Cheers to the good life

by Lorena Franco

  "I'dratherstaywithyou.Isawsomethingdifferentaboutyou,that'swhyIfellinlove.ButI didn’t fall in love with Marta, I fell in love with you. Now I see why, now I understand everything..."

  "Iwantedyoutobehappy.Tellingyouthetruthwasn’tanoption,youwould’vethoughtI wascrazy.IhatedthatyouremindedmeabouttheabortionandeverythingMartadidbecauseit was all too painful... But how would you know? Alejandro nodded, understanding my explanation."

  "Iregretlosingyou.IfI’dknownbefore...Ijustcouldn’tforgiveMarta,infactIstillcan’t forgive her, but you were good to me. I regret everything ... going to Aveiro, and messing aroundwiththatPortuguesegirl...Iwasanidiot."

  "Well,it'stoolate.We’reontwodifferentplanes...untilwemeetagain."Iexplainedwith allthematurityIwascapableof.Intruth,Ijustwantedtocrylikealittlegirlandcurlupinhis arms...somethingphysicallyimpossible.

  "WhatdoIexpectnow?"

  "Nothingbad,Alejandro.Don’tbeafraid."

  "So...didyouloveme?"

  "AndI'llalwaysloveyou.Icansayforsurethatyouweremyfirstloveinallmylives,"I said,laughing,"someoneIreallylovedandhaddeepfeelingsforinaveryshorttime."

  "No need to say more ... I see a light over there," he said, pointing to a corner of the terrace,wherewehadsatsidebysideformanyeveningsgazingatthestars.

  "You have to go. Give my regards to Saint Peter and tell him to be good." I said goodbyeintears.

  "I'mhappy,okay?"Iwasthrilled.

  Duringthesemonths,Ihadseenspiritscrossovertotheotherside.Butnoonemademecry likeAlejandrodid.Hedidn’tpayattentiontothelight.Hewaslookingatme,asifhedidnot want to forget my face. He would meet Marta and perhaps forgive her ... maybe. Alejandro wasgoneforever...buthewouldstillbealiveinme,inmymemory.Thereissomethingthe

  livinganddeadhaveincommon...andarethememories.Alejandrohadn’tdiedatallbecause hewasstillaliveinmeandthat’sthewayitwillbeuntilforever.

  Chapter13

  IftheCosmoswantsthemtomeet,

  Nomatterthedistancetheywillmeet.

  Ifit’snotmeanttobe,evenfacetoface

  Theywon’tseeoneanother...

  “AlexanderJodorowsky”

  EarlyJuly2013.IthadbeensixmonthssinceAlejandro'sdeathandthroughoutthattime,my life as Marta had changed a lot. In a few days I would celebrate my first year of life in that bodyandIdidn’tforgetLaura'sbirthday,onMarch12;Iwouldhavebeenalittleclosertothe ageof30...Asamodel,Iwouldsurelyhavespentthedayinmybedcursingtimeformaking meayearolder.Inthosemoments,everysecondwasimportantandfulfillaprivilegeyears.

  Thealternativewasmuchworse.

  Pablo lived with me. He left his little house in front of the firehouse and brought all his things to mine. We were happy. We both liked our work and felt complete in every way. We hadfriends,wewentoutwiththemandhadfun.ButsometimesAlejandro'sshadowstalkedme and when that happened my whole world staggered. I often needed to be alone, sometimes morethannecessary.Pablounderstoodme,respectedmyspaceandknewthatbeingmewasn’t easy.

  WhenPabloworkedatnight,Iwouldspendhourswaitingontheterrace,incaseClaudia orSt.PeterhimselfwouldcomeandtellmehowAlejandrowas.Buttheydidn’tcomeandI knewnothing.Hewentstraightintothelight.Withoutanyothersigns.Allthatremainedwere picturesandmemories...ourmemories.

  Itwashot.Mydaysatthehairdresserwereexhaustingbutapartfromhavingthecompanyof my earthly clients, I also continued to have those from the other side, unable to leave that place. They were fun and encouraging. I learned to style and gradually with the help and patienceofLoli,totrimwiththeperfectionrequiredtobecomeagoodhairdresser.Thanksto thatandtotheconfidencethatLolihadinme,Iwasoftenleftinchargeofthebusinesswhen therewaslittlework.

  "It was a beautiful day," Loli said at the end of the day. "I love weddings, rehearsing rehearsals,makeup...it'sthebesttime.Don’tyouthinkso,Marta?"

  "Yeah,it'snice,"IsaidabsentlyasIsweptthefloor.

