asher was far from happy with that decision, but Alice knew that they had to start doing something. She received some written materials about the training at a meeting that was held in the school. It was supposed to include agricultural and weapons training, all in preparation for joining a kibbutz. It had not been easy for her to imagine letting go of Mati, but she knew that at some point they would all have to make the journey and that it was important that Mati led the way. With that in mind, Alice signed Mati up as a candidate to repatriate to Israel.