Cheers to the good life

by Lorena Franco

  "We'regoingtogetsofat..."Claralamented,smilingandsqueezingmyhand.

  "Bytheway,you'veseenthemodelagain,"Felisasaid,changingthesubject.

  "Whocaresaboutthatmodelnow?"Ilaughed.

  I will always remember the moment when I saw the model. Mark Spencer. Although we werenotplanningtogotothepub,PabloandIwerefinallyencouraged.Hehadbeeninthe bathroomandIwithapineapplejuicedancingtothesoundofMelendiwithClara,Felisaand Silvia.Whenhecameout,helookedarounduntilhefixedhisgazeonme.Idroppedmyglass andstaredathimwiththecertaintyofknowingthatbehindthoseblueeyeswerehiddenvery differentonesthatIknewsowell.Hisblondhairhadfewgrayhairsmixedinthatdidnothing morethanhighlighthisappeal.Hisscruffyappearancemadehimirresistibleandhisperfect-toothsmilewasveryprovocative.Felisaexclaimedan"OhmyGod,it'shim".AndIthoughtit too,butwithanothermeaning.Hekeptstaringatme,smiling,happy.ItwasHIM...

  "Canwetalk?"heasked,approachingme.HehadastrongAmericanaccent,buteventhat didn’t throw me off. Everyone at the pub looked at us, including Pablo..., who quickly approachedus.

  "Hello,I'mPablo.Herboyfriend,"hesaid,takingmyhand.

  "Iknow."Marksmiled."CanIstealherforfiveminutes?"

  "Ofcourse..."murmuredPablodisconcerted.

  "It’llonlybeamoment,"Isaid,kissinghim."We'llbeatthesquare,okay?"

  Beforetheattentivegazeofallpresentandbeingtheenvyofallthewomenintheplace,I went with the model to the Gregorian square. We sat on a bench in front of the fountain. We lookedateachotherforafewseconds,withanimpossiblesmileonbothourfaces.Icaressed

  his cheek and cocked my head a little to observe him better. It was him, Alejandro ... as handsomeasever.

  "Yourecognizedme,"hesaid,takingmyhand.

  "Thatlook...Noonelooksatmelikeyoudo.How’sitbeengoingforyou?"

  "Isupposethesamethingthathappenedtoyou,happenedtome.Icamebackayearagoin thebodyofthismodel.SuddenlyIsawmyselfon72ndStreetinNewYorkwithoutknowing whattodoorwheretogo."

  "That'sJohnLennon'sstreet..."Ismiled."Didyouknowthat?"

  "What?"

  "Nothing,nothing,"Isaid."continue."

  "Luckily I was carrying identification, so I went home. A luxury apartment in front of CentralPark,canyoubelieveit?Andthenallthosesimplejobs..."

  "AndcomewhenIwasamodelI’dneverheardofMark?"

  "I think he was popular for a couple of years. Getting older ... I’m 35" he explained laughing.

  "Ithurts...notonlyforwomen,butmentoo...youhadacareerasamodellonger!"Isaid, withoutthatlifealreadybelongingtome.

  "Thefactis,Ihaveenoughmoneytolivemylifewithoutworry.SoIdecidedtobuyalittle househereandcomeback.Marta,wecanbetogether,"hesaid,strokingmyface.Istartedto cry-."What'sup?Afterouryearstogether,you’vegoneandfalleninlovewiththefirefighter?"

  Inodded.

  "AndI'mpregnant,"thenewAlejandroturnedwhiteasthewallofthetown'stouristoffice infrontofthefountain.Ifyouhadcomebackayearago...whydidn’tyoucallme?

  "We're not all like you. I remembered my life as Alejandro a month ago. I saw you in dreamswithoutknowingwhoyouwereandintheend...theluciditycame.Hestoppedfora few seconds. He looked up at the sky and then around, feeling himself watched. "So you’re pregnant,"hewhisperedinpain."Youarehappy?"

  "Yes.ButIwantyoutoknowthatIneverforgotyou.I'vecriedalotforyou,I'vethoughtso manytimesabouthowmylifecouldhavebeenifyouhadstayedalive..."Itookhishand.Our fingers intertwined and we both sighed knowing it would be crazy to kiss. Infidelity on my part,aspectacleforhim.Halfavillagewasstillwatchingus.Idon’tknowhowI'mgonnato explainthistoPablo..."Ilaughed.

  "Iwanttobeapartofyourlife.Asfriends.Doyouthinkit'sOK?"

  "Sure."

  "I'llalwaysbeinlovewithyou."

  "I’llholdaspaceforyouinmyheart...Icouldn’tpromiseyoulove."IknewIwasinlove withPablo,deeplyandsincerely."WhatdoIcallyou?Alejandro?Mark?"