  "Pablo is waiting for you." I glanced toward the door and saw him waiting on the other sidewalk,smilingatme."I'dliketotalktoyoubefore..."

  "Whatisit,Loli?"

  "I'mgoingtoleavethesalonbusiness"-thosewordsterrifiedme,andithitmeintheface.

  WhatwasIgoingtodonow?Ididnotwanttogobacktothesuper,Iwassocomfortablethere

  ... My phantom clients, sitting in the armchairs, rejoined and opened their eyes wide. They wereasdistressedasIwas."ButI'dliketomakeiteasyforyou.Doyouwanttobethenew owner?Youmighthavetohiresomeone,butfornowI’llchargeyoualittlerentand..."

  "Yes.Iwouldloveto!"Isaidconvincedandhappy.

  "Thisisfantasticnews.Icannotimagineanyonebetterthanyoutocontinuethebusiness."

  Myoctogenarianspiritssmiledhappilyandapplauded.Theirapplauseechoedinmyhead

  andIlookedatthemproudly.

  "Whydoyoualwayslookatthechairs?Wouldyouliketochangethem?"Loliasked.

  "No,they'refinelikethis...ThanksLoli."

  "If it's all right with you, you can start in September. Until then, I'll show you everything youneedtoknow...I'msoeagertotakealongbreak..."shesighed.Ihuggedher,thankedher andsaidgoodnight.

  "Seeyoutomorrow,Loli."

  IrantoPablo.Myfaceglowingwithhappiness.

  "Whathappened?Whysoexcited?"Pabloaskedhappily.

  "You'reinfrontofthenewownerofLoli'ssalon.Well,inSeptember..."

  "That'sawesome!Let'scelebrateit."

  That night we had an unforgettable romantic evening. The best thing about life is celebrating your achievements with others. Although I felt as if I had been Marta forever, detailsandmemoriesofLauracametomymindfromtimetotime.Asatopmodel,Ineverhad anyonetocelebratewith.Itwasactuallyquitedangeroustocelebratewithothermodels,you always had nagging suspicion that they could poison your drink to get your advertising campaign.

  July20arrived.OneyearasMarta.OneyearsinceIlandedinthatnewbodyIhadmade over and improved. To whom I had adapted, with whom I had been fond of so many satisfactions and new life experiences. It would also be a year since the first time I saw Alejandrowalkthroughthebardoor.Iboughtacupcakeandacandle,thatbetweentearsand solitude,blewitout.Onlymeandsomespiritsknewmysecrettruth.Howmanyglancesfullof lightandpeacehadappearedbymysideforaskinghelp...spiritstrappedintimeeagertofind theirparticulartunnelandleavebehindtheirpendingissues.Althoughmanytimesitwasjust trying to say "I love you" to someone important. How little value we attribute to those three words ... and that they become meaningful only when we can’t say them or hear them from thosewhowelovethemost.

  3yearslater...

  In the town, news ran like the wildfire that a famous New York model called Mark Spencer had arrived. His name didn’t sound familiar, he mustn’t have been famous when I was a top model,whichafterfouryearsasMarta,Ihadcompletelyforgotten.Beforetheweekendcame and all the girls became the queens of the village pub, they all came to the salon to doll up.

  TheytalkedconstantlyaboutMark,eagertobetheprotagonistsofhisglancesandhiswords andbothmyphantomclientsandmealikeweresickofhearingabouthim.Thenewhairdresser wasfine.Ihadglamouredupthesa
lonandhiredEstefania,aquickandeffectivetwenty-year-oldgirlwhohelpedmealot.Lolimadeiteasyformefromthebeginningandthankstothat,the expensesweren’taheadache.Afterthreeyears,I’dmanagedtomakeanicesizedprofitthanks togoodandwell-publicizedbusinessadvertising.

  Myfriendswerethesameasalways.FelisahadforgottenFelipetheBarcelonangeek.He hadleftthefamilyinheritanceandgone,alongwithhistwocats,toliveinanapartmentnextto thechurchinValenciadeAlcántara.Thelocationlovedit,sinceeverySaturdayatnineo'clock inthemorning,IwenttothemarketattheConstitutionPlaza,andasitwasnexttomysalon, hervisitswerefrequent.Sheusedtosaythatshedidn’tneedanyone'scompany,thatshewas finealone.Ineverclearlyunderstoodwhatshemeant...

  ClaraandherrelationshipwithHugowaswindaft.TheyplannedtomarryinJuneofthe following year and have many children-five at the most and three at the least, as she always saidbeforethescarylookofthefireman.Silviawasstillsingleandalthoughtheykepttheir relationshipunderwraps,weallsuspectedthattheywerefoolingaround.Ontheotherhand, Toni and Andrés flew from flower to flower and summer time was their favorite. The town was filled with urbanites, in search of their particular summer love. Toni and Andrés were keentobethesummerloveofafew.

