What She Concealed

by Jannat Bhat

  “I never said her name.” He shrugged.

  “Do you have nothing better to do, Bailey?” Julian turned back to his coffee. It tasted bitter. It complemented his already bitter life at the moment.

  “I’ve noticed how you change in her presence. She’s got to you, Julian. Like no girl ever has. You both might not be saying anything, but your hearts are connected. That’s why you’re drawn to each other every time you’re near.” Ethan said.

  “You’re thinking deep, Bailey. Good for you.” Julian sighed. “You plan on taking philosophy as a major in college?”

  “I’ve had my share of experiences.” Ethan shrugged again. “Maybe when I’m old and grey I’ll give becoming a philosopher a shot.” He silenced for a few moments after that. “When I came to get you in Greenwood, you couldn’t give a shit, but when she tried it, here you are. So don’t go telling me that you both are over. You both are very far from being done.”

  “She and I have a complicated relationship. And sometimes the only way to love someone is from a distance.” Julian said, his eyes flicking to Eliana who was pushing her bangs aside as she listened attentively to what Naomi was saying. His fingers itched to touch those silky strands and sweep them away from her forehead so he could look into those captivating green eyes.

  “Love is quite simple, Julian. It’s humans who make it complicated. A few arguments don’t make a relationship unworthy. So what’s going on? Maybe I could help, I am a fantastic advisor.” Ethan gave him an infuriating smile. It’s when it came to himself that he sucked at taking that advice.

  “She was everything to me,” Julian admitted, grudgingly. “But not anymore. I can’t help it if she doesn’t want me.” He took another bitter sip and winced at swallowing it.

  “You think she doesn’t want you? Are you kidding me, Rivera?” Ethan’s mouth dropped open. “Why else do you think she came to bring you back? Why did she look half dead when you were gone? Why did she care when you were hurt in that bike accident the last time? She was crying like crazy, Julian! I don’t think anyone else cares as much as she does and you say that she doesn’t want you. Get rid of the blinders and look at the truth that’s right in front of you.”

  “We’ve hurt one another enough, Ethan. I don’t want to hurt her anymore.” The pain Ethan saw on Julian’s face was crystal clear. “But every time I try to forget her, I end up missing her so much more. I’ve lost something that wasn’t mine and it sucks just as much.”

  “I’ve heard somedays love consoles you and other days it wrecks you apart,” Ethan said looking at the redhead who was talking animatedly with Eliana. “Maybe you both should try and be friends again. Maybe friendship will give you both a common ground where you don’t have to avoid each other all the time. She does love you, Rivera. She might need some work in showing it, but don’t give up on her.” Julian thought about it and concluded that Ethan could be right for once.

  After he was done with classes for the day, Julian opened his locker to stuff the books inside when he found a folded piece of paper. Opening it he saw that it was from Eliana. His heart started beating fast as he began reading it, anxious at what message she had left for him.

  Dearest Julian,

  I’ve had many things in my heart that I’ve wanted to speak out loud. Some I couldn’t say and some you didn’t want to hear. So I thought maybe writing this letter would help. Whatever happened between us, it wasn’t just your fault, Julian. It was mine too. We’re both crazy and that’s the problem in our relationship. Or what used to be our relationship.

  You might not agree with what I say and you already see the problem that I’ve mentioned. We see the same thing but our perspectives are different. I’m a simple person Julian who wanted to lead a simple life until you came into it. You’re complexities unraveled everything around me. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it. For me, love is in the simple things we do.

  But our worlds are indeed different and no matter how hard we try, we always end up fighting and hurting each other. And I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Julian. I’m sorry if I ever did.

  Yours, Elly.

  Eliana was in the cafeteria when she glanced at Julian who stood by the counter drinking coffee. She was lost in thought when Naomi came and sat next to her. “Earth to Eliana.” Naomi snapped her fingers in Eliana’s face.

  “Hey,” Eliana said distractedly.

  “What’s running through your mind girl?” Naomi asked chomping down on the hot dog that she’d collected from the counter.

  “Naomi, I want some advice. I . . . I mean . . . a friend of mine from Japan . . . does.” Eliana started to confide in her. Or tried to.

  “Uh-huh,” Naomi mumbled with her mouth full.

  “She . . . uh loves someone.” Eliana said looking down at the table playing with the paper napkin.

  “That’s good.”

  “And the guy loves her too, I think.”

  “So what’s the problem?” Naomi looked at Eliana, swallowing her food.

  “The problem is that she doesn’t think he’s the right guy for her,” Eliana said. “Or that she’s the right girl for him.”

  “Why so?”

  “Because they’re just so different. Their thoughts and behaviors and their perspective of life, its worlds apart.”

  “Looks like a clear case of opposites attract.” Naomi deemed. “I love those kinds of stories. Star-crossed lovers, like Romeo and Juliet, except for the tragic end, the love story is just so swoon-worthy.” She said, dreamily.