  "IwillalwaysbeAlejandroforyou.Bytheway,IsawMarta."

  "Really?And,howisshe?"

  "Boring.Shesaysshewantstoseeyou.Idon’tthinkSt.Peterwillgrantherthatwish..."

  "Then you and I have been lucky. With your new body, you’ll have many conquests, Alejandro,"Isaid.

  "Iknow,Iknow..."hesaid,brushingawayastrandofhaironhisforehead,ashedidwhen hewasAlexander.Thesamegesturesinadifferentbody...Alwayssoperfect.But...anyway

  ...ItwillbedifficulttobenearyouandnothaveyoubutIamhappyforyou,really."

  "Thankyou.I'mgladtoseeyouagain,"Isaid,hugginghim.

  "And I’m glad to be here. Although I hate signing autographs and taking pictures with everyone...it'sabitoverwhelming.So,I'mgoinghome."Hekissedmeonthecheek,winked atme,andwithaseductivesmileandleft.HewasthemosthandsomemanI'deverseen,and thebestpartwasthatitwasAlejandro...soclose...sofaraway.

  I went back to the pub with a shrunken heart. Fortunately, Pablo didn’t ask me anything. I wouldn’thaveknownwhattoansweranyway.Wedanced,laughed,talked,andalthoughPablo hadforgottenthestrangeincidentwiththemodel,Felisadidnot.Notatall.

  "Areyougoingtotellmewhathappened?Whydidthemanwanttotalktoyou?"sheasked restlessly.

  "LeaveittoFelisa...really..."Shefrownedandstoppedasking,thoughtful,annoyedand dazed.

  Wereturnedhomegleeful,Ifellasleep.Feelingtheheartbeatofanotherbeingwithinme, feelingfortunatetohaveAlejandroagaininmylife,toknowatlastwherehewas.Soclose...

  bymyside.Asafriend.

  On Monday, we went to the doctor. The first ultrasound. Pablo grabbed my hand with anticipationaswesawourlittleboyorlittlegirlonthemonitorscreen.Alifeformingwithin mewasexciting.Iwastenweeksalong.

  "Haven’tyounoticedanythingoutoftheordinarysofar?"askedDr.Hernandez.

  "Notreally..."Ireplied.

  "Thenyou’llhaveaneasypregnancy.You’redueinFebruary,"heexplainedwithasmile.

  Easy pregnancy? I spent the next few months vomiting, dizzy and hardly standing up.

  Fatteningeverydaylikeasucklingpig,myfacefullofspotsandswollenfeet.

  Alejandro(Mark)andIkeptourfriendshipasecret,respectingmyrelationshipwithPablo atalltimes.Ifeltbadforhidingitfrommyson'sfatherbutheneverwould’veunderstoodit.

  WechosetomeetatnightwhenPablowasatworkandwemetupatthecastlerightoutsideof town.Itremindedusofourdate-myfirstdate-atthecastleinMarvao.Itwasdifficulttostay undercover in that town, but we did everything possible to remain unnoticed. Fortunately for themodel,hisfamehaddeclinedinrecentmonths.EvenFelisahadstoppedmentioninghimin everyconversation.

  "I'msofat..."Ilaughed.

  "Ithinkyoulookbeautiful."

  "Don’tlietome,Alejandro."

  "Andyouknowwhatyou'regoingtonamehim?"Heasked,touchingmyprominentbelly.

  "Adrian,aftermybrother-itwasgreatnottohaveanysecretsfrommypreviouslifewith someone.OftenAlejandrowasinterestedinLauraSmith’slifeandkeptaskingquestions.He alsolaughedattherealreasonformydeath.Thatdamntoaster...

  "Verynice.IamsoenviousofPablo..."

  "This has to bring you bad memories," I said, thinking of the abortion of the previous MarthawithoutAlejandro'swish.
>
  "Alittle...butIdonothaveagrudgeanymore.Livingwithrancorisnotliving,"Isaid.

  "Ireallyloveyou,"Iconfessedsincerely.

  "CanIkissyou?"healwaysaskedthesamequestionatanypointintheconversation.My answerwasalwaysthesame."No,it'snotokay".Butthatnightwasdifferent...therewaslittle timetogivebirthtoAdrianandsomethinginmesaid:"Doit,donotstaywiththisregret...

  live."Fortunately,Idid...Itookhisfaceinmyhands,staredintohiseyesandkissedhim.In mymindcamelotsofkisseswithAlejandro.Ididn’tseeMark'sblueeyes,butthegreenones.

  Aswesteppedback,webothsmiled.

  "Iwisheverythinghadbeendifferent...really.But...Well,Ihavetogo."

  "Okay..."Isighed.Untilnexttime.