  My relationship with Pablo remained unique and special. We still loved each other, although not everything was perfect. Throughout those three years, there were bumps, differences, and fights. I remembered Fiona and how Pablo told her before she left for ever, they argued too much. I didn’t want to end up like that. I didn’t want to have a stormy relationship full of arguments. That was how he expressed it every time we discussed something and our reconciliation ended up being the best part of the fight. That’s the story Pablo told me on our first Christmas together, the next one we spent in Zaragoza with his family,withwhomImeshedfromthebeginning,andeveryChristmasafterthatthroughoutthe years.HisbrotherMarcosbecametheproudfatherofapreciousgirlnamedEmma,​whomwe metinFebruaryofthisyear.Icouldn’thelpbutfeelathorninmyside...mypreviousfamily, the little Laura who would cease to be a precious baby, and become a four-year-old girl. I hadn’theardfromthemagain,andIstillwonderedhowstrangeitwouldbetoseethemagain.

  Re-huggingMom...withoutherknowingshewasinthearmsofherdeceaseddaughter.

  MyotherlittlethornwasAlejandro,whoIhaven’theardfromsince.Claudiacametwice toseemeandalwaysavoidedmyquestion.Heranswerwasalwaysthattheyweren’tallowed togiveinformationaboutbeingsthathadcrossedovertotheotherside.SometimesIdreamed about him, but in my dreams, he never looked at me. He simply walked through a door and stoodinacorner.Socloseyetsofar...

  Fromthelivingroom,Pablowastalkingabouthowthetownhadbeenturnedupsidedownby thearrivaloftheforementionedmodel,whileIhadjustfinishedgettingreadyinthebathroom downstairs.

  "Especiallythewomen.They'recrazy."

  "Idon’tknowwhoheis.I'veneverheardofhim,"Ishouted,asIappliedsomemascara.

  "Ishehandsome?"Iasked,goingtothelivingroomwherePablowas.

  "Takealook,"hesaid,showingmeaphotographhefoundongoogle.ThisMarkSpencer knewhowtoposeandshowhisbestside.Withoutat-shirt,hispecsexposedandabdominals thatPablohimselfenvied.Hisfacewasrefined,angelic.Blondehair,strategicallytightback andblueeyesverysimilartothatoftheseducerPaulNewman.Anoutstandingsmileofwell-alignedandresplendentteeth,acompletedesirablepackage.Allofhimwasperfect.

  "Wow,veryhandsome.Howoldishe?Twenty?"

  "Couldbe...Hey,canyoubelieveIwanttoseehim?"

  "Tobehonestwithyou,I’malittlecurioustoseewhatallthehooplaisallabout.Come on,let'sgo.Shouldweaskforanautograph?"Iaskedlaughing,asIgotuptogetmypurse,my carkeys,andleavethehouse.

  Howmanytimeshadpeopleaskedforanautographandtakeaphotographwithme...well with Laura. I must admit it was flattering though annoying when what you wanted was total anonymity. Something I had achieved with this new life and that over time, I began to appreciate. It had been a long time since I logged into Laura’s Facebook's profile or other socialnetworksof...IhadsimplylearnedtoliveasMarta,forgettingapastthatwasalready hiddenandburied.

  LikeeveryFridaynight,wemetwiththegang.Moreadult,moremature...inshort,three yearsolder.Somethingthatwasnoticeableatthetimeofretiringhome.Moreandmoregrew thedesiretosleepandlesstoparty.InNovember,Iwouldbe33...33soundedmucholder.

  Afterdrinkingacoupleofcokes,Iwenttothebathroomforamoment.Enoughtomissthe showIwouldhavelovedtolive.Onthewayout,Isaweveryoneinthecrowd,especiallythe younggirlsinthebardressedintheirbestminiskirtsandprovocativeheels,manypoorlittle things...couldn’tevenwalkinthem.

  "Whathappened?"Iasked,lookingaround.

  "Youdon’tknowwhatyoumissed,"Felisasaid,whoworeanew,extremelylow-cutoutfit outofcharacterfromwhatshealwayswore."Themodel’shere!Wow,he’shot!"

  "Comenow!Felisa,please,he’satwenty-year-old,"Isaid.

  "Twentyyearsold?Buthe’sturningthirty-fiveatleast,"Clarasaid.

  "Ithinkthepicturewesawwasancient..."Pablowhisperedwithashrug.