  “Naomi, do you think she should pursue this relationship?” Eliana asked after shaking and waking the girl next to her from the daydream.

  “Look, even though their mindsets are different, but has he ever done or said anything wrong to her or about her?” Naomi said, taking another bite.

  “I don’t think so,” Eliana said.

  “Has he ever hurt her? Intentionally I mean?” Naomi asked looking straight at Eliana.

  “No. Not intentionally.”

  “Do they love each other more than anything in the world?”

  “Yes,” Eliana said slowly.

  “That’s it then. Your friend needs to chill and celebrate the fact that she’s found her Romeo.” The redhead shrugged. “It’s rare in today’s time. And having a different mindset isn't a crime.”

  “But Naomi, he was changing himself for her. And lately, she feels like she makes him suffer more than she makes him happy. And that’s wrong. He shouldn’t have to change himself for anyone.” Eliana said. Julian’s pain wasn’t blinded to her.

  “Love is suffering, Eliana. The world knows that. And like fools, people fall in love every day. Because it is for those few heavenly moments that you have with the one you love, that makes all the suffering worth it. And when you love someone so deeply, differences don’t matter as much. They start to love them the most for it. Eliana, I believe that as long as he doesn’t hurt your friend knowingly, they’ll find a way to work things out.”

  “But they fight all the time.”

  “I’m sure they make up every time too, don’t they?” She winked at Eliana. “They shouldn’t give up because of some stupid little fights and just focus on this love they have for one another.”

  They did make up every single time except now, Eliana took heed to Naomi’s advice and thought back to the letter she had left in Julian’s locker.

  She was on her way to her car in the parking lot when Julian found her. She was swiping at her phone, which is why Julian had to push her away from the oncoming car one of the students was driving carelessly. “Elly!” Eliana was out of breath at the sudden shove. “Are you okay?” Julian asked, looking at her to check if she was okay.

  “I’m fine. Thank you, Julian.” She said. “You saved me.” Her mind wasn’t at all on the surrounding.

  Julian paused in his inspection. “I will always save you.”

  She lowered her gaze, “I miss you calling me Elly.”

  “The n
ame you never wanted.” He gave her a small smile. “I wanted to talk to you.”

  “Is this about the letter?” She asked.

  “Yeah, I read it and . . .” He paused when Mia came to them.

  “Hey guys! I wanted to invite you all to my farm house tonight if you’re free. Dad is back from his honeymoon.” She rolled her eyes. “And wants to meet my friends. It completely slipped my mind. Can you guys come over at eight?”

  “I don’t know, Mia.” Eliana wasn’t in the mood to socialize.

  “I know it is very last minute, but please? He even asked my new step mother to prepare a home cooked meal. Jax is busy as usual, and Carter is doing God knows what but Naomi and Ethan already agreed.” She jutted out her lower lip. “C’mon guys, pretty please.”

  Eliana shared a look with Julian and both nodded simultaneously.

  “Great! I’ll see you then.” She said and rushed to her car.

  “We’ll talk later.” He said turning to Eliana get got on his bike. He wanted to check on Mila before leaving for Mia’s farmhouse.

  That evening the friends had a pleasant dinner. They talked about their likes and dislikes, their hobbies and habits because Mr. Sanders had forbidden them to talk about work. After dinner, the men cleared the table and the ladies handled the dishes in simple harmony. They went to the garden to get some fresh air and shuffled among themselves from time to time. So when Julian ended up with Eliana, Ethan, and Naomi, he excused himself and Eliana for a moment. They walked a few feet away from everyone and sat down on the white garden chairs.

  “I had a good time tonight.” Julian said.

  “I’m glad you did.” She said looking at the sky. “Oh look, a fallen star.” Eliana quickly closed her eyes and made a wish. Julian looked at her like she was the only star worth wishing on. It warmed his heart when he saw that she was still wearing the bracelet he had given her.

  “Won’t you ask me what I wished for?” She asked him when she opened her eyes again.

  “Will you tell me even if I do?” He asked softly.

  “You’ve come to know me well.” She smiled. “Let me surprise you today by revealing it. I wished for your happiness.” She said. “All I want is for you to be happy again.”

  Julian gave her a penetrating look. “You should know by now that it’s not possible without you.”

  Her heart ached at his words. Was it possible that after everything, he still wanted her? The wind ruffled his hair and she wanted so badly to touch him. He was like a forbidden fruit to her that she’d tasted and now suffered from the thought that she never would again.

  “Eliana, about the letter . . .” Julian started. “I wanted to say that you were right about everything, but I don’t agree with the part that we aren’t meant for each other.”

  “Julian, I . . .” He stopped her with a raised hand. “You don’t owe me any explanations, Elly. I’m sorry and I promise you that I’ll be better.” Julian left her with that and walked up to Ethan who was trying stealthily to watch Naomi as she conversed with Mia and Mrs. Sanders.