  I winked at him and walked away without looking at him. He stood still, under the stars withhishandsinhispocketsandwatchingmewalkaway.Iwouldneverforgetthatimage...it wouldbeetchedinmyretinaforever,becauseitwasthelasttimeIsawhim.

  Chapter14

  CheerstotheGOODLIFE,ADRIÁN

  ThedawnofJanuary20,Istartedtofeelpain.Therewerestillthreeweeksuntilmyduedate, butI knew thatAdrian didn’t wantto wait any longerto present himselfto the world. Pablo drovemetothehospitalinCáceres.Thepainswereconsistentandintense,butIhardlynoticed them,distractedalargecrowdofspiritsonthesideoftheroadsayinggoodbye.Whatdidthat mean? The closer we got, the more there were... and their faces showed no joy if not the opposite...Theyalllookedsad,reallysad.

  Atseveninthemorning,afterfivehoursofhardanddifficultphysicallabor,Adrianwas born.PablowascryingandlaughingatthesametimeandIhadneverseenanythingasbeautiful asmyson-MYSON!-inmylife/lives.Hewashealthy,strongandplump.

  After cutting the umbilical cord, they placed my baby on my chest. Pablo gazed at us excitedly,strokingmyhairwhileIcouldn’ttakemyeyesoffmylittleone...suddenly,theroom became cloudy, dark ... I thought that after so much work this was normal, but once I saw Pablo’sfaceIknewitwasthetimetogo

  "Pablo...I'mleaving..."

  "Whatdoyoumean,you'releaving?"Pablorantothedoorandcalledthenurses,butitwas too late for me. I caressed my baby who began to cry desperately ... my heart stopped and suddenly,IsawmylongmodellegsinfrontoftheinertbodyofMartaIalreadyconsideredto bemine.Itwastimetogetridofit...andflyaway.

  I tried to calm the baby as a spirit, but I couldn’t feel him. Neither he nor anyone else.

  Although they tried to revive me, nothing more could be done for me. I felt no pain, only sadnessandtranquilityatthepointofdeath...myheartjuststoppedbeating.Butthatfeelingof peacesuddenlybecameamonumentaldisgrace.

  Asaspirit,IstrokedPablo'sfaceandthensmiled,unabletoshakeoffhisinsistenttears.

  Hetouchedme.

  "Marta...Iloveyou,"hesaid,knowingIwasthere,withhim.

  I looked at my baby for the last time. He was beginning to open his eyes a little ... they lookedasblueasPablo's.Ileftthetwomenofmylifeandwenttothelight.Withfirmnessand determination,thinkingofthethousandwaysIcouldgetbackatSaintPeter.Init,Claudiawas waitingforme,whowithasadsmile,tookmyhandtoaccompanymeonthejourneythrough thedarktunnel.

  "Ihaveawordforthislife,"IsaidtoClaudiabeforecrossing."THEY."

  Claudianodded,smiling.

  I walked back through the dark tunnel watching thousands of images pass ... precious imagesofalifethathadbeenworthlivingevenifithadonlybeenfouryearsandsixmonths.

  Thepeople,thepinkskyatsunset,thestars,gratefulspirits...Claudiaandhereternalsmile...

  Angustiasandhersuppers...Loli,thegossipofthehairdresser,thesoundofthehairdryer,the friendlyfacesClara,Silvia,Jaime,ToniandAndrés...andsuddenly...HIM,Alejandro...his looks,ourdanceinAveiro,ourkisses,ourfarewell...thelasttimeIsawhimsittingunderthe StarsofthevillagecastlewiththebodyofmodelMarkSpencerandagainhislook,sohis,so ours...Felisa,ourcoffees,herquestions,ourdances,laughter...manylaughs...AndPablo.

  Histimidity,ourfirstembrace,hiseyes...blueasthesky...thecryofourbaby,nexttomeskin toskin...itwascomforting...Onthatoccasion,thetunneldidn’tseemsolonglikethefirsttime Icrossedit.Immediately,Ifoundthedoorthatledmetothewhiteroomwhere,whenIopened it, I saw Saint Peter. He smiled shrugging apologetically. Claudia greeted him and nodded towardsmeanddisappeared.Myangelhadfulfilledhermission.

  "Youdon’tknowhowsorryIam..."

  "What?You’resorry?Butwhatisthisabout?Iwantedtoseemysongrowup!Damn,Ihad somanyplans...Iwashappy,Iwashappy!Nowwhat?"

  "ActuallyIhaveasurpriseforyou...Andkickingmyass,notagoodidea,girl."

  "Gotohell!"

  "PleaseLaura!Donotblasphemeinthecelestialkingdom!chidedSt.Peter,sittinginhis comfortablebluevelvetchair.

  "Nowwhichpapersdoyouhavetocheck?"

  "Youmustgoback."

  "What?Goback?"