  "Ah...andwhereishe?"Iaskedcuriously.

  "Whataweirdo.Hewalkedinthedoor,lookedaroundforafewsecondsandleft.Witha hint of superiority, the guy left, " said Jaime jealous, looking at Silvia. Yeah, there was definitelysomethingbetweenthosetwo.

  The pub was packed with teenagers and twentysomethings. The thirty-somethings were a bit unphased because every weekend was the same, so we were already accustomed to the situation.Itwassummer,sothetownwasalive.Withnothingtodointhecoldwinter,where we were barely three or four groups of friends. Suddenly, after taking a sip of my cuba cocktail,Ifeltsicktomystomach.Ijustwantedtovomit.

  "What'swrong?"Pabloasked."You'veturnedpale..."

  "Idon’tfeelverywell.Itmustbethecuba,"Isaid,dismissingit.ButIthoughtaboutthe lasttimeIhadmyperiodandIknewatthatprecisemomentthatIwaspregnant."I'mgoingto thebathroomforamoment."

  WhenIleft,everyoneinthepubwasoutonthestreet.Thegirls,crowdedtogether,running outsideasifthey'dseenJustinBieber.

  "Butwhatgoingontoday?Arewecrazy?"Isaid,standingnexttoPablo.

  "My,my,my,...butwhatastackedis..."-forFelisatosaythataboutaman,hereallymust behot.

  "He's come back in, he’s scoping the place and he's gone ... he is a little weird," Pablo said,agreeingwithwhatJaimehadsaidearlier.

  "Maybehe'slookingforsomeone.Pablo,shallwego?"

  "You'renotfeelingwell,areyou?What'sup?"

  "We'dbettertalkathome."

  ThefirstthingIdidoncewegotbacktothehousewastogostraighttothebathroomandtakea pregnancytest.Ihadafewstoredinadrawerforsuchsituations.Ilockedmyselfinside.Pablo wasoutsideknockingonthedoorto..."I'mhere.Idonotwanttobotheryou,butI’mherefor you."Healwayswas.WhenIputthecaponthepredictorandplacedithorizontallynexttothe tap, I opened the door. In silence, I pointed to the pregnancy test and Pablo, with eyes wide opened,pickeditup.Helookedexcited.

  "Doyouthinkthat...?"

  "Well,youhavetowaitafewminutes,but...Ialreadylookedatthepredictor.Asyoucan see,thetwobarsalreadyappear."

  "Andwhatdoesthatmean?"

  "That I'm pregnant," I said. A mixture
of illusion and fear seized me. I knew Pablo's reactionwouldbegoodbut...whatifitisn’t?Hissmiledispelledmyfears.

  "That'sgreat!"

  He hugged me, lifted me off the ground and kissed me intensely. Passionate as always, sweetasfromthebeginning...

  "Thisissuperawesome...we’regoingtobeparents,"Isaidnervouslyandexcitedatthe sametime,touchingmybelly.

  "It'sgoingtobethebestthingthateverhappenstous,Marta."

  AlthoughIdidnotfeellikeit,thenextdaywewentoutwithourfriendsagain.Saturdaynight, thetownfullofpeople,apleasanteveningandthebestofthenews.Pablowascrazytotell everyone, even if we didn’t know how many weeks I was yet. Aside from the morning sickness, I had stopped smoking for hours ... and for the time being, the absence of nicotine wasnotfittingmymoodverywell.

  "Marta!You’resostrong,manyou’restrong,verystrong...Iftheytoldmethisfouryears ago,Iwouldn’thavebelievedit,"Felisasaidhappily.

  "How many things have we shared with each other, my friend?" I chirped excitedly.

  BecausewhenIlookedather,IcouldonlythinkofthefirsttimeIsawher.Herconcernforme in Manoli's small appliance store, her insistence on going to the doctor, all her disinterested favors, her true and eternal friendship. Of course, she had more memories with the previous Marta...alifetime!AndIcouldn’thelpfeelingalittlejealous.

  "Youdon’tsay...Congratulations!"–shehuggedmelikeafriendwhogenuinelylovesyou andembracesyouwantsthebest.

  "Youguysbeatmetoit!"SaidClara.

  "What?"Pabloasked,puzzled.

  "I'mamonthpregnant!"criedClara.

  "Whatthat’sjustgreat!What'sthematterwithusFelisa,we'releftout?"Silviasaid.

  "Wedidn’tplanthis...youknow,wewantedaweddingfirstandthenkids,butitwasthe otherwayaround,sowhateverthewelcome,"Hughexplainedhappily.