  “Looks like you’ve finally found your girl too,” Julian commented reaching Ethan.

  Ethan startled at the sudden voice and looked around. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “You’re not the only genius around here who notices things, Bailey. Give me a little credit.” Julian said. “I’ll help you out and put in a good word with her about you whenever I can. Because she’s fonder of me and that’s more than I can say for you.”

  “You’d do that?” Ethan asked surprised.

  “Sure.” Julian shrugged.

  “Well go ahead if you dare. I’ve learned not to play with the dragon. Especially when she breathes fire.” Ethan said.

  “I’m an experienced player in that field. I mean, have you met Eliana? Have you seen her when she’s pissed?” They share a laugh and end the night on a good note.

  Several days later, Carter seemed down and Mia asked the blonde if everything was okay.”

  “Not really.” Carter said lowly.

  “What happened?” Naomi joined them at his locker before class.

  “My best friend, Kyle Harris. He’s sick.” Carter said.

  “Sick?” Julian asked to elaborate as he stood against his locker.

  “Yeah, recently he’s been having headaches and blackouts, so his girlfriend Lyla and I pushed him to go for a checkup.” Carter said looking somber. It was an unusual expression on him.

  “And?” Ethan wanted to know. Carter bit his lip and Eliana went to him. “What is it, Carter?” She asked gently.

  “Kyle has a brain tumor.” He said ominously. “He needs to be operated immediately. It might have some side effects which is why he’s being difficult.”

  “Why are you being difficult, Kyle?” Julian asked.

  “It’s because of the side effects the operation could cause.” Carter said.

  “What would those be?” Mia asked laying a hand on his shoulder.

  “Seizures, lack of coordination, confusion, memory loss . . . the list goes on.” Carter told them. “I assured him that everything will be fine once he’s operated but all he said was that he won’t risk losing his memory of Lyla, not for anything.”

  “Oh Carter.” Naomi said in sympathy.

  “He doesn’t have much time if he doesn’t operate now,” Carter said with trembling lips.

  “Isn’t there any way to convince him?” Eliana asked but Carter shook his head. “Lyla is his life. He says if he forgets her, there wouldn’t be a point in living anyway.” Eliana glanced at Julian and found his steady gaze already on her.

  They met up later with in the cafeteria for break and discussed the same. As expected, the mood wasn’t cheery as the risk of Carter losing his best friend was high. “I don’t know how he dared to say no,” Carter said to no one in particular. “I would freak out if I found out I’m about to die in the next six months.”

  “Some decisions are painful but necessary, Carter,” Eliana said.

  “True that. Who knows, whether we would have chosen to live instead.” Naomi said. “We can’t say for sure until we are in a situation ourselves.”

  “I would never do it if it meant I’d forget the girl I loved,” Julian said. “To forget the one who means everything to me, those moments with her . . .” He shook his head.

  “Truer words were never said,” Ethan said. “But not everyone understands love.”

  “The girl you’ll fall in love with would be so lucky, Julian,” Carter said.

  Eliana looked at Julian at that but his gaze remained distant. “I’m sorry, excuse me.” He stood up and left with his friends staring at his back. Eliana followed him and found him outside the computer lab just leaning against the wall looking at the floor.

  “You okay?” She asked. Eliana said. Julian nodded but kept quiet. “What is it, Julian? You can talk to me, if nothing else, we are friends, right?”

  Julian was silent for another long moment before he found her concerned gaze on him. “We can be anything, Eliana, but we can never be just friends.”

  “Why Julian?” She asked softly. “Why can't we be friends?”

  Because I’m still in love with you, Julian confessed silently. Eliana felt her eyes prick at the pain she saw reflected in his, so she opened the door to the computer lab and went inside for solitude. Julian was right behind her. “Elly? You okay?” He asked. “Elly?” He went closer. “I’m sorry Elly, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Instead of answering, Eliana turned and took him by surprise in wrapping her arms around him and wept against his chest. “Oh, Elly . . . please don’t cry.” Julian folded her in his embrace, grateful for these small moments of intimacy with her. When she stopped sniffling, Julian stepped back immediately. “I have to go. I hope you feel better.”

  That weekend, Julian had received early acceptance application from one of the universities he had applied to and was taking a trip to check it out personally. Before leaving, he said go
odbye to his friends saying he needed to go on a visit for a couple of days. He didn’t know what Eliana’s plans were for the future and he wasn’t sure he wanted to stay in town. Even though he had tried to move on, it was difficult to be around her. So close and yet so far.

  “Make sure you come back. Do not bail on us.” Mia said hugging him. “I won’t forgive you this time around.”

  “I’ll be back.” I hope. Julian said. He went to Eliana at her locker and said, “Goodbye, Elly.”

  “When will you be back exactly?” She asked him, uneasy at his departure.

  “Would you do me a favor?” He asked quietly so only she could hear.