  "And I have the perfect body for you." Immediately, I thought of some cannon model and couldn’t help but smile. Although I had gotten used to Marta, to be a woman with long legs, perfectfaceandhairtodiefor,didn’tbothermeatall."Lookatthedoor."

  ButwhatIsawwashorrendous.Ididn’tlikeitatall.Infact,Ievenscreamed.Ilookedthe lady of about fifty up and down, with enormous feet, who looked bewildered around her withoututteringaword.Ahugebodyinanightgowncoveredinflowerprint,armsthattripled thenormalsizeandthattannedfatface,belongedtothepersonresponsibleforthedeathofmy bodymodel.Thewomanfromthedamntoaster.

  "WelcomeFeliciana!"

  "Feliciana?Areyoukidding?"Isaidwithanervouschuckle.

  "DidIdie?"thewomanasked.Hervoicewasloudandunpleasant.

  "Witch!Youwitch!"Iyelled.

  "Shhhh ... Laura, please ... do not blaspheme in the house of the lord ..." interrupted San Pedro,tryingunsuccessfullytoreassureme.

  "What’sthematterwiththisskinnywoman?"askedtheimpassiveFelicianafromMexico.

  "Feliciana,welcometoheaven,"St.Petersaidkindly.He’dnevertreatedmesonice,that

  ...(UUgghh).

  "ThankmyLord."

  Feliciana whirled her enormous butt around and waltzed to the place that still and for unexplainedreasons,didnotbelongtome.

  "SaintPeter,you'recrazy.Thatwomankilledme!Andshegetstogointhere?Ontheother hand, I’ve been told that it’s boring, but I still refuse to go back in the body of that woman.

  Seriously...no,noandno."

  "Untilnexttime,Laura...CheerstotheGoodLife."

  Chapter15

  Everyoneseeswhoyouappeartobe,

  Butfewseewhoyoureallyare.

  “NicholasMachiavelli”

  Seven, seven people had to help me up to my feet. It was ironic that it was the same place whereIsawmytopmodelbodykilledbyadamntoasterfallingfromthesky.AndnowIwas inside Feliciana's body, that body guilty of a capital crime- gluttony; The person responsible for my first death that I was aware of. I around feeling lost, disoriented despite being well familiar that street New York where I lived so long as Laura. Old Anthony looked at the cautioussituationfromastreetcorner,whileJohnLennon,whohadforamomentlefthis72nd Street,laughedatmeandmyfailurefromtheothersidewalk.

  "Shit,"Imanagedtosay. />
  "Madam,whatareyoudoingoutinthestreetinyournightgown?"askedoneoftheseven peoplehelpedmepullmyselftogether.

  "AndhowshouldIknow...Iwouldliketoknowthatmyself..."

  Iturnedmyeyesuptolookatthesky.Itwasneithercoldnorhot,soIassumedthatspring hadreachedtheworldbelow.ObservingallthetallbuildingsofNewYorkprovokedinmean unusualdisdain,missingmycasitadelPino.WithitspinkskythatreceivedmethefirsttimeI outontheterrace,anditswhitehouses...NewYorkanditsstreetsseemedcold,tasteless...

  meaningless.

  Icouldbarelywalk.Ifeltheavy,veryheavy...InoticedIwasfatwithlimparms.Itouched mythickcheeksandmybroadneck,theenvyofanybodybuilder.

  "Well, well ... Who saw you and who sees you," said my non-friend John Lennon, approaching me. I still had the ability to see spirits, although at that moment I would have preferrednottohavethegift.

  "What'sup?Doesitmakeyouwannalaugh?"

  "Alittle...it'ssurreal,isnotit?"

  "Surrealismisbeinginthemiddleofnowherejustlikeyouare.Neitherinthisworldnorin theother.Youdon’tknowhowmuchI’vepitiedyou."

  "Why?"Johnasked,puzzled.

  "Becauseyoucannotfeelthewarmthofahug."Lennonlaughed.

  "Andyouthinkyou'llbegettingalotofhugsnow,huh?"

  Lennonlaughed.Anditsaddenedme...becauseIknewhewasright.Ilookedatthelarge, ostentatiouswindowsinwhichIoncelived.Icouldseethenamesonthevariousmailboxesin

  the lobby to find Feliciana's apartment-my new apartment-though Juan, the doorman, came quicklytogreetme.

  "Mrs.Feliciana,whathappenedtoyou?"ThelasttimeIsawthedoormanwasthatsunny morninginJunewhenIdied.Yearsago.

  "Idon’tknow,son,"Isaiddramatically."Ihitmyhead...Couldyougivemeacopyofthe keystomyapartment?"

  "Ofcourse."IglancedatthetinyclosetJohnopenedtotakemynewkeys.Thankstothat,I knewwheretheoldwitchlived...I...